2009 - A year in review

Normally, I would go month-by-month of the events that have happened in Jake and my life this past year, but who has time to write/read that?

All I have to say is...we made it! We made it through another year with each other, our marriage, families, and sanity intact. I know it's been one of the roughest years this country has ever seen and I hope this new decade brings great things to all who find it within their hearts (and boredom) to read this blog.

This year Jake and I have seen some great triumphs and some nasty snags, but you know what? That's life. That's marriage. That's what living is all about. It's a celebration of the good times and learning from the bad times. I hope you all have a very safe and Happy 2010!

Anyways, I guess I should update you all.

I'm sick, nothing big. I've got a head cold and I'm on the downslope of it right now. It's NOT Swine Flu...just a head cold. All I am is congested and coughing because stupid me forgot to utilize the Kleenex in a timely manner. No fever, no aches, no feeling like I'm going to die. That was back in May. I'm fine.

Jake and I are almost about half way moved into the house. We take about 3-4 boxes every day (relatively small boxes) and put things away as we go so the transition is a bit smoother than trying to go through boxes to find small items. We move in exactly 9 days so we're trying our hardest to make sure things happen smoothly. I must admit, I HATE moving. Packing and finding crap you thought was in storage still sitting in your house is kind of disheartening. But, everything has a storage tub now and I'm hoping to keep it that way.

Jake and I are still trying for a baby. We have our official consultation with the RE in San Francisco on January 5th (yes, my birthday), and I'm more than relieved we're moving forward. I'm looking to 2010 as a serious fresh start.

Anyways, I apologize for my absence from the blog. Things have been crazy busy with the move and everything. I love you all and have a wonderful New Years!

Christmas at the White House

Tonight I'm watching Christmas at the White House on ABC Primetime with Oprah...here are a couple of fun facts from the show:


1. The annual White House gingerbread house this year is 390 pounds. 140 is of gingerbread and 250 is of the white chocolate. The house itself took over 6 months to design.

2. The Blue Room Christmas tree (visible from the White House windows) is currently over 18 feet tall and took 15 years to grow in West Virginia.

3. On the Blue Room Christmas tree, there are about 800 ornaments the Obama's sent to various towns, villages, etc. around the country for the citizens to decorate and then send back for the ornament to be hung on the tree.

4. In traditional White House fashion, the Blue Room Christmas tree is brought into the White House yard via horse-drawn carriage.



Also, in the newspaper a couple of days ago, I found some cook facts about "Santa".


1. Professional Santas who go to the malls can demand up to $250 an hour for one-time visits. They will make an average of $8000 for an entire holiday season.

2. The average mall Santa will have about 100 children sit on their laps a day.

3. Each Santa that is hired by either "talent" agencies or malls MUST pass a background check to make sure they are allowed around children.

House update

Jake and I stopped by the house yesterday and the new carpet is in! I love how it looks and we're moving more and more boxes every day. We're shooting for having the big pieces of furniture (bed, couch, etc.) only left for the movers so it'll take just a couple of hours.

Today I went to Target and got more storage tubs and holy hell...PEOPLE! People. every. where. I guess that's what you get for going to Target to get moving stuff 4 days before Christmas when all the crazies who were too busy getting schnockered on egg nog and trying to recover from Black Friday finally get off the patoots and finish (or start) their Santa duties. No judgement. None at all.

Anyways, so then Jake and I returned the original keys to the house to the landlords and spent some quality time with Ginger, their prized, spoiled rotten Beagle (but she's an absolute sweetheart). We have now been given permission to move stuff into the actual house, and not just the basement.

Now after a couple of Goodwill runs and some more boxes moved and we'll be all ready to go. I'm just trying to make this the easiest move possible. And we need to have it all done in 2 weeks...

Pray for us.

17 years ago...

Yesterday marked the anniversary.

I was 8 years old. It was a Saturday morning and my mom had dropped me off at my aunt and uncle's house in San Mateo to visit my dying grandfather at Kaiser Redwood City. I hadn't seen Grandpa in a few weeks because he was looking worse every time we saw him. It was almost the end. We all knew it. I didn't want to believe it.

Uncle Jeff was sleeping. He had been at the hospital all night with Grandpa. Seain and I were in the living room playing Nintendo while auntie Julie was around (I forget what she was doing). The phone rang. Auntie answered it. 5 minutes later, my uncle came down the hall into living room with tears in his eyes. He said something I couldn't understand. Seain could, I couldn't. Seain started crying. WTF was going on?? What happened? Why is Jeff crying????

"Grandpa died"....silence.

Shock. Pain. Broken heart. It was all gone. The velcro shoes and scruffy kisses hello. The jingling change in his pocket and the bird sounds he whistled. Nascar races in the family room with salami sandwiches and waking up from naps to Grammie and Grandpa playing Gin while drinking hiballs...it was gone. He was gone.

17 year later, and I still miss him. I still talk to him and wonder if he's around, watching how our family has grown. The grandkids are getting married, having children, living adult lives. What would he say? Would he be proud? Would he smile? I think he would. His family was his life.

I'm glad you aren't suffering anymore Grandpa. We love you and we miss you.

Earl Robert Barrett
1921-1992

I made it

So, I went through the HSG, or Hysterosalpingogram.

The good news is I'm fine. No blockages. I'm all clear and now I just need the appointment with the RE to give him Jake and my medical histories and then do the injectables class and start the medications.

I've also found that I've lost 6 pounds. Good news again.

Here we go...

Tomorrow is it. It's the HSG.

I must admit, I'm nervous and a little scared. I know it will be uncomfortable, but I hope it doesn't hurt. This coming from the girl who woke up in the middle of her wisdom teeth surgery.

If you could spare any extra vibes, juju, prayers, what-have-you...I'd really appreciate it.

Santa Claus?

Jake has become a board member of the local business association. He's also become an Ambassador for the Richmond Chamber of Commerce. He's quite the social butterfly now. Last week was the local business association's annual Christmas Party...and guess who was volunteered for the job of playing Santa Claus? YUP!!!!

Check it out...

"Are you REALLY taking pictures of me right now?"

Let the transformation begin...

Santa's got a little "Captain" in him... ;)

Weekly video 12/4/09

This week's video is a recent web sensation. I, of course, could not stop laughing. And...it's pretty darn adorable too.

Enjoy!

Smile

I apologize for neglecting my blog this week. It's been a rollercoaster for sure.

Last night Jake and I were watching Glee and a song came on that had the words:
"Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile."

I instantly burst into tear because this song spoke to me in a way that I could never imagine. There is a certain strength and feeling when you're going through trials in life when all you want to do is curl up and bawl away the day. But you know you have to keep going and put on a happy face so the world thinks you're OK. I'm not really doing OK. This has been one of the hardest 6 months I've been through, but I know I'll get through it.

Sorry to be a downer, I just needed to get that out.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

I haven't been home in three days. I apologize for my absence, but Happy Turkey Day (although belated) to you all!

Clam Chowder & Cheddar Biscuits

OK, so I've decided to have a recipe challenge and have begun a weight loss challenge for myself.

Jake and I recently took pictures with a very talented photographer friend of mine. When I saw the pictures, my jaw literally fell to the floor. The pictures themselves were wonderful, beautiful...the editing was unbelievable. But all I could see was my double chin(s). Yes, I said it. In the blogosphere. I have a double chin. I was disgusted with myself. How had I let this happen? Time and time again I thought that I was doing OK, then when I saw a little progress, I figure "oh this one thing won't hurt me"..but it does. Because it never stops with that one thing. It continues...and continues...and continues...and I hate it.

So I am making a pledge, and am hoping to make myself accountable by posting my ups and downs on this blog. I'm hoping you all will help and support me in this and I'm hoping I can stick to it.

So onto this week's recipe...

The chilly weather is in full effect. Thanksgiving is 3 days away (woohoo! Family!) :)

So, here is a classic recipe combo, and the biscuits are an almost carbon copy of Red Lobster's Bay Biscuits...Yummo!

New England Clam Chowder

Recipe & Photo from allrecipes.com

Prep Time: 15 mins, Cook Time: 40 mins, TOTAL: 55 mins

8 servings

4 slices of bacon, diced

1 1/2 cups chopped onion

1 1/2 cups water

4 cups peeled and cubed potatoes

1 1/2 tsp salt

ground black pepper to taste

3 cups half-and-half

3 tbsp butter

2 (10oz each) cans minced clams

1. Place dices bacon in large stock pot over medium-high heat. Cook until almost crisp; add onions, and cook 5 minutes. Stir in water and potatoes, and season with salt and papper. Bring to a boil, and cook uncovered for 15 minutes, or until potatoes are fork tender.

2. Pour half-and-half, and add butter. Drain clams, reserving clam liquid; stir clams and 1/2 of clam liquid into soup. Cook for about 5 minutes, or until heated through. Remove from heat and allow to sit for about 10 minutes to slightly thicken. Serve and enjoy!

Cheddar Biscuits

Recipe & Photo from allrecipes.com
Prep Time: 15 mins, Cook Time: 15 mins, TOTAL: 35 mins

8 servings

2 cups biscuit baking mix (Bisquick)

1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese

2/3 cup milk

1/2 tsp garlic powder

2 tbsp butter, melted

2 tsp dried parsley

1 tsp garlic salt

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Grease a cookie sheet or line sheet with parchment paper.

2. In a large bowl, combine biscuit baking mix, Cheddar cheese, and garlic powder. Stir in milk. Drop batter by heaping tablespoonfuls onto prepared cookie sheet.

3. Bake in preheated oven for 10 minutes. Brush biscuits with melted butter and sprinkle with dried parsley and garlic salt. Bake for 5 more minutes, or until lightly browned on bottoms.

Weekly video 11/20/09

This couple has issues...clearly. ;)

Enjoy!

Terrible Twos

Jake and my niece, Skyler is a little over 2 years old. And yes, she's going through her terrible twos right now. Oh happy days. She's still a cutie and we love her to bits. So I thought I would kind of give a timeline of how she's grown so far.

2 months

4 months

6 months

9 months

15 months

18 months

2 years old!

Shrimp Scampi Bake

Jalen - this one's for you buddy! :)

Shrimp Scampi has always been one of those dishes that's intimidated me for no reason. I thought for a long time that only professionals or gourmets would know how to make scampi correctly. When I saw this recipe and how simple it was, I decided to give it a try. I've modified the recipe a little, so here it goes.

Shrimp Scampi Bake

original recipe & photo on allrecipes.com

Prep: 30 min, Cook: 15 min, TOTAL: 45 mins

6 servings

1/2 cup butter (1 stick) - the original recipe calls for 1 cup butter...WAY TOO MUCH!

1 tbsp lemon juice

2 tbsp Dijon style mustard

1 tbsp garlic, minced or chopped

1 tbsp fresh parsley, chopped

2 pounds medium raw shrimp, shelled, deveined

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

2. In small saucepan over medium heat, combine butter, mustard, lemon juice, garlic and parsley. When the butter melts completely, remove from heat.

3. Arrange shrimp in shallow baking dish. Pour butter mixture over the shrimp.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 12-15 minutes or until shrimp are pink and opaque.

(I served this over wheat pasta...yum!) Enjoy!

Weekly video 11/13/09

This week's video is hilarious. Enough said.

Enjoy!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

yuck with a capital F

Sorry for the profanity that is existing in my subject title, but this has been a frustrating day. I was, once again, reminded why I dropped "deadbeat OB" as Jake and I refer to her.

As posted previously, most of you know that I was referred to an RE, aka Reproductive Endocrinologist. Lamens (sp?) terms: doctor that can help infertility caused by hormonal screw-ups.

Tuesday I got a call from the office of a doctor in SF that will be my RE. The nurse was very nice and explained that I would need a consultation and updated blood work to measure where I am now vs. when I was the last time I had blood taken for these particular tests. She wanted to see which tests I would need specifically, so they called me back yesterday. In addition to updated blood work, I am to have an HSG. (TMI time) An HSG is a Hysterosalpingography. Basically, the "shoot" slightly radioactive dye via a catheter into my uterus and fallopian tubes to see if the tubes are blocked. (See? told you TMI) I've heard various stories about this procedure with the degree of pain ranging from "uncomfortable like a pelvic exam" to "thought I would jump off the table it hurt so bad". I will also need to take Progesterone to have a withdrawal bleed (aka menses) and then have the bloodwork done before this procedure takes place. I will also go in to have a consultation with the doctor that will oversee my case and will take medical histories from both Jake and I. After that, I will need to take a class on injectable medication: what it is, what it does, risks, etc. in addition to learning how to administer the meds. Yeah...Laurel is going to "learn" how to give herself a shot. Yikes. I say "learn" with quotation marks because I will be taking notes and then showing Jake how to do it since I know if I even try to get near myself with a needle, you would find me in an unconcious heap in whatever room I'm in.

The reason for the subject title is because I knew this would happen. When I was with "deadbeat OB", I asked her if I needed to have an HSG and she said with my diagnosis, I wouldn't need one. I thought maybe it might be a good idea to see if there is another cause to not ovulating rather than shoving pills down my throat, but she's the professional apparently (insert extreme sarcasm in the previous statement) ;) So yes, I'm a little miffed. This procedure could have been done and overwith but nooooooooo. Argh.

I know that with the medication I'm already on, continued exercise and eating right that this will all be OK and we'll be parents before you know it. It's just the needles I'm not fond of.

An Announcement

For a while, Jake and I have been contemplating moving since our current duplex is having problems. In addition to having one in-wall heater in the living room (and therefore the rest of the house is freezing in the winter), there is lead paint, animals living in the walls, the house itself is made of URM (Unreinforced Masonry) and is sliding down the hill! We've been patiently waiting for a place to come up for rent that is within our price range for rent, and decent size in town. Well...we found it.

It's a house. A Craftsman house. It's not a duplex, not an apartment. It's a house. An entire house. It's 2 1/2 bedrooms (2 full size bedrooms with one smaller room to be used for an office or sewing room) and 1 bathroom. It's a bit quirky, the living room has kind of dark wood paneling (ick, but we'll deal). It is the owner's childhood home, which I think is really sweet.

We are due to move in in the beginning of January, so the first weekend after New Years. I hate moving, and the kitties will once again be temporarily traumatized but I know it's for the best for us. We get the following features in the new house that we don't have with our current one: a porch light, a driveway, a dishwasher, a full basement, a deck, and no walls to be shared. I'm so excited, but a little nervous too. Jake says everything will be alright and I believe him, but I've never lived in a HOUSE without parents before, so this will be a lot of learning.

Weekly video 11/6/09

I've been waiting soooooooo patiently for this week's video.

Confession: I'm a fan of Lady GaGa. Her music, not her clothing, hair, makeup, etc. I'm a fan of almost all music. On my iTunes, I have everything from Bob Marley to Judas Priest.

The following video was posted on Facebook and I just HAD to share it on my blog. It's Christopher Walken reciting lyrics to "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa. I was cracking up so hard I was crying.

Enjoy!

An hour gained is an hour slept

It was too funny waking up yesterday morning to find the day an hour earlier than I thought. Jake and I haven't changed all of our clocks yet, so half are an hour off. But that extra hour of sleep is DIVINE!

Weekly video 10/30/09 - Updated!

Happy Halloween!

I can't believe in two days time, we'll officially be in November. Where the heck has this year gone????? Anyways, onto the video at hand.

I've always been a fan of this song/video since it was part of our Homecoming skit in my Junior year of high school. I know I originally posted "This is Halloween" from Nightmare Before Christmas again, but I remembered this video and wanted to post it instead.

Enjoy!

Teeter-tottering

Jake and I have reached a crossroads in this journey to baby. Well, it's more like a freeway onramp.

Today is day 34 of my cycle and I've detected no ovulation. I know. It's sad. I'm sad. I've shed some tears today. For real.

I decided to email my doctor this morning to let him know of our predicament. I quickly got a phone call from him telling me that I need to take a test at home and if it's negative and I have been taking my medication as prescribed (which I have), that I will need to be referred to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) in San Francisco. This isn't necessarily bad news, but it's news I didn't want to necessarily deal with.

I told myself in the beginning that we wouldn't get this far. We wouldn't get to the RE stage. From what I've heard from our OB, it's pretty...intense, for lack of a better word. When the OB basically says "I can't help you", then they bring in the big guns. This is where I will be closely monitored with medication (possibly injectables), tests, and a different doctor I've never met.

Deep in my heart, I know this is the right path. I know this will give us even more options and opportunities to have a child vs. before when we were being dicked around (pardon my french) by our former OBGYN. For some odd reason, I don't really know how to react or feel about it. I know it's not like EVERYONE is throwing in the towel, but it's still kind of bittersweet.

And yes, I still wear my ring (every day) that says "Everything is Possible When You Have Faith"

Balsamic-Glazed Salmon

Jake and I are big fish people. We looooooove us some good fish. For this my mom thinks I'm some sort of alien, my Dad thinks it's my Portuguese side peeking out a little. Regardless, I love fish. Yum.

This is a recipe that I've been wanting to try for a while, but just had the inspiration to try. Usually Jake and I grilled fish instead of baking it, but the baking turned out pretty tasty.

Enjoy!

Balsamic-Glazed Salmon

6 servings

Total prep & cook time: 30 minutes

Recipe and picture from allrecipes.com

6 (5 oz) salmon fillets

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 tbsp white wine

1 tbsp honey

1/3 cup balsamic vinegar

4 tsp Dijon mustard

salt and pepper to taste

1 tbsp chopped fresh oregano

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil, and spray with non-stick cooking spray.

2. Coast a small saucepan with non-stick cooking spray. Over medium heat, cook and stir garlic until soft, about 3 mins. Mix in white wine, honey, balsamic vinegar, mustard, and salt and pepper. Simmer, uncovered, for about 3 mins or until slightly thickened.

3. Arrange salmon fillets on foil-lined baking sheet. Brush fillets with balsamic glaze, and sprinkle with oregano.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 10-15 minutes or until flesh flakes easily with a fork. Brush fillets with remaining glaze, and season with salt and pepper. Use a spatula to transfer fillets to serving platter, leaving skin behind on foil.

Weekly video 10/23/09

I'm sure everyone who reads my blog has had an idiot cross their path on the freeway. In my experience, it's usually someone who has purchased an "upscale" vehicle, and therefore all driving sense goes out the window, so-to-speak. Well, here is some justice.

I first saw this video on Facebook, so those who I keep in touch with probably saw this already. For those that I don't keep in touch with via Facebook, here is a somewhat funny, ironic, and predictable video.

Enjoy! (hint: watch the red Dodge Viper)

One month later

I can't believe it's been a full month since I had my wisdom teeth pulled. Wow. Time has flown. I also can't believe we have 2 weeks until we're officially done with Halloween and into November. Where the heck is this year going?

In the month since my wisdom teeth extraction, I have healed nicely. Yes, I had a dry socket, and it was painful, but it's pretty much healed. I have one more month until my lower jaw sockets are completely healed as if I never had teeth there in the first place.

Last weekend I saw my dentist out of the office and I said "Hey! I got my wisdom teeth pulled finally." He said "Oh cool! Can I see them?" Of course, he meant the actually teeth themselves, which I didn't have with me because let's face it, those aren't really staples in a lady's purse. Hahahaha.

Anyways, I just wanted to give a small update and say hello! :)

Instead of weekly video - 10/16/09

Every morning, the first thing I do is look out the window to see the weather. It helps me to figure out if I'm to bring a jacket that day, or no. Today, I was met with foggy and wet weather, and something more.

Confession: I hate spiders. OK, so that's not really a confession. But I shouldn't say I hate them, I hate that I'm afraid of them. They are the ultimate creepy crawly to me and I hate that something 1/1000th the size of me scares me so much. The other night Jake and I went out (I forget what we went out for) and on the way up the steps to our house is our mailbox. I opened the mailbox, got the mail and closed the door. All of a sudden, a blackish shadow moved up the mailbox right where my hand was. A spider. A BIG spider. I literally screamed like a little girl and ran up the steps to the front door. I immediately felt like a fool. And yes, I know you're probably laughing at me right now.

Now back to this morning. I looked out the window that our front door has to see what kind of weather was happening this morning. I saw fog and freshly-rained-on street. In one corner of our porch, this is what I was met with as well:

A beautiful spider web, wet with rain and dew

And may I present, the artiste:

A common garden spider. This was the culprit who scared me from my mailbox. After seeing this artwork/house for him/her, I couldn't be upset with it.

Rain, Rain...Welcome back!

Wow. It's actually really nice to see rain falling again. I know I'll be eating my words in a few weeks, or months. Until then, I'm loving the rain.

How about you?

Garlicky Tortellini, Spinach & Tomato Soup

With the stormy weather headed our way in the Bay Area, I decided to try a soup recipe last night. It wasn't heavy, but it was filling. Jake and I had garlic bread with it. Can you tell with both looooooove garlic? :) Enjoy!


Garlicky Tortellini, Spinach & Tomato Soup
Courtesy of: Cooking New American


Ingredients:

2 tbsp unsalted butter
6 to 8 cloves garlic, chopped (I used 4 tbsp jarred minced garlic)
4 cups homemade, or low-salt chicken broth
6 oz fresh or frozen cheese tortellini
14 oz canned diced tomatoes, with liquid
10 oz spinach, washed and stemmed, coarsely chopped if large
8 to 10 leaves basil, coarsely chopped
Grated Parmesan cheese


1. Melt butter in large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add garlic and saute until fragrant, about 2 minutes.

2. Add broth and bring to a boil. Add tortellini and cook halfway, about 5 mins for frozen pasta, less if using fresh tortellini. Add tomatoes and their liquid, reduce the heat to a simmer and cook just until the pasta is tender.

3. Stir in spinach and basil and cook until wilted, about 1 to 2 minutes. Serve sprinkled with parmesan cheese on top.

(sorry for the blurry picture)

Weekly video 10/9/09

Happy Friday everyone!

Wow, this week has gone by pretty fast for me. I hope it's done the same for you.

This week's video is one that is hilarious, mindboggling and kind of sad. It took me about 2-3 watches before I got over the initial pity and tiny dose of horror to break into sheer hilarious-ness (is that a word?) Give it a couple of watches and I hope you'll be rolling over in laughter like I was. I mean, who really dances with a clown mask and expects to come out of that in one piece...especially with a TV 2 feet in front of you?

Enjoy!

Renewed Hope

I've been trying to post more about life in general rather than always about Jake and I trying to have a baby. Today I'll post an update.

I was upgraded to 150mg Clomid this cycle. I was taking 100mg before with no results. I took the progesterone my former ObGyn prescribed but AF never came. My now ObGyn prescribed a different form of progesterone and I got AF while at our niece's birthday party. I literally came running out of the bathroom and into Jake's arms to whisper the good news. This was on a Saturday and I needed the Clomid by Monday to take it on CD 3-7 as prescribed. When I went to email my doctor to tell him I was ready, I was met with a message "*Doctor's Name* will be out of the office until Monday October 5th. Please do not email." OK. So I called the office and left a message (this was on Sunday) with the ObGyn office with the info I had and what I needed. I got a call from a nurse who said she couldn't find the info to backup my need for the increased dosage of Clomid. After exchanging some words (not bad ones, but she was a grump) she said she would forward my request to the attending doctor taking over for my ObGyn while he was gone and he would call me later that day. That was at about 9am. At 3pm, I got a call from the attending doctor. He asked me some questions to confirm the info he had and he approved me for the increased dose of Clomid on my doctor's behalf (with all info to back up the approval).

So with the Metformin, and Clomid, I'm now on CD 12. We are instructed to try on our own this cycle and then if it doesn't work, try again next cycle with an IUI.

There's a girl who works for my mom who was also trying for a baby with her husband. Unlike Jake and I where our problems lie within my PCOS, they're IF lied with him. A few cycles ago, I guess they decided to stop trying for good. I guess she said to my mom that she doesn't understand how I can keep going with all the disappointment and frustrations. My reaction? The reason is because I've always known I wanted to be a mom. Of course, I've known for a long time that it will be difficult for me as well, so I went into this somewhat prepared for what was going to happen. I committed myself to this, knowing I would have to work and work hard. I've gone through a roller coaster. I've gone through the hopelessness and frustration, tears, tests, medicine, etc. Honestly I think my saving grace was the break Jake and I took over the holidays last year. It gave me a time to soul search and I knew what I wanted in the end. I accepted that it would be hard. I still accept that it will be hard. I have a lot of help in my corner through support from Jake, my family and other people. But I also know that the day I'm holding Jake's and my child in my arms is the day I'll look back on all the hardships in this journey and know that it was all worth it even though it doesn't feel like it at the time.

So thank you everyone for being the best cheerleaders ever. I love you all.

Pumpkins by Martha Stewart

I have a confession: I want to be Martha Stewart. I mean, can the woman ever mess up ANYTHING!? I know there are some who consider her to be...well...the Anti-Christ (seriously). I used to be one of them until I opened my mind up to her brilliance of creating really cool things for any house, party, etc. Saturday while at my parents' house, Jake and I watched her Halloween special. I love her holiday specials. I have to say that Christmas is my favorite. Halloween never ceases to amaze me though. Here are some pumpkins carvings from her website. I actually saw her make the pumpkin snake. It was SO COOL.

You can carve your pumpkins into a "Haunted Village"

You can go for the dark green pumpkin-like gourds for a more spooky look.

You can make lacey designs like cream glass patterns (all free handed by the way...how the heck does she do that!?)

And last but not least, the pumpkin snake (isn't that too cool?)

Weekly video 10/2/09

Happy October! Wow...only about 2 months left of 2009. Wasn't it just February or March two weeks ago? Seems like it...

This weeks video is funny, entertaining, and a bit strange. Being a cat owner, I know cats have their own personalities, likes, dislikes, and niches just like humans. Our three, who are ALL from the same litter, couldn't be more different. However, I have never seen this. It got me laughing.

Enjoy!

Post-op appointment

This morning I had my post-operative appointment with my oral surgeon. The appointment lasted all of 10 minutes. He came in, checked my sockets and I told him about the dry socket. He said I might have had one from my description, but all 4 sockets are healing nicely. He was most impressed with how clean I've been keeping the surgical areas, and my mouth in general. I told him I swish with Biotene after every meal because I didn't want food particals in the sockets.

He said the top two are pretty much healed and that tops heal WAY faster than bottoms. The two bottoms are also healing nicely and he said it usually takes about 2 months total for the bottom teeth to heal like I've never had teeth there to begin with. I'm two weeks in, so I think another 6 weeks to go. I can handle it.

One thing is I asked him about this pain I had in my lower left jaw where it felt like I had a golf ball in my mouth. He said I more-than-likely have a hematoma in my lip/jaw that will heal on it's own. It's like a really bad bruise that takes a while to heal.

All in all, I was a happy girl. No bad news is good news for me. :)

Goodbye Summertime!

So I know it's been over a week since Fall began, but last night Jake and I were feeling the full effects of it. It was the first time we turned on the heater, first time we didn't open our windows after work in 2 months, and the first time I got a chill in bed and needed to double up my blanket.

Summer was fun this year. Sure it was met with some unfortunate obstacles like trouble TTC, and wisdom teeth coming out, but it was also the season of the State Fair with Megan, Jon, Jalen and Justus, 4th of July with family, Jake's 30th birthday party, and much more. It was a good summer, probably the best I've had in a long time. But I'm looking forward to Fall.

Fall is the time for wet streets and chilly weather, sweaters and leaves changing color. It's also the season of haunted houses, ghosts, bats, and witches (Halloween) and also turkey, stuffing and family times. Fall is one of my favorite seasons...well hell...all the seasons are my favorite when they're here.

Happy Fall!

Post-surgery Day 8

Today is day 8 of post-surgery recovery. I must say I did not realize it was going to be this tedious and this painful. I'm so glad I never have to go through this again.

Now for the "good news"...I have a dry socket. Yes, it's true. Somehow I missed passing a clot in my lower left tooth and it turned into a dry socket. I must say (knock on wood) that I lucked out and it's not totally excruciating, but it is painful. I'm in ownership of some pretty serious pain meds as well, so it's good to say they help. I just can't wait to get this all healed and overwith. I must say, that day will not come a nano-second too soon.

Ugh...this sucks big time.

Weekly video 9/25/09

This week's video is hilarious, as well as a recent internet-wide viral video.
I hope to catch this kind of stuff one day with my own little one.

Enjoy!

Do your cheeks hang low?

Mine do, or at least it feels like it. My left cheek feels like it weighs a ton, even though I know it doesn't even weigh anywhere near a pound.

I'm sitting here, nearly falling asleep while typing this blog post and impatiently waiting for my next piece of RoundTable pizza (oh sweet relief!) I've lost a couple of pounds from the near-liquid diet I've been on for the past 5 days, and I must say...I never thought the secret to weight loss would be held in plastic cups full of chocolate pudding. Granted, I'd rather lose weight the REAL way, by eating carrots and exercising, I'll take what I can get at this point. Any weight lost, is good weight to me. Of course seeing Jake in his I-have-all-MY-teeth glory sinking his chompers into scrumptious crackers, and chicken, and all those other goodies I must live without for the time being is pure torture. I'm not afraid to admit it...I love food. And one doesn't really understand how GOOD food is until they can't have it. God help me if I ever get stranded on a deserted island.

I have also discovered Biotene. That stuff saved me last night. I was about ready to rip out my stitches I was in so much pain from the sore and swelling. 30-seconds of swishing-goodness and I was all better. Biotene...a life saver....OOH life savers. Just kidding (chuckle)...maybe.

Day 2: post surgery

May I just start out by saying that Nitrous Oxide (aka laughing gas) is the best stuff EVER?

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 6am realizing I over slept and forgot to take the two anti-swelling pills I was supposed to take at 2am (no joke.) So I got up, took them and noticed the 3rd pill in there that was supposed to be taken 6 hours after the surgery was crushed almost to powder. So I decided to ask the assistant for another one when I was done. After that, I couldn't go back to sleep. I decided to entertain myself with some RockBand and Facebook until it was time to have Jake get up. I took a quick shower (I took my longer one the night before) and changed into my clothes. My Dad arrived a whole hour earlier than anticipated, so the three of us watched some TV while waiting for the time to leave. And it came, way too quickly for me.

We arrived at the doctor's office and sat down. I signed a consent form acknowledging that I was to have a surgical operation, the risks involved and what kind of anesthesia I had chosen and the risks involved in that as well. Fun stuff to read: especially the last word of the risks involved with the anesthesia: DEATH. Woohoo for me :(. Then Jake had to fill out a consent form that he was to drive me home and left his cell phone number in case they needed him and he had left, or to tell him I was done. So, the time came. I walked into the office and was asked to go to the bathroom. Then they brought me in the actual surgical room and I sat on that half gurney/ half dentist chair. So then they took my blood pressure and put little monitor pads on my heart and the little oxygen clamp on my forefinger. Then they put this nozzle on my nose that was gray and had two big tubes on either side. First came oxygen, then with some Nitrous Oxide mixed in. This of course was when they administered the IV. The Nitrous instantly relaxed me and I was feeling goooooooooooooood. They numbed the area where the needle would go through and before I knew it, I had the IV in. Then they stopped the nitrous (dammit) and the next thing I knew, all I could remember hearing was "OK, 5 mg administered" from the surgeon and "See you soon honey" from one of the assistants. I didn't dream, nothing. But then, our of nowhere, I felt this really intense pressure in my mouth and it woke me up. It was the surgeon cracking my lower teeth apart and I said to myself "OH hell no!" So I started to move around to let them know I was awake and it hurt so bad that I started crying. All I remember hearing was the surgeon saying "Oh, she's waking up" and the two assitants saying "Laurel, it's OK, it's OK. You're almost done" and then falling back asleep.

The next thing I remember is feeling being wheeled to recovery and hearing Jake's voice talking to the assitant. She said I did fine. I saw Jake and my Dad and started crying a little, which the assitant said is pretty normal when girls have this done. Then, with WADS of guaze in my mouth, I said "I woke up" and Jake asked the assitant if I did, and she said I did but I did OK. She said they were almost done so they couldn't give me more anesthesia because they didn't know how long I would've been out, so I'm guessing they just gave me another shot or two of the nitrous to make me fall back asleep. So we sat there for about 20 minutes and I slowly came to full consciousness. They wheeled me out in a wheelchair after giving Jake a baggie with post-op instructions, some extra gauze, a flushing syringe to clean the sockets, and a little white box shaped like a tooth. So I get in the car and looked in the box. There they were...my teeth. Two whole ones from the top and pieces from the ones on the bottom. I went home, took some pain meds and had a 3 hour nap. I woke up looking like a chipmunk, but with ice and pain meds, I did fine.

Weekly video 9/17/09

Since I will be "out of commission" tomorrow, I am posting my weekly video today.

This video is from Jake and my new favorite TV show, Glee. It's a show about a group of students who are in Glee club and therefore, at the bottom of the proverbial high school food chain. Believe me I've been there, so I can completely relate to these kids since that was me in junior high rather than high school.

The video is of Rachel (low-man in HS totem pole since in Glee club) singing "Take a Bow" by Rihanna after she and love interest Finn (high school star football player) kiss and he runs off to girlfriend Quinn (head cheerleader and major biotch) and pretends like nothing happened. And yes, this is really her singing it. She has a beautiful voice.

Enjoy!

T-minus 2 days

In 48 hours, I'll be in the oral surgeon's chair getting all kinds of sleepy-time drugs so they can rip my teeth out. That's the stuff of nightmares right there.

I'm not so much scared, but more nervous. Of course these days, I'm counting all these procedures as practice for giving birth. I've had blood tests, IUIs, good news, bad news, and now my first IV and being put to sleep (if God forbid I need an emergency c-section). I'm counting all this as minor experience so I know what to expect...to a degree.

I'm also thinking this is probably like the tattoos. Everyone says it's horrible, the pain...oh the pain. And for me it might not be that bad? Tolerable? My parents have decided they will come up Friday to watch over me while Jake is at work for the rest of the day. I'm sure it'll get to the point where I'll wake up in my own bed from a very long nap and think "Whoa...how did I get here? Last thing I remember is being at the doctor's office". I'm fully expecting a surreal and moderately painful experience. But I know this is another thing I have to do to get myself ready for all that is to come. I just wish I wasn't so nervous.

Boilermaker Tailgate Chili

Well, football season has officially commenced....with a win by the 49ers I might add! Woohoo!! So to start off the season right, and because of the strange and rainy weather we were having this past weekend, I decided to make the ultimate gameday delight/rainy day comfort food: Chili. This isn't just any chili...oh no...this is Boilermaker Tailgate Chili. It's the chili Purdue football fans make at Purdue's football games. Now normally, I'm not a big chili fan...but this was oooooh yummy. Jake was speechless it was so good.

Enjoy!

Boilermaker Tailgate Chili

from allrecipes.com

12 servings

Prep Time: 30 min

Cook Time: 2 hours

Ready in: 2 hours 30 mins

2 pounds ground beef chuck

1 pound bulk Italian sausage

3 (15oz) cans chili beans, drained

1 (15oz) can chili beans in spicy/zesty sauce

2 (28oz) cans diced tomatoes with juice

1 (6oz) can tomato paste

1 large yellow onion, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

1 green bell pepper, seeded and chopped

1 red bell pepper, seeded and chopped

2 green chile peppers, seeded and chopped

1 tbsp bacon bits

4 cubes beef buillion

1/2 cup beer

1/4 cup chili powder

1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

1 tbsp minced garlic

1 tbsp dried oregano

2 tsps ground cumin

2 tsps hot pepper sauce (e.g. Tabasco sauce)

1 tsp dried basil

1 tsp salt

1 tsp ground black pepper

1 tsp cayenne pepper

1 tsp white sugar

1 (10.5oz) bag of corn chips like Fritos

1 (8oz) package shredded Cheddar cheese

1. Heat a large stock pot over medium-high heat. Crumble the ground chuck and sausage into the hot pan, and cook until evenly browned. Drain off excess grease.

2. Pour in the chili beans, spicy chili beans, diced tomatoes and tomato paste. Add the onion, celery, green and red bell peppers, chile peppers, bacon bits, bouillon, and beer. Season with chili powder, Worcestershire sauce, garlic, oregano, cumin, hot pepper sauce, basil, salt, pepper, cayenne, paprika, and sugar. Stir to blend, then cover and simmer over low heat for at least 2 hours, stirring occasionally.

3. After 2 hours, taste, and adjust salt, pepper, and chili powder if necessary. The longer the chili simmers, the better it will taste. Remove from heat and serve, or refrigerate, and serve the next day.

4. To serve, ladle into bowls, and top with corn chips and shredded Cheddar cheese.

Photo courtesy of username: Scuba Steve from allrecipes.com

TTC Update

I was taking Medproxyprogesterone to get AF when I wasn't able to in order to take the Clomid to ovulate and do the IUIs.

A few months ago, it was decided that I would start taking Metformin 500mg to adjust my blood sugar levels because of my Insulin Resistance caused by my PCOS was possibly blocking my eggs from developing appropriately. About 3 weeks later, I took a blood test, with no changes in my glucose levels. Bummer. So I spoke to my PCP and he prescribed that I take 1000mg a day instead and take another test. I did, and my glucose levels were within the normal range they should be as if I didn't have Insulin Resistance. (see other post below). Waiting for the Metformin to take effect was hard for me because it wasn't necessarily a step backward, but it was a stand still. I went through it knowing I was doing what was best for my future child. I have a wonderful new OBGYN who is really looking out for me, and who am I to be selfish and TTC anyways and possibly endanger the life of my future baby? Insulin Resistance is a cause of Diabetes which is directly linked to preventable birth defects in fetuses.

So after the test results came back, I was ready to start again. With my OBGYN's permission, Jake and I would try for one cycle one our own and then one cycle with an IUI for timing reasons. So I took the Medproxyprogesterone that was prescribed by my former OBGYN, for 10 tens as instructed. Nothing happened. I called my doctor and he said to take some HPTs and if nothing showed up within 2 weeks of the last day I took the last pill, I was to call him and he would order a blood pregnancy test. If that came out negative, he would prescribe a different form of Progesterone and increase my dosage of Clomid since I had been on 100mg for a while and nothing seemed to be happening. Now with the Metformin and losing a few pounds, I was on my way to really giving this the greatest shot I'd been able to give it since we started.

Yesterday, I went in for my blood test. When I asked the phlebotomist (I call them vampires) when I would get the results, she said normally within 2-3 days but since it was so slow for them yesterday I should check tomorrow (meaning today). So Jake and I went out, came home and I pushed my luck and checked for the results yesterday, no luck. This morning when I woke up the first thing I checked was for my results: Negative. It was what I suspected the results would be given I had taken 3 HPTs and all were negative. I would've been more worried if the blood test had come up positive. So yesterday while at the hospital, I also got my prescription just in case and voila! I'm going to start taking it today...for 10 days. Now all I have to do is get the medicine going, survive through my "surgery" Friday (5 days and counting), handle the recovery well, get AF and do this right. I've purchased a real BBT thermometer, we're going to reset the CBEFM and I'm going to get some OPKs. We're going to time the heck out of this. In the meantime, I've purchased a DVD: Walking at Home by Leslie Sansone. It really helps me. I'm also doing my Physical Therapy exercises to build my core muscle and help my back heal more.

So there you have it. That's where we are. I've got such hope, and I've been praying more than ever before in recent weeks. I'm so glad to FINALLY have a doctor who really cares about not only my wanting to have a child, but he also wants me to have it the right way...the healthy way.

Weekly video 9/11/09

Today is the 8-year anniversary of the terror attacks on the USA. Being one who loves my country, I can remember exactly what I was doing that day. I was a senior in high school on my way to school with my Dad when my mom called asking if I was OK. I didn't know what had happened until I got to school and spoke with my classmates.

I wanted to put a comber video for today, but I also remember that we need to not dwell on the past, but rather live for the future. This is true with any aspect of our lives. So, I am posting a video of one of my favorite songs. It's the story of a parent promising their child that everything will be alright, as long as you have faith and trust in those who love you.

Enjoy!


Queensryche - Silent Lucidity

Labor Day and countdown continues

10 days and counting until my wisdom teeth come out. The day is growing very near very quickly. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that this needs to happen. As much as I'm nervous about scalpels and swelling, I know I will be doing my mouth and my health a world of good by getting this overwith. I just hope the recovery doesn't kick my butt too hard.

Labor Day weekend has come and gone. Where has the year gone? Seriously. It felt like last week that we were celebrating Valentine's Day...and now we're already into Fall!? Speaking of Fall, Starbucks has officially begun its Pumpkin Spice Latte ad campaign. Yummy. Unfortunately, I am doing my best to cut out as much caffeine as possible while Jake and I are trying to have a baby. I guess I can get it decaf...ooh...now you have me thinking. ;)

Anyways, here is what Jake and I did this weekend. It's boring, but I felt like writing.

Friday: Got off work, went home and changed my pants for shopping (I like to be comfy). Picked up Jake, went to Luckys for our grocery shopping. Store was E.M.P.T.Y. No people. None. We were 2 of about 10 people not including employees in the entire store. It was eery but it made shopping fly by. Went home, unloaded groceries, watched TV until bedtime.

Saturday: Date night. Jake and I haven't had a date night in a loooooong time. We went to Red Lobster (in Vallejo) and a movie...District 9. My first time seeing it, Jake's 2nd. I liked it a lot. It was a sad story, but definitely one that makes you think. Instead of humans being the destroyed species and then coming back victorious, we were the assholes. I'm sorry to cuss in my blog, but that's exactly what we were...assholes. I won't give the story away, but it made me realize that we aren't always the victims. We can be the offenders too.

Sunday: Sailing! I'd never been sailing. Jake and I took Dramamine for precautions. It wasn't a big sail, just putt-putting around the SF Bay. I steered the boat for about an hour, and I learned about sailing etiquette, terminology and how to work together as a team to make sure you make back to the marina in one piece. We saw sea lions, pelicans diving for food, many birds and porpoises! We sailed for 6 and a half hours. It was exhausting...fun but exhausting. We got home and I forced (yes, forced) myself to make dinner. After I had a bit or two, I went straight to bed. I slept for 12 hours straight (9pm to 9am Monday morning).

Monday: Woke up to Jake doing his presentation for his Psych class. He had a meeting with his debate group in Concord. Made breakfast and Jake left for his meeting. I did laundry. All. Day. Long. It was wonderful, and I mean that sincerely. I watched a marathon of SuperNanny and the cats took a looooong nap. Lazy day. Jake came home early and we did the dishes together. Tried to watch Fast Food Nation, but had to turn it off. Horrible movie. I don't recommend it. Jake BBQ'd and I did the corn. Had dinner, watched TV. Went to bed.

Uneventful weekend except for the sailing, and even though it was 3 days long it was still too short. We need a vacation. Badly.

Weekly video 9/4/09

This week's video is an oldie, but a hilariously funny one. It's from America's Got Talent and I've wanted to post it for a while.

Enjoy!

Garlic Lemon Shrimp and Orzo with Broccoli

I know I haven't posted a recipe in a while, my apologies. Last night, Jake and I decided to try something new to add variety to our weekly menus. I came across the following recipe from a blog I follow, Cooking This and That. Jake and I found it to be satisfying (not filling) and light enough to not feel bogged down by heavy ingredients.

Enjoy!

Garlic Lemon Shrimp and Orzo with Broccoli

slightly adapted from Dinners for a Year and Beyond

Makes 2-3 servings

1 cup orzo

1 broccoli crown, cut into bite-sized pieces

1 tablespoon olive oil

1/2 medium onion, diced

2 garlic cloves, minced

1/2 lemon, juiced and zested

1/2 cup white wine or chicken broth

kosher salt and coarse ground black pepper, to taste

scant tablespoon butter

about 1 pound of large shrimp, peeled and deveined

2-3 tablespoons parsley, chopped

1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, grated

Bring a medium saucepan of water to a boil, add orzo and cook until al dente, 8-9 minutes.

During last 2 minutes of cooking, add broccoli to the pasta water. Drain orzo and broccoli, set aside.

In large saute pan, heat olive oil over medium-high heat. Add onions and cook until soft and translucent, about 5-6 minutes. Add garlic and cook for another minute.Add lemon juice, zest, and wine/broth to saute pan. Bring to boil and then reduce heat; simmer for 2-3 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Stir in butter and stir until melted.

Add shrimp to saute pan, cook until pink and cooked through, 4-5 minutes. Add orzo and broccoli, parsley, and Parmesan cheese to shrimp mixture; toss gently to combine. Serve immediately.

Wisdom teeth...the countdown begins!

Yesterday I went for my consultation to have my wisdom teeth removed. I've heard some pretty bad horror stories of wisdom teeth extraction, so I'm REALLY nervous.

I went in and filled out a survey of my health history. Then I was taken into the office and had a complete x-ray taken of my entire mouth. When that was done, they were waiting for an exam room, so they took me into the "recovery room" and made me watch a DVD on how to understand the wisdom teeth, and how the surgery will go. After that, I was lead into the "exam room" they had left which was the actual surgery room. Oh. My. God. I got to sit in the scariest exam chair ever. It was like a hybrid...half dentist chair, half gurney. I was fully expecting to see those straps they bind your hands and feet with at the loony bin, ya know? Then I met my surgeon...Dr. Doucet. Very nice man...big bluish green eyes. Definitely the type I can see ripping my teeth out of my mouth as a hobby. Just kidding.

We went over my x-rays and I found that even though I was lead to believe all my wisdom teeth were "severely" impacted, that wasn't the case. The two top teeth were fully exposed and had grown through nicely, which will make for easy extraction with no incisions. It will be like taking a regular tooth out...just WAY back in my mouth. Whew... The bottom two were a slightly different story. The lower left is impacted and growing forward towards my chin, but the side is peeking out the top of the gums, which will make it easier and a small incision will be needed. The right bottome however, is completely impacted, with a small amount peeking through, but the tooth itself is growing towards my cheek...so sideways, and out. Wierd. Nothing can ever be easy with me...no...that would be too...well...easy. I discussed my anethesia options, and given that I've never had surgery before, never broken a bone, never been in a hospital, I've got some anxiety about the whole thing. He suggested full sedation for me. He said the whole process will take about 30-40 minutes and I'll feel like it was 2 minutes.

I'm going to follow the doctor's instructions perfectly because my biggest fear is getting a dry socket. I don't think I could handle that. Once I'm done with this surgery, I want to be DONE...D-O-N-E. My surgery is scheduled for Friday September 18th. So...now it's 17 days and counting...anyone have any valium? :)

Overwhelming prayer

Have you ever prayed so hard that you can feel your entire body, heart, and mind being consumed by that prayer and thought in that moment?

Saturday night after everyone left my parents' house from my mom's birthday dinner, Jake and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and talking. All of a sudden, he put his hand on my stomach and said "We're waiting for you little baby...please come so we can meet you." In that moment, I closed my eyes and prayed like I haven't prayed before. My whole body was seemingly weightless and my head clear in what I was praying for. I felt really good in that moment that everything was going to work out, and when I opened my eyes, I didn't want to let that feeling go. It was like being completely at peace.

I've never felt anything like it.

Weekly video 8/28/09

This week's video is in honor of my recent golf experience with Jake (see previous post from 2-3 weeks ago). It's Robin Williams' rendition of how the sport began. Please be advised that it does have a lot of swearing, but it's still pretty funny.

Enjoy!

Epidural #2 - Success

Yesterday I had epidural injection #2.

Things were WAY different for me this time. I knew what to expect, took deep breaths and knew it would be over in 10 minutes.

I walked in after my name was called and the nurse looked at me and said "How are you today?" I said "Fine, thanks. How are you?" She said "I'm good...hey...I remember you. I was your nurse last time you had this done." Greeeeeat. I remember psyching myself out to the point of (TMI) dry heaving, cold sweats, and dizziness. I was hoping I was calm enough now to not have a repeat performance of a crap-tastic procedure on my part. No thanks. So she took my blood pressure (BP) and led me to the room with Jake because we had some questions regarding the breakout of red bumps from last time. She said the epidurals sometimes raise hormone levels so it could've been a mild form of acne, which is WAY better than hearing "Oh, you're allergic. We can't do this...go home and live in pain". In this case, acne is WAY better. So I did was helped last time. The nurse was there talking to me, I had a cold compress and breathed deeply to calm my nerves and relax my muscles. I learned the breathing from my tattoos which helps this kind of thing be less painful since the more you hold your breath, the more your muscles tense and then the more it hurts because your body is fighting.

So I was talking to the nurse while the doctor "mapped" out my spine and nerves by drawing on me with a ballpoint pen (which really really really tickled) and then I had the local anesthesia. No big deal...just a little pinch. Then...there was pressure. A lot. of. pressure. Pressure in a small tiny area. Didn't feel normal, so I of course let them know I could feel it. They said everything was OK and I was doing great. Then more pressure...and more pressure. I was gripping the exam table like I was being pushed into it. Oh. My. God...pressure! But of course, within 5 minutes...it was over. I sat for a minute with a cold compress on the back of my neck to help me stop sweating and the doctor asked the nurse to take my BP again since she thought it was a little high. Yeah...high. 176/103 to be exact. Normal for me? Not at all. So on the way out, I sat and had my BP taken again... 104/73. Much better. I was nervous so the BP showed it.

Then I went home, changes into my PJs, laid on my bed with a movie playing and all three cats laid with me. Jake made dinner, which was awesome and Today while walking to work I felt great. I'm a little sore at the injection sight but that's no biggie. I'm just glad it's over. Yay!

Quote of the day

"Everything is possible when you have faith."

This past weekend, Jake and I went to the State Fair with Megan, Jon, Jalen and Justus. While there, I began to feel a calm and wanted to talk for hours with Megan about how I've been feeling and how I've been questioning my faith lately because of how hard things have been for me with trying to get pregnant. Oh well...that will come another day.

Last night I had an urge to go to JCPenney to look around, which I haven't done in a long time. I don't know why Penney's, but it was kind of overwhelming. So I went to the store and ended up in the jewelry department of all places (which ask my mom, I don't frequent the jewelry department at all) and found this ring

When I got home, I immediately put it on to help me jumpstart me being back on the path. I just hope everything works out with us these next few cycles. I would love to have a bump come Christmas. That would be awesome.

Weekly video 8/21/09

I apologize for my absence last week. Jake and I went down to San Jose Friday night and it was an all around busy day.

This week's video is actually a movie trailer for the new movie The Wolfman. Always a fan of horror films, I'm looking forward to this.

Enjoy!

God gave me PCOS

I've been finding myself afraid to pray these days. I've never been religious, but I am spiritual. After a childhood raised in a Catholic church that told you you'd burn in Hell for eating meat on Fridays, my mom decided to not make me go to church. She would make it my choice. She did, however, raise me telling me that God loves me for who I am and He never made mistakes while making me. So I've been thinking about why God gave me PCOS.



I admit I've been one to take certain things for granted...my parents being the main one. I was always one of those naive people who thought my parents would live forever, but I see it differently. My Dad is 73, and my mom is 56...and disabled. Both of their lives are gearing down and what do I have to show for it? Years full of attitude and disagreements...things I've done that I wish I hadn't, but cannot be changed. So maybe that's why God gave me PCOS. He gave me this disease to show me what the love of a parent is. It's the most selfless, unrelenting, never-giving-up love that one human can hold for another. It is a never ending fight for the world to show them this person, a person they brought into the world, that has so much to give and is worth having around. It is sleepless nights, tears, washing bottles, changing diapers, reading before bedtime...it's everything. It's giving up grandeur for the feeling of little arms wrapped around you giving you a hug at the end of the day. It's realizing every dream has lead to this little bundle of poopy diapers who wants nothing more than to have you to play with. It's the best thing in the world, and one I never thanked my parents for.



I'll also admit I'm not patient. It's not a virtue I hold in abundance. Every cycle that's gone by with a negative pregnancy test is a battle I relive month after month. It's been nearly two years, and they are two years I would never wish on anyone, but that I'm thankful for. Having the drive to keep going after so much disappointment with Jake by my side has shown me that I already love my little one, wherever he/she may be. I love them so much I'm voluntarily doing things like blood tests, taking medications, having acupuncture, and having IUIs so I can meet them and teach them everything from how to make cookies to how to drive. It's a journey I can't wait to continue, since the start of it came the day Jake and I said "Let's do this."



God gave me PCOS as a gift. It's gift of insight to show me what it really takes to be a mother and how much my Mom did for me. So thank you Mom for loving me so much, and thank you God for not making a mistake with me. I get it now.

Good news from the Kaiser lab

This past weekend was a small victory for me.

So far Diabetes: 120, Laurel: 90.

That's right...the Metformin is WORKING!!!!! I had my blood drawn on Saturday morning at Kaiser San Jose (aka my old stomping grounds). The last time I had my blood glucose taken, I was at 120. You have to be 126 to be considered a full blown Diabetic. I was teetering on the edge, so to speak. But thanks to my PCP and my own pushiness, I got onto 1000mg/day and my levels dropped to within the "normal" range (60-99).

I emailed my OB this morning to see if I can restart trying during cycles. This result has given me the extra kick in the pants to get my keester in gear.

To celebrate, Jake and I went through our fridge and pantry and threw out all bad foods for us that we purchased in one of those notorious fits of grocery store weakness. I can't wait to go grocery shopping again this week! :D

Greetings from a tired, hurting Laurel

It is no secret that I have been battling back pain for the past couple of years. It got so bad that at one point, there was a severe shift in my spine, making it look like my upper torso, and my lower body look as if it were split in half, then haphazardly put back together. It was painful to see for some, and even more painful to experience. I went through months of physical therapy, pain medications, and A LOT of tears from not being able to do regular day-to-day things. I had 4 different diagnoses from different doctors. Finally one said "ENOUGH" and said for me to try something I had been dreading, but also wanting...an epidural.

The whole process of an epidural is rather uneventful. However, I had something that resembled the arrival of the four horsemen of the Apocolypse pictured in my head due to my aversion to needles. I mean, who really relishes the thought of having a long needle stuck into their spine? Barf-fest, table one? I think so.

I pretty much really psyched myself out to the point where the doctor administering the epi wasn't going to go through with the procedure, but I bit the bullet and came through with the help of distracting conversation with the nurse, a cold ice pack and a little breeze from a portable fan. Of course, afterwards, I felt stupid. The process was nothing, and yet I had made the whole thing to be this huge event in my head. I went home, and within 3 hours, I could stand up straight and pain-free.

5 months later, and I'm sitting here, blogging at 6:30am in pain. I'm sitting on the living room couch hoping the pain meds will kick in so I can catch another hour of sleep before getting up and going to work. I'm not sure that will happen though. Oh well.

I have another call into the epidural doctor for another appointment for which I got another referral from my PCP. The pain isn't as bad as it once was before, but I'd like to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse. I'm calling the epi doctor today. I just hope I can get in there soon because the inability to sleep sometimes is really starting to get to me.

Weekly video 8/7/09

Tomorrow is Jake's birthday. We're having a party with his family and close friends at a nearby park, and I can't wait. This is the first party I have organized 90% on my own. It's overwhelming, but it's worth it.

This week's video is one I took myself. It's the opening of Judas Priest from the concert we went to last Friday (hence no video last week). The laser show of the metal worker is pretty cool.

Enjoy!

Fore!

After 4 and a half years of me asking, hinting and even wondering if it'll ever happen, Jake took me to the driving range to teach me how to "play" golf. Jake's Dad (Hi Dad!) is a certified golf instructor and from what I've heard Jake is pretty good. When I say "play" golf, I mean teaching me how to hit the ball.

Unfortunately in my shyness and naivete, I thought my Scottish roots would peek mixed in with some beginners luck and I'd kick some ass. Didn't happen. I did hit some decent shots, but I'm not sure I made my golf-loving grandparents proud up there in the sky. They were probably rooting me on, and laughing at my screw-ups. Even I was laughing at them.


Disclaimer: Yes, I know I'm wearing flip flops. Yes I know those aren't good golfing shoes,and I could've gotten hurt. I apologize and will wear regular shoes next time.

First, the pro (compared to me, he's Tiger Woods):

And now...for your viewing humor...me:

I swear my follow-through got better after this shot.

British Steel!

As you know, I got Jake tickets to see Judas Priest and Whitesnake in Concord for his 30th birthday. Well that was this past Friday. Judas Priest is celebrating the 30th anniversary of their first album, British Steel. It was tons of fun!

Jake enjoying his awesome VIP seats

WHITESNAKE:

The set

Rockin' out

The guy on the far left is the lead singer. I forget his name.

JUDAS PRIEST:

The opening "curtain"

That's a lot of smoke!

The lead singer, Rob Halford

"I am Nostradamus!" (from the song "Prophecy")

Happy Birthday my awesome Hubsters! I love you!

Wanting to learn to cook

I'll admit, I'm a timid cook. I like to mostly play it safe, and am always looking to *maybe* branch out and try new things. Here are some things I'd love to learn

1. How to properly use cutting knives, and learn what the different knives are and what they're uses are.

2. To decorate a cake (a la Wilton).

3. How to create my own recipe.

4. How to host a good dinner party (for future Christmases, Thanksgivings, etc.)

5. How to properly use different kitchen tools, and possibly know when to weed out old ones that I won't use.

Anyone up for the challenge?

Kitty Love!

I've noticed I haven't posted pictures of our furbabies in a while. I've been so caught up in the baby race, I'm shamefully neglecting (not literally) my current babies.

"Do you mind! We're cuddling here!" (Neebs and MJ)

"Yes, I made a mess...and now I'm sunbathing in your laundry basket. Deal." (Chloe)

"I'm keeping the towels warm for you" (MJ)

"Almost...asleep" (Chloe)

"Take me with you! Take me with you!" (Neebs)

"When is Dad coming home?"