Renewed Hope

I've been trying to post more about life in general rather than always about Jake and I trying to have a baby. Today I'll post an update.

I was upgraded to 150mg Clomid this cycle. I was taking 100mg before with no results. I took the progesterone my former ObGyn prescribed but AF never came. My now ObGyn prescribed a different form of progesterone and I got AF while at our niece's birthday party. I literally came running out of the bathroom and into Jake's arms to whisper the good news. This was on a Saturday and I needed the Clomid by Monday to take it on CD 3-7 as prescribed. When I went to email my doctor to tell him I was ready, I was met with a message "*Doctor's Name* will be out of the office until Monday October 5th. Please do not email." OK. So I called the office and left a message (this was on Sunday) with the ObGyn office with the info I had and what I needed. I got a call from a nurse who said she couldn't find the info to backup my need for the increased dosage of Clomid. After exchanging some words (not bad ones, but she was a grump) she said she would forward my request to the attending doctor taking over for my ObGyn while he was gone and he would call me later that day. That was at about 9am. At 3pm, I got a call from the attending doctor. He asked me some questions to confirm the info he had and he approved me for the increased dose of Clomid on my doctor's behalf (with all info to back up the approval).

So with the Metformin, and Clomid, I'm now on CD 12. We are instructed to try on our own this cycle and then if it doesn't work, try again next cycle with an IUI.

There's a girl who works for my mom who was also trying for a baby with her husband. Unlike Jake and I where our problems lie within my PCOS, they're IF lied with him. A few cycles ago, I guess they decided to stop trying for good. I guess she said to my mom that she doesn't understand how I can keep going with all the disappointment and frustrations. My reaction? The reason is because I've always known I wanted to be a mom. Of course, I've known for a long time that it will be difficult for me as well, so I went into this somewhat prepared for what was going to happen. I committed myself to this, knowing I would have to work and work hard. I've gone through a roller coaster. I've gone through the hopelessness and frustration, tears, tests, medicine, etc. Honestly I think my saving grace was the break Jake and I took over the holidays last year. It gave me a time to soul search and I knew what I wanted in the end. I accepted that it would be hard. I still accept that it will be hard. I have a lot of help in my corner through support from Jake, my family and other people. But I also know that the day I'm holding Jake's and my child in my arms is the day I'll look back on all the hardships in this journey and know that it was all worth it even though it doesn't feel like it at the time.

So thank you everyone for being the best cheerleaders ever. I love you all.