I'm having one of those days where all that seems appealing is laying in bed, under the covers and sleeping all day.
This just sucks...
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
When your husband's an angel...
I've been a fan of Sex and the City since it aired in 1998. I've never missed an episode...in the four women's personalities, you can find a little bit of yourself in each of them. I was so bummed when the show ended...so you could tell how excited I was to see the movie.
Jake and I saw it on a date night. He didn't really understand the plots until I got the entire series on DVD for Christmas one year and we sat and watched the entire series from beginning to end. I've been anxiously waiting for the movie to come out on DVD. When it did yesterday, I was in my bookkeeping class and couldn't run to Best Buy to get it. Of course, I knew there were more important things than a DVD, so I figured I'd wait.
Fast forward to today...I've been having a HORRIBLE week. With taking my temperature every morning for charting and getting to be very close pals with my ovulation predictor kit...with every passing day and no plus sign...I was getting the blues. I actually broke down at the office on Monday...it was not a good day. Jake had been in class all day and I had been at the office doing..well...my job. When he came back in the afternoon, he brought me lunch. He set the bag on my desk and whispered "I got you something." I look at him and said "what" and he said "lift up the bag"...so I did. There it was...Sex and the City, the Movie!!! He bought it for me to help me feel better this week. It totally made my day. I didn't even ask for it, he just got it for me.
With all I've been going through, he's been there for me. He's never complained and has been my biggest cheerleader. He knows how hard I'm willing to fight for a baby, and I know I can count on him to be there every step of the way. He's been so supportive and selfless through this whole thing. He always makes sure I'm testing correctly and taking my temperature every morning. Every day this week that I've been testing with the ovulation kit, I've been getting a negative result. Each time, he asks me "Did you get the smiley face yet?" and when I say I didn't, he says "Oh..dammit...well...we'll get one tomorrow." He's the best.
I love him so much.
Jake and I saw it on a date night. He didn't really understand the plots until I got the entire series on DVD for Christmas one year and we sat and watched the entire series from beginning to end. I've been anxiously waiting for the movie to come out on DVD. When it did yesterday, I was in my bookkeeping class and couldn't run to Best Buy to get it. Of course, I knew there were more important things than a DVD, so I figured I'd wait.
Fast forward to today...I've been having a HORRIBLE week. With taking my temperature every morning for charting and getting to be very close pals with my ovulation predictor kit...with every passing day and no plus sign...I was getting the blues. I actually broke down at the office on Monday...it was not a good day. Jake had been in class all day and I had been at the office doing..well...my job. When he came back in the afternoon, he brought me lunch. He set the bag on my desk and whispered "I got you something." I look at him and said "what" and he said "lift up the bag"...so I did. There it was...Sex and the City, the Movie!!! He bought it for me to help me feel better this week. It totally made my day. I didn't even ask for it, he just got it for me.
With all I've been going through, he's been there for me. He's never complained and has been my biggest cheerleader. He knows how hard I'm willing to fight for a baby, and I know I can count on him to be there every step of the way. He's been so supportive and selfless through this whole thing. He always makes sure I'm testing correctly and taking my temperature every morning. Every day this week that I've been testing with the ovulation kit, I've been getting a negative result. Each time, he asks me "Did you get the smiley face yet?" and when I say I didn't, he says "Oh..dammit...well...we'll get one tomorrow." He's the best.
I love him so much.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I can't hold it in anymore
I've been trying to be very stoic about Jake and I trying to have a baby. While I put a smile on and TRY to believe what everyone says when they tell me everything will be OK...in my heart, I'm still afraid.
Last night was the last pill of Clomid. This is it...the moment of truth. I'm anxious. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm happy...and I'm terrified. I'm also mad at myself.
I'm anxious because I wish the days would pass by faster so I can find out when I'm ovulating and when I'm possibly pregnant. I'm excited because I have complete faith that this will work for us. I'm nervous because this is a HUGE step and we've been trying for almost a year. When this happens, it won't be the stress of trying to get pregnant...it'll be a reality and I haven't set myself up to that realization yet. I'm happy because with this medication, we have more of a shot in one month than we've had all year. I'm terrified because I guess in the back of my mind, maybe this is nature's way of telling me I shouldn't be a mother. What if natural selection has weeded me out of the gene pool? Ugh.
I'm mostly mad at myself because if I didn't have this disease, I would be more fertile than I am. I would be at a healthier weight...and I wouldn't have had to go through all these blood tests and doctor's appointments to have a baby.
I know the work that's entailed will all be worth it in the end when Jake and I are holding our child. I know this is a "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" time in our lives together...but I feel somehow I've failed Jake. He deserves to be a Dad. He'll make a wonderful Dad. There's nothing wrong with him...all his tests are perfectly normal. I'm the one who's not normal...I'm the one with something wrong with me.
I hate to be a downer in this post...but these are the thoughts that swirl in my head every single hour of every single day. I know I have a wonderful family who supports me and is there for me...but when there's such wonderful news as my cousin being pregnant...who wants to hear me "woe is me" worries? I don't want people to feel sorry for me...that's just one more step towards helplessness. Oh, and when people say it seems everyone around you gets pregnant and not you? Oh yeah...I'm in that position right now. It sucks more than I thought it would.
OK, I'm done having my tantrum. You can go back to your regularly scheduled programming... :)
Last night was the last pill of Clomid. This is it...the moment of truth. I'm anxious. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm happy...and I'm terrified. I'm also mad at myself.
I'm anxious because I wish the days would pass by faster so I can find out when I'm ovulating and when I'm possibly pregnant. I'm excited because I have complete faith that this will work for us. I'm nervous because this is a HUGE step and we've been trying for almost a year. When this happens, it won't be the stress of trying to get pregnant...it'll be a reality and I haven't set myself up to that realization yet. I'm happy because with this medication, we have more of a shot in one month than we've had all year. I'm terrified because I guess in the back of my mind, maybe this is nature's way of telling me I shouldn't be a mother. What if natural selection has weeded me out of the gene pool? Ugh.
I'm mostly mad at myself because if I didn't have this disease, I would be more fertile than I am. I would be at a healthier weight...and I wouldn't have had to go through all these blood tests and doctor's appointments to have a baby.
I know the work that's entailed will all be worth it in the end when Jake and I are holding our child. I know this is a "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" time in our lives together...but I feel somehow I've failed Jake. He deserves to be a Dad. He'll make a wonderful Dad. There's nothing wrong with him...all his tests are perfectly normal. I'm the one who's not normal...I'm the one with something wrong with me.
I hate to be a downer in this post...but these are the thoughts that swirl in my head every single hour of every single day. I know I have a wonderful family who supports me and is there for me...but when there's such wonderful news as my cousin being pregnant...who wants to hear me "woe is me" worries? I don't want people to feel sorry for me...that's just one more step towards helplessness. Oh, and when people say it seems everyone around you gets pregnant and not you? Oh yeah...I'm in that position right now. It sucks more than I thought it would.
OK, I'm done having my tantrum. You can go back to your regularly scheduled programming... :)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
A Life-Long goal is met
Ever since I was a little girl, my mom and grandma have told me that my grandfather was one of the first people to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge in SF. I never actually saw the bridge in person until I was a Sophomore in high school. I've always made a goal of walking across the bridge...just once. Just once would make me happy. It's such a beautiful bridge in such a beautiful place.
On our way home from Santa Rosa and the wedding weekend, Jake said randomly "You wanna stop at the Golden Gate Bridge?"At first I thought he was joking, then later he asked again. So I said, sure. With some maneuvering and yelling at the Garmin because JAKE got us lost at some random Naval Base, we made it to Vista Point on the Sausalito side of the bridge. We got out and started walking...and we walked...and walked...and walked. With my Sciatica, I decided to take it slow. Surprisingly, I didn't have as tough a time as I thought I would.
So we got to the SF side, and sat for a hot chocolate and to cool our heels. Then we stopped in the Golden Gate Giftshop (you know me) and Jake got me a t-shirt that says "I WALKED THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE"...it's pretty cool. It's a good sleep shirt. Then we walked back. Here are some pictures of our trek.
About half-way, I realized I was walking the same path as my grandfather. It was amazing to realize that I was walking across a piece of US History.
Along the way, we noticed A LOT of tourists from different countries. We heard German, Japanese, Vietnamese, French, and a guy with a thick Scottish Brogue. It was pretty cool.
View of SF from Vista Point, Sausalito
It's pretty intimidating...
Jake at the first "Gate" on the Sausalito side
Me too...
Spread out along the bridge are these yellow boxes with phones inside. The phones are for people looking to jump off the bridge and the phones are directly connected to a Crisis/Counseling Hotline.
This is what someone wrote on one. I find it kind of morbid, but a little funny.
The half-way point to SF.
About to head back from SF to our car on the other side of the bridge
From the toll gate-side park.
CONGRATS KATIE & LORI!!!
This past weekend, Jake and I went to my cousin Katie's wedding. She's been with her partner Lori for about 4 years. They finally tied the knot!!! I'm so happy for them! I've never been to a wedding at a winery before, and it was truly a memorable and lovely experience. My only regret is that I didn't buy a bottle of the Chardonnay they served at the tables. That was some good wine!
The weather was great...not too hot with a little breeze. We were shuttled from the hotels to the winery, and then shuttled to the wedding site where it was a mound (for lack of a better word) of land with beautiful Oak trees surrounding it. All around us was the vines. It was so beautiful. Both of them looking absolutely stunning in their dresses. Welcome to the family (officially) Lori!
Here are some pics:
Katie and Lori cutting their cake
The weather was great...not too hot with a little breeze. We were shuttled from the hotels to the winery, and then shuttled to the wedding site where it was a mound (for lack of a better word) of land with beautiful Oak trees surrounding it. All around us was the vines. It was so beautiful. Both of them looking absolutely stunning in their dresses. Welcome to the family (officially) Lori!
Here are some pics:
The Chuppah at the wedding site
Amidst the beautiful ceremony, I completely forgot pictures until the reception...
Katie and Lori cutting their cake
Katie and Lori's beautiful wedding cake
Yes, those are real wine grapes
Yes, those are real wine grapes
Katie's bouquet (top), Lori's bouquet (bottom)
The Horrah
Katie and Lori
Uncle Norm and Aunt Karen
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
And we're off!!
Alrighty, here it goes...
This past weekend, Jake and I went to his grandparents' cabin by Tahoe. Saturday before leaving, I stopped in by Kaiser and had my blood tests taken and a hospital-style pregnancy test. The pregnancy test was to see if I already am pregnant, because if I was then I couldn't take the Clomid. Well, the results were negative (darnit!)...but that's OK.
Monday night, I started taking the Progesterone and on CD3, I'm to start taking the Clomid for ovulation. Monday night was my goal day for taking the Progesterone and it was pretty funny watching me try to get internet access up in the mountains, according to Jake. Word of advice...there is NO internet up in the mountains! :) So I called 411 for the line to Kaiser, and I got my test results that way. Thank the Lord for 411!
Today is day 3 of 8 in taking the Prog. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this works. I know it's sort of foolish to do so, but I'm kind of getting my hopes up about this. This is what was the plan, I knew I needed Clomid at some point. I discovered this medication while watching an episode of Mystery Diagnosis with my mom. The lady featured had all the symptoms I had, but to a more extreme degree. She took the medication and went on to have 2 kids. I'm hoping that since my symptoms aren't as extreme, and I'm still ovulating (but very sporatically), that the medication will work for me as well.
I'm just keeping my fingers crossed. I'm not really thinking of this as a "race" per-se, but more of a process on learning how to walk for the first time. We need to take a couple of steps, fall down and then learn the flow and balance. Once we geting going...we're off like a herd of turtles! :)
This past weekend, Jake and I went to his grandparents' cabin by Tahoe. Saturday before leaving, I stopped in by Kaiser and had my blood tests taken and a hospital-style pregnancy test. The pregnancy test was to see if I already am pregnant, because if I was then I couldn't take the Clomid. Well, the results were negative (darnit!)...but that's OK.
Monday night, I started taking the Progesterone and on CD3, I'm to start taking the Clomid for ovulation. Monday night was my goal day for taking the Progesterone and it was pretty funny watching me try to get internet access up in the mountains, according to Jake. Word of advice...there is NO internet up in the mountains! :) So I called 411 for the line to Kaiser, and I got my test results that way. Thank the Lord for 411!
Today is day 3 of 8 in taking the Prog. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this works. I know it's sort of foolish to do so, but I'm kind of getting my hopes up about this. This is what was the plan, I knew I needed Clomid at some point. I discovered this medication while watching an episode of Mystery Diagnosis with my mom. The lady featured had all the symptoms I had, but to a more extreme degree. She took the medication and went on to have 2 kids. I'm hoping that since my symptoms aren't as extreme, and I'm still ovulating (but very sporatically), that the medication will work for me as well.
I'm just keeping my fingers crossed. I'm not really thinking of this as a "race" per-se, but more of a process on learning how to walk for the first time. We need to take a couple of steps, fall down and then learn the flow and balance. Once we geting going...we're off like a herd of turtles! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
