OK, I'm ready to share...

I have been teeter-tottering over writing this post for the past 2 weeks or so. I've developed a theory that before everything wasn't working because I was oversharing. But the more I think about it, the more my family, who I love more than life itself, deserves to know what's going on. I love and respect those who read this blog (yes, you) enough to not leave them hanging. So here it goes.

I did my first cycle with Femara, the lowest dose I could start with. Dr. F advised that this cycle with Femara was mostly to see if this dosage would make me ovulate. Of course, he said, it was not meant to deter us from trying on our own. We just wouldn't be performing any IUIs or procedures. That was earlier in July.

2 weeks ago today, I walked into the lab at Kaiser to take the CD21-23 blood test to measure my Progesterone levels. Here's how it works:

Progesterone is a steroid hormone that is increasingly released after a woman ovulates. It helps the lining of the uterus develop and becoming inviting for a fertilized embryo. It also supports gestation and helps the placenta develop and work.

After natural ovulation, normal Progesterone levels are usually >10 ng/ml

After a medicated ovulation (me), normal levels are usually >15 ng/ml

The last cycle with medication, Clomid, my Progesterone levels were 0.3 ng/ml on CD 23. Meaning, I didn't ovulate.

So on Wednesday, I logged into Kaiser online to see my results. Jake was with me and held my hand. I was fully expecting the results to be bad, in that Femara didn't work for us this cycle. Given all the "bad news" we've been receiving lately, I just thought this would be another notch in the post of failures over the past 3 years. I opened the page that held my test results, along with all other results of blood work I had done. The new results were bolded, so I clicked on them while taking a deep, long breath.

The results? 22.6 ng/ml.

Yup. The Femara worked! It made me ovulate! I burst into tears on the spot. I was in such shock that we were finally getting good news. Something FINALLY worked. We didn't have to do injections like I had thought and the Clomid was behind us. Femara worked. It. WORKED.

Being the worry wart I am, I starting Googling crazily looking for possibilities that the results were too good to be true. This couldn't be...something actually worked. At that point, I realized that I had been working so hard with failures hanging around my neck that I didn't learn to appreciate a triumph when it was staring at me in the face. So, I called Dr. F's office. He saw the results and his exact words? "Your levels are beautiful. Congratulations!" If it were humanly possible to jump through the phone and give that man a kiss, I might have done it.

I was advised that I was to take a beta blood test for pregnancy in about 2 weeks from then if AF didn't show. If AF showed, I was also advised that he would like us to continue with the Femara while charting and using OPKs, with timed (insert obvious word here). Right now, we're waiting to test. Of course, this means I am becoming one of those crazies who sees every little thing that happens with my body as a sign that I'm pregnant.

So there you have it. No definite news yet on the full outcome since I technically can't test until the end of the week. Any prayers, dust, etc. that you can send would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for being there, everyone. I truly to love you all...more than you'll ever know.

IF and the 5 stages of grief

I've been reading up quite a bit about the 5 stages of grief. Some call it valid, some call it psycho-babble. Being the wife of a future psychologist doesn't make me biased, but I am more aware of the stages. Jake and I have talked about it from time to time and I believe I'm going through the five stages of grief in relation to my infertility.

Stage 1 - DENIAL: I admit in the beginning of all this, I wasn't so much in complete denial that I had a problem, but I did have those "I'll never get to that point" moments. I never believed in a million years I'd be on the cusp of injectables, and then IVF.

Stage 2 - ANGER: I admit I still have a toe in this stage. I'm still a bit angry, but I don't know how to not be. It's frustrating, it's enough to pull your hair out. To hear month after month that you didn't ovulate, or didn't get pregnant while seemingly EVERYONE around you gets pregnant is enough for one to want to jump in front of a high speed train. Believe me, I've considered it.

Stage 3 - BARGAINING: I hit this stage a while back. I kept saying to myself "I'll keep going until the end if..." It's bargaining with yourself that if you keep going, things will change. When they don't, it's even more bargaining. It's not the best stage, but it kept me going.

Stage 4 - DEPRESSION: I've most recently hit this stage in the past 6 months to a year. I've been asking myself "Why keep doing this to myself? It's only hurting more and more the time goes by", asking "what's the point, this won't happen for me", and more notably "I guess I'm just not meant to be a mother". It's the toughest stage, let me tell you. All the insecurities and self-doubt come rushing forth like an angry river.

Stage 5 - ACCEPTANCE: I think I might have been "testing the waters" with this stage most recently in the past couple of weeks. I've been thinking "this is how it will be, and it will be OK" and "No amount of me getting angry is helping the situation, nor will my time come before it's supposed too, so I might as well just work with what I've got". It's a tough stage, but it's easier than Depression, believe me.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but it does to me.

And it's begun..again...

This morning, AF showed up. The cycle has begun. The day after tomorrow, I will begin taking Femara and we'll go from there. I'm hopeful and happy that we're on our way to trying again, but a little guarded because I am tired of feeling sad.

Here's hoping...

2-week catch up

So here's what's been happening in the past two weeks:

1. Heard my 13th pregnancy announcement the other day in one year. 13 in a solid year. Yay for me, right?

2. Jake and I decided to go with Femara as our next step in our infertility journey. I'm currently on Progesterone to cause a "withdrawal"...aka AF and then from CD3-7, Femara it is.

3. Jake and I went to Lake Tahoe for our 3rd anniversary, celebrating a month late. We stayed in the same hotel we stayed at last year and it was a very relaxing weekend. On Monday the 21st, we drove all the way around the lake, stopping at Sand Harbor, Kings Beach and Emerald Bay.

4. Jake and I have decided to begin Weight Watchers together. This will be my 4th bout with the program, and Jake's first. He wanted to do NutriSystem, but I urged him to deal with portion control and real-life food rather than the freeze-dried stuff from NutriSystem. We have our first meeting this coming Saturday.

5. My cousins Adam and Barbara are coming ALL the way from Arizona to celebrate 4th of July with us in Sacramento! I can't wait to see them since I haven't seen Adam in 3 years and Barbara in about 7. I miss them a lot!

Other than that, there's been nothing totally blog-worthy lately. I will try to post more, but as you can see (especially with the first point), I've been having kind of a tough time.

I love you all!

The verdict is...

After much deliberation and prayer, I've decided to pursue Femara as our next step in our infertility journey.

I admit I want to jump to injectables, but in the end I think I would feel better knowing we exhausted all avenues of medications instead of looking back and thinking "maybe this would've worked if we gave it a try". I'm making the call to my RE today for the prescription.

I also want to thank my family and friends who read my whining every day. All of you mean so much to me, words won't ever be able to express my love and gratitude for you. It's meant so much to Jake and I to have such wonderful people in our lives and rooting us on.

Finally, I'd like to request your continued prayers for us. I'm determined to become a mother. With God's help and guidance, that may happen one day.

Dip in the roller coaster

I know that a roller coaster of a life is a lot better than a merry-go-round, but sometimes the grass looks greener...

I've been really struggling with the fact that I will have to choose how to proceed. I don't want to choose. I want to get pregnant. I want to stop trying, and succeed already. There are a lot of things to consider, but in the end, all I want is to be a mother. I'm tired of beating around the bush and get to the part where I get to tell my family that it's happened for us. It's at times like these where that instance feels like it'll never come.

I finally told my MIL what our options are and what I want to do. And being the logical person she is, she mentioned something that was like a ton of bricks hitting me. What about Jake's education? The demand for his attention will only grow with his pursuit of his Bachelor's and Master's degrees at SF State. With working full time, and his educational demands, is doing the injectables really the right choice? The injectables would become a demand within themselves and it would pile too much onto his plate with everything else in her.

So now I'm crying as I type this post because I'm more lost than ever. I know what I want and a 50/50 shot is better than any shot we've had thus far. Am I crazy? This just isn't fair.

Blank

I had a phone appointment with my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) today. I call him Dr. F, because when I say his last name (Feigenbaum), people shake their heads and say "Whaaa??", so Dr. F is his name. The last time I talked to him was weeks ago when we decided to try our first cycle on Clomid at 150mg 3 times a day. I took my BBT and did the OPKs, and took the blood test on CD 23 like a good girl trying to get knocked up. But alas, I didn't ovulate. I called to see where I should go from here, and a phone appt was set up for today at 10am.

So the doctor calls, and says "I see your blood test results, 0.3. I think it's time to go onto the 'big guns'". Big guns? What does that mean? "Well you have three options"...so here they are!

Door #1 - Keep trying on our own while trying to lose more weight in the hopes that I will spontaneously ovulate on my own. In addition to doing this, I would continue to take the Metformin every day.

Door #2 - There is a slightly different medication from Clomid, called Femara. Apparently, it is usually given to women with breast cancer and the hormonal effects have made women ovulate and get pregnant. The success rates with Femara are less than those with Clomid.

Door #3 - Injectable medications. This is the "big guns" the RE was talking about. I would take shots (not sure how many a day) daily for 5-6 weeks. I would be going into the RE's office for an ultrasound twice a week to monitor my follicular growth. The cost is considerably more than the oral medications and I'm not a fan of needles. However, this would give us a 50/50 shot of getting pregnant and I was told there is a 1 in 3 month shot of becoming pregnant. I'm going to share a personal bit of information, just because I need to wrap my mind around this: Even with our insurance, the injectable medication itself is $2500-$3000 for a 5-6 week cycle. Yowza. I'm having trouble with the amount in my brain. The injectables are also the kind that have a higher probability of multiple births (as in twins, triplets, etc.)

Needless to say, Jake and I have some talking to do. I know what I'm willing to put myself through and how far I'm willing to go to have a baby. I just wish God would throw me a bone in all this. We're working so hard and I don't know how we'll get through this, but I have faith we will.

Busy, Busy

So most know that I was out of town last weekend, hence why there was no weekly video last week. I went with my cousin Megan to suprise our cousin Marie for her baby shower...in New Jersey. We got back Sunday night and I've been in kind of recovery since. It was a whirlwind weekend, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Tonight, Jake is graduating from Diablo Valley College with an Associates of Arts in Psychology. This is a degree 12 years in the making. Off and on, Jake has worked so hard for this day. He's put his education on hold so many times for his family, work, me, and I'm so happy for him and proud that he stuck through it and succeeded. He deserves this more than I can say.

Yesterday, I took a blood test to check my Progesterone levels since we've officially begun Clomid with the RE in San Francisco. The normal levels for a post-ovulation is about 10-15. Mine? 0.3. Yup. You read that right. Zero-point-three. Which means I didn't ovulate. It's disappointing, but I'm not giving up. I've been praying a lot more than I've ever prayed and all I keep telling myself is "God will guide me". Sure, it's sad and I got teary, but it's OK. At least it's something and not just waiting. I have a wonderful family, an amazing husband, a great doctor and God on my side. Everything will be OK. I know it will.

Breakthrough Moments

After work yesterday, I trekked over to Target to get some cleaning supplies and some snacks for Jake. I also had to get a baby gift for a family friend, who's son was just born last week.

In the past while at places like Target, I would pass by the baby department and pickup little outfits and turn into a semi-blubbering mess. Lately, I've been feeling really good. I've lost approximately 10 pounds (give or take an ounce or two), and regularly taking my daily medicine and trying to not let IF treatments get me down. Jake and I are in the best place we've been in for a long time and it flowed over into my attitude while passing the baby department yesterday. I had a breakthrough.

Instead of stopping and gushing over the cute outfits and almost crying, I calmly walked past the department, looked at the baby stuff and said "In due time...In due time". No crying, no stopping, just calm and cool. I was so proud of myself. Sure it was a little tough, I expected it to be. But it wasn't as dramatic as past trips. And I was by myself. I handled it all on my own.

It may not sound like much to some, but for me...it was a HUGE step.

Charts in charge

I starting charting my BBT again. I can't believe I almost forgot how much a PITA it is and how much it makes me second guess myself. I don't have a very "trendy" BBT, as in there is no trend. It's all over the place, or so it seems. I just wish it would stay at one temp all through the follicular phase and then rise noticably and stay that way during the luteal phase. Not so lucky.

I'm taking things in stride though. Yesterday I was in a little bit of a funk because I was feeling a little lonely. But it's OK. I'm alright.

I'm just glad we're on this path again. I feel like we're getting closer and closer every day.

Affirmations

Today our company met with a business coach who encouraged us to create affirmations for our work and personal life. But these aren't the kind of affirmations in say Sex and the City where Charlotte says "I see the good in people". No. These are "I AM (this)" or "I AM (that)". He then asked if anyone at the table had something they've worked so hard for and couldn't see the fruits of it's labors yet. I instantly raised my hand. When he asked me what it was, I told him. Why not? I have nothing to hide.

So after hearing my little 30-second synopsis of what Jake and I have endured for the past 2 and a half years, he said (in a very high school teacher way) "Make a vision board". What???? Vision board? So I have to go to a store and buy a poster board and put all my goals on it? I guess that might work. But more importantly, he said "say to yourself 'I AM PREGNANT' or 'I WILL GET PREGNANT THIS YEAR'". Because saying I am pregnant doesn't mean I actually am...because I'm not. Does that make sense?

Anyways, I started thinking about it and maybe all my body needs is a little encouragement. My heart believes it will happen, I've been trying to train my body to become a mother, but my head is still getting in the way. All my head keeps in it's memory banks are the negative test results, the pills, the tests, the everything. Maybe my brain needs a makeover. Even the thought of having a baby makes me cry, and for what? I WANT to have a baby. I WANT to become a mother. So why when I say those things to tears flow? It's weird. I have a feeling it's because my brain is so tired of thinking that it won't happen, or hoping it will and it doesn't that it's starting to believe this won't ever happen for Jake and I. I think it's time to change that train of thought, so-to-speak.

Today I took the last dose of Clomid. This is it. The countdown begins. Let's hope this works. :)

What IF?

A friend of mine (Hi Simone!) :) posted this video on Facebook and I felt the need to post it here on my blog. Walking through life, these are the thoughts I have almost every day. There are good days and bad days, some better or worse than others.

I'm not looking for pity, or anyone feeling sorry for me. This is a real struggle and one I would NEVER wish on my worst enemy.

Note: You might want a box of tissues while watching this.

Video by Keiko Zoll

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

Hitting a bump

Today is one of those days I've talked about in my and Jake's TTC journey. Today, I hit a bump. Today we found out that Jake's sister is having a boy.

Jake and I have dreamed of having a boy. I'm not one of those people who says "I'd love to have a boy because I want the big brother to look out for his little sister". I've never been a person like that. I thought I had always wanted a girl because...well...I am a girl. But then I saw the glint in Jake's eyes as we talked about the possibility of having a boy. I saw how in love with the idea of a son Jake was and the look in his eyes when we picked names at the beginning of this whole darn thing. From then on, I knew we would love any baby God decided to give us, but we would prefer a boy.

When Jake's sister announced that she'd be having a son, my heart sank. A baby is a miracle, don't get me wrong and I'm hoping (despite her missteps throughout her pregnancy and her blatant disregard for tact in my direction) that her baby is healthy and happy. But it still hurts. It hurts to know Jake and I are still fighting so hard for a baby and we can't seem to get there yet.

I know this is all up to God and I just have to be patient but damn...when is enough, enough? How much longer are Jake and I going to have to suffer to get this right? And the kicker is, just when I think everything is OK and I'm accepting of what's been handed to me, something like today happens. It makes things a little harder. It makes it a little more difficult to swallow that I'm still fighting, and it doesn't seem to ever end.

I just hope when we get to meet OUR TRUE MIRACLE, that all these tears and hurting will fade away as if it never happened. God, I hope so...

2009 - A year in review

Normally, I would go month-by-month of the events that have happened in Jake and my life this past year, but who has time to write/read that?

All I have to say is...we made it! We made it through another year with each other, our marriage, families, and sanity intact. I know it's been one of the roughest years this country has ever seen and I hope this new decade brings great things to all who find it within their hearts (and boredom) to read this blog.

This year Jake and I have seen some great triumphs and some nasty snags, but you know what? That's life. That's marriage. That's what living is all about. It's a celebration of the good times and learning from the bad times. I hope you all have a very safe and Happy 2010!

Anyways, I guess I should update you all.

I'm sick, nothing big. I've got a head cold and I'm on the downslope of it right now. It's NOT Swine Flu...just a head cold. All I am is congested and coughing because stupid me forgot to utilize the Kleenex in a timely manner. No fever, no aches, no feeling like I'm going to die. That was back in May. I'm fine.

Jake and I are almost about half way moved into the house. We take about 3-4 boxes every day (relatively small boxes) and put things away as we go so the transition is a bit smoother than trying to go through boxes to find small items. We move in exactly 9 days so we're trying our hardest to make sure things happen smoothly. I must admit, I HATE moving. Packing and finding crap you thought was in storage still sitting in your house is kind of disheartening. But, everything has a storage tub now and I'm hoping to keep it that way.

Jake and I are still trying for a baby. We have our official consultation with the RE in San Francisco on January 5th (yes, my birthday), and I'm more than relieved we're moving forward. I'm looking to 2010 as a serious fresh start.

Anyways, I apologize for my absence from the blog. Things have been crazy busy with the move and everything. I love you all and have a wonderful New Years!

I made it

So, I went through the HSG, or Hysterosalpingogram.

The good news is I'm fine. No blockages. I'm all clear and now I just need the appointment with the RE to give him Jake and my medical histories and then do the injectables class and start the medications.

I've also found that I've lost 6 pounds. Good news again.

Here we go...

Tomorrow is it. It's the HSG.

I must admit, I'm nervous and a little scared. I know it will be uncomfortable, but I hope it doesn't hurt. This coming from the girl who woke up in the middle of her wisdom teeth surgery.

If you could spare any extra vibes, juju, prayers, what-have-you...I'd really appreciate it.

yuck with a capital F

Sorry for the profanity that is existing in my subject title, but this has been a frustrating day. I was, once again, reminded why I dropped "deadbeat OB" as Jake and I refer to her.

As posted previously, most of you know that I was referred to an RE, aka Reproductive Endocrinologist. Lamens (sp?) terms: doctor that can help infertility caused by hormonal screw-ups.

Tuesday I got a call from the office of a doctor in SF that will be my RE. The nurse was very nice and explained that I would need a consultation and updated blood work to measure where I am now vs. when I was the last time I had blood taken for these particular tests. She wanted to see which tests I would need specifically, so they called me back yesterday. In addition to updated blood work, I am to have an HSG. (TMI time) An HSG is a Hysterosalpingography. Basically, the "shoot" slightly radioactive dye via a catheter into my uterus and fallopian tubes to see if the tubes are blocked. (See? told you TMI) I've heard various stories about this procedure with the degree of pain ranging from "uncomfortable like a pelvic exam" to "thought I would jump off the table it hurt so bad". I will also need to take Progesterone to have a withdrawal bleed (aka menses) and then have the bloodwork done before this procedure takes place. I will also go in to have a consultation with the doctor that will oversee my case and will take medical histories from both Jake and I. After that, I will need to take a class on injectable medication: what it is, what it does, risks, etc. in addition to learning how to administer the meds. Yeah...Laurel is going to "learn" how to give herself a shot. Yikes. I say "learn" with quotation marks because I will be taking notes and then showing Jake how to do it since I know if I even try to get near myself with a needle, you would find me in an unconcious heap in whatever room I'm in.

The reason for the subject title is because I knew this would happen. When I was with "deadbeat OB", I asked her if I needed to have an HSG and she said with my diagnosis, I wouldn't need one. I thought maybe it might be a good idea to see if there is another cause to not ovulating rather than shoving pills down my throat, but she's the professional apparently (insert extreme sarcasm in the previous statement) ;) So yes, I'm a little miffed. This procedure could have been done and overwith but nooooooooo. Argh.

I know that with the medication I'm already on, continued exercise and eating right that this will all be OK and we'll be parents before you know it. It's just the needles I'm not fond of.

Teeter-tottering

Jake and I have reached a crossroads in this journey to baby. Well, it's more like a freeway onramp.

Today is day 34 of my cycle and I've detected no ovulation. I know. It's sad. I'm sad. I've shed some tears today. For real.

I decided to email my doctor this morning to let him know of our predicament. I quickly got a phone call from him telling me that I need to take a test at home and if it's negative and I have been taking my medication as prescribed (which I have), that I will need to be referred to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) in San Francisco. This isn't necessarily bad news, but it's news I didn't want to necessarily deal with.

I told myself in the beginning that we wouldn't get this far. We wouldn't get to the RE stage. From what I've heard from our OB, it's pretty...intense, for lack of a better word. When the OB basically says "I can't help you", then they bring in the big guns. This is where I will be closely monitored with medication (possibly injectables), tests, and a different doctor I've never met.

Deep in my heart, I know this is the right path. I know this will give us even more options and opportunities to have a child vs. before when we were being dicked around (pardon my french) by our former OBGYN. For some odd reason, I don't really know how to react or feel about it. I know it's not like EVERYONE is throwing in the towel, but it's still kind of bittersweet.

And yes, I still wear my ring (every day) that says "Everything is Possible When You Have Faith"

Renewed Hope

I've been trying to post more about life in general rather than always about Jake and I trying to have a baby. Today I'll post an update.

I was upgraded to 150mg Clomid this cycle. I was taking 100mg before with no results. I took the progesterone my former ObGyn prescribed but AF never came. My now ObGyn prescribed a different form of progesterone and I got AF while at our niece's birthday party. I literally came running out of the bathroom and into Jake's arms to whisper the good news. This was on a Saturday and I needed the Clomid by Monday to take it on CD 3-7 as prescribed. When I went to email my doctor to tell him I was ready, I was met with a message "*Doctor's Name* will be out of the office until Monday October 5th. Please do not email." OK. So I called the office and left a message (this was on Sunday) with the ObGyn office with the info I had and what I needed. I got a call from a nurse who said she couldn't find the info to backup my need for the increased dosage of Clomid. After exchanging some words (not bad ones, but she was a grump) she said she would forward my request to the attending doctor taking over for my ObGyn while he was gone and he would call me later that day. That was at about 9am. At 3pm, I got a call from the attending doctor. He asked me some questions to confirm the info he had and he approved me for the increased dose of Clomid on my doctor's behalf (with all info to back up the approval).

So with the Metformin, and Clomid, I'm now on CD 12. We are instructed to try on our own this cycle and then if it doesn't work, try again next cycle with an IUI.

There's a girl who works for my mom who was also trying for a baby with her husband. Unlike Jake and I where our problems lie within my PCOS, they're IF lied with him. A few cycles ago, I guess they decided to stop trying for good. I guess she said to my mom that she doesn't understand how I can keep going with all the disappointment and frustrations. My reaction? The reason is because I've always known I wanted to be a mom. Of course, I've known for a long time that it will be difficult for me as well, so I went into this somewhat prepared for what was going to happen. I committed myself to this, knowing I would have to work and work hard. I've gone through a roller coaster. I've gone through the hopelessness and frustration, tears, tests, medicine, etc. Honestly I think my saving grace was the break Jake and I took over the holidays last year. It gave me a time to soul search and I knew what I wanted in the end. I accepted that it would be hard. I still accept that it will be hard. I have a lot of help in my corner through support from Jake, my family and other people. But I also know that the day I'm holding Jake's and my child in my arms is the day I'll look back on all the hardships in this journey and know that it was all worth it even though it doesn't feel like it at the time.

So thank you everyone for being the best cheerleaders ever. I love you all.

TTC Update

I was taking Medproxyprogesterone to get AF when I wasn't able to in order to take the Clomid to ovulate and do the IUIs.

A few months ago, it was decided that I would start taking Metformin 500mg to adjust my blood sugar levels because of my Insulin Resistance caused by my PCOS was possibly blocking my eggs from developing appropriately. About 3 weeks later, I took a blood test, with no changes in my glucose levels. Bummer. So I spoke to my PCP and he prescribed that I take 1000mg a day instead and take another test. I did, and my glucose levels were within the normal range they should be as if I didn't have Insulin Resistance. (see other post below). Waiting for the Metformin to take effect was hard for me because it wasn't necessarily a step backward, but it was a stand still. I went through it knowing I was doing what was best for my future child. I have a wonderful new OBGYN who is really looking out for me, and who am I to be selfish and TTC anyways and possibly endanger the life of my future baby? Insulin Resistance is a cause of Diabetes which is directly linked to preventable birth defects in fetuses.

So after the test results came back, I was ready to start again. With my OBGYN's permission, Jake and I would try for one cycle one our own and then one cycle with an IUI for timing reasons. So I took the Medproxyprogesterone that was prescribed by my former OBGYN, for 10 tens as instructed. Nothing happened. I called my doctor and he said to take some HPTs and if nothing showed up within 2 weeks of the last day I took the last pill, I was to call him and he would order a blood pregnancy test. If that came out negative, he would prescribe a different form of Progesterone and increase my dosage of Clomid since I had been on 100mg for a while and nothing seemed to be happening. Now with the Metformin and losing a few pounds, I was on my way to really giving this the greatest shot I'd been able to give it since we started.

Yesterday, I went in for my blood test. When I asked the phlebotomist (I call them vampires) when I would get the results, she said normally within 2-3 days but since it was so slow for them yesterday I should check tomorrow (meaning today). So Jake and I went out, came home and I pushed my luck and checked for the results yesterday, no luck. This morning when I woke up the first thing I checked was for my results: Negative. It was what I suspected the results would be given I had taken 3 HPTs and all were negative. I would've been more worried if the blood test had come up positive. So yesterday while at the hospital, I also got my prescription just in case and voila! I'm going to start taking it today...for 10 days. Now all I have to do is get the medicine going, survive through my "surgery" Friday (5 days and counting), handle the recovery well, get AF and do this right. I've purchased a real BBT thermometer, we're going to reset the CBEFM and I'm going to get some OPKs. We're going to time the heck out of this. In the meantime, I've purchased a DVD: Walking at Home by Leslie Sansone. It really helps me. I'm also doing my Physical Therapy exercises to build my core muscle and help my back heal more.

So there you have it. That's where we are. I've got such hope, and I've been praying more than ever before in recent weeks. I'm so glad to FINALLY have a doctor who really cares about not only my wanting to have a child, but he also wants me to have it the right way...the healthy way.