Music on my Mind...1

Do you ever have one of those days where a song you haven't heard in forever brings back so many memories? I do...a lot of songs bring back feelings I had in the moment I listened to them for the first time. Here are a couple of them...what songs bring back memories for you?

"Take a Picture" by Filter

I first heard this song in high school. It was one of those songs I could picture hot summer days right before school started, the sun, the anticipation, ahh...teenage years...

"Inside Out" by Eve 6

Another hit from my high school days...this was Sophomore year. Could you tell I was into Alternative music? :)

A Texas-sized announcement...

First off, again...like so many other times before...I apologize for my lack of blogging.

I've written this post over and over again, without the heart to push the "Post" button until now. I guess once I hit that little button, it will be real. But it needs to be said, to be announced..so here it goes.

Summer of 2013, my family and I will be moving from California to Texas.

For the past few years, Jake and I have been "planning" to move to the Fort Worth area, even making several trips to not only visit his Dad, but to also get acquainted with the area, places to live, schools, etc. We had planned on waiting until Jake graduated with his Bachelors Degree in Psychology from SFSU...and that's happening this coming May. Shortly after he graduates, we're going to move.

I must admit, although I am excited to live in a new place and start over from scratch, it's also REALLY scary for me. I have only ever lived in California (born and raised) my entire life. I've never lived anywhere else. There was a time I was going to move out of state a couple of times, but I ultimately decided to stay. Given how Jake has worked so hard to fulfill his dreams of being a Sports Psychologist, I can tell he misses his Dad. He and his Dad are buddies, and he's a completely different person when we're in Texas visiting. He smiles, he talks, he's happy. If we stay in California, we'll never be able to own a home. Sorry to say, but the schools aren't that great either. I feel growing up I got a good education, but I don't think my daughter would get the same caliber of studies Jake and I did unless she was put into private school which we can't afford. Gas prices are ridiculous, and there is a lot of limits for us here. Ultimately, moving to Texas means more to Jake than staying in California means to me. I enjoy Texas (well, not the heat) and I can see room to have our family grow in great neighborhoods that won't cost a fortune to live in. It's a new beginning, and I'm terrified. But I guess the mix of emotions that I'm going through now will help me adapt to our new environment when the time comes.

We don't have a definite date of when we'll move, but I will say that my Mom and Dad are coming with us. They've always made it clear that no matter where we live, they'll come too. We've always been close and they want to be wherever Scarlett and us are.

So for the next few months, I plan to peek in, send updates and chronicle our trek from a California family, to a Texas one. So...here we go!

I survived...

I know I haven't written in a while. Things are crazy. Scarlett was sick last week, Jake's started his full time semester at SFSU, and everything else is just piling up. I'm exhausted...but that's OK.

This morning, my sister-in-law made me watch a video from last night's episode of X-Factor. It featured a VERY talented young woman named Jillian Jensen. She's gorgeous, one-of-a-kind, and has a unique voice that is very distinctive. She's also a victim of bullying.

So, here's a confession: I'm a survivor of bullying.

Through elementary and middle school, I wasn't popular. My dad held what some might call a blue-collar job. My mom is obese, and has been since I can remember. We didn't have a lot of money, so shopping at stores like Macy's was out of the question for us. One year, my parents had to take a small personal loan just to purchase Christmas presents and make a small dent in the bills. We drove hand-me-down cars, of which we were extremely grateful. I was and still am pretty sensitive. My defense mechanism was to cry, and many kids saw it as a weakness...one that was some kind of sick entertainment for them.

My biggest peeve was the bullying I endured because of my mom's weight. I LOVE my mom. She's the kindest, most selfless person I've ever met. If she has $5 to her name, she'll give it to you in spite of her being broke just so you can have $5 worth of gas...that's the kind of person she is. She lives for her family, especially my Dad and me. Granted at the time there was no Facebook, Twitter, or blogs. The bullying I went through wasn't the never-ending type that hounds kids today. But that doesn't mean it was any less hurtful. I began seeing a therapist in 2nd grade because I was being endlessly teased that I had braces before everyone else. There were times where I thought "If I ran away, my parents wouldn't have to pay for therapy for me.", and yes...sometimes I did think about killing myself. I know to some people that seems rather stupid, but for me, it was a momentary option to stop the torment. The closest I got was holding a razor up to my wrist, and then backing out at the last minute. I was in junior high at that time.

When I was in the 7th grade, I noticed girls started hugging each other as a greeting, so I followed suit. I was quickly labeled a lesbian and an outcast by my friends. When the school therapist held a session between myself and this one girl who seemed to make it her life's mission to beat every ounce of self-worth I had in me, the therapist asked why she was doing these things to me. The girl simply looked at me and said "No one in this school likes you. No one would care if you killed yourself. Why are you even here? Don't you know you're a waste of space?" At the end of my 8th grade year, it was my last at that school with those people. The previous year, we moved into my parents' house they now have, thinking it was in the same school district I had been in since Kindergarten. It turned out we were JUST outside the border, so for my final year in that district, I transferred in. When faced with the decision to keep the transfer and continue in high school in that district, or the district we had moved into, I chose to cancel the transfer. I wanted to start anew in a new school, new district. Most of all, it was new people...a new chance. When the yearbooks came out for my 8th grade year, someone actually wrote "No one like you, so LEAVE!" in the back of the book. I still have it, and it still stings.

Things got better in high school. I started hanging out with a closer knit group of 3-4 friends. Of course, there always had to be ONE person to tease me. The peak of it was my senior year where he actually called my house and left a very disturbing voicemail that my parents had to listen too. Of course, he didn't know we had caller ID (it was fairly new back then) and so I called him back and left a voicemail on his cell phone (also fairly new for teens to have) and simply said "How dare you harass my parents. If you're stupid enough not to know that I know it's you based on the fact that I have caller ID, then you aren't as smart as you think you are. If you EVER call my house, leave voicemails, or harass me or my parents EVER again, I will call the police and have you arrested." Needless to say, he never called or bothered me ever again.

As a mother, and now on the other side of the wall when I comes to enduring bullying, I worry about Scarlett. I know for a fact that she's a beautiful, smart, sweet little girl. I mean what other kid says "I love you" and when you say "I love you too", do they say "Thank you"? I worry that she'll go through what I went through, and I don't want her fiery, outgoing, loving spirit to be broken like mine was. I know how valuable she is for anyone to have as a friend, and I don't want her to feel she has to shoulder bullies alone, should they ever start to show themselves to her. But I guess I have to trust that she'll either not take shit, or come and tell me so I can help her. Whatever she goes through, I will let her know I was there, I survived, and she won't ever be alone.

Glitter and Gloss = FAB!

About a year after I got married, I started going online to a website called The Nest, which follows The Knot after you get married. About a year later, I started floating to the "sister" site of The Nest, called The Bump, which focuses more on moms and pregnant moms-to-be. Almost immediately upon arriving, I noticed one of the "Bumpies", named Heather, had a gorgeous little girl with the biggest blue eyes I'd ever seen.

Over the past few years, I've seen pictures of her daughter grow, and Heather and her husband welcome their second beautiful daughter into their family. I've always admired Heather's style and humor...I personally think she's fabulous! So Heather has a blog called Glitter and Gloss, which you can read HERE . One of her weekly "features" is Mani Monday. Her posts actually inspired me to wear nail polish again after YEARS of never wearing it. I never really ventured into that part of the "Beauty" section at Target or CVS. Now I do from time to time and when I do, I never come home without a new bottle of polish that I almost immediately put on.

Just wanted to give a shout out to a fab gal with fab style! #manimonday

Challenge Week 5

Confession: Jake and I didn't go to Weight Watchers to weigh in on Saturday. Considering it was our only weekend for the next 6-8 weeks that we had absolutely nothing to do, we decided to do just that. We sat around in our PJs all day and watched TV. It was bliss.

Weigh in is this weekend. We'll see how we do.

Challenge Week 4

So Saturday's weigh-in was a total bust. Both Jake and I gained, a lot. How, I have no idea. We've been tracking everything (well, I have) and we've been walking every other morning. Jake was rather miffed at his gain, and I was more in shock. So we decided to drown our sorrows in a lunch at Sonic on our way to Sacramento this weekend for our family's annual 4th of July BBQ party. Since 4th of July is on a Wednesday this year, we decided to celebrate the weekend before since we purchase legal fireworks and it's illegal to set them off after the 4th.

So here's how Jake and I stand

LoLo: +2.8lbs, Total lost: +1.0lbs

Jake: +2.6lbs, Total lost: -0.4lbs

It. sucks...HARD.

Of course it gives me no motivation to keep going with the Weight Watchers, but I know we have to keep going. If every time I have a bad day I give up on being healthy and eat myself into oblivion, I'd be 1000lbs by now. Doesn't mean I didn't indulge in a full-fat Iced Caramel Macchiato this morning (thanks, hun!) but it is what it is. New day, new start....right?

Until next week!

Challenge Week 3

At my Weight Watchers meeting, we actually stayed and sat through the entire meeting, with Scarlett in tow no less. Here's how we stand:

LoLo: -1.8 lbs., Total lost: 1.8lbs

Jake: -3.0lbs., Total lost: 3.0lbs

Not a bad start huh?

I've finally got my WW app on my iPhone working, along with the WW barcode scanner, which is REALLY cool to use! I'm horrible at tracking when I have to write everything down, but the app makes things so much easier to track because it does all the calculating for you, along with telling you how many activity points you've earned and/or used for the week.

Things I've discovered so far this week during my challenge:

1. Mission Wraps! tortillas are oh-so-yummy, but are costly when it comes to points. Anyone have any healthy alternatives?

2. Those rotisserie chickens you can get at the grocery store make convenient shredded chicken for wraps and salads. Jake and I are hooked!

3. Arrowhead water tastes better than Brita treated tap water (yes, there's a taste difference).

4. We got "lost" in Tilden Park this past weekend, and ended up walking around trying to find our car for 3 hours. I know without the walking we've been doing in the mornings, I would've been dead after the first hour.

Kale Chips

I don't know if you've heard about the phenomenon of kale. Growing up, kale was always that weird, curly-lettuce garnish on plates at restaurants. It turns out that it's one of the healthiest foods you can have. I never really knew what to do with it until my neighbor said "I LOVE kale chips!" So I turned to Google and found a recipe and decided to simplify it. It's the easiest thing to make! When they were done, Jake was a little apprehensive but after me convincing him to at least try it and THEN say he didn't like it, he tried it. After that, I couldn't keep him away from the bowl. So here you go...

Enjoy!

Kale Chips
Prep Time: 10 mins, Cook time: 20 mins, TOTAL TIME: 30 mins
Recipe and Photo by: Me!

1 head (or bunch) of fresh Kale with ribs removed and cut/torn into 1.5 to 2 inch pieces
2 tbsp of olive oil
1 tsp of kosher salt

1. Preheat oven to 275 degrees.

2. When you wash your kale, make sure it's completely dry before performing this recipe. I apparently had some extra water in there somewhere and some of the kale turned out steamed and a little limp.

3. In a bowl, lightly massage kale with the olive oil to make sure it coats completely. Place kale evenly on a large cookie sheet. Sprinkle lightly with the salt.

4. Bake for 10 minutes in preheated oven. After the 10 minutes, flip the kale over and bake for another ten minutes.

Challenge Week #2

Last weekend Jake and I weighed in at WW (Weight Watchers) and both of us were 3lbs over the weight we were when we initially signed up in January. Bummer!

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I have to admit...I'm nervous.

We've been alternating days where we walk and I've already noticed that my endurance is coming back. When I was in high school, I could do long distance walking like no one's business. I used to run during PE and almost went out for the track team but my knee crapped out in 7th grade and had never been the same since. So walking was a good gray-area for me. I could walk for MILES and not get tired. But of course, after HS and with working I stopped exercising and started gaining weight. I've never been a skinny girl, but I did notice that my endurance started dropping and I'd get winded VERY easily.

This morning, I was walking in the hills by my house and I noticed that when I started walking 2 weeks ago, I was sooooo tired by the time I got home. This morning, I only got winded towards the end after walking up about 4-5 upward slopes. It was an amazing feeling. I know waking up at 5:30 in the mornings isn't fun, but I find myself WANTING to go out early and walk. I am starting to really love it.

So I'm a little nervous that I haven't lost anything at the weigh-in tomorrow. Wish me luck!

30 Before 30 - Go karting with Jake

Growing up, my uncle Fred (or Ferd, as the family endearingly calls him) used to race go karts. Every time we'd go to his house, I'd see his go karts in the garage and wonder what it would be like to race them.

So when I compiled what I wanted to do and experience for my 30 Before 30 list, I KNEW one of the experiences I wanted to have was go-karting. For Jake's bachelor party, his friends took him to a local karting place so I already knew there was a place around that I could go too. When it came to decide what we were going to do for Father's Day, I knew he'd enjoy go-karting. Hey, Father's Day and 30 Before 30 in one - two birds with one stone!

So we went this past Saturday and of course there was a nasty heat wave in our part of the Bay Area. It was 90 degrees inside the track and even hotter outside. I got the "Triple Play" which is three races, but you are racing just to see what your best time is. I knew no matter what I'd be pretty slow since I like to be surefooted, especially when the only thing separating me and certain death is a helmet and neckguard. But all in all, it was a blast. I would go again, but next time we're waiting until it's cooler and I'm well hydrated. Between the hairpin turns and the heat for 30 minutes straight, I was feeling a little woozy when we were done.

Me in all my Large-sized-helmet glory!

Jake with his helmet



Creamy Chicken Enchiladas

After Thanksgiving, my mom usually runs the gamut of the post-Thanksgiving-too-much-leftover-turkey dinners. One of them has been turkey enchiladas with verde sauce. I once tried them with chicken, and it was YUMMO! I'd been on the lookout for a good chicken enchilada with verde sauce and found one a few days ago. It's so good, let's just say the only thing Jake did was close his eyes and give me two thumbs up. Yup, they're that good!

Creamy Chicken Enchiladas
Recipe by: teppij from allrecipes.com, Photo by: Me!
Prep Time: 15 mins, Cook Time: 30 mins, TOTAL TIME: 45 mins
(Please note that I used fresh chicken breasts instead of the pre-cooked, pre-cubed kind, so it adds some time to the cook time)

1 tbsp butter
1/2 chopped green onions
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 (4oz) can diced green chiles
1 (10.75 oz) can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups cubed, cooked chicken breast meat
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese, divided
6 (12 inch) flour tortillas (I used corn tortillas and they were really good too)
1/4 cup milk

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit

2. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter and saute the green onions until they are tender (approx 3-4 mins). Add the garlic powder, green chiles, cream of mushroom soup, and sour cream. Mix well. Reserve about 3/4 of the sauce mixture and set aside. To the remaining 1/4 of the sauce in the saucepan, add the chicken and 1/2 cup of shredded cheddar cheese. Stir together until cheese has melted.

3. Fill each tortilla with the chicken mixture and roll up. Place seam side down into a baking dish.

4. In a small bowl, combine the 3/4 of sauce with the milk. Spoon the sauce over the rolled tortillas and top with the remaining cheddar cheese. Bake in the preheated oven for 30 to 35 minutes, or until cheese is bubbly.

Enjoy!

For some reason, Blogger is having issues with my pictures and is rotating them. Please excuse the rotation.

Challenge!

I sit here, writing today with sore thighs, and sore hips...and sore shins (hey, let's be honest).

I had posted a few months ago about wanting to get healthy for the sake of Scarlett and my life. Well, I was all gung ho about it as I usually am when I start planning a big change. But, all to soon, the sparkle started to fade and life got in the way. Soon, I was back to my old ways although I was keeping the "be healthy" mentality in my mind. After a while I noticed that my tummy was starting to grow in a way that was by no means feminine, or healthy. And, no, I'm not pregnant.

So I started to talk to my sister in law, who also has been struggling with her weight since she had her second child. We made a plan where we would walk early in the mornings so we at least got some exercise in. Then Jake decided he wanted in on it, as well as my mother in law. For Jake and I, this posed a problem - the baby. Who would watch her? So we decided to make it work for our little family and alternate mornings, so someone is always with the baby at the house while the other is walking with MIL and SIL. So yesterday was my first at-home day and I decided to try some beginners yoga. It's...interesting.

So far, we're three days into it and I'm hoping along with the walking with my MIL and SIL, that this blog will help keep my accountable.

So our goal (both Jake and I) is to lose 30 pounds each by Christmas. It's totally doable and I feel it's a goal where it's not too aggressive to not achieve, but substantial enough to make a difference. I'll try to check in at least every 7-10 days.

Wish me luck!

Crispy Rosemary Chicken and "Fries"

Lately, some of my recipe attempts have been a bust, so I was a little apprehensive to try this one. Of course, after reading all the reviews about how delicious this meal was, I knew I had to try it. It's basically 5 ingredients (except for salt and pepper which are needed a little) and super easy to make. So I decided to share it with you! I put "Fries" in apostrophe marks because the picture in the original recipe looks like fries, but they didn't come out like fries when I made it, but still really yummy!

Crispy Rosemary Chicken and "Fries"
Recipe by SANDY WITEK of allrecipes.com, Photo by Me! :)
Prep time: 15 mins, Cook time: approx 1 hour, TOTAL TIME: Approx 1 hour 15 mins

4 chicken thighs (I recommend bone-in with skin on to keep the chicken moist and skin gets crispy)
6-8 small red potatoes, quartered
1/4-1/2 cup EVOO (I used 1/2 cup and it was a little much, but it's good for basting the chicken)
1 tbsp chopped fresh rosemary
1 tbsp chopped fresh oregano
Salt and pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees Farenheit.

2. Place chicken and potatoes together in large bowl. Pour EVOO over them and mix together. Scatter the chicken and potatoes into baking dish or cookie sheet with sides. Sprinkle with rosemary, oregano and salt and pepper (the potatoes especially need salt and pepper - I used Kosher salt)

3. Bake for 1 hour in preheated oven, uncovered. Baste chicken for the last 15 minutes for extra crispness. (When I baked the chicken, I baked it for an entire hour without basting, then basted the chicken, cooked for another 10 mins, then took the chicken out again, basted and baked for an additional 10 minutes - 20 extra minutes total.)

Enjoy!

(Sorry the picture is rotated, but you get the idea)

Catching Up

Wow...a  lot has happened since I last wrote.

Scarlett had her 2nd Easter and we spent it with Jake's grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We played at a playground and did a small Easter egg hunt. All of the eggs were filled with change that promptly went into Scarlett's piggy bank when we got home.

For a few years, I had been contemplating getting purple highlights in my hair, and was always scared to do it. I met a wonderful and offbeat hairdresser named Betty who owns a salon in Berkeley. She became a client of ours and has done my sister in law's hair for a while. For those who don't know, my sister in law's hair is fire-engine-red with black bangs and it's cut really short and spiky. I figured if she could sport the red rocker hair, I could surely handle a few purple streaks.

Nervously I walked into Betty's salon and 2 hours later, walked out with purple highlights (the color she used is called "Pimpin' Purple") and a haircut with off-the-side bangs. I'd been wanting to get my hair restyled since November when the lady I went to didn't really listen to what I had asked for. Please excuse the poor quality of the picture. It was taken with my phone, the highlights look darker than they actually are and my hair was a little wind-whipped afterwards.

Well, I had Mother's Day #2. I was treated to a shopping day at the Le Creuset outlet in Gilroy and I didn't go too crazy, but having such beautiful pieces to make meals for my family is quite lovely. I love cooking, and even fantasized about going to culinary school for a time until I found out how much it would cost to go and how competitive the market is for chefs...not really for me. So I always look into cooking classes and new techniques for preparing meals. I'm not a gourmet by any means, but I thoroughly enjoy cooking. 

Mother's Day we had a low key BBQ for my mom's side of the family which is a yearly tradition. We were supposed to host last year, but Scarlett decided to make her appearance and we were unable to put the party on, but this year we did it. Everything was great - great weather, great food, great company. There was a small snafu with my Dad almost falling down our back steps and really hurting his arm with a skin tear, but I snapped into "mommy" mode and cleaned and bandaged him up. His arm is fine.

The Friday night prior to Mother's Day, Scarlett decided to try some acrobatics off her changing pad on her dresser and got a hairline fracture in her left wrist. It looked a lot worse than it actually was, and she had to wear a bright pink cast for 2 weeks. I think it hurt Jake more than the baby because he was changing her diaper when she rolled over. She's pretty darn cute though, even with a cast on:

May 19, Jake and I celebrated our 5-year anniversary with a trip to Disneyland. I'll tell the details of that in another post. :)



Best Ever Brisket

Those who know me personally, know that I'm not a big red meat eater. There was a point in time where I wouldn't step near a steak, claiming I could "feel it clogging my arteries" if I ate it. Of course my palate matured, as did my attitude towards meat. I realized that once in a while a GREAT piece of beef is needed to satisfy the carnivore within.

Jake and I are also HUGE fans of the Food Network, and Man vs. Food on the Travel Channel. When Guy Fieri visits BBQ joints, I can see Jake starting to drool from across the room. Despite my being a novice when it comes to cooking, I love trying new recipes and having them work out well. Every once in a while, Jake asks for a certain thing for me to make. This time, it was brisket.

Brisket is Jake's favorite type of BBQ next to ribs. Of course, a whole brisket is a tad pricey for our house, so it's a big treat when I make it. I found this recipe on allrecipes.com and I'd love to share it with you!

Best Ever Brisket
Recipe by: ChristineD of allrecipes.com
Prep Time: 10 mins, Cook Time: 4 hours, TOTAL: 4 hours, 10 mins
Makes 16 servings

2 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp salt
1 tbsp garlic powder
1 tbsp onion powder
1 tbsp ground black pepper
1 tbsp white sugar
1 tbsp seasoned salt
1 (4 pound) beef brisket
1 1/2 cups beef broth

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Combine chili powder, salt, garlic powder, onion powder, black pepper, sugar, and seasoned salt in a medium bowl, and blend thoroughly. Apply rub to surface of brisket.

3. Cook brisket, uncovered, in a foil-lined (believe me, you NEED to foil-line your pan/dish), in preheated oven for 1 hour. Remove from oven and add beef broth to roasting pan. Lower temperature to 300 degrees, cover roasting pan tightly with foil, and cook 3 more hours. Let brisket rest 30 minutes before slicing.

Here's a picture of our glorious brisket before we cut it.

Enjoy!

And...it's over.

Tax season, that is.

I do apologize that I've been lax in blogging lately, especially since I made it a personal mission to post more, but tax season is tax season and it's frikkin demanding. It demands attention, fear, stress, sleeplessness, and one day that you work for nearly 24 hours in order to make sure all your clients' returns or extensions are timely. It's exhausting, and now it's over.

This weekend will be our first weekend together as a family without any outside commitment since January. Yes, January. We plan to take Scarlett swimming at the Richmond Plunge and on Sunday, we're going to the San Rafael Civic Center Farmers Market as a family...just the 3 of us. I plan on getting a cup of coffee and a belgian pearl sugar waffle with a smear of Nutella on top. I probably won't be able to post over the weekend, so I will be sure to reinstate my blogging sometime next week full force.

Knowing a miracle

So as I try not to cry as I write this post...OK, already tears are falling...I have to look back on the past year.

A year ago on the 19th, after a long day of baby showers, trips to the Oakland airport and picking out a recliner, my water broke. 27 hours later, I got to hold a miracle. Today, our miracle is one year old. Yup, the tears are definitely flowing now.

If someone had told me 2 years ago, in the midst of medications and blood tests and the pain of every cycle going by without being pregnant that I'd be here, crying at my keyboard writing a post about how my daughter is turning one year old today, I would've told them they're headed for the loony bin. The journey seemed so endless, so hopeless. There were definitely times where I lost my sense of self-worth.

I wish I could say I had a flawless pregnancy, and I did up until about 24 weeks when I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. 3 weeks after, I was diagnosed with Hypertension brought on by pregnancy and needed to be closely monitored for fear of it turning into Preeclampsia.

At 1:34am, Jake and my life changed forever. We were no longer just husband and wife, but a Mommy and Daddy. In all her 6lb, 1oz glory, Scarlett entered our lives and our hearts. In everything we'd been through for the three years leading up to the pregnancy, she was many prayers answered, and a real-life miracle.

I know all babies are miracles, and they are. I truly believe every baby, be a living or angel baby is a miracle. I just felt so honored that she chose us as her parents. I would not change the past year for anything in the world because she is a part of that past year. Having her as our daughter is the most amazing gift I can imagine.

So on March 21st, 2011 at 1:34am, I got to hold a miracle and I'm so beyond happy that I still get too. If anything, she is proof that prayers never go unanswered.

Happy Birthday Scarlett! I love you more than you'll ever know!

7 years ago...

It was March 16, 2005. I was meeting up with some friends to have a late night bite at Carrow's and go to play some pool. En route to the restaurant, I got a call from a familiar number. It was a guy I hadn't really talked too since our first date two weeks prior. A lot of stuff had happened in that two weeks and I, admittedly, was avoiding him. After coming to the realization that he was genuine and just wanted to talk to me, I answered my phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Laurel? It's Jake."

"Hi! How've you been?"

"I've been alright, how are you?"

"I've had better days. What are you doing right now?"

"I'm at home watching a movie. What are you up to?"

"I'm meeting some friends at Carrows and then we're going to play some pool. You wanna join us?"

"Sure, let me put my shoes on and I'll meet you there."

"OK, see you there!"

A few minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot and walked in. My friends were sitting at a booth within a direct line of sight of the front door. I walked over, greeted them, and let them know Jake would be joining us. About half of them had met him already, so they knew him a little bit. I sat down and started talking. A few minutes later, I looked up and saw him walk through the door. It was the day before St. Patrick's Day, so he had a Guiness baseball hat on with a black button-up shirt and jeans. Something came over me and I just walked up to him and gave him a HUGE hug. The hug must have lasted a full minute. We walked over to the table and had our late meal and headed over to the pool hall. It was all flirting and me apologizing for being MIA for the previous weeks. I had explained that I was going through some personal stuff and didn't want him to get mixed up in it. His understanding and the way he looked me straight in the eye while telling me that he missed talking to me and that he just wants to spend some time with me really hit me hard.

After everyone else drove away to their respective destinations, Jake and I stayed and talked in the parking lot for the next couple of hours. After that day, we talked or saw each other every day.

7 years later, we've been through a lot. We've been through health issues and broken bones. We've been through deaths in the family and the birth of our daughter. We've been through starting a business and infertility. Through all of it, he still looks me in the eye like no one else ever has. He still holds my hand when I'm sad or afraid and rubs my back when I can't sleep. He stayed awake for 48 hours straight while I was in labor and after Scarlett was born. But most of all, he's my best friend...all because of one phone call.

I love you, Jake. Thanks for calling!

For your viewing enjoyment

I haven't posted videos in forever, and I stopped Weekly Video because it was getting kind of tough to find videos worth viewing, let alone posting.

I haven't really posted any videos here of Scarlett, even though there are a few on YouTube. Here's her most recent, because I think it's hilarious.

Enjoy!

LoLo's Homemade Garlic Bread

I've never posted a recipe of my own before, and frankly, I'm nervous. I only post recipes that I find worth sharing, and I've never tried something on my own just to see how it goes. I'm not that courageous when it comes to cooking - mainly because I don't want to be one of those people on Food Network's Worst Cooks in America that gets to say "I put my husband in the ER from my cooking". Yeah...not for me, thanks.

But a friend of mine once invited me over for an early dinner and ever since, I've been making this garlic bread. I was raised with the "bake and serve" Colombo garlic bread which is tasty, don't get me wrong. But this is just divine for me and I usually end up eating more of the bread than what the main course is. It's easy and it's done in about 15-20 minutes. Enjoy!

LoLo's Homemade Garlic Bread
Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook time: 15 minutes, TOTAL: 20 minutes
(serves 4-6)

1 Loaf Pugliese Bread (Pugliese is an Italian bread that is crunchy on the outside and semi-soft on the inside - feel free to use whatever bread you'd like)

6tbsp stick butter softened (NOT MELTED)

2tsp minced garlic

Ground black pepper

Ground white pepper

Onion powder

Shredded parmesan cheese (I use fresh shredded from the deli, but you can use what you want)


1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees, Farenheit

2. If using Pugliese bread, cut off the ends and cut the middle section into threes. Once you have sliced "rounds" of the bread, cut those in half so you have the bottoms and tops. Arrange on a baking sheet (I use a cookie sheet)

3. Soften butter and add minced garlic. Mix together. Spread butter/garlic mix evenly over the "insides" of the bread sections.

4. Sprinkle onion powder very lightly onto freshly spread butter. Follow with a sprinkle of black pepper (use a little more black pepper than onion powder) and then white pepper.

5. Sprinkle shredded cheese onto bread. I usually make sure the cheese fully covers the top with a little extra for some extra cheese (I mean, really - who doesn't like (LOVE) extra cheese?)

6. Bake in oven for 10-15 minutes (10 minutes will just melt the cheese, but 15 minutes will make the cheese semi-golden brown - so 12 minutes might be a happy medium)

7. Take out and enjoy! Careful, the cheese might take a couple of minutes to cool down enough to eat.

It's that easy! Let me know what you think if you try it! :)

Sometimes I amaze myself

I did something yesterday that I would NEVER do under any other circumstances other than for the man I truely love with all my heart.

What I did took a lot of mental and emotional preparation. It took nerves of steel. It took a lot of "get over yourself!" in my mind.

I can't divulge what I did right now because it was for Jake's 5-year anniversary gift.

I amazed myself though that I pulled it off. It wouldn't have been possible without two great friends, and you know who you are.

Psi-Chi...Holla!!

I am so PROUD to announce that Jake, my hubby, has been accepted into the SFSU chapter of the International Honor Society for Psychology!!! This means he has maintained a GPA of 3.0 or higher AND be within the top 35% of their class (he's currently a Junior). HOLLA!!!

I must tell you, Jake works hard. I know a lot of people say "my husband works hard", and I can appreciate that, but Jake is a beast. This is his schedule basically for the week:

Monday: Work 8:30-7pm, come home and spend most of his evening with the baby. After the baby goes to sleep, he studies for about an hour.

Tuesday: Wake up 4:30am, 2-hour BART ride into SF, go to class from 8am to 11am, ride BART back, get to work at around 12:30pm, work until 7pm, then come home and spends his evening with the baby. After the baby goes to sleep, he studies for about 1-2 hours.

Wednesday: Same as Monday.

Thursday: Same as Tuesday.

Friday: Same as Monday.

And now that it's tax season, he works EVERY Saturday from now until the weekend of the tax deadline from 10am to about 3-4pm. We also go to our WW meeting at 8:30am.

Yeah, I don't exaggerate when I say Jake works hard. He's supposed to graduate with his Bachelors next May, so it'll be awesome for him to have a break for a little bit with his degree until he goes to Graduate school...then it's a whole 'nother ball game.

Being a member of Psi Chi means he'll be able to put that honor on his resume, it'll be part of his credentials (or so I've heard), and he'll get a spiffy little something to wear with his cap and gown on graduation day. I'm so proud of you, Jake!!! Congrats!

Caramelized Onion and Gorgonzola Pizza

It's my first recipe in a looooong time, so I figured I'd try something outside my comfy box and give this one a whirl.

I love caramelized onions. There is something so...I don't know...sinful (?) about caramelized onions. It's part veggie, part candy. It's amazing to me with a little heat and some patience, the dreaded plant that makes my eyes water no matter what I do to avoid that happening while cutting it turns into something so yummy! I also love gorgonzola. It's the #2 after Bleu Cheese and before Feta. I used to HATE Bleu Cheese when I was little, but of course as I grew, so did my taste buds. So to think both of them on a pizza??? GENIUS!!! I will admit I didn't make enough onions to cover the pizza as much as I wanted too, so I'd recommend adding more onion (you can use your discretion). I also couldn't find Vidalia onions, which I'm SURE would've made this pizza's yummy-factor to be upgraded to the umpteenth degree, but such is the shopping options at my local Safeway. I used regular sweet yellow onions, which were yummy nonetheless. Next time I find some Vidalia onions (Farmers Market trip!), I'm grabbing some and making this pizza again.

Enjoy!

Caramelized Onion and Gorgonzola Pizza

Recipe by Julie of allrecipes.com

Photo by allrecipes

Prep time: 15 min, Cook time: 40 min, TOTAL: 55 min

Recipe yields 12 servings

1/8 cup butter

2 large Vidalia onions, thinly sliced

2 teaspoons sugar

1 (10 oz) package refridgerated pizza dough (you can also make your own if you like)

80z Gorgonzola cheese, crumbled (the original recipe calls for 1lb, but that seems extreme for me, but again, do what you like)

1. In a large saute pan, melt butter over medium heat. Saute onions in the butter until the onions are soft and dark brown, approximately 25 minutes. Stir in sugar and continue cooking for 1-2 minutes.

2. Preheat oven to 425 degrees Farenheit.

3. Grease pizza pan or cookie sheet, and press out the dough to desired thickness. Spread onions evenly over the dough, and top with the crumbled Gorgonzola cheese.

4. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until done.

I'm a C-Section Mama

A little random, but I've been thinking about this for a while, and need to get this out.

All throughout my pregnancy, there seemed to be this inadvertent pressure for me to have a natural birth. I was born via c-section, so I was aware that there was another way. I tried to go with the flow and tell everyone that I would be fine either way. Inside my head I knew I wanted a natural birth more than I could "accept" a c-section. I admit at the time I was very ignorant of what was entailed and I viewed c-sections as undesirable - mostly because I wasn't comfortable with the idea of being awake while my body is being cut open. I couldn't even handle being awake for my wisdom teeth removal.

When I was in labor, my determination to have Scarlett vaginally was more intense than I anticipated. When I was told that she wasn't coming the way we had worked for and that we needed to go the c-section route, I felt like a failure. I had labored for 27 hours only to be told I "wasn't good enough" to have her naturally. I was pissed. Something was wrong with me to not be able to have Scarlett how I was determined to, because her heart rate was dropping dangerously low when I had contractions. The world was over...

Then she came. All of a sudden, it was like a movie. Everything was silent in the room, and all there was was her and I; looking at each other in the most calming wonder I've ever experienced. All of a sudden, laboring for 27 hours, the contractions, the pain, the surgery, none of it mattered. My daughter had arrived and I became a C-Section Mama.

I admit it was hard for me to accept that I hadn't had Scarlett in the generally "acceptable" way. Some moms look down upon those who have a c-section. We've copped out and took the easy road. Let me tell you that for 27 hours, life was anything but copping out and taking the easy road. Being cut open and awake for it is ANYTHING but easy. Having major surgery is not easy. Getting out of bed for the first time, standing up, and going blind for a second because your body feels like it's being ripped apart from the pain is anything but easy.

Today, I came across an article called "A Love Letter to C-Section Mamas", and it touched my heart. You can read it HERE

I have the most unimagineable love for my daughter. She was welcomed into this world in an unplanned way, but she's healthy and happy. She brings light to my days and love to my life. She makes my bad days better and snuggles more snuggly. And she's here, healthy and happy because I had a c-section to save her life. I have a scar - I call it my "battle scar". I wear it proudly because it shows the world that I gave birth to my daughter the "kangaroo way". It's something I will carry with me forever, and nothing can change that. I don't want it too.

Having a C-Section isn't a failure at all. It's nothing to thumb your nose at, or judge other moms for. Giving birth is a miracle in and of itself. It doesn't matter the method of how the baby got there. It's not a measure of how good a parent you'll be, and there is NOTHING wrong with having a C-Section.

So, I'm a C-Section Mama...and damn proud of it.

A for Effort

Lately I have noticed that I haven't been feeling good-looking. In the mornings, it takes me a while to get out of bed and get ready. By the time I need to leave the house, I skip makeup and doing my hair - I pull it back into a bun. It was OK for a little while, but then I noticed I didn't feel professional at work. I didn't feel presentable.

I also discovered that I can curl my hair a little bit with a flat iron - it takes a bit of wrist-action. So on the days I have more time (this week was Mon, Wed and Fri), I did my hair and I've been doing my makeup every day. I feel like I can talk to anyone and not worry about that zit on my chin, or the dark circles under my eyes because it's got a bit of help.

So I'm making a pledge to do my hair and makeup almost every day. I say that now, but someone will have to remind me of that when I'm pulling my wet hair into a bun for work and not putting on my makeup.

WW Weigh-In 1/28/12

Despite being tired and not in the mood to go to the meeting, Jake and I weighed in and sat through the meeting anyways. We hadn't been following the plan barely at all and knew we had gained. So here's the damage:


Gained/lost this week: +.4lbs

Total weight loss so far (starting 1/14/12): -3.8lbs.

Seeing that I had gained and I had given myself permission to fall off the wagon this week gave Jake and I new appreciation for the task we've undertaken and a renewal of determination. So we trekked right over to Trader Joe's next to the WW we go to and stocked up on yummy, wholesome snacks. I tried Greek Yogurt for the first time, and it isn't bad. I chose pomegranate as my first flavor, and it was a little overpowering. Jake says the blueberry tastes better, so I'll see. I also discovered their Super Spinach salad and had it yesterday for lunch - spinach with quinoa, pumpkin seeds, dried cranberries, carrots, edamame with a ginger/miso dressing. It was sooooo good.

Our next weigh in is Saturday 2/4. We've been pretty good about following the plan and have been packing all of our lunches, breakfasts and making more effort into nutritious dinners even though we're tired. We're having a Super Bowl party this weekend, and Jake is determined to have hotwings. I'm allowing myself to have a few, but not go whole hog. I'm going to stock up on the veggie tray and cracker/cheese platter.

So the announcement...

So, before I make this announcement, I need a little backstory.





I admit, I'm a visual learner. I learn by doing and seeing it done, and not by instruction. This has been true for my entire life, but only recently recognized in the past few years. So, to say the least - I learn by example.





All my life, my mom has been overweight. I've seen her diet and diet again, to yo-yo back to her former size. She would tell me to eat healthy, but wouldn't do it for herself. She would tell me I'm beautiful, to have confidence in myself and to be aware of how beautiful I am. All the while, she's calling herself "ugly" and "fat", telling me to not end up like her. So while she's telling me one thing, she was teaching me the opposite. I know she can lose the weight - she lost a lot of weight for my wedding. Then afterwards, she started having hip and back problems. Now, it's to the point where she can barely move and walks with a walker.





When I had Scarlett, I decided I wanted to be different. I NEEDED to show her how to live a healthy lifestyle, by example. It would be one thing for me to tell her to do something, but not do it for myself. I don't want people in her school making fun of her because she has an overweight mom like I did. I love my mom unconditionally, and I defended her to the hilt just like I know Scarlett would. But no child should have to defend their parents like that. I don't want that for my daughter, but I also don't want that for myself.





My boundaries when it comes to weight loss are mental ones. I defeat myself before I even try and before I know it, I'm back at square 1. When I hear of people's weight loss success, my first thought is "I can't make it a year with this plan, I'll definitely fail". WHAT!? I was starting to recognize that I would defeat myself before I even start. I also would say "I can't", and I decided to stop saying that. Now, I tell myself "I'm not good at that yet, but I will get there". For me, it's a mental battle more than a physical one. I know my body can do things I want it to, it's the mental obstacles I have to overcome. I also would think of how much weight I'd like to lose, and I would think "I'll never get there, it's so long and so much to lose". Now, I have to tell myself "Any weight loss is good, and it's a step to the big goal". I know there will be pitfalls and a big roller coaster, but I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking "WTF is going on with me!?"

So on Saturday January 14th, Jake and I joined Weight Watchers. I had lost a little bit of weight with WW before, but quit because #1, we were struggling with money and couldn't afford the dues and #2 I was doing it by myself and Jake and I had different schedules, so it was hard for me to do it by myself.

Jake and I had been talking about joining for a while. It was an ongoing conversation with us for about 3 months. I didn't want to do NutriSystem, pills or Atkins or anything like that because for me, it was about educating myself on how to eat healthy. I would think "Well, what if that company goes out of business, or they decide that pill is not healthy anymore? You have nothing but the real world and real food to face". So I wanted to join a group that teaches not only portion size, but healthy alternatives...and it NEEDED TO DEAL WITH REAL EVERYDAY FOOD. I didn't want to teach my daughter that you need to starve yourself while taking this "magic" pill to be healthy. You need to eat right and get your exercise to do that.

Last weekend was our first weigh-in, and I've lost 4.2lbs in my first week! I know losing that much is not typical and I don't expect to lose that much, if anything at all, every week. But to make that big jump first thing is a big push for me to keep going.

I'm excited, scared, nervous and hopeful that we can stick to this and have it be a learning experience for Scarlett.

New Blog Name

So you also might have noticed that I changed the name of my blog. I loved the name "Marriage and Margaritas" because at the time I picked that name, it fit us. Now, we're a Panda family of 3, and I'm using the blog to keep track of events that have happened for our little growing household.

Pandas hold a very special place in Jake and my hearts. It's a looooong story, and a sort of inside joke, but Pandas are very important beings to us. I'll tell the tale of how they came to be so important, but for now, the name is changed. Enjoy!

Notice Something Different?

Like the blog revamp?? A possible new name is to come (perhaps, haven't decided yet).

I'm making a commitment to blog more. Figured the old girl needed some blog botox.

I also have some news regarding things that just started happening with Jake and I, but that's a different post. For now, I leave you with the beautiful new look of my blog. Idn't it purdy??