"When you've had a bad day..."

Today is one of those off days for me.

Nothing's wrong with the epidural, everything there is fabulous. I have more mobility than I've had in a long time. I'm fully enjoying every minute of this.

Something else is up, which I can't really speak into detail about, but let's just say I looked at my blog page and thought it was too bright and cheery. What does that tell ya about my mood?

I'm just asking for prayers and thoughts that I will find some peace soon.

Weekly video 2/27/09

This is Clara, she's 91 years old. She's created a series of videos showing how she and her family survived during the Depression. To me, I find it quite approriate for these tough economic times. I mean in order to not go hungry, all you need is some hotdogs, potatoes, oil, water, tomato sauce and onions.

It's kind of like Oliver Twist meets Julia Child.

Enjoy!

Sweet Relief!!!

Wow...yeah!

I had my epidural today. It was a little drama to say the least, but it's done and I went from an 8 on the pain scale to a 3 in 5 hours. I hope it'll just get better as I get some sleep tonight. I was actually able to stand up straight for the first time in a really long time.

I'm not 100% spring-back-to-life yet, because my back still has pressure, and my muscles are sore from supporting the curve in my spine. But at least the main problem is calmed down some, and it's an amazing feeling.

I can't do this anymore...

So I was told by the Physical Medicine doc that I most likely had a herniated disc in my spine. I was fine with it, accepted it, and wanted to move forward with treatment. While I was at the doctor's, they took x-rays of my spine.

In yesterday's mail, there was a letter from my PCP with results from my spinal x-ray. It was pretty much everything I knew it would be except for the last sentence. It said "There is now evidence of spondylolisthesis". Ummm..OK...what is spondywhatever? I used my good friend WebMD, and I'm so frustrated now.

According to WebMD, Spondylolisthesis is the slipping of a VERTEBRAE in the spine. Not a disc, an actual vertebrae. Great. Basically what happens is one of the vertebrae slips over another, causing "shifting" in the spine. Most patients get the shift from front to back, but not me..no...I have it side to side. The spine isn't completely slipped to the point where my back is in two sets of vertebrae.

At this point, I lost it. This is the 4th diagnosis I've had for my back in the last year and a half. First it was Sciatica, then it was a lower back problem. Then it was a herniated disc, and now it's Spondylwhatchamacallit. I'm so done. I'm so tired of being jerked back and forth with different diagnoses and just want to feel better. I want to live my life without constant pain. I want to walk without my back looking like my body's in two halves on different sides. At this point, I don't care what they do. I'll have surgery, I'll have epidurals...I just want to be normal again.

Weekly video 2/20/09

I'm not sure how to say that I was literally crying I was laughing so hard at this video.

Enjoy!

Woohoo!!!

OK, so there was an obvious PEBCAK (problem exists between chair and keyboard) regarding posting pictures. I got it figured out now and all is good. So now everyone will have something pleasant to look at while reading my randomness.

Rainy days are here again

Rain...it's wet, it's cold,and it is REALLY needed here in the Bay Area. Today there's a weather emergency advisory for thunder storms and hail. As long as those little drops of life-sustaining H2O keep comin',I'm all good.

I used to be so afraid of thunder storms. I would hide in my room, or cling to my parents begging not to be left alone. It wasn't until a friend of mine made me drive into the middle of one and just sit there and watch everything. After that night, I haven't been afraid of thunder and lightning. Now, I welcome it. I welcome the flashes of electricity reaching from the clouds to the ground. I welcome the roar of thunder coming from miles away. I guess living in Texas will be that much easier for me since there's thunder and lightning there all the time.

On our last night in Texas, Mother Nature decided to grace us with her presence through a classic Texas heat lightning and thunder cycle. The air was warm and humid, even at 10 at night. Jake and I pulled up the rocking chairs his Dad and Step-Mom have on their front porch. We sat and watched the storm from about 30 miles away. It was the coolest thing to see. All the sounds was quiet except for the crickets. I'm hoping we get to see some more of that action when we go back in May.

Face lift

As you might have noticed, I changed my background for my blog. I wanted something more girlie since I'm the only one who posts on this blog. Plus, the other brown/cream background was kind of...well...depressing.

I actually made this background myself using my computer. I wanted something unique, fun and original. It's still my first try, so be nice please. :)

Anyways, I'm going to try to add more later. This will be a work in progress..have a good day everyone! :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm one of those cheesy people who loves ALL holidays. Valentine's Day is, of course, no exception. It's a day where we need to just step back and realize how much the love given to us by no matter whom, means everything. Valentine's Day, to me, isn't just a lover's holiday. It's a holiday about love. Love is universal, and it shouldn't matter who you give it to and receive it from. So, to all my friends, family...and Jake too...I love you all! Happy Valentine's Day! :)

Weekly video 2/13/09

I know on this Friday the 13th, many people are looking to the bad luck side of life hoping it won't touch them on this infamous day. The video I posted today is of a rather controversial issue: gay marriage. I am proud to say that I love my cousin and cousin-in-law so much and I'm so glad to see them so happy. I believe love has no bounds, or prejudice. I support them in anything and everything they do. I was proud to be there as they got married and I'm prouder still to have that diversity in my family.

This video was sent to me via email by a family member, and it really touched my heart. I believe (as I've said so many times before) that EVERYONE deserves to be happy. Who are we to take that happiness away from them? Kenn Starr (the guy who investigated Clinton in the sex scandal during his presidency) is now trying to get the government to forcibly divorce the thousands of gay and lesbian couples who were married between May and November of 2008, as that was the time that gay marriage was allowed in California. My cousins were among those people who were given something most of us take for granted. I love my cousins, because they are beautiful, smart, kind people and I'm so proud to be related to them. I love Katie and Lori...this is for you!

Hate this feeling

I'm angry. I haven't been angry in a long, long, long time...and now I know why. I hate the feeling of not being comfortable in my own skin. I hate not being able to sit still.

I know why I'm angry, and it's not at anyone else...well that's not entirely true. I'm more mad at myself. I've been mad at myself a lot lately. I know in the end everything will be OK and work out the way it's supposed too...but right now I feel stuck. I feel helpless and alone. I don't know what to do...

sigh...

Weekly video 2/6/09

This video is funny, but a little sad too. The kid had an extra tooth removed at the dentist, and this was the aftermath of the drugs. This is sometimes how I feel at the end of the week...is this real life???

ENJOY!

Holy hernia!

That's right...that nagging, irritating, and nonstop pain in my back for the past 18 months is a herniated disc in my back. Yay for me...riiiight.

Good news = No surgery...WOOHOO!!! Bad news = epidural (LONG needle in my spine).

In case you're wondering what a herniated disc looks like, here's a sneak peek. No, it's not my MRI, but yes...it's that painful.



I'm glad that at least now I have a firm diagnosis and course of treatment. It isn't fun, mind you, but it's somewhat satisfying to know I'll be able to feel better soon...thank God!

In a word: Exhausted

I had one of the busiest weekends I think I've ever had.

Friday: I worked half the day, then was picked up by my lovely Aunt Julie to go to Sacramento for Megan's baby shower. We got there, checked into the hotel and had lunch at On the Border. We hung out with Meggie for a bit, then headed to her church for the shower. We played games, had cake and Meg opened baby gifts...A LOT of them! It took my mom and grandma 4 hours to get from San Jose to Sacramento, when it usually takes about 2.5. Gotta love the weekend traffic. On the way back to Meggie's house to unload gifts, we passed a rest home where apparently one of the patients had been hit by a car. Julie and I stopped, tried to help but were "told" (aka yelled at) by a fake RN (said she was an RN when she really wasn't) to leave. So we left, unloaded gifts at Megan's house, then went to the hotel where we promptly made a late night trip to Burger King since we were hungry.

Saturday: Woke up, had the complimentary breakfast the hotel offered, and checked out. We headed to Meg's for lunch and I volunteered to help her go through her gifts and put them away. We got through organizing them by size and items, but it was about 4pm by the time we were ready to put them away, so Meg did that after we left. I was dropped off at home by my mom and I immediately began cleaning the house for our Super Bowl party. I had that place spic n span by 10pm. I immediately fell asleep as soon as my head hit my pillow.

Sunday: Woke up at 7:45am and took a shower. Had "breakfast" that consisted of Doritos and various Super Bowl snacks that were set out. Jake and I decorated the house with red/white and black/yellow streamers in the living room and football themed plates, napkins and cups. It was a lot of fun since it was our very first party in the house. I just loved how clean the house was. I wish I could keep it like that forever.

By the time everyone left and the decor was taken down, I was exhausted. Jake and I watched Big Love on HBO while he did his homework on the laptop. I got into my jammies and went to bed. I love sleep.

All in all, it was a fabulous weekend...but exhausting. I would do it again though.