God gave me PCOS

I've been finding myself afraid to pray these days. I've never been religious, but I am spiritual. After a childhood raised in a Catholic church that told you you'd burn in Hell for eating meat on Fridays, my mom decided to not make me go to church. She would make it my choice. She did, however, raise me telling me that God loves me for who I am and He never made mistakes while making me. So I've been thinking about why God gave me PCOS.



I admit I've been one to take certain things for granted...my parents being the main one. I was always one of those naive people who thought my parents would live forever, but I see it differently. My Dad is 73, and my mom is 56...and disabled. Both of their lives are gearing down and what do I have to show for it? Years full of attitude and disagreements...things I've done that I wish I hadn't, but cannot be changed. So maybe that's why God gave me PCOS. He gave me this disease to show me what the love of a parent is. It's the most selfless, unrelenting, never-giving-up love that one human can hold for another. It is a never ending fight for the world to show them this person, a person they brought into the world, that has so much to give and is worth having around. It is sleepless nights, tears, washing bottles, changing diapers, reading before bedtime...it's everything. It's giving up grandeur for the feeling of little arms wrapped around you giving you a hug at the end of the day. It's realizing every dream has lead to this little bundle of poopy diapers who wants nothing more than to have you to play with. It's the best thing in the world, and one I never thanked my parents for.



I'll also admit I'm not patient. It's not a virtue I hold in abundance. Every cycle that's gone by with a negative pregnancy test is a battle I relive month after month. It's been nearly two years, and they are two years I would never wish on anyone, but that I'm thankful for. Having the drive to keep going after so much disappointment with Jake by my side has shown me that I already love my little one, wherever he/she may be. I love them so much I'm voluntarily doing things like blood tests, taking medications, having acupuncture, and having IUIs so I can meet them and teach them everything from how to make cookies to how to drive. It's a journey I can't wait to continue, since the start of it came the day Jake and I said "Let's do this."



God gave me PCOS as a gift. It's gift of insight to show me what it really takes to be a mother and how much my Mom did for me. So thank you Mom for loving me so much, and thank you God for not making a mistake with me. I get it now.