Jumbles and mumbles

I'm having one of those days where I feel like updating on everything...so here it goes.

#1 - I'm tired! Yesterday Jake and I went to SF for the day and spent the entire afternoon at Pier 39 and walked down to Fisherman's Wharf to go to Joe's Crab Shack. I was extremely proud, because I took ALL the walking we did slow enough to where I wasn't adversely affected. I walked the 20-or-so piers from the BART station in the FiDi to Fisherman's Wharf..holy hell! Not only that, but I walked up and down Pier 39 several times, and walked to Fisherman's Wharf then all the way back to the BART station. The end result? Jake and I walked through the front door, changed into our PJs and fell asleep. This morning I woke up and I'm still exhausted and in no mood for human contact...face-to-face at least.

#2 - Not picking a tattoo, especially for a picker...isn't easy! I'm so ready for this damn tattoo to heal already! I was a tad impatient and was "helping" the portions of the scabbing that were hanging on by not very much. I also accidentally (seriously...it was an accident) forgot to pat the tattoo dry after showering this morning, and I full on rubbed it dry. Oops...

#3 - It's T-minus 16 days until D-Day. 16 days left until tax season 2009 is over. Halle-frikkin-lujah! I'm so over it. We're supposed to go back to SF for a day-trip celebration for the end of the season, but I would be perfectly happy just staying in bed all day.

#4 - Jake and I have 2 days left before we start IF treatment again. I have to pick up my prescriptions today from the pharmacy and I'm excited, but nervous. I'm ready to re-take this on and now I know what to expect. I'm nervous because this is a big step. It's bigger than taking a break, because this time, it could be real! I could get pregnant, and we could become parents. I just hope I gave myself enough relaxation and time to heal from the year+ of trying to recuperate and revamp. I know this will be a take-it-one-day-at-a-time process. I'm looking forward to the anticipation of the IUIs, taking those extra steps to try to insure a good procedure and doing what I can to see those two little pink lines.

#5 - I've lost some weight. Jake and I have been making a big effort to eat healthier and exercise more...hence our "trek" through SF yesterday. I've gotten back into my "kick" with recipe books and I love trying new stuff with Jake to see if it's a keeper, or not. So far, I've had only 1 failure in about 30 tries...that's a pretty good track record!

An announcement

On the 1st, Jake and I will be resuming fertility treatments to have a baby again. I have the prescriptions for my medications and will start taking my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) and using OPKs (Ovulation Predictor Kits). I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

Jake and I have been experiencing "baby fever" for a few months, but decided to hold out until 5 months of our break. We planned on 6 months, but we figured 5 months was close enough. I know these times won't be easy for us. With the hormones and the possible failed IUIs, I know I'll be a bit emotional. But I also know that my family and friends will be there to lend their support and prayers for us. I also know that this will take determination, understanding and patience. Patience is the one I struggle with the most. I have accepted that the timing of a baby is not up to me, it's up to God. There is a reason why I haven't gotten pregnant yet, and only God knows that reason. All I can do is pray and do my best to be healthy and a good "home" for a growing baby.

I feel Jake and I have come a long way to get to where we are. I have realized that this isn't just me in this..it's Jake too. This is just as much his journey as it is mine, because we are in this together. Jake has realized that I'm taking the brunt of the processes that need to be performed to get pregnant and I just need him to be there as my main support. And I also need him to understand that this isn't easy for me because I constantly feel like the "broken" one. We both know it will all be worth it when we see our little Smithling's heartbeat on that ultrasound monitor. Until then, it's all about one day at a time and being thankful that we have our friends and family rooting us on, and awesome doctors who will do anything need be to get us to our goal: parenthood.

When someone's gone...

Today I was watching the funeral for the 4 fallen Oakland police officers online today. If I weren't sitting at me desk at work, I'd probably be balling my eyes out.

I've been to Oakland only a handfull of times, but it's a very important place for my family. My grandfather was a fireman in the city of Oakland, my father as well as my uncle and aunt were born and raised in Oakland. Of course, I know Oakland is now a very different place than it was then. However, I find it difficult to wrap my mind around what happened to these men. How can someone be so desperate that they're willing to end 4 people's lives because they think somehow, they won't get into even more trouble than they already are if they do so.

While I was on my honeymoon, my grandmother passed away. Somehow I felt selfish when I came back and heard the news. I thought to myself "How dare I go away on a vacation while my grandmother is dying. What is wrong with me?" I never got to tell my grandmother that I love her, or even goodbye...and I still feel bad about it to this day. Because when someone is gone, they're gone. There are so many things I wish I would've done differently towards her (ie. spent more time with her) had I know she would be gone when she was. I would've postponed my wedding, or moved it up so I could've been with her while she was leaving us.

I guess these are times when we realize life is too short to take time and people for granted. Grudges and disagreements aren't worth it because in the end, these are the people who will be there when you need them the most.

So, to all my family and friends - I love you.

Weekly video 3/27/09

Along with my family, we discovered this guys..umm...talent (?) last year on youtube. It's too funny.

ENJOY!

FUNK!

No, I don't mean the music, a chicken, or the weird smelling stuff that comes off the human body. I mean being in one.

I'm in a funk today. I don't know what it is, but something is off. I can't concentrate on my work, I don't want to be around anyone right now, and I just don't feel comfortable all around. I'm lsitening to Pandora Radio (the best ever) and even the music isn't helping me. I feel like I'm suffocating (not literally)

Another straw to add to the camel's back, I seem to be having a slight allergic reaction to the epidural. It's been going on for a while, and I went to the doctor's for it. I have all these little red bumps around the injection sight, up my back, on my shoulders, chest, and torso. They don't itch, and it isn't acne since they're just bright red and stay that way.

The tattoo is doing well. It's scabbed over, so that's a good sign. Jake's has begun to flake the scabs off, but that's to be expected since his tattoo is just the outline at this point, and mine is complete (with color). Honestly, my tattoo didn't hurt as much as I expected it too. Sure it hurt, it's a needle stabbing ink into your skin. But it just felt like a cat scratch with vibrations behind it, if that makes sense. The ankle is supposedly one of the places where getting a tattoo hurts the most, but it didn't hurt more for me when the guy was going over the bone. It just felt different, and my ankle felt like it was buzzing/vibrating. I want to get another one, but I've been told to wait at least a year before getting another. I agree with this since it'll give me time to decide what I really want, which I already know what I want) and where (I already know where, but it's OK). No worries, I won't be one of those people who's covered head to toe with tattoos. I'm not that crazy.

Well...I did it!

I, Laurel Smith, am the proud owner of a brand new tattoo...yes...you heard right. I got a tattoo. I'd been considering it for a long time, and I decided it was time. I wanted something that would never change for me, and would always be a part of me. So, I got Jake's name tattooed on me...JUST KIDDING! HAHA...got ya! But seriously, I did do a lot of research and thinking about what I wanted. I didn't want anything dark, chunky, and overall not me. I also wanted it in a place where I could see it, and it wouldn't be a "Tramp Stamp". So...

I got my zodiac sign (Capricorn) with 2 purple roses on my right ankle. Here it is...

Weekly video 3/20/09

In honor of the first day of Spring, I thought this little snippet from Bambi would be appropriate.
Happy Spring!

Enjoy!

Cats, Cats, Cats

A while back, I posted an entry called "Cat Fancy". I promised cat pictures, which I couldn't give since there was a serious user error with inserting pictures into this blog. I will now post said pictures. So, here it goes...

This is Neebs. He enjoys...

Traveling (well, at least TRYING to travel)...

Luxurious baths...

and he loves his brother...

This is MJ. He enjoys...

Freshly folded laundry

Snuggling with Jake

and hamming it up.

This is Chloe. She's interested in...

Taking naps...

Finding new places to hang out...

and giving "Daddy" kisses...

Yup...that's them. Aren't they awesome?

A picture is worth...

...a thousand words. In this case, it's one long slur of curse words glued together. May I present:

TAX SEASON

New haircut

I was inspired by my sister-in-law to get my haircut again. I had thought about growing it out again, but I of course got impatient. Also, short hair to me is a lot less maintenance than long hair. I also didn't like how stringy and all around unattractive my long hair got. My hair looks a lot healthier and more manageable while it's short.

So I made an appointment to get my haircut. I also planned to dye it back to my normal hair color at home. My "blond highlights" were grown out and half way down my head. I needed to get my hair all one color again. So Jake and I dyed my hair "Sweet Cola" which was the closest we could find of hair dye from Target. I'm really happy with how it came out. I'm thinking towards the Summer, I'll get the back shorter, but for now I love it!

Before:

After: (please excuse the sudden outbreak of acne & lack of makeup)

Weekly video 3/13/09

So, another Friday the 13th...wow...

Anyways, this week's video is a recent web sensation of a dog named Bizkit. He's a sleep "walker"...more like running. It's hilarious!

Enjoy!

Cabinet Clutter

When Jake and I moved into our current duplex, we were missing some things in the house )i.e. counter space in the kitchen, but we won't go there). Among these was a pantry. Luckily, my parents were generous enough to purchase some "pantry" cabinets from Ikea. They're actually just bookshelves, and we added doors to them. They work, and we couldn't be happier with them. There's just one problem...they were a mess.

Last night while trying to find a good marinade/rub for the salmon that was defrosting for dinner, I got mucho frustrated and decided "that's it, the pantry is getting a makeover". My one pet peeve in the pantry was the spice shelf. I love cooking, and I love spices and cooking with them. I would find it very frustrating to be looking for simple things like lemon juice, or dill and not being able to find it on the correct shelf. I'm also an avid baker so of course, I have a cake decorating set and sprinkles for cakes and cupcakes. We have a big pantry, and a small one. The big pantry is twice the width of the "small" one. The bigger one houses our everyday things like cereal, crackers, pasta, canned goods, etc. The smaller one is home to more of my stuff: cake mixes, sprinkles, spices, pancake/waffle mixes, etc. The smaller one is the one I like to visit the most, so that was first.

Before:

After:

Now for the "main" part of the pantry.

Before:

After:

OK, granted the main pantry wasn't that unorganized, but it needed a little facelift. I was so proud of myself when I was done. I know I know...a small accomplishment. But would it be better to say I did it entirely in about 15-20 minutes? :)

Midnight Sun

I decided I couldn't handle it any longer...I had to read the partial draft of Midnight Sun, the 5th installment of the Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer. It basically tells the story of Twilight from Edward's perspective rather than Bella's.

The inner battle in Edward to realize how in love he is with Bella vs. trying to help her be "safe" by staying away from her...it's amazing. I'm glad he gave in though...I just thing it's too bad that the book was illegally leaked. Meyer's website said she's restarted the novel, with no ETA of a completion date or publish date. The online "copy" of the book is on Meyer's website. It's 264 pages, and I read them ALL over this past weekend.

I cant wait for it to come out. I'd love to finish the story.

"Let's get it started!"

So, I have an announcement...sort of...

Jake and I are going to start trying to have a baby again next month. We've had several talks about the possibility of starting early, but thought it wouldn't be a good idea until I feel better with the epidural. I'm still good. The epidural has worn off a tiny bit, but the amount of pain has gone down about 95%, which is awesome. I still get sore when it's the end of the day and I've really exhausted myself. Other than that, I'm one happy camper.

I've been praying a lot for peace of mind, clarity, and patience with this whole experience. Jake and I are completely and totally ready to take this on and keep with it. We're a team, and we're hoping that soon we'll be able to announce that our "Smithling" is on it's way. I'm asking our friends and family to pray for us that this journey is smooth, and short.

Weekly video 3/6/09

Today's video is in honor of Jake. Jake, as most of you know, is a comic fan (BIG understatement). This might be TMI, but he has The Punisher shirts, Batman shirts, Spiderman shirts, DC comic sleep pants, and even Batman boxers. We also have Marvel comic checks (it usually gets a lot of comments when paying with these).

So of course, The Watchmen is opening officially today. Jake's been bugging me to see it and how much he's been looking forward to it. So, today, the day Watchmen opens, I'm posting the preview for my weekly video, just for Jake.

Enjoy!

Having faith

While listening to the song I posted on my blog, it reminds me of something I talk about a lot...faith.

I decided to start taking an active approach to the coming months that will pass to Jake and my ultimate goal: starting to try to have a baby again. In November, we said 6 months. It's been 4. I've been doing research on foods and what to do and not to do to help our upcoming infertility treatments. Admittedly, I haven't been praying as much as I should be, but I have been doing some soul searching. I've gone from one end of the spectrum with wondering if I even want children, to the other...wishing my first IUI took, and I'd be 4 months along now. It's been a good road for me to travel, something I needed to do.

I've been very fortunate to have a supportive family to not question our decisions and to encourage us to not lose who we are. I also have Jake who's been with me every step of the way in this. We're hoping this next step in our journey is a short one, but we're more committed and optimistic than ever that this will work. I know now that even though I will have stressful times, and disappointments if IUIs don't take...it's all a part of the process. I also know that it will all be worth it when I finally see those two little pink lines and it'll be real. So I'm asking all my family and friends to pray for us, and keep us in your thoughts in the coming months. We love you all and we hope to spread good news soon!

Oh, and we aren't pursuing fertility treatments until after tax season. Sorry if I lead anyone to believe we were starting now.

Happy belated birthday to me!

On my birthday, my MIL (mother-in-law) gave me a gift certificate for a custom clock from a local artist and family friend. He makes really nice pieces, so I was given the choice of something he had already made, or something in the works that wasn't finished yet. I liked 3 clocks among his 50 or so in his studio. There was one that was mostly tannish brown in color with basketweave and cloth with little huts on it. The next was a gold and blue clock that looked rather "celestial" to me...and then there was one in the "shop". All I saw was a wooden plate with blue, purple, and green beads glued onto it. I fell in love. So I picked that one.

Almost two months later, my clock is here, and I'm completely in love with it! Jake even snuck into my jewelry and took an earring from a set that he had given me for one of our month anniversaries when we were dating. It's gorgeous!

Welcome baby Justus!

My cousins Megan and Jon (and big brother Jalen) welcomed Justus William Allen to their family Saturday February 28th, 2009 at 8:57pm. His stats are 7lb, 11oz and 19inches long. He has blond wispy hair and a perfect round head. No cone zone for this little boy.

My mom and I went to Sacramento yesterday to introduce ourselves and spend some time with the new addition. He seemed quite content to sleep in my arms. I guess it's because I'm always warmer than most people...I tend to have a higher body temp than normal.

Congrats Meg, Jon and Jalen...and welcome to Justus!

Mommy Megan and baby Justus

Me and my new little buddy

Isn't he so cute?