Weekly video 12/30/10

This week's video is by a really great DJ. He did the same video last year that highlighted the biggest pop hits of 2009 and did a "mash up" in a music video...this one is for 2010.

Enjoy and Happy 2011 everyone!

Meet Tommy

A few weeks ago, I wrote that my Dad's cat, Jack, had passed away suddenly. It was a shocking and traumatizing time for my father because he was #1 the one who found Jack in his closet and #2 was home alone when this happened. This had never happened to my parents before since our other two cats who had passed before Jack had done so at the vet and because they were visibly sick.

The day after Jack's death, I emailed the rescue society that my parents adopted Jack from. They also adopted their 4-year old cat, Sunny from the same society. It's a network of people who foster the kittens and cats and then bring them to places like Petsmart and Petco for "adoption drives". They also have a website where you can apply to adopt a certain cat and then pick him/her up at the adoption drive. After I emailed, I got 3 responses from different board members expressing their condolences towards my parents. One lady who emailed me was the president of the organization, and the lady who fostered Sunny when she was a kitten.

In her response, she explained that she remembered my parents from the other two adoptions and could tell they were very caring with the animals, especially my Dad. She mentioned since she personally was picky about who adopts the cats, she had a little orange and white tabby boy kitten named Tommy T who she would offer to my parents exclusively since he wasn't "showcased" yet in the website and adoption drives. There was some email correspondence between her and myself, and my Dad and myself arranging the adoption. My Dad had made it clear that he wanted to adopt after the New Year because he didn't want the experience of a new house to be so traumatizing with a new sibling (Sunny), the Christmas tree and lots of people around at the same time. Well, that didn't really happen. There was an arrangement, after pictures were passed of Tommy to my Dad from the lady, that my parents would meet Tommy at an adoption drive, but the lady would hold him until after the holidays. Well...I met my parents at the Petco where the adoption drive was and my parents took Tommy home that day.

Jake and I got to spend some time with Tommy over Christmas, and he is such a little love. He's very playful and sweet, and best of all...he LOVES my Dad.

I managed to snap a photo of him with my cell phone in the midst of his playing. Sorry it's little blurry, but he kept moving. Tommy is now 13 weeks old.

24 weeks

24 weeks along...wow. It's REALLY hitting me that I'm about 2/3 the way through my pregnancy. Now I'm getting scared. In 4 short days, it will be the year Jake and I have a baby. I will be giving birth in less than 4 months (approximately).

I think my biggest fear is the labor part. Everything is so unknown when it's your first and every single experience is different from another. It scares me that I'm not prepared like I want to be. Things can go so unexpectedly in one direction or another at any given moment that it's terrifying to me. I like knowing what to expect. I like being prepared for what lies ahead of me. Being in labor and the events that it will consist of are so far out of my control. Yikes! But in the end, I know Jake and I will have a beautiful little girl and all the pain will wash away and be over.

I guess that's what I have to tell myself: No matter how much it hurts or how scary it is...it will end. The pain will fade away and the fear of labor will stop because it will be done in a second.

Thanks...I feel better now. :)

2010 - A Year in Review

I usually wait until a couple of days before New Years to do this, but I felt I should do this now because I've been making an attempt to blog more often (hence the multiple posts last week after weeks of nothing). So here's mine and Jake's year:

JANUARY: I turned 26 with a dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, The Cheesecake Factory on New Years Day in San Jose with my family. Jake and I also moved the following weekend into our house barely missing the rainy weekend by one day. One day. We also met with our RE in SF to aggressively move forward in the infertility journey. Our appointment was on my actual birthday.

FEBRUARY: Valentine's Day was spent at my other favorite restaurant, The Dead Fish, as per our yearly tradition. I can't get enough of that crab!!! Jake also found out that after the Spring 2010 semester, he'd graduate FINALLY! Justus (my little cousin) turned 1 and we unfortunately had to miss his official birthday party, but I got to spend his actual birthday with him to give him his present. We also had our first Super Bowl party at the new house, and everyone enjoyed themselves.

MARCH: Not much happened in March. We were in full swing of tax season and everything was great.

APRIL: Tax season finished with a bang (well, not really) and we spent the following day in San Francisco at the zoo. It was quite the relaxing day and just what we needed after a whirlwind season. On Easter, Jake and I found out that my cousin Katie was pregnant with her first child! We were sooo happy for her and her wife Lori. We still are. :)

MAY: Jake and I celebrated 3 years of being married! We decided to hold off on celebrations until June because the weekend following our anniversary (it was on a Wednesday), my cousin Megan and I made a covert cross-country trip to New Jersey to surprise our cousin Marie for her baby shower. That was a fun trip, and I really miss hanging out with the East Coast family. Jake also graduated from Diablo Valley College with an AA in Psychology and got accepted to SF State!

JUNE: Lake Tahoe was the perfect place to celebrate Jake and my anniversary. We stayed in South Lake and on our last day, drove all the way around the lake. It was about a 3-hour drive all the way around, and we made several stops along the way to check things out. We also went to Reno for a seminar where I met Jean, an old friend of my MILs who is one of the sweetest people I've ever met.

JULY: Adam and Barbara made it all the way from Arizona to spend 4th of July with our family. We miss you guys! Adam and Jake also hatched a plan to spend a week in Jamaica for the International Raggae Festival. They plan to go in 3 years. My Dad celebrated his birthday. :) Also, Jake and I took my cousins Jon, Megan and their sons Jalen and Justus to the California State Fair for the 2nd year in a row. It was hot...to say the least. Also, on the 18th, our nephew Jaxon Maddox was born. :)

AUGUST: This was it...the big one. On the 4th, Jake and I got the news that we're expecting! Jake's birthday is the 8th, so we announced to our parents via a picture in a frame at dinner for Jake's birthday and they were so excited! We announced to our families 2 weeks later and then spent the weekend with my Mom and Dad for my Mom's birthday. Jake also began his first semester at SF State pursuing his Bachelor's in Psychology.

SEPTEMBER: September was a busy month. I had my first doctor's appointment with my OBGYN and we got to see the baby wiggle and dance around on the ultrasound. I also went to 2 baby showers for friends and family. Jake and I attended our first Oktoberfest party at my friend Roni's house, and it was a lot of fun!

OCTOBER: Jake and I got to decorate our house on the outside for the first time for Halloween. Jake kind of dressed up by putting on prosthetic eyes (it's a long story) and we did it up right with spider webs, pumpkins and tombstones. It was fun to have our first trick-or-treaters ever.

NOVEMBER: My parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary on the 8th! A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, Jake and I went to Texas to visit his Dad and Step-mom in Fort Worth. It was 5 days of relaxation and thunder storms. What a mix! The day before Thanksgiving, we found out we're having a GIRL! We got to tell our families in person through the weekend and everyone was really excited. Even my Dad acted like he had scored his own home run. :) Also, the results of the ultrasound itself revealed that Scarlett Leigh is perfectly healthy with everything measuring and functioning normally.

DECEMBER: This month started out a little sad and somber with the unexpected passing of my Dad's cat, Jack. I went to San Jose from Richmond, which in commute traffic took 2 solid hours (I was not happy), but to be there to comfort my Dad was worth it. I got to get together with Megan to make peppermint bark and I barely got my Christmas cards out in time. Jake and I both got everything on our lists (which he is especially excited about) and we got to hear Scarlett's heartbeat for the 2nd time.

For 2011:

2011 is no doubt going to be a year full of big events. The main one of course will be the birth of our daughter. I must admit, this past weekend I felt a twinge of "baby love" where I found myself falling in love with her, and I haven't even met her yet! After she's born, both Jake and I plan to change our lifestyles to be more active and healthy for her sake. We want to teach her how to play outside vs. inside with video games and TV all the time. We've picked out her furniture and I am anxiously waiting for furniture to be moved out of her room so we can move her stuff into it. I must also say that Jake is already feeling twinges of baby love himself. He always looks forward to seeing and feeling her move and kick. He also LOVES talking to her.

Happy (early) New Year!

Weekly video 12/23/10

I originally wanted to post a video of Neebs and playing "catch" with the leftover scraps of wrapping paper that I took this past weekend. Of course my phone is being a butthead and won't email it to me. Cest la Vie...

Anyways, there's always a milestone that must be crossed for me in order for it to feel like Christmas time. For some, it's hearing a certain song, or decorating the tree. For me, it's this commercial...

Enjoy! Happy Holidays!

Holiday pictures

I sent out our Christmas cards yesterday, sans pictures. The past couple of years, I've taken pictures and included them in our holiday greetings. This year, time got the better of me. November FLEW by and December is doing the same. I mean, wasn't it just the 4th of July last week???

Jake has some amazing friends...two of which are named Gina and Kimiyo. Kimiyo is a photographer who is trying to build her business, and so decided to offer a discount on holiday pictures. Jake and I wanted to help her out, so we said we'd have them taken by her. She got some good pictures of us and after a really funny debacle with sending us the wrong CD, we got some of the images via email the other day. Of course, I ended up sending the holiday cards without the pictures included, but that's OK. I can share them here!

Electric Holiday Overload

Jake and I were proud to put light up on our house this year. I was all enthusiastic and had ideas of grandeur of where lights would be put. Jake, on the other hand, decided that he was too nervous to brave our gravel roofing to fulfill my ideas of said grandeur. Nevertheless, we comprimised and decided to just decorate our porch. I haven't taken a picture yet because as you've probably have heard, we're having quite the soggy season...that, and my camera's battery is dead.

But, today I saw pictures online of some people who go REALLY overboard with lights on their houses for the holidays and decided to share some of them with you. There are always two things that pop into my head when I see pictures like these: #1, Wow...would hate to get THAT PG&E bill, and #2, Some poor sould had to actually spend the time to put up those lights, make sure they were in the right place for extension cords, and calculate the voltage to not blow a fuse. That's talent my friends...

Original photo by MSVG via Flickr

Original photo by DMcGrew via Flickr

Original photo by juliejigsaw via Flickr

Photographer unknown, posted on BlogTo by Jerrold Litwinenko

Peppermint Bark

Every year for the past three years, my big cuzzie Megan and I make Peppermint Bark together. It's become a sort of tradition for us. The first year we did it, she was pregnant with her youngest son and this year I'm pregnant with Jake and my first child. The funny thing is, this year when we got together I was only 6 weeks behind where she was when we got together the year she was pregnant.

I was raised in a neighborhood where the neighbors look out for each other, and give cookies or some kind of homemade goodie around the holidays. When we moved to my parents' current house, we weren't that close with our neighbors but I did manage to make cookies a couple of years.

Now that Jake and I live on our own, I cherish the thought of having neighbors on friendly terms, because they're the ones who will call the cops if someone suspicious is casing your house. They're the ones who will help you out, say hello, invite you to neighborhood functions. It's important this day in age to have that sense of community, and Jake and I have that where we live. So I make Peppermint Bark for my neighbors because #1, they are awesome people that I'm glad are my neighbors and #2 because I like visiting them and letting them know that I do think of them, especially this time of year.

So, onto the recipe...

Peppermint Bark
Prep time: 10 minutes, cook time: 45 minutes = TOTAL: 55mins
Makes 2 9x13 inch pans

1 regular bag (forgot the oz) semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 regular bag of white chocolate chips
(You can of course have all white, or all semi-sweet and therefore would need two bags of that flavor rather than one of each)
6 regular-size peppermint candy canes
Wax Paper
a cookie sheet

Unwrap candy canes and put into a ziplock bag. Crush candy canes with either hammer or rolling pin (make sure your countertop is adequately protected). Make sure when crushing that there is a good mix of small chunks of candy and more powder-like candy. Take a small mesh collander and separate the larger chunks from the powder. Set aside.

Melt semi-sweet chips either in a double-boiler or in the microwave - be careful to melt chocolate slowly so it doesn't burn. Mix in half of peppermint powder into melted chocolate. Spread a 1/8 inch layer onto wax paper-lined cookie sheet. Place in refridgerator.

Melt white chocolate chips either in double-boiler or in the microwave - again, be careful to melt chocolate slowly so it won't burn. Mix in rest of peppermint powder into white chocolate. Take semi-sweet-chocolate out of fridge and spread 1/8 inch layer of white chocolate on top of the semi-sweet. Sprinkle peppermint candy chunks on top of white chocolate.

Take large piece of wax paper and using that, gently press peppermint chunks into the white chocolate. If you don't do this, the candy won't stick into the chocolate as it cools and will fall off.

Refridgerate for 45 minutes. Take out and break into pieces.

Weekly video 12/17/10

I would normally post something very festive and Christmas-y for the weekly video before Christmas, but this one had me laughing so hard I was getting some tears. It's still "holiday-based" but oh so funny.

Enjoy!

22 weeks

Here I am at 22 weeks.

This one was taken 10 minutes before I walked out the door to go to Sacramento and make peppermint bark with my cousin Megan. Scarlett's middle name is after Megan since it's also Megan's middle name. Megan is 6 years older than me, but has always been kind of a big sister and best friend to me. She's been a huge cheerleader of Jake and mine throughout our IF journey. I can't wait for Scarlett to meet her big cuzzie, and the rest of her amazing family.

Rollercoaster week

I do apologize for my absence from the blog.

Many of you probably read about the new addition to my Mom and Dad's house - a little silver tabby kitten named Jackson that was a Father's Day gift from Mom, Jake and I.

Well, last Wednesday, Jake received a call from my father, who was beside himself in tears. Jack (they shortened the name) suddenly died in my father's closet and my Dad found him while home alone. Jack wasn't even 2 years old. It was a shock and my Dad was completely devastated. He was inconsoleable on the phone, and since I live an hour away, it was heartbreaking to hear my Dad so upset.

Some may say "it's just a cat", but Jack was more than just a cat to my Dad. He was like a child. He and my Dad had a bond and he was a part of the family.

I jumped into action and called my parents' vet and asked if they could find out how Jack passed away. So, they did an autopsy and Jack apparently had an enlarged heart and most likely died of a heart attack. I knew having that information would give my Dad some peace of mind knowing he didn't do anything to cause Jack's death. Dad is still upset and sad, but he's doing better.

So I apologize for my absence, but I've been pretty busy.

20 weeks

Here's a picture of me at 20 weeks along.

I know this may sound strange, but I'm already feeling very much attached to our little girl. I don't even know what it'll be like when she actually arrives.

Also, we started playing music for her...a little late I know. But, she's got awesome taste. So far her favorites are "Imagine" by the Beatles and "Humans Being" by Van Halen. The Van Halen song was played by accident on my iPod. I've been playing more classical/piano music for her lately.

So...here's the belly picture.

Smithling is a...

GIRL!

We are soooo excited to welcome Scarlett Leigh into our lives come April of next year. We found out last Wednesday that our little one was a girl, and have announced it to our families over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend.

19 weeks

So this is it...two days until our Smithling officially has a proper name (although, I DO love Smithling). Saturday marked 19 weeks in this journey to mommy and daddy-hood, and we've thoroughly enjoyed every step of the way.

Saturday I also went in for my 3 hours glucose tolerance test. I passed 3 of the 4 tests, and have an appointment with a dietician next week. I will have to test again at around 24-26 weeks, but I haven't heard if it's the 1 hour or the 3 hour again.

So, here's this week's belly picture. Please excuse the weird hair as I hadn't "done" it yet.

Texas and 6 days left!

As most of you know, I have been out of town. Well, more out-of-state, really. Jake and I made our yearly trek to Texas to visit his Dad and Step-mom last week. I always enjoy going to visit them. Texas is like a different world. Of course as almost always happens when we go out there, our last night was met with a thunder storm that was really cool to watch because you're able to see it even though it's two cities over. We got to see the Dallas Cowboys new stadium (from the freeway, and it looked like a giant marshmallow) and Six Flags over Arlington (we didn't go because Jake didn't want to ride anything by himself). All in all, we had fun.

Yesterday also marked ONE WEEK until Jake and I find out if our Smithling is a boy or girl. I'm excited, but also a little scared. It's one more step to the whole thing being real and I've been having some strange dreams...one of which was last night where I was only 4 months along and in labor. But I was in labor in an old folks home-like place where the nurse was giving the bed next to mine to someone and they were cleaning old leaves and stuff out of that bed and putting it on top of mine. That and my entire family was there watching me go through contractions. Yeah...I was a little freaked out.

I also failed my one-hour glucose screening and have to do the 3-hour test on Saturday. That means I'll have to have my blood drawn 3-4 times and I can't leave the lab until the final draw is done. Yeah...not a fan.

Wish me luck!

Elections

In case you're wondering, no this post isn't about our elections last week and my disappointment in them (Looooooong story, will tell any inquiring minds later). This post is about choices, because that's essentially what elections are - choices we make. We make these choices that will affect our lives, even if for one moment.

During pregnancy, there are tons of choices you must make...and they ALL seemingly affect your child. Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? Will you choose an epidural, or go au natural? Will you choose cloth diapers or disposable ones? Some of these choices, or ELECTIONS are harder to choose than others. One person's choices isn't exactly the same as someone else's.

Some of the most important choices I have made during my pregnancy is in regards to genetic testing. There is an entire gamut of tests that I could choose from. I could do blood panel screenings, ultrasounds, and all the way up to amniocentesis, and CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling). I was able to choose any test I was comfortable with taking.

It was expressed to me that some might not have understood why I had the NT scan. An NT scan is called Nuchal Translusency scan. It's a detailed ultrasound where they measure this little pad of fluid on the back of the baby's neck. Every fetus has it. The thicker the pad (or more fluid), the higher the chance the baby will have of having Down Syndrome along with some other genetic abnormalities. The fluid in the pad puts pressure on the developing spine, thus preventing crucial brain development and function (at least that's what I was told by the tech). If the test indicates that there might be a higher risk of Down Syndrome, an Amniocentesis would've been recommended along with further testing. I could've chosen to skip the ultrasound and gone straight to the Amnio, but I CHOSE or ELECTED to do the blood panel screening and NT scan. I wanted to get tested to make sure the baby was OK, but I also wanted to do the least invasive tests available. So I had the blood test and the NT scan. Of course if the doctor had told me further testing was recommended, I would've done the Amnio. But being that I am not a fan of needles and their general reason for existing, I decided to not do that. As it turns out, our baby is fine and the tests I ELECTED to have were the right choice for us. It wasn't because I am considered "high risk" which I am not at this point. The doctor and I made conscious decisions together for the best benefit of Jake and my child.

Oh, and the NT scans became a normal choice in genetic testing in 1995-1996.

Weekly video 11/5/10

Remember, remember the 5th of November,
The gun powder, treason and plot -
I see no reason why the gunpowder and treason
Should ever be forgot.

I love this movie.

16 weeks!

Wow...16 weeks along. Holy cow!

I always say this, but I remember when Jake and I first found out we were pregnant and one of my thoughts was "Wow...it's a long time until we get into the double-digit months, especially 16 weeks". 16 weeks has always been a major milestone in my mind as far as pregnancies go. To me, it was a comfortable number, and still is.

It's still amazing to me that we've received such a gift from God. I've been thinking about it a lot - about when I finally calmed down and stopped praying for a child, and starting praying for understanding of why I was going through this. Within a few months, God blessed Jake and I with our baby. We have another appointment on Friday, so we get to see the Smithling again. I must admit, the few days before an ultrasound are torture because all I want to do is sit and stare at that ultrasound screen all day.

Alrighty...I guess I'll post a belly picture. ;)

NT Test Results

So, the tech fibbed and told Jake and I that we would get our NT test results back in a week. We didn't actually get them until yesterday. Boo on them!

So I know you're all wondering how we did, right? Well...there's good news!

The first trimester blood screening I had - all results came up negative, which is good.

The baby has a less-than 1 in 100,000 chances of having Trisomy 18 and a less-than 1 in 100,000 chances of having Trisomy 21.

I haven't received the measurements and chances for Down Syndrome, but I'm praying they're also good news.

We have our next appointment next Friday, and I can't wait!

Thank you for all your continued thoughts and prayers. I still can't believe we're finally being blessed with our little Smithling (Jake made that up).

Weekly video 10/21/10

Tomorrow, I will be out of commission for blogging since our office is moving and I will be helping. So, I am posting my weekly video today.

This song has always been very near and dear to my heart. It can speak to any situation. Lately I have been thinking about how far I've come in my life, and the lessons I have learned along the way. I never would've come out the other side of my trials and struggles had it not been for my wonderful family and friends...but most of all, I do thank God.

I admit through the infertilty Jake and I endured, my faith in God faltered a bit from time to time. I was angry and didn't know why these things were happening to me. But after a while, I realized that God was actually giving me a gift. He was showing me that through faith and hard work, that I would soon see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's why I never gave up. God, and my family have never given up on me, so I couldn't give up on God, my family and myself. Life is too precious to waste on giving up, and now I get to share those lessons and God's love with my child.

So with that, here's the video. It's not so much a video to watch, but a song to listen to the words. It's not a new song, but I love it. I'm hoping Jake and I will be able to show a video of our journey on this blog once the baby is here and I have the time to put it together.

Enjoy!



Seal - Love's Divine

Pedja | Myspace Video

14 weeks!

Today is a milestone in the pregnancy journey. We are 14 weeks along today which begins the 2nd trimester! I feel awesome. I can't believe this is finally here! When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought "wow...I have a loooong time until I get into the 2nd trimester", and time has actually gone by pretty fast.

I have enjoyed every moment of this pregnancy and in a few weeks, we find out what sex our Smithling is!

Today we've read that the baby is about the size of a lemon (or the size of your fist) which is about 3 1/2 to 4 inches long and weighs about an ounce.

So here is a belly pic! We're going to try to start taking pictures at the week marks rather than weeks and some change.

The "Beloit Mindset" List

While checking out blogs of some of the ladies I know through an online forum I'm involved with, I came across a post with something called a "Bleoit Mindset List". I guess it's meant to show a gap in generations and their experiences. So I asked the blogger if I could use the list and put it up on my blog, and she agreed (Thanks, M) :) She used the list that was made for college freshman beginning in 2002.

So, I am making my responses to the statemenets below in bold. Let's see here...

1. The people starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. (I don't agree with this one because Jake was born in 79 and starting college right after his high school graduation in 1997. So there!

2. They have no recollection of the Reagan era, and did not know he'd ever been shot. (I don't really remember the era, but I've known since a young age that he was shot.)

3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. I believe I was in elementary school. I remember when my mom brought out my beach ball globe and showed me where Iraq was an explained to me what war is.

4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression. Umm...no. What is Black Monday 1987? I was 3.

5. There has been only one Pope. They can only remember one President. Yes for only one Pope, but I can remember Bush Sr., Clinton, and Bush Jr.

6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War. True.

7. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them - not a movie. I have feared nuclear war. It was a topic of great discussion in my World History class in my Junior year, which was 2001, by the way.

8. They are too young to remember the Space Shuttle Challenger blowing up. I don't remember the actual occurence, but my mom taped the news reports of it so I did see it via the news at that time.

9. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. True.

10. They never had a polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is. I don't know about the shot, but I DO know what polio is.

11. Bottle caps have not always been screw off, but have always been plastic. Umm...no. I've had experiences with bottle caps throughout my life, thankyouverymuch.

12. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums. Wrong! I played Atari (hello Centipede!) for years and my mom always played her vinyl records for me (oh yes...the Muppets Christmas with John Denver!)

13. The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them. I know exactly what it means.

14. They have never owned a record player. I was one of the few who did have a record player in my parents' giant stereo set. I loved that thing!

15. They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of "Pong". Pac Man was part of my Atari game selection and I know what Pong is.

16. Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic. I don't agree with this at all. I like the effects in Star Wars.

17. There have always been red M&Ms, and blue ones are not new. I remember beige/tan M&Ms and I participated in the nation-wide vote for the new M&Ms color when the choices were pink, purple and blue (I chose Blue)

18. They may have never heard of an 8-track, and chances are they've never heard or seen one. Wrong! My dad's old truck (that was originally my grandfather's) had an 8-track player in it. I remember listening to The Bay City Rollers on the way to pick up a Christmas tree!

19. The compact disc was introduced when they were one year old. I don't know about that, but I didn't own a CD until I was in junior high.

20. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents. No. I remember when they were 29 cents (which wasn't that long ago)

21. They have always had an answering machine. True.

22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a B&W TV. I have seen a TV with only 13 channels, and my grandfather had one of the first portable TVs that only played in B&W.

23. They have always had cable. I don't know about this. Mom? Dad? Chime in?

24. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea was Beta is. Isn't that the movies that looked like records in the giant thin cartridges that were a PITA to play because they kept skipping from the dust?

25. They cannot fathom what it was like not having a remote control. The TV I grew up with didn't have a remote control and you had to change the channels using a dial on the actual set.

26. They were born the year Walkmen were introduced by Sony. I don't know.

27. Roller-skating has always meant in-line for them. In-line skates were introduced when I was in elementary school. My cousin Megan taught me to roller skate when I was about 6-7 years old.

28. "The Tonight Show" has always been with Jay Leno. We never watched it, so this might be true.

29. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool. I owned a pair of Jordache jeans.

30. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. Wrong. I remember sitting on the counter while my mom and I popped air-popped popcorn in her popcorn popper thingy with the see-through yellow top.

31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareen Abdul-Jabbar is a football player. I was never into sports as a kid, so it could be true.

32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. True.

33. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to the as WWI and WWII or even the Civil War. Not true. It only took place about 15 years before I was born. That's not ancient.

34. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. True.

35. They can't imagine was hard contact lenses are. Wrong.

36. They don't know who Mork was, or where he was from. Wrong! Nanu-Nanu! oh..and he was from Ork!

37. They never heard the terms "Where's the Beef", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" or "De plane, de plane!" Oh yes I have.

38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is. True.

39. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was. Wrong.

40. Michael Jackson has always been white. Nope. I grew up during his "transition".

41. Kansas, Boston, Chicago, American and Alabama are all places - not music groups. Nuh-uh! I grew up with Boston playing in my Pocket Rocker, and Alabama was one of my mom's favorite bands.

42. McDonald's never came in styrofoam containers. Yes they did. I remember when they did. There was a white one, a yellow one and even a blue one.

43. There has always been MTV, and it has always included non-musical shows. There has always been MTV, but I'm not sure about it always including non-musical shows.

It's amazing what some people think my generation knows/doesn't know. I guess I'm more well-rounded than I thought.

NT Scan

So, as promised, I am updating with the NT scan and pictures of the peach. That's right...the baby is now the size of a peach!

The test had to be performed in Oakland, since that is where the nearest Kaiser Genetics department is. We went in, and the show was on the road. I was given a mirror to watch the ultrasound because the tech had to have full view of the screen (which I totally understand). I noticed the baby wasn't moving too much and I asked her what was going on. She said it appeared that our little one was just taking a nap...I was jealous. She did say that she was going to be moving and pushing, so he/she would wake up and move. Apparently, the baby was in a reclined position with it's feet propped up against the uterine wall. What a life! We got to see everything...the spine, the face, ribs, legs (every bone), feet, hands, but no "bits" yet. We're saving that one for a later date. ;) (no, we didn't find out).

The baby has apparently inherited my stubbornness because it wouldn't cooperate and lay flat to take the NT measurements. So I was made to walk up and down the halls for about 5-7 minutes and then we tried again. The second time, it was OK for about 5 minutes, then the baby went back to it's comfy reclined position. Ugh. So the baby did end up moving enough to take the measurements, and I'll get the results in about a week.

So...here are pictures!

The profile

The baby's face and belly (face is to the left, belly to the right)

Note: I said it looks like an alien, Jake says it looks like Venom from SpiderMan

So...I owe you...

an apology. I know there are many readers who are dying to know what the heck is going on with me, Jake, school, work, and of course, the baby.

Things are fine. I'm having my NT scan tomorrow morning at 8:30am which checks my chances for the baby having Downs Syndrome. I'm also having my 1st trimester blood screening for Cystic Fibrosis. I have opted for the blood screenings, but do not want to have the amniocentesis, or any other procedure unless both the doctors and I see that it's necessary.

So, I know I posted after my last ultrasound that we were to find out the baby's sex the Monday after Thanksgiving. Well, shortly after that blog was posted, I called Radiology and asked if they could move my appointment to either the Monday or Wednesday before since Jake insists on being there for every single appointment (which I love having him there). So they fit me in at 2pm on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. So, that means we'll be able to tell our families face to face, like we've wanted, over the holiday weekend. :)

I've also caved and bought my first pairs of maternity pants. I bought two pairs of jeans, a black pair of pants and a gray pair of pants (for work). I must say as soon as I tried them on, I was in love. I mean, why can't they make pants *this* comfortable for people who AREN'T pregnant? It's crazy! I also bought two shirts. One I can wear now, and one I'll have to wait on because at this point, the shirt still looks like a tent.

Tomorrow will be one month until Jake and I go to Texas to visit Jake's Dad and Step-Mom. I can't wait. They've constantly been checking in with Jake to see how I'm doing and they're really excited to see the baby bump. I wish we could tell them what the baby's sex is, but it is what it is and they understand the timing.

Anyways, I promise I will update everyone tomorrow after the NT scan and hopefully we'll have more updated ultrasound pictures of the baby to share. Wish me luck!

11 weeks, 5 days

OK, so I've been holding off as much as possible in posting any belly pictures until I knew I was showing. However, in a strange chain of events, I have been told no less than 4 times that I am indeed showing.


I've always had a tummy, something I am not proud of at all. But when Jake even says "Honey, I think you're starting to show", it starts to dawn on me that there's no turning back. So, I am (reluctantly) posting my first "belly" picture. Please be kind. If you must laugh, please don't tell me. ;)


Also please forgive the fact that it's a BlackBerry picture. My camera broke, and we're on the lookout for a replacement.

So what do you think? And by the way, I am not arching my back at all. I promise.

Ultrasound #2

Today Jake and I had our appointment with out OBGYN today and had our 2nd ultrasound. We love the doctor and I'm so happy to be her patient.

When we did the ultrasound, the first thing I noticed was the baby moving, and boy was he/she ever moving like crazy! We're talking waving arms up and down, wiggling around, kicking feet, the works. It was so cool to just sit and watch the baby's actions. The doctor said "Wow, you have a kicker" and Jake said "It's doing the happy dance!" It was just so amazing to see. And how the baby has grown? My goodness, there is a HUGE difference in size in just 3 weeks.

We've also found out that we will be finding how what we're having the Monday after Thanksgiving. I would have preferred to know before so we could tell our families, but it is what it is.

So, I know you're all wanting to see pictures...so here they are!

Pregnancy Dreams

When people said "you'll have weird and intense dreams while you're pregnant", weren't kidding! The Sandman is officially fired. I'm telling you, I have had some of the most frustrating and strangest dreams I've ever had in my life. Last night, I was kind of scared. Here are a few of the most strange dreams I've had lately.

Last night: I'm being chased by my grandmother and aunt through a convenience/Dollar Tree combo store. I'm hiding a couple of aisles away when they peek over and spot me, then they run (and my grandmother has a walker in real life, people) after me. I get out of the store and it's night time, so I go to the one place I know neither of them would set foot in...a bar. I convince the two bouncers that Grandma and Auntie are after me, and quickly make friends with them. Next thing I know, I'm sitting down, look to the left and my grandmother is sitting in the bar a few tables away, but her back is to me. No escape. Crap. Then (even weirder) I look out the tinted bar windows, and my aunt is in a big van, and is scanning the bar for me with a red laser. The laser barely misses me, and the alarm wakes me up.

Sunday night: I'm a pregnant bride, but everything is falling apart. My family is stuck at the hotel because the swimming pool is "free", there's a lion in a cage inside the chapel that the pastor insists is Jake's best man. My Dad is asleep and won't wake up (yes, he's alive), Jake is nowhere to be found and the buffet dinner is comprised entirely of olives. I hate olives. Somehow in my mind though, I thought if I reasoned with the lion, everything will be alright in the end.

Last week: Jake is cheating on me...with twin sisters. In real life, if I had caught Jake cheating on me, let's just say he wouldn't be walking for a long time. But in this dream, all I kept thinking is "I don't want to make him mad, so I won't say anything to him".

There are many more I've had, but I can't remember them all right now. Some, obviously, are stranger than others...but they're all pretty weird. Some are actually fun to share (the wedding one was a riot for Jake) and others, all I can say when I wake up is "I had the weirdest dream last night" because it's too complicated to tell at the time.

Just thought I would share.

3 years

3 years ago, my sister in law was in pain. She was in labor with her first child. My mother in law took up residence in her living room to help her through the labor since her boyfriend was on vacation at the time. Jake and I regularly called to check in every 3-4 hours or so. My favorite call was when Jake asked "How's Summer doing?" and MIL answered "She's asleep in the bathtub". Thinking about that call still makes me giggle.

The following day, Jake and I were in a tax class at H&R Block to get a head start on what we needed to learn for the business we started. Summer had been in labor since 2 days before that, so we knew she was getting worn down. She had tried to go to the hospital but was sent home because she was "too happy" to occupy a hospital bed in labor. At around 10am, Jake and I both got text messages from MIL saying "Summer's about to push. Baby should be here in about an hour". 20 minutes later? "Skyler Raynne is here!"...so much for an hour, huh? We left our class early and headed to the hospital. At that moment, I became the proud auntie of Skyler Raynne Rouse. Tomorrow, she's turning 3 years old. She's rambuncious. She's sweet. She's a toe-head blonde with deep green eyes. She calls me "Auntie LoLo" and has a lisp. She knows the words to "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey, "Wonderboy" by Tenacious D and "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond. She's smart and playful. And she's 3....three. years. old. Where did the time go????

Halloween inspiration

Lately I've been interested (I'm not obsessed) in Halloween. The bug usually bites this time of year when the season click and that nip in the air is finally here. It's the time for colored leaves and pumpkins. I love this time of year. It's the beginning of the holiday season, my favorite part of the year. So here are a few Fall/Halloween pictures to get the mood going. Remember...this Wednesday is the first day of Fall! :D

Weekly video 9/17/10

This video was sent to me by a co-worker, and it's hilarious! What the people are doing is called "Flash Mob".

Enjoy!

Weekly video 9/10/10

This is a video to go along with the "welcoming soldiers home" video I found. Can you tell the dog is REALLY happy to see his "Dad"?

Enjoy!

Smell

One of the symptoms of this pregnancy I've noticed is my heightened sense of smell. I can smell the weirdest things and the normal smells are a little more intense. So yesterday while walking home from work, I started thinking about smells. People who know me well know that I LOVE scented candles, perfumes, lotions, laundry detergents...anything that smells good. But I don't go for the super fruity smells, or the strong smells. I go for whatever appeals to me, which I notice is more the fresh and flowery scents. So here are some of my favorite smells in the world and why:

Freshly dried laundry - it makes the world a better place

"Harvest" scented Yankee Candle - it envokes the essence of Fall

A humid Summer night - the fresh, balmy smell is refreshing after a hot day

Tan Bark - brings me back to playing on playgrounds as a child

Hello Kitty store - Only my mom understands

BBQ - is there anything better?

The night air on Halloween or Christmas Eve - just trust me, it's amazing

The inside spine of old library books - ahh, the smell of knowledge

A fresh Christmas tree - this is pretty obvious

Wood burning in a fireplace - memories abound

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of any more right now. What are some of your favorite smells?

8 weeks, 3 days

I'm trying not to be specific on days, but I was 8 weeks as of Saturday (if my counting is correct) and I'm looking forward to my next prenatal appointment on the 22nd.

I've hit a wall.

I slept pretty much all weekend, and I'm still exhausted. I wasn't feeling well yesterday and thought morning sickness was kicking in, but I feel better today. I think I wasn't drinking enough fluids or something because I started drinking a bunch thinking I was going to get dehydrated from the m/s, but now I'm OK. I'm pretty waterlogged, so Jake and I have discovered that a small amount of V8 Splash (Berry Mix) mixed in with the water gives it enough flavor to be bearable.

Hopefully this week goes by fast and I can rest before a baby shower I'm going to on Sunday rolls around. I'm excited to see our neighbor and friend, Mari being showered with all kinds of gifts for her little one to come. I just wish I wasn't so dang tired. But, like I've always said...I wouldn't trade the reason I'm tired for anything in the world.

Weekly video 9/3/10

This video is a prank a husband is playing on his wife. No worries, no one gets hurt.

Enjoy!

First ultrasound

I've been looking forward to today for a long time...ever since Jake and I found out I am pregnant. Today was our first ultrasound. It was at our RE's office in SF, but it was quite the story getting there. Are you ready? Here we go.

So we are on the freeway, about to get onto the Bay Bridge. Of course, there's traffic. There's always traffic (seemingly) on the BB. No biggie, right? As we got past the infamous S-curve, we found out why there was such a hold up. There was a car broken down in the fast lane, and cars behind it were rushing to get out from behind it, causing a "slow-down". So we finally get off the freeway and onto the San Francisco streets. I swear whoever designed the streets of that city thought to themselves "Someday, some lady is going to need to have her first ultrasound at a hospital in the City. So let's criss-cross the streets in weird angles to confuse the heck out of her". We hit every. single. stoplight. in San Francisco. No joke. There were a few times where I said "We're never going to make it".


We got to Kaiser, and needed to find a parking space in their underground parking garage. Anyone who has been to the SF Kaiser knows parking there is a pain in the butt. Jake and I FINALLY found a space on the 5th floor (meaning 5 floors underground). We walk to the elevator(s). There are usually two of them, but of course one was broken. We were the 2nd pair of people to get to the elevator. We literally stood there waiting for the darn thing to get to our parking level for 15 minutes. So of course we have to stop at every single level on the way up, with people waiting to get on at each level. There were a select few who truly believed that if they squeezed hard enough, they would make space in the elevator. So by the time we got to the main lobby level, it was like a comical elevator scene where people are bursting out of the "car". We made our way to the opposite end of the lobby to the set of elevators that take you to the various levels of the hospital. We got to our level and I breathed a sigh of relief. We finally had made it! I walked up to the receptionist's desk (20 minutes late for my appointment thanks to the *wonderful* elevator system) and handed her my card. She looks at the computer and said "I don't see your appointment here". I said "I scheduled it in early August, so I should be in there". So she punches in my card number and says "Oh, yes. I see you here. It says here your appointment was cancelled". OH HELL NO! She looked at me totally waiting for me to accept my fate and walk away. But no. I stood there and said "I didn't cancel that appointment. No one called me to tell me it was cancelled. My husband and I just drove here from Richmond. Someone IS seeing me today". So she called the nurse's station and asked that one come up and speak to me. After about 10 minutes of waiting, she called again. One of the nurses came up, called my name and took Jake and I into a small office where she sat us down. She explained that my RE had decided to perform research today and cancelled all his appointment for today. But, they neglected to call me to tell me this. So she gave us two options.


1. To see another doctor who can fit us in for the ultrasound in a few minutes.


2. Reschedule for tomorrow with my regular doctor.


Jake goes to school Tuesdays and Thursdays. We purposely made this appointment on a Wednesday so Jake could attend. He didn't want to miss seeing our child for the first time. So needless to say, we went with Option 1. So the nurse walked us from the small office to the ultrasound room.


The doctor walked in and the show began. There were a few hiccups (the doctor as a "navigator", sucked at first) but I won't go into the gorey details. But pretty soon, we were face to screen with our little pinto bean. The doctor paused for a minute and said "You see that flicker?" I said "Yes I do". He said "Do you know what that is?" and I said "Yes. It's the heartbeat". I grabbed Jake's hand and looked at him. His face was so priceless. I wish I had caught it on camera. There was this awe-struck innocence about it, like he was seeing the stars for the first time. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. All the sounds in that room seemed to fade away and all that I could see and feel were Jake holding my hand and the little human on the screen. I had brought Kleenex because I was convinced I was going to bawl my eyes out. But as soon as I saw our little one, what were anticipated tears turned into amazement. I couldn't believe it. We're having a baby, and it has a heartbeat. I admit there were times where I thought we'd never get to this place. But here we are. We got two print-outs of the ultrasound. I am measured at 7 weeks 4 days, which gives us an EDD of April 16th, 2011. We're having an April baby!



So, without further ado, here's our little Smithling:

7 weeks, 4 days (he/she is the little "blob" on the lower right of the dark area)

Being measured

Check-in: Approx 8 weeks

So yesterday I had my pre-natal intake appointment at Kaiser. It was full of information and forms to fill out. I had to disclose everything from if I planned to get pregnant, to possible genetic problems that have to do with my ethnicity.

I signed up for an early pregnancy class, which doesn't take place until I'll be 11 weeks, but I thought it was good information to have anyways. I have my first pre-natal appointment with my doctor on September 22nd. I haven't met her yet since this was the situation:

I normally have all my care at Kaiser San Rafael. A couple of years ago, about a year into our IF journey, I had picked a doctor based on her credentials and "knowledge". That was a big mistake because she was the worst OBGYN ever in terms of communication. I honestly think if I had stayed with her any longer, that I would still be popping Clomid month after month wasting money on medicine that didn't work and IUIs that were for nothing. I decided I had had enough and transferred to another doctor. He was fantastic. He would call and check up on me, he didn't waste my time and after one failed cycle of Clomid, he decided I should see an RE. And then we saw Dr. F in San Francisco. After 6 months, I am pregnant (I love saying that). So Dr. F said after my first ultrasound with him, I should start seeing my regular OBGYN for my general pre-natal care. OK, no problem right? Wrong. I called San Rafael and was informed that not only did my OBGYN not perform pre-natal care, but that the only pre-natal appointments they schedule are on Tuesdays and Thursdays...both the days that Jake is in school. Jake expressed a deep desire to be there for all my appointments and not miss anything. So I decided to go for Kaiser Richmond for my pre-natal care instead. Good decision. It's close, the doctors are really nice and it's in the same "network" as the hospital Jake and I would like to deliver at...which I won't reveal just yet.

Since this was an intake appointment, there was no ultrasound like Jake and I thought. It was a bummer to hear for sure, but it is what it is. Tomorrow we get to meet our little one and I can't wait.

Sardines at SF State

Jake began his classes at SF State this week. He goes to school two days a week: Tuesday and Thursdays and has one online class that doesn't require him to be on campus.

Tuesday morning was following a night of hellish sleep for me (aka almost none at all) so when the alarm beeped it's ugly beeping signaling Jake to get the heck out of bed, I decided to get up too. Seeing him buzz around the house reminded me of when I was a kid and that excitement that was the first day of school. Your backpack is chock full of fresh supplies, you're excited to see your friends, and the year is ripe with possibilities. Seeing him trot down our front steps was reminiscent of a 5-year old saying "Bye mommy!" while skipping to Kindergarten for the first time. It was funny, but it was also nice to see him so excited.

So yesterday was his final day this week and he got to attend his now "favorite" class that is Film and Society. Basically it's students watching TV shows and movies that take place in the 1930's through the 1960's when our society was changing the most. Then when the movie is finished, the student sit around and talk about impressions and notes about what happens. Homework? One paper due at the end of the semester. Textbook? Nada. It's a class right up Jake's ally. I mean I didn't marry a man with 500+ DVDs in his possession for nuthin', right? So what was the TV show du jour on Tuesday? Mad Men. It was the episode where Betty Draper finds out her husband, Don Draper has cheated on her.

Now for the reason of the title of this post: sardines. No, Jake isn't taking Marine Biology or anything like that. It's the state of the classrooms. One of his classes, Cross Cultural Perspectives which is mandatory for his major, is set in a classroom modeled for a maximum of 80 students. How many are in the class? Approximately 120. So for the first class, there were students lining the walls waiting patiently for others to leave so they could sit down. No such luck. Also, the campus was revamped in the 70's or 80's when we were substantially smaller-sized people. As you know, Jake is no wilting flower (and I wouldn't change him for anything). He's got thighs...and I use that term kindly. But I like his thighs...whoa...that was TMI. Sorry.

Anyways...so his seat is one of those tiny wooden seats with the tiny desk that folds down over your lap. Well, Jake's...umm...bottom...is too wide for the seat, so he's pretty crammed in. Then since his thighs are larger than the seats were made for, he can't push down the desk part all the way. Imagine this for 80 students sitting and 40 standing against the walls...with no air conditioning...in a heat wave that RARELY hits San Francisco (it was 96 degrees that day)...yeah...you get the idea. So yes, sardines is quite accurate. Poor Jake.

I know all these quirky experiences he's going through now are going to be subject of laughter and joking later as he looks back on them. They always do. But for now, he's going to just bite the bullet and pray that another heat wave isn't headed for the campus; at least not while he's attending classes.

But I'm as proud as I can be of him. He's chasing his dream...to be able to tell his wife she's got behavioral problems for free. ;)

Weekly video 8/27/10

Happy Friday!

This week's video is one I was shown on FaceBook. I had to share. It's a heartwarming story of two friends who are very different.

Enjoy!

Can't wait to say "Hello"

Jake has taken to talking to our little one, even though he/she can't hear yet. In one week precisely, we will be able to see our little Smithling for the first time. I can't wait. To be able to see our baby's heart beat will no doubt make me cry. I will go prepared with a package of tissue.

In other news, Jake has passed his head cold onto moi. It's nothing huge. I'm just congested (which I hate the most about being sick) and I'm sneezing, and have a sore throat. Luckily there is a list (albeit, it's pretty tiny) of OTC medicines I can take, like Robitussin, Afrin and throat lozenges. Oh happy day for me, huh?

Baby Books

The day after I found out I was pregnant, I headed to Barnes and Noble to get a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. While Jake and I were TTC, I would frequent the Pregnancy and Childbirth book section, pondering what day I would be able to purchase the books without having them sit and collect dust on my bookshelves, waiting for the spine to be cracked for the first time. The book has been helpful, and I've had some questions answered by What to Expect and of course, Google.

I was also told, many moons ago when my cousin Megan was pregnant with her son, to get a hold of the book Baby Bargains. My cousin Katie who is due in October/November (I keep forgetting which one, Katie...I'm sorry) told me to check out Your Pregnancy Week by Week.

So this weekend, Jake and I went to Barnes and Noble once again. I picked up both books and both have been both informative and (in the case of Baby Bargains) kind of funny to read. Baby Bargains is more about looking out for the consumer of baby products, what you will definitely need, and what's just "fluff", and reviews of certain items like strollers, cribs, etc. Pregnancy Week by Week gives you a drawn picture of what your baby looks like that week, what your body will be going through and what to do as far as exercise goes. I must admit, between the three books, I feel safe. I feel like reading up on these things is really giving me the strength to not call my doctor every day saying "I NEED TO TEST AGAIN!"

Weekly video 8/20/10

This week's video is a recent find, but seemingly an online sensation. You have to watch the entire video, because in the last 30 seconds, it's REALLY funny.

Enjoy!

Texas Bound!

Today Jake and I purchased our flight tickets to see his Dad in Texas in mid-November. I'm always excited to go. I enjoy my father-in-law and step-mother-in-law's company. They're very laid back, relaxed people which is what Jake and I need around us. No stress. This time will be special because I will be about 18 weeks along when we go.

Texas two years ago with Flea, one of my in-law's 6 dogs

Our flight is at 10am out of San Francisco, so we're going to take BART early in the morning alllll the way down. I've never been on BART during commute hours, so this will be an adventure from the stories I've heard.

Update: No morning sickness yet. I've felt a little lightheaded and have had a feeling at the base of my throat that felt a *tiny* bit like I might...ya know. But nope, nothing yet. I'm waiting (im)patiently for our first ultrasound. I can't wait to see our baby's heartbeat. I've been feeling pretty tired and usually fall asleep around 9pm, when I used to stay up until 11 or so. I've heard some horror stories about morning sickness, so I'm waiting for the monster to rear it's ugly head.

Answered Prayers

So, you may have noticed my absence (or not) from this blog for the past couple of weeks. One reason is a reason I will not go into because it's not worth the time to explain myself.

The second is a really big reason...or rather a very small one at this point:

I'm 6 weeks pregnant.

Jake and I are so thrilled that all of our prayers have been answered. It's been the longest and hardest journey I've ever been on and I knew in the end it would be worth it, and it has. Here's how we found out.

Per my previous post about Femara working, the doctor told me I should wait a week or two and if no AF shows, I should take a pregnancy test. When he said this, I thought "There's no way in heck I'm pregnant". Having two huge positives in one month was #1, too good to be true and #2, My BBT thermometer had broken mid-cycle. Jake and I thought we had missed our O day, so we weren't expecting much. A few days later, I started to notice that I was REALLY REALLY tired all of a sudden. Nothing would make it go away: food, coffee, a nice walk outside, nothing. I also started to notice that *something* felt different. My body felt a little off. I didn't feel sick or like I was coming down with something, but something was definitely happening. I wasn't sure what it was. The thought came into my head "maybe I AM pregnant?" I talked to Jake and we agreed that after a few days, we would try a home pregnancy test.

On Saturday the 29th, I did the first test, with a stark white space where the positive sign would be. I was bummed, but for some reason left the test on the bathroom counter so Jake could see it (I'm not sure why I did that now). About 20 minutes later, I showed him the test and it looked like there was an EXTREMELY faint line. We were shifting the test against the light trying to decide if the line was there on the test, or more in our heads. I decided it was in my head once I read the instructions again and it said "Negative results should not be read past 10 minutes".

On Monday the 2nd, I tested again. This time there was a very faint pink line. It wasn't much darker than the test from Saturday, but I was convinced the line was there. I told Jake I was contemplating calling the doctor's office to schedule a blood test. He told me he was fine with that, but to just think it over. I did. The next morning, I knew I needed a definite answer. I didn't want to be investing money in pregnancy tests like a mad woman. I wanted the best test I could get...a blood test.

On Tuesday the 3rd, I walked into the Lab at Kaiser fully expecting the test to be negative. The morning was pretty uneventful and I was told by my doctor that I would have to wait til the next day to get the results. That was the most hopeful and prayer-filled day. Somehow, in the bottom of my heart, I KNEW I was pregnant.

Wednesday the 4th: The doctor's office opened at 9am, and I got to work at 8:30. That was the most torturous 30 minutes ever. I decided I wanted to play nonchalant and wait until 9:15 to call the doctor. I called with Jake by my side but got the answering machine, so I left a message. I decided to just wait with Jake until the call came back. A few minutes later, he had a phone call and of course, the doctor's office called. It was one of the two main nurses for my RE (I forget which one now) and she said "You're calling for your results?" I said "yes I am". And then these words came out "OK, well I have the results here, and it's positive. You're pregnant!"

When the word "positive" came my way, I burst into tears. I'm not kidding...it was like someone flipped the switch on my eyeballs. I couldn't get a coherent word out of my mouth, and all the nurse kept saying was "Oh, it's OK. It's OK." Finally, I said "Oh, no. I know it's OK. We've just been trying for 3 years and I can't believe it's finally happening." I was still crying when Jake came outside. He saw me, stood there for a second and I looked at him. He gave me a thumbs up? sign, and I nodded. He didn't say anything. He just hugged me. It was the biggest hug he's ever given me and he never let go. As I was talking to the nurse about what was next, he never stopped touching me. He either had his arm around my shoulders, or was holding my hand. We couldn't believe it.

So our first ultrasound is on the 30th and we can't wait to meet our little Smithling. We feel truly blessed that we have finally received our little miracle. I haven't, nor will I take one second of this pregnancy for granted. I just hope the little one is OK. I haven't really heard anything from the doctor since the last beta result I got, which was 2 weeks ago.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers, thoughts, what have you. It means and has meant so much to Jake and I to have such wonderful people surrounding us and cheering us on.

Weekly video 8/13/10

This video has been quite popular in recent days. Caution: you'll need a box of Kleenex with you if you're going to watch this.

Enjoy!

Weekly video 8/6/10

I think this video is kind of funny, but in an innocent way. The bird has talent... :)

Enjoy!

OK, I'm ready to share...

I have been teeter-tottering over writing this post for the past 2 weeks or so. I've developed a theory that before everything wasn't working because I was oversharing. But the more I think about it, the more my family, who I love more than life itself, deserves to know what's going on. I love and respect those who read this blog (yes, you) enough to not leave them hanging. So here it goes.

I did my first cycle with Femara, the lowest dose I could start with. Dr. F advised that this cycle with Femara was mostly to see if this dosage would make me ovulate. Of course, he said, it was not meant to deter us from trying on our own. We just wouldn't be performing any IUIs or procedures. That was earlier in July.

2 weeks ago today, I walked into the lab at Kaiser to take the CD21-23 blood test to measure my Progesterone levels. Here's how it works:

Progesterone is a steroid hormone that is increasingly released after a woman ovulates. It helps the lining of the uterus develop and becoming inviting for a fertilized embryo. It also supports gestation and helps the placenta develop and work.

After natural ovulation, normal Progesterone levels are usually >10 ng/ml

After a medicated ovulation (me), normal levels are usually >15 ng/ml

The last cycle with medication, Clomid, my Progesterone levels were 0.3 ng/ml on CD 23. Meaning, I didn't ovulate.

So on Wednesday, I logged into Kaiser online to see my results. Jake was with me and held my hand. I was fully expecting the results to be bad, in that Femara didn't work for us this cycle. Given all the "bad news" we've been receiving lately, I just thought this would be another notch in the post of failures over the past 3 years. I opened the page that held my test results, along with all other results of blood work I had done. The new results were bolded, so I clicked on them while taking a deep, long breath.

The results? 22.6 ng/ml.

Yup. The Femara worked! It made me ovulate! I burst into tears on the spot. I was in such shock that we were finally getting good news. Something FINALLY worked. We didn't have to do injections like I had thought and the Clomid was behind us. Femara worked. It. WORKED.

Being the worry wart I am, I starting Googling crazily looking for possibilities that the results were too good to be true. This couldn't be...something actually worked. At that point, I realized that I had been working so hard with failures hanging around my neck that I didn't learn to appreciate a triumph when it was staring at me in the face. So, I called Dr. F's office. He saw the results and his exact words? "Your levels are beautiful. Congratulations!" If it were humanly possible to jump through the phone and give that man a kiss, I might have done it.

I was advised that I was to take a beta blood test for pregnancy in about 2 weeks from then if AF didn't show. If AF showed, I was also advised that he would like us to continue with the Femara while charting and using OPKs, with timed (insert obvious word here). Right now, we're waiting to test. Of course, this means I am becoming one of those crazies who sees every little thing that happens with my body as a sign that I'm pregnant.

So there you have it. No definite news yet on the full outcome since I technically can't test until the end of the week. Any prayers, dust, etc. that you can send would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for being there, everyone. I truly to love you all...more than you'll ever know.

Weekly video 7/30/10

This one is definitely funny! If you've seen Mystery Men, you'll get it...or if you just like Dane Cook.

Enjoy! :)

Warning: Vagueblogging ahead

I am requesting extra good thoughts, prayers, vibes, juju, whatever you can spare in the next month or so.

I'm sorry to be so vague, but I don't want to devulge too much information right now. I will update with more detail when I'm able.

I love you all.

Hi Auntie Karen. :)

Blueberry Sour Cream Pound Cake

I haven't posted (or tried) a new recipe in a while. I saw this one on allrecipes.com and the only thing keeping me from making it was that I didn't have a tube pan. Bed, Bath & Beyond is awesome, I tell ya.

Blueberry Sour Cream Pound Cake

Prep Time: 20 min, Cook Time: 1 hour = 1 hour 20 minutes total

16 servings

Recipe by Taste of Home & allrecipes.com, photo by Laurel Smith

1 cup butter, softened

3 cups sugar

6 eggs, separated

1 cup sour cream

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon almond extract

1 teaspoon butter flavoring (I didn't find this so I skipped it)

1 1/2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries

1. In a large bowl, cream butter; gradually adding sugar and mix well. Add egg yolks, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

2. In a separate bowl, combine sour cream and baking soda. Add alternately with flour to creamed mixture. Beat egg whites until stiff peaks form. Fold egg whites, extracts, butter flavoring and berries into the batter.

3. Spoon into greased 10 inch tube pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 60-70 minutes or until cake tests done.

Enjoy!

Weekly video 7/23/10

This video is so funny, but it's got some cursing, so beware.

Enjoy!

Farmers Market finds

Yesterday was the weekly Farmers Market in our little town. I enjoy Wednesday nights. It's a day to grab from freshly picked produce and talk to the people that live here as well. I usually don't purchase very much, but this time I went whole hog. I know exactly what I'm doing with what I got. Here's my list:

3 small green bell peppers
1 bunch green onions
2 broccoli bunches
2 artichokes
1lb bag of pistachios
6 pluots
3 white peaches
1lb mushrooms
5 large zucchini
2 ears of corn
1 very large bag of baby spinach
TOTAL: $20.00

That's right...$20 for all that. My arm was so tired from holding the bags that I'm still sore.

I love the farmers market.

Jaxon Maddox Rouse

Jaxon Maddox Rouse was born to Summer and Jason on Sunday July 18th, 2010 at 5:34pm after 27 hours of induced labor. He measured in at 9lbs, 15.4 oz and 21 inches long. Jake and I met our new nephew approximately 2 hours after his birth at Santa Teresa Kaiser hospital in San Jose. He's awfully cute..but of course, I'm biased.

To Reach a Goal

For the past few years, I've been wanting to participate in Team in Training for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I was on the fence about it for a long time, and was even more into it when my Grandmother passed away in May 2007 (4 days after Jake and I got married).

My grandfather passed away from Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma on December 19, 1992 when I was 8. He and I were very close and to this day I go to his gravesite every year at Christmas to let him know I still think about him and miss him.

My grandmother passed away from Lymphoma on May 23, 2007 after a years-long battle with the disease. She and I were not very close, but I did love her and I still miss her. She was always kind to me, and I regret not knowing her better.

Also, Jake and I have been wanting to join in on the Couch-to-5K program. I used to love walking and running when I was in high school and I do miss it. Walking/running is my exercise of choice. So in addition to starting the Couch-to-5K program, Jake and I will be participating in our first fundraiser walk with LLS. It's on October 9th in Walnut Creek, called Light the Night. I am inviting friends and more specifically, my family, to join me in honoring "Bud" and Mary in their memory by participating with me. I have to get more information, but I am proud that I'll be able to give something back to a great organization in the fight against these cancers.

Won't you join me?

How I feel today...

Today isn't a good day. But I have to keep smiling right?

Weekly Video 7/9/10

An oldie but a goodie...Enjoy!

IF and the 5 stages of grief

I've been reading up quite a bit about the 5 stages of grief. Some call it valid, some call it psycho-babble. Being the wife of a future psychologist doesn't make me biased, but I am more aware of the stages. Jake and I have talked about it from time to time and I believe I'm going through the five stages of grief in relation to my infertility.

Stage 1 - DENIAL: I admit in the beginning of all this, I wasn't so much in complete denial that I had a problem, but I did have those "I'll never get to that point" moments. I never believed in a million years I'd be on the cusp of injectables, and then IVF.

Stage 2 - ANGER: I admit I still have a toe in this stage. I'm still a bit angry, but I don't know how to not be. It's frustrating, it's enough to pull your hair out. To hear month after month that you didn't ovulate, or didn't get pregnant while seemingly EVERYONE around you gets pregnant is enough for one to want to jump in front of a high speed train. Believe me, I've considered it.

Stage 3 - BARGAINING: I hit this stage a while back. I kept saying to myself "I'll keep going until the end if..." It's bargaining with yourself that if you keep going, things will change. When they don't, it's even more bargaining. It's not the best stage, but it kept me going.

Stage 4 - DEPRESSION: I've most recently hit this stage in the past 6 months to a year. I've been asking myself "Why keep doing this to myself? It's only hurting more and more the time goes by", asking "what's the point, this won't happen for me", and more notably "I guess I'm just not meant to be a mother". It's the toughest stage, let me tell you. All the insecurities and self-doubt come rushing forth like an angry river.

Stage 5 - ACCEPTANCE: I think I might have been "testing the waters" with this stage most recently in the past couple of weeks. I've been thinking "this is how it will be, and it will be OK" and "No amount of me getting angry is helping the situation, nor will my time come before it's supposed too, so I might as well just work with what I've got". It's a tough stage, but it's easier than Depression, believe me.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but it does to me.