O'ing over the weekend

This weekend, I O'ed. The OPKs came out positive, and my BBT dropped by a few tenths of a degree.

Even though I was told to not try by my OBGYN, Jake and I tried on our own since the doctors aren't there to do IUIs on weekends. We were talking yesterday and thought how ironic it would be if we had all these IUIs in the past with a negative outcome, and the one time we try without IUIs, I get pregnant. I think it would be funny. It would be like "HAHA!! I beat technology!!" Well, maybe not that much, but it would still be pretty cool.

Also, this weekend, Jake and I did major cleaning of pretty much the entire house. We (well, I did) bought two new nightstands and a kitchen cart courtesy of Ikea. We also bought a poster/picture for over our bed (we don't have a bedroom set yet, which we're working on) with wall decals. The decals were supposed to say "Goodnight my Love, goodnight my everything". Well, the letters were HUGE. So we cut off the "Goodnight"s and put "my Love" over the top of the picture, and underneath, we put "my everything". Those words are special to us, because we always call each other "my everything". I even had "YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING" engraved on the inside of Jake's wedding ring. As soon as I get a picture, I'll post it.

Weekly video 6/26/09

I'm sure everyone here has heard the tragic news of Michael Jackson's sudden death. I was following the story as it unfolded, and I was really hoping for a different outcome, but I guess God had other plans. I also understand that there is a certain stigma with his name, especially in recent years, but I'm trying to remember the better times when his music was the hottest thing around.

I grew up watching movies other kids didn't really know about. I had two favorites: Help! by the Beatles, and Moonwalker by M.J. Here is my favorite sequence from that movie.

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson.

Enjoy! (Note: this video is almost 10 minutes long.)

In today's news...

First off, let me just apologize to anyone reading this blog and finding it a perpetual downer. I'm trying to keep things as updated as possible, and this seems to be my own way to vent as of late. I'm hoping with all these extra hoops I have to jump through, seeing a positive pregnancy test will make "victory" that much sweeter. Here's the latest:

I went to see my PCP today to discuss possible diabetic medication. When I see my doctor, I'm constantly reminded of how laid back and easy going he is. It puts me at ease right away, which is exactly what I need that this point. We looked at my blood test results and compared them with previous tests. He suggested I register for the weight management class (duh) and ordered some more labs. Also, he mentioned I'm due for a tetanus shot...fun times all around for Laurel. I skipped the shot and will do it on Saturday so Jake can go with me. I'm a wimp when it comes to needles and I'm just beginning to be okay with the idea of blood tests.

He contacted the (let's see if I can spell this correctly) Endocrinology department to approve his request for my medication since they don't hand it out lightly. He also mentioned that even though I'm considered "Pre-diabetic", I WILL become a full-on Diabetic in my lifetime. Again, fun times for all around for me. I'm willing to accept that this is a possibility, but right now I need to concentrate on postponing that transition as much as possible.

I'm pretty much just adding this crapola to my list.
Overweight? Check.
Infertile? Check.
Diabetic? Check.

Life is just frikkin peachy isn't it.

Frustration at it's finest

I just got a call from my OBGYN (my new one). Last week when I had my fasting blood glucose test done, and the results came in. My levels have gone down some, but not too much; not enough to make a difference in prognosis.

He advised that I stop trying to get pregnant for the time being and concentrate on regulating my diabetes (for lack of a better word). I have an appointment with my PCP tomorrow afternoon to discuss and get a prescription for a diabetic regulatory medication. When my blood tests come back with a more normal outcome, I can begin fertility treatments again. He also mentioned that diabetes is a leading cause of birth defects and he wants me to do something about it now rather than later when it's too late. I agree with him.

In the midst of this conversation and having to deal with the fact that more time will go by while I'm not pregnant, or even trying, he said 5 words that brought tears to my eyes. "I'll take care of you". I could've jumped through the phone and given him a huge hug, it gave me that much comfort.

I'm a little sad that I'll have to stop actively trying for a bit, but I'm more frustrated than anything. I feel the past year+ has been wasted. With the proper treatment, Jake and I could've been pregnant or parents by now. I feel like I've been kicked in the shins. This is another obstacle I must overcome, but in the end seeing our baby's smiling face will make it all worth while.

I keep telling myself to just keep breathing deeply. It will all be OK...I hope.

Peach Cobbler

Saturday morning, I made my first Peach Cobbler. We have a Farmers' Market every Wednesday in town, so I decided to support local California farmers and make "baked yummies" at the same time. I've been wanting to make cobbler for a while, but didn't have the drive to do it. Peaches and the summertime go together well, so peaches made sense. Here's the recipe. Enjoy!

Peach Cobbler (recipe by Martha Stewart)

10 ripe peaches, peeled, pitted and sliced

1/4 cup cornstarch

2 tbsp. dark brown sugar

1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon

2 cups all-purpose flour, unsifted

1/4 cup plus 2 tbsp. granulated sugar

1 tbsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

6 tbsp. cold, unsalted butter, cut into small pieces

1 large egg

3/4 cup heavy cream

Vanilla ice cream, or whipped cream, for serving

Preheat over to 375 degrees. Place peaches, cornstarch, dark brown sugar, and cinnamon into large bowl. Toss until well combined. Pour mixture into an 8 1/2 x 11 1/2 baking dish.

In a large bowl, combine flour, 1/4 cup sugar, baking powder and salt. Using a fork, knives or pastry blender, cut in butter until the mixture resembles coarse meal.

Whisk together egg and cream in a liquid measuring cup. Slowly add cream/egg mixture to dry ingredients; mix with a fork until dough just comes together. Turn dough onto a lightly floured board, and roughly shape into a 12-inch log. Using a bench scraper (or spatula), cut log into 12 equal portions. Flatten to approximately 3-inch circles with your hands.

Place circles on top of peach mixture, while slightly overlapping them on one side. Sprinkle remaining 2 tbsp. sugar on top of dough. Bake until golden brown, about 45 minutes. Transfer pan to a rack and let cool slightly. Serve with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream.

Unexcused Absence

One of my nephews graduated high school yesterday and there was a party for his, another nephew's high school graduation, and my niece and another nephew's 8th grade graduations. Jake and I had every intention of attending, but Jake had to work for most of the day and since we only have one car, it was bad.

I feel really bad that we missed the party. Ugh...I'm a bad LoLo.

Weekly video 6/19/09

This video is HILARIOUS! It's a parody of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" via Saturday Night Live. To her left is Justin Timberlake, and to her right is Andy Samberg.

Enjoy!

Getting "into it"

I've found myself having some trouble "getting into" this cycle. I started taking my BBT today (as instructed by my OBGYN) and will monitor it closely while taking OPKs. I have also been instructed to, and have decided to do the Endometrial Biopsy this month as well. I'm not looking forward to it because I'm not one to voluntarily subject myself to pain and discomfort, but as far as I'm concerned, it's a necessary evil. I've also found myself to not be so social in the past few days. I just want to go to work, do my work, go home and be by myself. I've been invited to SILs house for dinner and to hang out, but I don't really feel like it. I'm not slipping into depression or anything, but I'm just feeling like a hermit these days. Nothing personal, I promise.

In other news, 4th of July is coming up, which I am completely stoked about. I always look forward to a hot day in Sac-town with BBQ, family, games and fireworks. I look forward to two holidays the most: 4th of July and Christmas. Both are because I love my family and spending time with them, and also because those holidays are so fun. One holiday you get to play with pyrotechnics (even though they can be pretty dinky), and the other is sitting in a warm house with a beautiful tree talking about the same stories over and over as we do every year.

How can you go wrong with that?

Welcome little Jackson!

About a week ago, my mom called and had a "genius" idea for a Father's Day gift for my Dad. They had been considering getting a second cat as a companion for Sunny, and they felt they could handle another furball. My mom wanted it to be a surprise for him, so I went online and applied for adoption on their behalf after spotting what they wanted.

I went to the rescue organization where Sunny came from, and found Jackson. He's a silver tabby 3-month old bundle of playful love. He's a real cuddler with greenish-brown eyes. If you look closely though, he has a ring of aqua around his pupils.

I unfortunately forgot my camera at home, so this is the photo the rescue place had for his "ad". We have decided to call him Jack for short. Jake has already dubbed him Jack-a-Roo. Welcome little Jack!

Weekly video 6/12/09

Hello everyone! Happy Friday!

Ahhhh...the wonderful world of Lego animation...the commentary is Eddie Izzard, one of my favorite comedians. He is from England (obviously) and is a transvestite. He is too funny!

Enjoy!

The calm after the storm

Yesterday was very difficult for me. I had to fight back tears all day long. I'm not going to lie that I did have my hopes up for this cycle as it was my wish to tell Jake and my Dad that I'm pregnant as a Father's Day gift. Obviously, that isn't happening. There's nothing I can do about it now.

I have switched OBGYNs. I have found that my former OB that I first chose is constantly out of the office and seems a little short with me at times. When Jake and I first signed up for the infertiltiy clinic, we met another doctor who is co-head of the clinic. He's done one of my IUIs and has been my go-to guy when my OBGYN wasn't in the office. Yesterday, I switched over to him. I contacted him to ask his advice on how to proceed from here, and he asked if my former doctor told me of his suggestion. It turns out HE was the one who suggested I have the glucose blood test for further research and possible diabetic regulatory medication, and the Endometrial Biopsy to check my hormone levels. He has taken the initiative with my case, and he wasn't my doctor! (until yesterday). I feel more comfortable with him and he's just an all around more personable doctor with these delicate situations. I feel kind of bad for "abandoning" my former OB, but I need to do what's best for Jake, myself and our situation.

She's here.

AF just showed her ugly face. I'm so heartbroken right now even though I promised myself I wouldn't do this. I'm just sitting here in tears.

I feel like such a failure.

3 days left

3 days until the determining factor if this cycle worked or not.

I have, of course, been doing the "paranoid seeking" that I promised myself I wouldn't do. I keep thinking ever stomach grumble, every little twinge, cramp, noise, feeling, whatever is the absolute deciding factor if I'm pregnant or not. At this point, it's possible that implantation hasn't even happened yet. I couldn't help but think a few things this weekend that would help or deter a pregnancy. I mean it's pretty sad when you're thinking when you're sitting in the living room folding laundry "I'm sitting down, is this position of my body cutting off circulation to the baby?" Ugh...I need to stop. I love the fantasy of it, and would love it even more if it becomes a reality for us this month, but at the same time...I don't want to get my hopes up too much if the test is negative.

Waiting sucks.

Weekly video 6/5/09

It's here! It's here! The New Moon trailer!!!!

Enjoy!

Cross-stitch Crazy

I owe this all to my wonderful Auntie Jean!

When I was going into the 3rd or 4th grade, I spent a week in Roseville with my Auntie Jean, Uncle "Ferd" and cousin Marie. While there, Jean took my under her wing and showed me the art of cross-stitch. She bought me my first stitching floss, Aida fabric, hoop and needles. Ever since then, I've dabbled in it off and on, but I've always loved it.

I've finished a "sampler" for my mother in law for Christmas, a sampler for my niece, and one for a friend of mine. Currently, I'm working on something big, which I hope to share soon. But I've been getting the itch for cross-stitching. I hope I'm making my auntie proud! :)

IUI #3 = Done!

So, IUI #3 was great. Everything went really smoothly.

Note: The reason I say #3 is because I've had 2 before, and the doctor's office includes those in my "count", even though they were in one cycle.

Jake and I left in time and there was no traffic to the doctor's office. My OBGYN was in SF for the day, so I saw another doctor who was very nice. She said everything looked as it should and the procedure was very smooth and everything went perfectly as it should. I seem to be having luck with the procedures and how well they're going (knock on wood).

I've been eating a serving of pineapple a day and drinking pomegranate juice, so we'll see how that helps. I'm tracking my BBT, which jumped today so that's a great sign. Looks like we caught the O-day just in time. Yes, I must admit, I have high hopes for this cycle. But then again, I have high hopes for everything, so yeah...

I supposedly have a 10-to-11 day luteal phase, so if my BBT stays for 2 weeks (14 days), that would be fantastic!

It's time, and I'm terrified

I know sometimes I might share too much on this blog, but it's really the only place I feel I can vent, whine, whatnot since I am pretty much alone here in Pt. Richmond.

In about 2 hours, I'll be having my first post-break IUI, and I'm terrified. Somehow, the last cycle I was OK with for the most part because there was nothing that could've been done about the timing. It was a fluke, but an understandable one.

Now, this time I'm going in for it, and I'm so scared. I'm not scared of pain, or whatever. I'm scared of it not working. I try to be strong and brave, and act like it's all OK. But on the inside, I have my serious doubts. I just can't believe I would be so lucky as to get pregnant this time. I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I haven't really been following my BBT and OPKs as closely as I was before, but I have been trying.

Regardless, I'm scared. I'm scared that it won't work. I'm scared that I'll go in for my test and it will be negative. I don't know if I can handle that, but I'm sure I can. Or can I? I know what I'm going through is #1, normal and #2, not really going to do any good so I know I should just stop. So, I'm going to stop, take a deep breath and leave now so I can go do this.

Please, God, let it work this time...