Weekly video #2

In honor of the Halloween holiday, I'm posting a festive video. No it's not gorey, but rather appropriate...enjoy! Happy Halloween!!!

A Skyler milestone (sort of)

This past weekend, On Sunday, Summer and I took Skyler to the pumpkin patch. Well, it was a man-made pumpkin patch as it was in the middle of a large parking lot. She seemed a little apprehensive, and didn't really know how to react to such strange object like pumpkins and bales of hay...but here are some moments we captured.

Wishin' and hopin'

Last month, I purchased a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor to help better predict my most "opportune" days. I didn't get to use it last month as I purchased it in the middle of the cycle. This is the first real cycle I've been able to use it.

Well, there are three levels it predicts/reads. They are "Low", "High" and "Peak" fertility days. Of course, Low isn't so great and Peak is optimal. I started the 6th day of the cycle, as it requested a test stick, so I've been using it. This morning, my levels went from Low to High!!! I was moaning and groaning about not seeing a smiley face on my digital ovulation kit last month..but THIS...THIS made last cycle totally disappear from my memory. Even High reading doesn't mean I'll ovulate, but it DOES mean I have more of a chance of ovulating than I did last month.

I've been trying to keep in touch with my OB/GYN so she is up-to-date on what's going on with me. I told her my test readings, my temperature and othe rinfo she asked for...and she scheduled my IUI for Friday morning. Jake is going with me to hold my hand and I'm going to San Jose since it's Halloween and I decorate their front porch and pass out candy. So far, she said it looks all good that I might ovulate this cycle. I'm excited, and terrified.

The mentality you have when you're TRYING to become parents really effects your ability to realize when things are in motion/happening. It's tough for me to realize...after 9 years with PCOS and over a year of TTC (Trying to Conceive), that this is it. This might work. It's so overwhelming, I'm almost brought to tears with the hope, the excitement, and the fear of it all. I haven't even gotten the news that I'm pregnant and I'm already feeling like this.

I know this might sound strange, but I've always thought I would have a baby around Halloween time. It's always been my dream to tell friends and family of our pregnancy at the Holidays when everyone's together and happy. I've been doing A LOT of praying lately, and I know God doesn't always give you what you want, when you want it. Or He does give you what you want, but in a different way than you expected. I always thought I would have a baby at Halloween time, or in the Fall. Of course, I'm having an IUI at Halloween/Fall time. Maybe God is giving me my miracle in a different way than I thought. Instead of giving birth in the Fall, maybe I'll become pregnant in the Fall. Does God work like that? I know He has a sense of humor, and a reason for doing things when He chooses to do them. For some reason I've heard of women saying "I knew I was going to get pregnant at such-and-such a time". I don't know if it's wishful thinking, getting my hopes up, or the real thing...but something is telling me this is it. This is our month. Oh PLEASE GOD let this be our month.

I'm a buffet

For the past 5 months, I have been a buffet...for mosquitos. I have had a total of 17 bites. Yeah, it bites...literally.
Benadryl and I have become very close friends. My friend Ben...Ben Adryl HAHAHAHAHAHA...

Right now I have one on my left pinkie and my finger is so swollen, I can't bend it all the way down. I feels wierd, but not bad.

It's not Halloween yet...what's with the mini vampires???

Oh well, I have another date with my buddy Ben...

Weekly video, starting now...

While on MySpace, I was contemplating doing a weekly video...finding a funny/interesting video on YouTube and posting it. I would normally do this on Fridays, but I figured I'd start it on a Thursday. Some of the videos are old and many people have seen them. With that said, they can be considered oldies, but goodies.


Here's #1: week of 10/20/08. The Kitty Dance (in honor of Jake and Skyler)

Adding to the list...

Last night was horrible for me. I woke up at 11pm in excruciating pain in my right hip/knee/leg. No matter how I laid down, sat up or tried to stand, the pain wouldn't go away. Of course on top of me being really tired, I wasn't having it. I'm on the Clomid again, so the hormones were a ragin'. Pile this all together, and that makes a very frustrated, tired and fed up LoLo. Jake was so concerned, he called Kaiser to see if I needed to go into the ER. I was in so much pain I could barely talk I was crying so hard. I ranked the pain at an 8 out of 10, which I've never graded pain that high. Usually when there's pain, it's a 4, maybe a 5 at times. I decided to try and stick it out for the night and go into my PCP's office this morning. Upon examination, he said my left leg has perfect mobility (or motility, I forget which word they use). He noticed that my hip joint isn't too bad, but it's not as mobile as the other.

As I was laying on my back on the exam table, he lifted my legs straight up to see how far towards my body they would stretch. My right leg has pretty much no flexibility compared to my left. I believe my left leg went to a complete 90 degree angle, and my right went up to maybe a 40 degree angle. He checked out the Sciatica and we discussed treatment. I expressed that I'm considering acupuncture (for those that know me well and my aversion to needles...this is HUGE for me to go willingly into needle territory...even if they are tiny). He checked out where the main pain is underneath my knee on the side of my calf. The result? I am diagnosed with Bursitis in my right thigh and knee.

I've been given a prescription of Vicodin, which I'm only using pain killers at night to help me sleep. He also said to use ice packs when resting (watching TV on the couch, laying in bed before sleep, etc.) I'm also going into Physical Therapy next week. I'm also taking a "Back and Pain Maintenance" class in November at the hospital.

I'm just glad I have a diagnosis and a plan of action. He also mentioned he is very impressed with my weight loss (he's also the one monitoring my pre-diabetes). He said with more weight loss, the Sciatica may cease with the decreased pressure the weight puts on it.

I have lost a total of about 8lbs. so far. I'm shooting to lose 15 pounds total by Christmas at the latest.

Dear Santa-

Dear Santa-

I know it's a little early for Christmas letters, and I know it's been a while since we've talked. I think I've been a pretty good girl this year. Of course, I know I'm luckier than some to have made it as far as I have. There is just one thing I want for Christmas...pleeeeeeeeeeeease????

I know you won't actually BE THERE...I think my husband will have some words for you if you are ;)
I know this might be wishful thinking...but if you could even spare a Santa's sack full of Baby Dust...I'll be the happiest girl in the world, you have no idea.

Love,
Laurel

Pumpkin Patch

Ever since I was little, going to the pumpkin patch at Halloween-time was a HUGE thing. It was a choice between Dad, Mom and I and it HAD to be a group agreement on "the chosen one". Of course, as years passed, I started taking over the carving part and we started purchasing more than one pumpkin. I believe one year, we had about 4 different ones, which I carved every single one.

I remember sitting at the kitchen table. My Dad and I would talk for about an hour on facial features and if we wanted a happy, mean, or sad face. Then I discovered Pumpkin Masters carving pattern books. We get the new one every year, and it never gets old. When I met Jake, he didn't really know how to carve a pumpkin, so I showed him and tried to make it enjoyable. I showed him the gooey parts on the inside is the coolest sight to see and how to scoop the inside. I put on Halloween movies and we would line the kitchen table with newspaper. The best part was showing the finished product to my Mom and Dad.

Going to the pumpkin patch is something Jake and I both look forward too all year. Of course, Mom has to come along too...

VICTORY!!! I found one!

Jake with our pickin's...

Me visiting the sunflower field

Mom's four-wheelin' it...

Jake's pick of the pumpkin litter

Comfy??

The other day while resting from work on our recliner and playing on Jake's laptop, I had a strange feeling on my legs and when I looked...this is what I found:

Chloe fast asleep on my legs. (Please excuse the feet)

Doesn't she look so comfy?

Halloween Decor

As promised, here are pictures of what Jake and I have going for Halloween/Fall.

Our mantle (please excuse my reflection)

F-A-L-L ceramic pumpkins from Target, garland from Michaels

Wooden candy corn & ceramic piled pumpkins given to us by my parents

The glass hurricanes are from our wedding

Close-up of Mr. Candy Corn :)

F-A-L-L pumpkins (You can have tea lights inside)

Ceramic piled pumpkins (also tea-light-able)

Then we have the entertainment center

Artificial light-up pumpkin from Target

Yankee Candle Co. Harvest scent

Drip-stained ceramic pumpkins from Long's Drugs

These ghosts were originally a gift to my mother and we've loved them for years.

They've always been my favorite Halloween decoration so my mom decided to give them to us. I love them!

You know you live in Richmond...

You know you live in Richmond when...

When the biggest problem people complain about in your neighborhood is the Chevron plant.

When you're waiting in the drive thru and a crackhead walks up to your car and asks you to buy her a cheeseburger

When everyone who lives in a house facing a street has iron bars on their windows.

When anyone who lives in the Iron Triangle tells people like it's the coolest neighborhood ever.

When you look around and you realize you're the only white person in a 5 mile radius.

When the shiniest, newest thing in town are the rims on a ghetto car.

When you go to Taco Bell, and the drive thru has bullet-proof plexi glass windows.

When you know the policemen by first name because you see them so much (not there for you though)

Oh yeah...it's a great city. :/

Sleep is alluding me

I'm not sure I spelled "alluding" correctly.

But it's true, I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. So, I'm watching George Carlin's comedy hour. So sad he's gone...

I'm trying to be positive about this cycle...and I'm growing anxious to finish the cycle of Progesterone. I think I'm getting my hopes up again.

Hmmm...I wish I was sleepy...

Oh well...have a good night everyone! :)

Round #2

I've officially begun my 2nd round of medication. I'm hopeful, yet anxious to see if this dosage works.

I'm not really sure if I've shared too much information in this blog, so please let me know if I have. I'd like to keep everyone updated on how we're doing...but I'm sure there are those reading this blog not really wanting the oh-so gorey details.

I've lost a total of 7.2 pounds on Weight Watchers so far. I've been trying to become more active without irritating my Sciatica. I've found I enjoy (yes, this is documented...Laurel did actually say ENJOY) cleaning my house. I like seeing the step-by-step outcome of putting laundry away, or cleaning the bathtub, or doing the dishes. I've also gotten into decorating the house for the holidays. Last year we didn't decorate at all, so I'm trying to take it slow. I will post pictures of what Jake and I have going a little later.

I've noticed I'm more excited about this year's holiday season than I have been in recent years. I guess it's because this is a big transitional year for Jake and I. Who knows...this could be the year we become parents (crossing fingers)... I bought Yankee Candle's Harvest scented candle and burn it every evening when I get home from work. I delight in Jake being able to come home to a Fall smelling house with dinner ready. I feel like a good person and wife taking care of him. Of course, I get my share too when I have to go to class on Tuesday nights and my WW meetings on Thursday nights. We also cook together Sundays, so it's a good balance for us.

I am enjoying the cooler weather we're having today. Here, it's really breezy and colder. It's definitely wear-a-sweater weather. It's the kind of weather where you come home, have a hot cup of tea, snuggle with a good movie and warm blanket in front of a fire. I love it!!

I'm hoping to be able to go to the pumpkin patch this weekend. I think Jake and I should take a couple of pictures too.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...

In the midst of all the emotional chaos Jake and I have been through, I hit the wall the other day. I knew I needed to do something to get my mind off of baby-making, or lack thereof. So, Jake suggested I do something I've never done before....get a massage. So I booked an appointment for this past Saturday at noon. I slept in, woke up slowly and watched part of a movie. I had breakfast, took a nice long shower, got dressed and drove to the local spa in town. I was met with a warm "neck cozy" that smelled like slightly spiced oatmeal. I was also given a cup of tea and I got to choose the flavor. I chose Chamomile and Mint since I had a soar throat last week.

I was introduced to Annie, my massage therapist (I don't think they like to be called masseuse anymore, for some reason). We sat and talked for a bit so I could finish my tea and she asked me why I had decided to do this, and I told her my reasons (or rather, list of reasons) She took me into a room that was dimly lit with candles and a small lamp. She told me what was going to happen since I was "new" to the experience and there I went...

Oh.My.GOD!!! How could I have missed this????? It was the best thing ever! I left feeling so refreshed and relaxed...I walked to Starbucks, had myself a Pumpkin Spice Latte and visited Jake at the office for a bit. I went home and laid on the couch watching the rest of my movie until Jake got home.

It was the first time in a long time where I didn't feel tense, or stressed. I admit, I would sometimes think about why I wasn't getting pregnant yet, but then I had to tell myself to relax and concentrate on nothing. "Listen to the music Laurel...Enjoy the massage Laurel...don't worry about anything right now Laurel." It was nice to forget about medications and blood tests and doctor's appointments, and frustration and crying and wondering "when?"...it was just so nice to be in the moment and forget about life. Of course, I was sore yesterday (especially in my shoulders and upper back), but I'm in love! I'm hoping to talk Jake into a couple's massage next month...I know he'll enjoy it, especially with his shoulder.

It's official

Clomid 50mg did not work. I had a blood test done yesterday and I got the results this morning.

I'm trying not to take this hard, but it's tough to not do so. I was so sure this would work. I know there is higher doses of Clomid that have a better run of working for women with PCOS, but it's still tough to take that a degree of the medication didn't work.

This has been a tough road for me. I've been having to come to some very hard realizations about myself in this. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't really understand the extent of what this disease would have on me. I know that PCOS is sometimes loosely diagnosed, but I actually HAVE PCOS. I have some of the classic symptoms of it.

This next cycle, Jake and I have decided to do an IUI. My prescription of Clomid will be higher than this past cycle and we purchased the CBEFM (Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor).

I've been trying not to get too upset, but I finally let it get to me on Sunday morning while at my parents' house. I needed a good cry, and I needed to let out all the frustration, anger, and sadness that I had been holding in.

I just hope this next cycle will work for us.