Answered Prayers

So, you may have noticed my absence (or not) from this blog for the past couple of weeks. One reason is a reason I will not go into because it's not worth the time to explain myself.

The second is a really big reason...or rather a very small one at this point:

I'm 6 weeks pregnant.

Jake and I are so thrilled that all of our prayers have been answered. It's been the longest and hardest journey I've ever been on and I knew in the end it would be worth it, and it has. Here's how we found out.

Per my previous post about Femara working, the doctor told me I should wait a week or two and if no AF shows, I should take a pregnancy test. When he said this, I thought "There's no way in heck I'm pregnant". Having two huge positives in one month was #1, too good to be true and #2, My BBT thermometer had broken mid-cycle. Jake and I thought we had missed our O day, so we weren't expecting much. A few days later, I started to notice that I was REALLY REALLY tired all of a sudden. Nothing would make it go away: food, coffee, a nice walk outside, nothing. I also started to notice that *something* felt different. My body felt a little off. I didn't feel sick or like I was coming down with something, but something was definitely happening. I wasn't sure what it was. The thought came into my head "maybe I AM pregnant?" I talked to Jake and we agreed that after a few days, we would try a home pregnancy test.

On Saturday the 29th, I did the first test, with a stark white space where the positive sign would be. I was bummed, but for some reason left the test on the bathroom counter so Jake could see it (I'm not sure why I did that now). About 20 minutes later, I showed him the test and it looked like there was an EXTREMELY faint line. We were shifting the test against the light trying to decide if the line was there on the test, or more in our heads. I decided it was in my head once I read the instructions again and it said "Negative results should not be read past 10 minutes".

On Monday the 2nd, I tested again. This time there was a very faint pink line. It wasn't much darker than the test from Saturday, but I was convinced the line was there. I told Jake I was contemplating calling the doctor's office to schedule a blood test. He told me he was fine with that, but to just think it over. I did. The next morning, I knew I needed a definite answer. I didn't want to be investing money in pregnancy tests like a mad woman. I wanted the best test I could get...a blood test.

On Tuesday the 3rd, I walked into the Lab at Kaiser fully expecting the test to be negative. The morning was pretty uneventful and I was told by my doctor that I would have to wait til the next day to get the results. That was the most hopeful and prayer-filled day. Somehow, in the bottom of my heart, I KNEW I was pregnant.

Wednesday the 4th: The doctor's office opened at 9am, and I got to work at 8:30. That was the most torturous 30 minutes ever. I decided I wanted to play nonchalant and wait until 9:15 to call the doctor. I called with Jake by my side but got the answering machine, so I left a message. I decided to just wait with Jake until the call came back. A few minutes later, he had a phone call and of course, the doctor's office called. It was one of the two main nurses for my RE (I forget which one now) and she said "You're calling for your results?" I said "yes I am". And then these words came out "OK, well I have the results here, and it's positive. You're pregnant!"

When the word "positive" came my way, I burst into tears. I'm not kidding...it was like someone flipped the switch on my eyeballs. I couldn't get a coherent word out of my mouth, and all the nurse kept saying was "Oh, it's OK. It's OK." Finally, I said "Oh, no. I know it's OK. We've just been trying for 3 years and I can't believe it's finally happening." I was still crying when Jake came outside. He saw me, stood there for a second and I looked at him. He gave me a thumbs up? sign, and I nodded. He didn't say anything. He just hugged me. It was the biggest hug he's ever given me and he never let go. As I was talking to the nurse about what was next, he never stopped touching me. He either had his arm around my shoulders, or was holding my hand. We couldn't believe it.

So our first ultrasound is on the 30th and we can't wait to meet our little Smithling. We feel truly blessed that we have finally received our little miracle. I haven't, nor will I take one second of this pregnancy for granted. I just hope the little one is OK. I haven't really heard anything from the doctor since the last beta result I got, which was 2 weeks ago.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers, thoughts, what have you. It means and has meant so much to Jake and I to have such wonderful people surrounding us and cheering us on.