I'm a C-Section Mama

A little random, but I've been thinking about this for a while, and need to get this out.

All throughout my pregnancy, there seemed to be this inadvertent pressure for me to have a natural birth. I was born via c-section, so I was aware that there was another way. I tried to go with the flow and tell everyone that I would be fine either way. Inside my head I knew I wanted a natural birth more than I could "accept" a c-section. I admit at the time I was very ignorant of what was entailed and I viewed c-sections as undesirable - mostly because I wasn't comfortable with the idea of being awake while my body is being cut open. I couldn't even handle being awake for my wisdom teeth removal.

When I was in labor, my determination to have Scarlett vaginally was more intense than I anticipated. When I was told that she wasn't coming the way we had worked for and that we needed to go the c-section route, I felt like a failure. I had labored for 27 hours only to be told I "wasn't good enough" to have her naturally. I was pissed. Something was wrong with me to not be able to have Scarlett how I was determined to, because her heart rate was dropping dangerously low when I had contractions. The world was over...

Then she came. All of a sudden, it was like a movie. Everything was silent in the room, and all there was was her and I; looking at each other in the most calming wonder I've ever experienced. All of a sudden, laboring for 27 hours, the contractions, the pain, the surgery, none of it mattered. My daughter had arrived and I became a C-Section Mama.

I admit it was hard for me to accept that I hadn't had Scarlett in the generally "acceptable" way. Some moms look down upon those who have a c-section. We've copped out and took the easy road. Let me tell you that for 27 hours, life was anything but copping out and taking the easy road. Being cut open and awake for it is ANYTHING but easy. Having major surgery is not easy. Getting out of bed for the first time, standing up, and going blind for a second because your body feels like it's being ripped apart from the pain is anything but easy.

Today, I came across an article called "A Love Letter to C-Section Mamas", and it touched my heart. You can read it HERE

I have the most unimagineable love for my daughter. She was welcomed into this world in an unplanned way, but she's healthy and happy. She brings light to my days and love to my life. She makes my bad days better and snuggles more snuggly. And she's here, healthy and happy because I had a c-section to save her life. I have a scar - I call it my "battle scar". I wear it proudly because it shows the world that I gave birth to my daughter the "kangaroo way". It's something I will carry with me forever, and nothing can change that. I don't want it too.

Having a C-Section isn't a failure at all. It's nothing to thumb your nose at, or judge other moms for. Giving birth is a miracle in and of itself. It doesn't matter the method of how the baby got there. It's not a measure of how good a parent you'll be, and there is NOTHING wrong with having a C-Section.

So, I'm a C-Section Mama...and damn proud of it.