Affirmations

Today our company met with a business coach who encouraged us to create affirmations for our work and personal life. But these aren't the kind of affirmations in say Sex and the City where Charlotte says "I see the good in people". No. These are "I AM (this)" or "I AM (that)". He then asked if anyone at the table had something they've worked so hard for and couldn't see the fruits of it's labors yet. I instantly raised my hand. When he asked me what it was, I told him. Why not? I have nothing to hide.

So after hearing my little 30-second synopsis of what Jake and I have endured for the past 2 and a half years, he said (in a very high school teacher way) "Make a vision board". What???? Vision board? So I have to go to a store and buy a poster board and put all my goals on it? I guess that might work. But more importantly, he said "say to yourself 'I AM PREGNANT' or 'I WILL GET PREGNANT THIS YEAR'". Because saying I am pregnant doesn't mean I actually am...because I'm not. Does that make sense?

Anyways, I started thinking about it and maybe all my body needs is a little encouragement. My heart believes it will happen, I've been trying to train my body to become a mother, but my head is still getting in the way. All my head keeps in it's memory banks are the negative test results, the pills, the tests, the everything. Maybe my brain needs a makeover. Even the thought of having a baby makes me cry, and for what? I WANT to have a baby. I WANT to become a mother. So why when I say those things to tears flow? It's weird. I have a feeling it's because my brain is so tired of thinking that it won't happen, or hoping it will and it doesn't that it's starting to believe this won't ever happen for Jake and I. I think it's time to change that train of thought, so-to-speak.

Today I took the last dose of Clomid. This is it. The countdown begins. Let's hope this works. :)