I know sometimes I might share too much on this blog, but it's really the only place I feel I can vent, whine, whatnot since I am pretty much alone here in Pt. Richmond.
In about 2 hours, I'll be having my first post-break IUI, and I'm terrified. Somehow, the last cycle I was OK with for the most part because there was nothing that could've been done about the timing. It was a fluke, but an understandable one.
Now, this time I'm going in for it, and I'm so scared. I'm not scared of pain, or whatever. I'm scared of it not working. I try to be strong and brave, and act like it's all OK. But on the inside, I have my serious doubts. I just can't believe I would be so lucky as to get pregnant this time. I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I haven't really been following my BBT and OPKs as closely as I was before, but I have been trying.
Regardless, I'm scared. I'm scared that it won't work. I'm scared that I'll go in for my test and it will be negative. I don't know if I can handle that, but I'm sure I can. Or can I? I know what I'm going through is #1, normal and #2, not really going to do any good so I know I should just stop. So, I'm going to stop, take a deep breath and leave now so I can go do this.
Please, God, let it work this time...
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