Wishin' and hopin'

Last month, I purchased a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor to help better predict my most "opportune" days. I didn't get to use it last month as I purchased it in the middle of the cycle. This is the first real cycle I've been able to use it.

Well, there are three levels it predicts/reads. They are "Low", "High" and "Peak" fertility days. Of course, Low isn't so great and Peak is optimal. I started the 6th day of the cycle, as it requested a test stick, so I've been using it. This morning, my levels went from Low to High!!! I was moaning and groaning about not seeing a smiley face on my digital ovulation kit last month..but THIS...THIS made last cycle totally disappear from my memory. Even High reading doesn't mean I'll ovulate, but it DOES mean I have more of a chance of ovulating than I did last month.

I've been trying to keep in touch with my OB/GYN so she is up-to-date on what's going on with me. I told her my test readings, my temperature and othe rinfo she asked for...and she scheduled my IUI for Friday morning. Jake is going with me to hold my hand and I'm going to San Jose since it's Halloween and I decorate their front porch and pass out candy. So far, she said it looks all good that I might ovulate this cycle. I'm excited, and terrified.

The mentality you have when you're TRYING to become parents really effects your ability to realize when things are in motion/happening. It's tough for me to realize...after 9 years with PCOS and over a year of TTC (Trying to Conceive), that this is it. This might work. It's so overwhelming, I'm almost brought to tears with the hope, the excitement, and the fear of it all. I haven't even gotten the news that I'm pregnant and I'm already feeling like this.

I know this might sound strange, but I've always thought I would have a baby around Halloween time. It's always been my dream to tell friends and family of our pregnancy at the Holidays when everyone's together and happy. I've been doing A LOT of praying lately, and I know God doesn't always give you what you want, when you want it. Or He does give you what you want, but in a different way than you expected. I always thought I would have a baby at Halloween time, or in the Fall. Of course, I'm having an IUI at Halloween/Fall time. Maybe God is giving me my miracle in a different way than I thought. Instead of giving birth in the Fall, maybe I'll become pregnant in the Fall. Does God work like that? I know He has a sense of humor, and a reason for doing things when He chooses to do them. For some reason I've heard of women saying "I knew I was going to get pregnant at such-and-such a time". I don't know if it's wishful thinking, getting my hopes up, or the real thing...but something is telling me this is it. This is our month. Oh PLEASE GOD let this be our month.