I apologize for my recent major absence. I've been dealing with a lot of emotional trials lately, some of which I'm not sure how to handle yet.
One really big thing is something someone in my family said about me last week. Most know what happened, but some don't. When a comment was made as a jab at Jake at my expense, I was heartbroken. Basically what happened is Jake revealed on Facebook that this person was smoking while pregnant and their response to his comment?
"Whatever...at least I can have a baby. Oops, was that mean? Sorry"
Jake and I have been fighting to have a baby for the past 2 and a half years. To see someone so close to us say something so hurtful and ignorant tore me to pieces. I literally was on the phone with my mom for almost an hour in tears almost unable to breathe. Jake and I did a lot of praying that night. Since then, I'm not sure how to act. I see this person practically every day and I'm at a loss as how to act around her. I keep reminding myself that these are the trials I signed up for in my marriage and Jake and I will get through this. It doesn't make it hurt less. How do you explain the pain I experience knowing I can't get pregnant...not yet. I would never wish this pain on anyone, not even her. I'm having a hard time having faith that God will see this through for us and I don't need to get to her level...because I can. I can get down and dirty and I can pull punches that hit WAY below the belt. But I just don't want too. I don't want to feel that what I did was wrong. Sure instant gratification would be nice to say something mean, but then I know I would feel horrible straight off, so I don't do it.
Again, I'm sorry I've been neglectful in blogging. It's just this one comment suddenly made me think "I'm sorry" to my family for not being able to add another member, sorry to Jake for not being the wife I should. Just sorry.
One really big thing is something someone in my family said about me last week. Most know what happened, but some don't. When a comment was made as a jab at Jake at my expense, I was heartbroken. Basically what happened is Jake revealed on Facebook that this person was smoking while pregnant and their response to his comment?
"Whatever...at least I can have a baby. Oops, was that mean? Sorry"
Jake and I have been fighting to have a baby for the past 2 and a half years. To see someone so close to us say something so hurtful and ignorant tore me to pieces. I literally was on the phone with my mom for almost an hour in tears almost unable to breathe. Jake and I did a lot of praying that night. Since then, I'm not sure how to act. I see this person practically every day and I'm at a loss as how to act around her. I keep reminding myself that these are the trials I signed up for in my marriage and Jake and I will get through this. It doesn't make it hurt less. How do you explain the pain I experience knowing I can't get pregnant...not yet. I would never wish this pain on anyone, not even her. I'm having a hard time having faith that God will see this through for us and I don't need to get to her level...because I can. I can get down and dirty and I can pull punches that hit WAY below the belt. But I just don't want too. I don't want to feel that what I did was wrong. Sure instant gratification would be nice to say something mean, but then I know I would feel horrible straight off, so I don't do it.
Again, I'm sorry I've been neglectful in blogging. It's just this one comment suddenly made me think "I'm sorry" to my family for not being able to add another member, sorry to Jake for not being the wife I should. Just sorry.
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