Check-in: Approx 8 weeks

So yesterday I had my pre-natal intake appointment at Kaiser. It was full of information and forms to fill out. I had to disclose everything from if I planned to get pregnant, to possible genetic problems that have to do with my ethnicity.

I signed up for an early pregnancy class, which doesn't take place until I'll be 11 weeks, but I thought it was good information to have anyways. I have my first pre-natal appointment with my doctor on September 22nd. I haven't met her yet since this was the situation:

I normally have all my care at Kaiser San Rafael. A couple of years ago, about a year into our IF journey, I had picked a doctor based on her credentials and "knowledge". That was a big mistake because she was the worst OBGYN ever in terms of communication. I honestly think if I had stayed with her any longer, that I would still be popping Clomid month after month wasting money on medicine that didn't work and IUIs that were for nothing. I decided I had had enough and transferred to another doctor. He was fantastic. He would call and check up on me, he didn't waste my time and after one failed cycle of Clomid, he decided I should see an RE. And then we saw Dr. F in San Francisco. After 6 months, I am pregnant (I love saying that). So Dr. F said after my first ultrasound with him, I should start seeing my regular OBGYN for my general pre-natal care. OK, no problem right? Wrong. I called San Rafael and was informed that not only did my OBGYN not perform pre-natal care, but that the only pre-natal appointments they schedule are on Tuesdays and Thursdays...both the days that Jake is in school. Jake expressed a deep desire to be there for all my appointments and not miss anything. So I decided to go for Kaiser Richmond for my pre-natal care instead. Good decision. It's close, the doctors are really nice and it's in the same "network" as the hospital Jake and I would like to deliver at...which I won't reveal just yet.

Since this was an intake appointment, there was no ultrasound like Jake and I thought. It was a bummer to hear for sure, but it is what it is. Tomorrow we get to meet our little one and I can't wait.

Sardines at SF State

Jake began his classes at SF State this week. He goes to school two days a week: Tuesday and Thursdays and has one online class that doesn't require him to be on campus.

Tuesday morning was following a night of hellish sleep for me (aka almost none at all) so when the alarm beeped it's ugly beeping signaling Jake to get the heck out of bed, I decided to get up too. Seeing him buzz around the house reminded me of when I was a kid and that excitement that was the first day of school. Your backpack is chock full of fresh supplies, you're excited to see your friends, and the year is ripe with possibilities. Seeing him trot down our front steps was reminiscent of a 5-year old saying "Bye mommy!" while skipping to Kindergarten for the first time. It was funny, but it was also nice to see him so excited.

So yesterday was his final day this week and he got to attend his now "favorite" class that is Film and Society. Basically it's students watching TV shows and movies that take place in the 1930's through the 1960's when our society was changing the most. Then when the movie is finished, the student sit around and talk about impressions and notes about what happens. Homework? One paper due at the end of the semester. Textbook? Nada. It's a class right up Jake's ally. I mean I didn't marry a man with 500+ DVDs in his possession for nuthin', right? So what was the TV show du jour on Tuesday? Mad Men. It was the episode where Betty Draper finds out her husband, Don Draper has cheated on her.

Now for the reason of the title of this post: sardines. No, Jake isn't taking Marine Biology or anything like that. It's the state of the classrooms. One of his classes, Cross Cultural Perspectives which is mandatory for his major, is set in a classroom modeled for a maximum of 80 students. How many are in the class? Approximately 120. So for the first class, there were students lining the walls waiting patiently for others to leave so they could sit down. No such luck. Also, the campus was revamped in the 70's or 80's when we were substantially smaller-sized people. As you know, Jake is no wilting flower (and I wouldn't change him for anything). He's got thighs...and I use that term kindly. But I like his thighs...whoa...that was TMI. Sorry.

Anyways...so his seat is one of those tiny wooden seats with the tiny desk that folds down over your lap. Well, Jake's...umm...bottom...is too wide for the seat, so he's pretty crammed in. Then since his thighs are larger than the seats were made for, he can't push down the desk part all the way. Imagine this for 80 students sitting and 40 standing against the walls...with no air conditioning...in a heat wave that RARELY hits San Francisco (it was 96 degrees that day)...yeah...you get the idea. So yes, sardines is quite accurate. Poor Jake.

I know all these quirky experiences he's going through now are going to be subject of laughter and joking later as he looks back on them. They always do. But for now, he's going to just bite the bullet and pray that another heat wave isn't headed for the campus; at least not while he's attending classes.

But I'm as proud as I can be of him. He's chasing his dream...to be able to tell his wife she's got behavioral problems for free. ;)

Weekly video 8/27/10

Happy Friday!

This week's video is one I was shown on FaceBook. I had to share. It's a heartwarming story of two friends who are very different.

Enjoy!

Can't wait to say "Hello"

Jake has taken to talking to our little one, even though he/she can't hear yet. In one week precisely, we will be able to see our little Smithling for the first time. I can't wait. To be able to see our baby's heart beat will no doubt make me cry. I will go prepared with a package of tissue.

In other news, Jake has passed his head cold onto moi. It's nothing huge. I'm just congested (which I hate the most about being sick) and I'm sneezing, and have a sore throat. Luckily there is a list (albeit, it's pretty tiny) of OTC medicines I can take, like Robitussin, Afrin and throat lozenges. Oh happy day for me, huh?

Baby Books

The day after I found out I was pregnant, I headed to Barnes and Noble to get a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. While Jake and I were TTC, I would frequent the Pregnancy and Childbirth book section, pondering what day I would be able to purchase the books without having them sit and collect dust on my bookshelves, waiting for the spine to be cracked for the first time. The book has been helpful, and I've had some questions answered by What to Expect and of course, Google.

I was also told, many moons ago when my cousin Megan was pregnant with her son, to get a hold of the book Baby Bargains. My cousin Katie who is due in October/November (I keep forgetting which one, Katie...I'm sorry) told me to check out Your Pregnancy Week by Week.

So this weekend, Jake and I went to Barnes and Noble once again. I picked up both books and both have been both informative and (in the case of Baby Bargains) kind of funny to read. Baby Bargains is more about looking out for the consumer of baby products, what you will definitely need, and what's just "fluff", and reviews of certain items like strollers, cribs, etc. Pregnancy Week by Week gives you a drawn picture of what your baby looks like that week, what your body will be going through and what to do as far as exercise goes. I must admit, between the three books, I feel safe. I feel like reading up on these things is really giving me the strength to not call my doctor every day saying "I NEED TO TEST AGAIN!"

Weekly video 8/20/10

This week's video is a recent find, but seemingly an online sensation. You have to watch the entire video, because in the last 30 seconds, it's REALLY funny.

Enjoy!

Texas Bound!

Today Jake and I purchased our flight tickets to see his Dad in Texas in mid-November. I'm always excited to go. I enjoy my father-in-law and step-mother-in-law's company. They're very laid back, relaxed people which is what Jake and I need around us. No stress. This time will be special because I will be about 18 weeks along when we go.

Texas two years ago with Flea, one of my in-law's 6 dogs

Our flight is at 10am out of San Francisco, so we're going to take BART early in the morning alllll the way down. I've never been on BART during commute hours, so this will be an adventure from the stories I've heard.

Update: No morning sickness yet. I've felt a little lightheaded and have had a feeling at the base of my throat that felt a *tiny* bit like I might...ya know. But nope, nothing yet. I'm waiting (im)patiently for our first ultrasound. I can't wait to see our baby's heartbeat. I've been feeling pretty tired and usually fall asleep around 9pm, when I used to stay up until 11 or so. I've heard some horror stories about morning sickness, so I'm waiting for the monster to rear it's ugly head.

Answered Prayers

So, you may have noticed my absence (or not) from this blog for the past couple of weeks. One reason is a reason I will not go into because it's not worth the time to explain myself.

The second is a really big reason...or rather a very small one at this point:

I'm 6 weeks pregnant.

Jake and I are so thrilled that all of our prayers have been answered. It's been the longest and hardest journey I've ever been on and I knew in the end it would be worth it, and it has. Here's how we found out.

Per my previous post about Femara working, the doctor told me I should wait a week or two and if no AF shows, I should take a pregnancy test. When he said this, I thought "There's no way in heck I'm pregnant". Having two huge positives in one month was #1, too good to be true and #2, My BBT thermometer had broken mid-cycle. Jake and I thought we had missed our O day, so we weren't expecting much. A few days later, I started to notice that I was REALLY REALLY tired all of a sudden. Nothing would make it go away: food, coffee, a nice walk outside, nothing. I also started to notice that *something* felt different. My body felt a little off. I didn't feel sick or like I was coming down with something, but something was definitely happening. I wasn't sure what it was. The thought came into my head "maybe I AM pregnant?" I talked to Jake and we agreed that after a few days, we would try a home pregnancy test.

On Saturday the 29th, I did the first test, with a stark white space where the positive sign would be. I was bummed, but for some reason left the test on the bathroom counter so Jake could see it (I'm not sure why I did that now). About 20 minutes later, I showed him the test and it looked like there was an EXTREMELY faint line. We were shifting the test against the light trying to decide if the line was there on the test, or more in our heads. I decided it was in my head once I read the instructions again and it said "Negative results should not be read past 10 minutes".

On Monday the 2nd, I tested again. This time there was a very faint pink line. It wasn't much darker than the test from Saturday, but I was convinced the line was there. I told Jake I was contemplating calling the doctor's office to schedule a blood test. He told me he was fine with that, but to just think it over. I did. The next morning, I knew I needed a definite answer. I didn't want to be investing money in pregnancy tests like a mad woman. I wanted the best test I could get...a blood test.

On Tuesday the 3rd, I walked into the Lab at Kaiser fully expecting the test to be negative. The morning was pretty uneventful and I was told by my doctor that I would have to wait til the next day to get the results. That was the most hopeful and prayer-filled day. Somehow, in the bottom of my heart, I KNEW I was pregnant.

Wednesday the 4th: The doctor's office opened at 9am, and I got to work at 8:30. That was the most torturous 30 minutes ever. I decided I wanted to play nonchalant and wait until 9:15 to call the doctor. I called with Jake by my side but got the answering machine, so I left a message. I decided to just wait with Jake until the call came back. A few minutes later, he had a phone call and of course, the doctor's office called. It was one of the two main nurses for my RE (I forget which one now) and she said "You're calling for your results?" I said "yes I am". And then these words came out "OK, well I have the results here, and it's positive. You're pregnant!"

When the word "positive" came my way, I burst into tears. I'm not kidding...it was like someone flipped the switch on my eyeballs. I couldn't get a coherent word out of my mouth, and all the nurse kept saying was "Oh, it's OK. It's OK." Finally, I said "Oh, no. I know it's OK. We've just been trying for 3 years and I can't believe it's finally happening." I was still crying when Jake came outside. He saw me, stood there for a second and I looked at him. He gave me a thumbs up? sign, and I nodded. He didn't say anything. He just hugged me. It was the biggest hug he's ever given me and he never let go. As I was talking to the nurse about what was next, he never stopped touching me. He either had his arm around my shoulders, or was holding my hand. We couldn't believe it.

So our first ultrasound is on the 30th and we can't wait to meet our little Smithling. We feel truly blessed that we have finally received our little miracle. I haven't, nor will I take one second of this pregnancy for granted. I just hope the little one is OK. I haven't really heard anything from the doctor since the last beta result I got, which was 2 weeks ago.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers, thoughts, what have you. It means and has meant so much to Jake and I to have such wonderful people surrounding us and cheering us on.

Weekly video 8/13/10

This video has been quite popular in recent days. Caution: you'll need a box of Kleenex with you if you're going to watch this.

Enjoy!

Weekly video 8/6/10

I think this video is kind of funny, but in an innocent way. The bird has talent... :)

Enjoy!

OK, I'm ready to share...

I have been teeter-tottering over writing this post for the past 2 weeks or so. I've developed a theory that before everything wasn't working because I was oversharing. But the more I think about it, the more my family, who I love more than life itself, deserves to know what's going on. I love and respect those who read this blog (yes, you) enough to not leave them hanging. So here it goes.

I did my first cycle with Femara, the lowest dose I could start with. Dr. F advised that this cycle with Femara was mostly to see if this dosage would make me ovulate. Of course, he said, it was not meant to deter us from trying on our own. We just wouldn't be performing any IUIs or procedures. That was earlier in July.

2 weeks ago today, I walked into the lab at Kaiser to take the CD21-23 blood test to measure my Progesterone levels. Here's how it works:

Progesterone is a steroid hormone that is increasingly released after a woman ovulates. It helps the lining of the uterus develop and becoming inviting for a fertilized embryo. It also supports gestation and helps the placenta develop and work.

After natural ovulation, normal Progesterone levels are usually >10 ng/ml

After a medicated ovulation (me), normal levels are usually >15 ng/ml

The last cycle with medication, Clomid, my Progesterone levels were 0.3 ng/ml on CD 23. Meaning, I didn't ovulate.

So on Wednesday, I logged into Kaiser online to see my results. Jake was with me and held my hand. I was fully expecting the results to be bad, in that Femara didn't work for us this cycle. Given all the "bad news" we've been receiving lately, I just thought this would be another notch in the post of failures over the past 3 years. I opened the page that held my test results, along with all other results of blood work I had done. The new results were bolded, so I clicked on them while taking a deep, long breath.

The results? 22.6 ng/ml.

Yup. The Femara worked! It made me ovulate! I burst into tears on the spot. I was in such shock that we were finally getting good news. Something FINALLY worked. We didn't have to do injections like I had thought and the Clomid was behind us. Femara worked. It. WORKED.

Being the worry wart I am, I starting Googling crazily looking for possibilities that the results were too good to be true. This couldn't be...something actually worked. At that point, I realized that I had been working so hard with failures hanging around my neck that I didn't learn to appreciate a triumph when it was staring at me in the face. So, I called Dr. F's office. He saw the results and his exact words? "Your levels are beautiful. Congratulations!" If it were humanly possible to jump through the phone and give that man a kiss, I might have done it.

I was advised that I was to take a beta blood test for pregnancy in about 2 weeks from then if AF didn't show. If AF showed, I was also advised that he would like us to continue with the Femara while charting and using OPKs, with timed (insert obvious word here). Right now, we're waiting to test. Of course, this means I am becoming one of those crazies who sees every little thing that happens with my body as a sign that I'm pregnant.

So there you have it. No definite news yet on the full outcome since I technically can't test until the end of the week. Any prayers, dust, etc. that you can send would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for being there, everyone. I truly to love you all...more than you'll ever know.