The Panda Diaries

Psi-Chi...Holla!!

2012-02-28T09:17:00.002-08:00

I am so PROUD to announce that Jake, my hubby, has been accepted into the SFSU chapter of the International Honor Society for Psychology!!! This means he has maintained a GPA of 3.0 or higher AND be within the top 35% of their class (he's currently a Junior). HOLLA!!!

I must tell you, Jake works hard. I know a lot of people say "my husband works hard", and I can appreciate that, but Jake is a beast. This is his schedule basically for the week:

Monday: Work 8:30-7pm, come home and spend most of his evening with the baby. After the baby goes to sleep, he studies for about an hour.

Tuesday: Wake up 4:30am, 2-hour BART ride into SF, go to class from 8am to 11am, ride BART back, get to work at around 12:30pm, work until 7pm, then come home and spends his evening with the baby. After the baby goes to sleep, he studies for about 1-2 hours.

Wednesday: Same as Monday.

Thursday: Same as Tuesday.

Friday: Same as Monday.

And now that it's tax season, he works EVERY Saturday from now until the weekend of the tax deadline from 10am to about 3-4pm. We also go to our WW meeting at 8:30am.

Yeah, I don't exaggerate when I say Jake works hard. He's supposed to graduate with his Bachelors next May, so it'll be awesome for him to have a break for a little bit with his degree until he goes to Graduate school...then it's a whole 'nother ball game.

Being a member of Psi Chi means he'll be able to put that honor on his resume, it'll be part of his credentials (or so I've heard), and he'll get a spiffy little something to wear with his cap and gown on graduation day. I'm so proud of you, Jake!!! Congrats!

Caramelized Onion and Gorgonzola Pizza

2012-02-24T09:58:00.002-08:00

It's my first recipe in a looooong time, so I figured I'd try something outside my comfy box and give this one a whirl.

I love caramelized onions. There is something so...I don't know...sinful (?) about caramelized onions. It's part veggie, part candy. It's amazing to me with a little heat and some patience, the dreaded plant that makes my eyes water no matter what I do to avoid that happening while cutting it turns into something so yummy! I also love gorgonzola. It's the #2 after Bleu Cheese and before Feta. I used to HATE Bleu Cheese when I was little, but of course as I grew, so did my taste buds. So to think both of them on a pizza??? GENIUS!!! I will admit I didn't make enough onions to cover the pizza as much as I wanted too, so I'd recommend adding more onion (you can use your discretion). I also couldn't find Vidalia onions, which I'm SURE would've made this pizza's yummy-factor to be upgraded to the umpteenth degree, but such is the shopping options at my local Safeway. I used regular sweet yellow onions, which were yummy nonetheless. Next time I find some Vidalia onions (Farmers Market trip!), I'm grabbing some and making this pizza again.

Enjoy!

Caramelized Onion and Gorgonzola Pizza

Recipe by Julie of allrecipes.com

Photo by allrecipes

Prep time: 15 min, Cook time: 40 min, TOTAL: 55 min

Recipe yields 12 servings

1/8 cup butter

2 large Vidalia onions, thinly sliced

2 teaspoons sugar

1 (10 oz) package refridgerated pizza dough (you can also make your own if you like)

80z Gorgonzola cheese, crumbled (the original recipe calls for 1lb, but that seems extreme for me, but again, do what you like)

1. In a large saute pan, melt butter over medium heat. Saute onions in the butter until the onions are soft and dark brown, approximately 25 minutes. Stir in sugar and continue cooking for 1-2 minutes.

2. Preheat oven to 425 degrees Farenheit.

3. Grease pizza pan or cookie sheet, and press out the dough to desired thickness. Spread onions evenly over the dough, and top with the crumbled Gorgonzola cheese.

4. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until done.

I'm a C-Section Mama

2012-02-07T10:16:00.001-08:00

A little random, but I've been thinking about this for a while, and need to get this out.

All throughout my pregnancy, there seemed to be this inadvertent pressure for me to have a natural birth. I was born via c-section, so I was aware that there was another way. I tried to go with the flow and tell everyone that I would be fine either way. Inside my head I knew I wanted a natural birth more than I could "accept" a c-section. I admit at the time I was very ignorant of what was entailed and I viewed c-sections as undesirable - mostly because I wasn't comfortable with the idea of being awake while my body is being cut open. I couldn't even handle being awake for my wisdom teeth removal.

When I was in labor, my determination to have Scarlett vaginally was more intense than I anticipated. When I was told that she wasn't coming the way we had worked for and that we needed to go the c-section route, I felt like a failure. I had labored for 27 hours only to be told I "wasn't good enough" to have her naturally. I was pissed. Something was wrong with me to not be able to have Scarlett how I was determined to, because her heart rate was dropping dangerously low when I had contractions. The world was over...

Then she came. All of a sudden, it was like a movie. Everything was silent in the room, and all there was was her and I; looking at each other in the most calming wonder I've ever experienced. All of a sudden, laboring for 27 hours, the contractions, the pain, the surgery, none of it mattered. My daughter had arrived and I became a C-Section Mama.

I admit it was hard for me to accept that I hadn't had Scarlett in the generally "acceptable" way. Some moms look down upon those who have a c-section. We've copped out and took the easy road. Let me tell you that for 27 hours, life was anything but copping out and taking the easy road. Being cut open and awake for it is ANYTHING but easy. Having major surgery is not easy. Getting out of bed for the first time, standing up, and going blind for a second because your body feels like it's being ripped apart from the pain is anything but easy.

Today, I came across an article called "A Love Letter to C-Section Mamas", and it touched my heart. You can read it HERE

I have the most unimagineable love for my daughter. She was welcomed into this world in an unplanned way, but she's healthy and happy. She brings light to my days and love to my life. She makes my bad days better and snuggles more snuggly. And she's here, healthy and happy because I had a c-section to save her life. I have a scar - I call it my "battle scar". I wear it proudly because it shows the world that I gave birth to my daughter the "kangaroo way". It's something I will carry with me forever, and nothing can change that. I don't want it too.

Having a C-Section isn't a failure at all. It's nothing to thumb your nose at, or judge other moms for. Giving birth is a miracle in and of itself. It doesn't matter the method of how the baby got there. It's not a measure of how good a parent you'll be, and there is NOTHING wrong with having a C-Section.

So, I'm a C-Section Mama...and damn proud of it.

A for Effort

2012-02-03T11:44:00.001-08:00

Lately I have noticed that I haven't been feeling good-looking. In the mornings, it takes me a while to get out of bed and get ready. By the time I need to leave the house, I skip makeup and doing my hair - I pull it back into a bun. It was OK for a little while, but then I noticed I didn't feel professional at work. I didn't feel presentable.

I also discovered that I can curl my hair a little bit with a flat iron - it takes a bit of wrist-action. So on the days I have more time (this week was Mon, Wed and Fri), I did my hair and I've been doing my makeup every day. I feel like I can talk to anyone and not worry about that zit on my chin, or the dark circles under my eyes because it's got a bit of help.

So I'm making a pledge to do my hair and makeup almost every day. I say that now, but someone will have to remind me of that when I'm pulling my wet hair into a bun for work and not putting on my makeup.

WW Weigh-In 1/28/12

2012-02-02T10:36:00.000-08:00

Despite being tired and not in the mood to go to the meeting, Jake and I weighed in and sat through the meeting anyways. We hadn't been following the plan barely at all and knew we had gained. So here's the damage:

Gained/lost this week: +.4lbs

Total weight loss so far (starting 1/14/12): -3.8lbs.

Seeing that I had gained and I had given myself permission to fall off the wagon this week gave Jake and I new appreciation for the task we've undertaken and a renewal of determination. So we trekked right over to Trader Joe's next to the WW we go to and stocked up on yummy, wholesome snacks. I tried Greek Yogurt for the first time, and it isn't bad. I chose pomegranate as my first flavor, and it was a little overpowering. Jake says the blueberry tastes better, so I'll see. I also discovered their Super Spinach salad and had it yesterday for lunch - spinach with quinoa, pumpkin seeds, dried cranberries, carrots, edamame with a ginger/miso dressing. It was sooooo good.

Our next weigh in is Saturday 2/4. We've been pretty good about following the plan and have been packing all of our lunches, breakfasts and making more effort into nutritious dinners even though we're tired. We're having a Super Bowl party this weekend, and Jake is determined to have hotwings. I'm allowing myself to have a few, but not go whole hog. I'm going to stock up on the veggie tray and cracker/cheese platter.

So the announcement...

2012-01-23T11:00:00.000-08:00

So, before I make this announcement, I need a little backstory.

I admit, I'm a visual learner. I learn by doing and seeing it done, and not by instruction. This has been true for my entire life, but only recently recognized in the past few years. So, to say the least - I learn by example.

All my life, my mom has been overweight. I've seen her diet and diet again, to yo-yo back to her former size. She would tell me to eat healthy, but wouldn't do it for herself. She would tell me I'm beautiful, to have confidence in myself and to be aware of how beautiful I am. All the while, she's calling herself "ugly" and "fat", telling me to not end up like her. So while she's telling me one thing, she was teaching me the opposite. I know she can lose the weight - she lost a lot of weight for my wedding. Then afterwards, she started having hip and back problems. Now, it's to the point where she can barely move and walks with a walker.

When I had Scarlett, I decided I wanted to be different. I NEEDED to show her how to live a healthy lifestyle, by example. It would be one thing for me to tell her to do something, but not do it for myself. I don't want people in her school making fun of her because she has an overweight mom like I did. I love my mom unconditionally, and I defended her to the hilt just like I know Scarlett would. But no child should have to defend their parents like that. I don't want that for my daughter, but I also don't want that for myself.

My boundaries when it comes to weight loss are mental ones. I defeat myself before I even try and before I know it, I'm back at square 1. When I hear of people's weight loss success, my first thought is "I can't make it a year with this plan, I'll definitely fail". WHAT!? I was starting to recognize that I would defeat myself before I even start. I also would say "I can't", and I decided to stop saying that. Now, I tell myself "I'm not good at that yet, but I will get there". For me, it's a mental battle more than a physical one. I know my body can do things I want it to, it's the mental obstacles I have to overcome. I also would think of how much weight I'd like to lose, and I would think "I'll never get there, it's so long and so much to lose". Now, I have to tell myself "Any weight loss is good, and it's a step to the big goal". I know there will be pitfalls and a big roller coaster, but I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking "WTF is going on with me!?"

So on Saturday January 14th, Jake and I joined Weight Watchers. I had lost a little bit of weight with WW before, but quit because #1, we were struggling with money and couldn't afford the dues and #2 I was doing it by myself and Jake and I had different schedules, so it was hard for me to do it by myself.

Jake and I had been talking about joining for a while. It was an ongoing conversation with us for about 3 months. I didn't want to do NutriSystem, pills or Atkins or anything like that because for me, it was about educating myself on how to eat healthy. I would think "Well, what if that company goes out of business, or they decide that pill is not healthy anymore? You have nothing but the real world and real food to face". So I wanted to join a group that teaches not only portion size, but healthy alternatives...and it NEEDED TO DEAL WITH REAL EVERYDAY FOOD. I didn't want to teach my daughter that you need to starve yourself while taking this "magic" pill to be healthy. You need to eat right and get your exercise to do that.

Last weekend was our first weigh-in, and I've lost 4.2lbs in my first week! I know losing that much is not typical and I don't expect to lose that much, if anything at all, every week. But to make that big jump first thing is a big push for me to keep going.

I'm excited, scared, nervous and hopeful that we can stick to this and have it be a learning experience for Scarlett.

New Blog Name

2012-01-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

So you also might have noticed that I changed the name of my blog. I loved the name "Marriage and Margaritas" because at the time I picked that name, it fit us. Now, we're a Panda family of 3, and I'm using the blog to keep track of events that have happened for our little growing household.

Pandas hold a very special place in Jake and my hearts. It's a looooong story, and a sort of inside joke, but Pandas are very important beings to us. I'll tell the tale of how they came to be so important, but for now, the name is changed. Enjoy!

Notice Something Different?

2012-01-19T16:07:00.001-08:00

Like the blog revamp?? A possible new name is to come (perhaps, haven't decided yet).

I'm making a commitment to blog more. Figured the old girl needed some blog botox.

I also have some news regarding things that just started happening with Jake and I, but that's a different post. For now, I leave you with the beautiful new look of my blog. Idn't it purdy??

A "Racy" Night in October

2011-12-29T17:09:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to tell you all about the night in October that was surreal and weird, to say the least.

This is a true story.

It was the night of October 24th/early morning October 25th. Time? Approximately 2 am.

I had heard Scarlett crying in her room while Jake was changing her diaper. I got up to see if he needed help, and he asked me to make her a bottle so he could rock her back to sleep. I obliged, sleepily measuring powdered baby-crack in the little scooper, and then shaking the closed bottle in a hurried fashion because I could hear Scarlett fussing in the next room. I knew I had to get her bottle to her. So I gave it to Jake and decided I would stay up for a little while and play online as I was awake and needed to get sleepy again.

As I sat in our big, comfy recliner in our living room, I heard police sirens in the distance. No biggie, I thought. We live right near 580 and people get pulled over on the main drag which is a block away from our house, all the time. But the sirens didn't stop. The kept going, and going and going. Suddenly, there was another noise that joined the late night wailing of police cruisers. It was a police helicopter, or "ghetto bird" as it's known to Jake and I. Uh oh, someone was busted big time! But the sirens wouldn't stop, they kept wailing, and they were getting closer. The helicopter's blades were so close, the living room windows started to shake. What the HELL was going on? Being the ambulance-chaser that the genes my grandfather gave me would prove, I got up from the chair and started into the kitchen. The window above the sink had a clear view of the main drag where the sirens seemed to be coming from, and I needed to know what was going on.

As I started walking to the doorway that leads to the kitchen, I heard it. A loud "SCRAPE" that sounded like metal against concrete. I looked quickly, just in time to see a dark SUV race up our street with sparks flying from the back! Following VERY closely behind was a police cruiser, and another, and another, and another, and another...and it goes on. One parked in front of our house, and I yelled for Jake to come into the living room. We looked out the front window, and saw a Sheriff run up the street with a rifle drawn. I knew this was trouble. I called the non-emergency police line and asked the operator if we should be on the lookout for anyone on foot, or were we in some kind of danger??? She said it was a high speed freeway chase, to lock our doors and windows and stay inside. I did just that, and turned off all the lights in the house. What does Jake do? Put on his shoes and run outside onto the porch. Obviously, someone seems to be more of an ambulance chaser than I am. Go figure.

When I knew we were safe, I joined Jake on the porch in time to see two of the men in the SUV escorted to the Sheriff's cars waiting for them at the bottom of the street, in handcuffs. They didn't look our way, and I stayed silent. A part of me was worried that they would remember me watching them get arrested, get out and come back for us. Weird, I know. It made sense at the time.

It turns out, there was an armed robbery in Windsor, which is an hour North of us. Three men held up a family for $2500, 8 lbs (yes POUNDS) of marijuana, and a cell phone. The victims broke free of their binds and called the cops. Shortly afterwards, the men were pulled over since they matched the description of what the victims told police. Well, Duh - it was them! They took off, and went through Sonoma county. Then they entered Marin county and exited off the freeway, then got back on. They decided to then cross the Richmond/San Rafael bridge which had a spike-strip waiting for them. They ran it over, and kept going, eventually loosing the wheel entirely right before getting on our side of the bridge. They decided to get off the freeway (we are the first exit after the bridge ends), and of all the streets and exits to take, they drove up ours. They got to the end of our street riding on three flat tires and a roader (sp?), only to have the car catch on fire when they reached the end of our street. The fire was put out and all three men were arrested.

Things of note usually happen when I'm not around, so this was definitely something that made up for it. It was nothing if not an adrenaline rush and scary as hell at the same time.

Haven't been abducted...

2011-11-07T10:14:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness! The last time I posted was in September!? WTH!!??

My poor neglected little blog. My readers (or what's left of them) are probably thinking I got abducted by aliens, or a 7-month old child...the latter being true.

So here's an update:

Scarlett is now 7 months old...yes...SEVEN months old. She'll be 8 months old on the 21st. And she now has teeth. Two on the bottom in the middle. What a battle that was. For the last 2 days before the first one cut through, she was a terror. But now that we know how to handle it (lots of freezable teething rings and THANK GOD for Hyland's teething tablets), we're pretty prepared. I know I say that and then I'll be thrown a serious curve ball in the teething department. Here's a picture of her tooth! Can you see it? Sorry the picture is so blurry. Taking a picture with a wiggly 7 month old isn't the easiest thing in the world. That and she just ate before the picture was taken, so please excuse the food on her cheeks.

We had a pretty quiet Halloween. My parents came up the day before for our local moms' group Halloween party to see Scarlett in her costume. She made an adorable strawberry.

We also had a "racy" Saturday night a couple of weekends ago. When I say "racy" I mean there was a high speed chase that spanned 3 counties, the Richmond-San Rafael bridge and it all came to a grinding (literally, grinding) halt at the end of our street at 2am. But that's another post altogether. Have I got you in suspense now? :)

Jake and I have decided to go to Disneyland for our 5 year wedding anniversary in May. We originally wanted to go back to Jamaica, but the price tag is a little hefty for us right now and we aren't comfortable with leaving Scarlett for a minimum of a week. Granted she'll be 14 months old, but still. So we've decided to drive down to LA for a few days.

If I remember anything else, I'll post I promise! Man I need to get back into the swing of things!

Scarlett - 6 months portraits

2011-09-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of our Scooter we had taken this weekend. Enjoy!

30 Before 30 - Horseback Riding

2011-09-18T14:00:00.001-07:00

One of the big things on my 30 before 30 list was wanting to go horseback riding again. I've always had a fondness for horses and if I could, I would go back in time and become an equestrian. There's something so beautiful about horses that draws me. I've gone riding a few times in the past, but not for a long time.

As part of the 6th anniversary (Sept 18) of Jake and my engagement, he decided it would be a good idea to go back to Monterey to visit the spot where he proposed. On the way, he made reservations to go horseback riding on the beach by the dunes in Salinas. We arrived about 30 minutes early, and were riding with three people from England, so they were eager to try "Western Style" riding.

The guide's name was Butch and he brought all but one horse out from the trailer and they were all saddled and ready to go. Jake got matched with the tallest horse there, which was a chocolate brown male named Moose. I got a reddish/brown and white patched female named Angel. The three English people got Geronimo, Dakota and Buddy. The one horse that was left behind in the trailer was Dunny, who according to Butch was "the biggest troublemaker" and it was quite apparent that he was right considering the fit Dunny had when Butch closed the trailer door. I felt bad for poor Dunny, but it wasn't hot and there was a breeze, so I knew Dunny would be OK in the trailer.

Angel is the brown/white one on the far left. Moose is the brown one on the far right.

So we began down the trail and onto the beach. We were just walking at a decent pace, the waves of the Pacific Ocean reaching the horses' feet, and up to their ankles. It was really beautiful.

Then it happened...

I was 2nd in line after Butch on his horse, and I don't really remember what happened exactly. All I could remember was Angel moving really fast, holding onto the reins while watching the ground get closer and closer, and hearing Butch say "WHOA WHOA WHOA". Then I hit the sand. I guess a wave spooked Butch's horse, which spooked Angel. She turned and began to freak out, and threw me. I remember hitting the ground and thinking "Oh God, don't get stepped on" so I quickly got back up. I wasn't hurt since the sand gave me a soft landing, but my butt and back were wet from the wet sand and I was embarrased. Butch got Angel by the reins and brought her back to me. He asked if I was alright, I said yes. He said "Are you sure?" and I said "Yes. I would tell you if something was wrong". I was shaking from the adrenaline a little bit, but I was OK, and he said "OK, are you going to ride?" I said "Absolutely". So Butch knelt down so I could use his knee as a step stool and I got back onto Angel. I never felt threatened or like I was in danger. It was an accident and I understood that. Accidents happen. I was fine. Butch kept hinting at his fear that I would sue the stables for negligence, but I assured him that it was no one's fault, I knew that falling was a possibility, and I didn't blame anyone for what happened. I could tell he was still nervous, but I kept saying "It's no one's fault".

Notice the wet sand on my lower leg and jacket? But also notice I'm smiling???

We rode up the rest of the beach, onto a trail and back to the beach headed the other way. When we got back to the trailer, Dunny was still there, making noises as if to say "Well well well, look what the cat dragged in". It was pretty funny. Jake and I thanked Butch for the fun time and I again said "I'm not angry. It was an accident. It's no one's fault." I even wrote an email this morning thanking the owners for the nice time and assuring them that nothing bad was going to happen from my end and that I would recommend them to anyone.

So my first 30 before 30 activity is completed. And I'm still alive. :) But I would go riding again in a hot minute.

See? I made it! :)

10 years ago...

2011-09-11T11:18:00.001-07:00

I was a senior in high school, and my Dad was driving me to school. I was about a week away from taking my driver test. My Dad was about to turn the corner to drop me off when I got a call on my cell phone from my mom who was already at work.

"I want to make sure you're alright" she said.

"I'm fine, why?" I replied.

"Did you watch the news this morning at all?" she asked.

"No, I didn't have a chance to, why?" I asked back.

"A plane has crashed into the World Trade Center in New York."

"Oh, no I haven't heard anything, but I'm OK" I said.

"OK, well if you need anything, I'm here so give me a call. I love you" she said.

"I love you too Mom, I'll talk to you later."

I got onto campus, and a different energy than usual permeated the air. Something was horribly wrong, and I could feel it. I walked to a familiar hang out and a classmate was on the phone with his Dad, talking about what happened. "They think San Francisco is next" he told me. WHAT? What was going on? I got into my class early; I was a teacher's aide for the Photography class. He had the news going and that was the moment I first saw them. Both towers were standing tall above the New York skyline, dark smoke billowing from the tops like huge chimneys. I didn't understand, who would do this? America, my country that I am so in love with, was being attacked.

The class milled in slowly as the TV still played. That day, there was no going onto campus to work on projects, no students in the dark room to process images. The teacher made no demands to do any work. We all just sat together and watched. Towards the middle of class, the first tower fell. Shortly after, the second tower fell. My mouth dropped to the floor as I saw the buildings disappear into a massive cloud of dust, ash and death below. It was gone.

The teacher muted the TV and said "Class, I need your attention for a moment." We all turned his way to hear what he had to say.

"I don't know if you realize this, but we now live in a world where the World Trade Center no longer exists." Then it hit me.

I'd always had this idealistic view of my country. We were the beloved ones who did no wrong. No one could hate us so much to hurt us in such a way as that day. The rose colored glasses were ripped off my face. People hated us, somw so much to hurt us. The only reason the people did this the way they did is to just kill. Kill as many people as possible at one time to make a statement. Well, the statement was made. Point taken.

I didn't know how to react. I was just numb. I hadn't seen the planes go into the buildings, just the buildings themselves on fire and imploding. Through the rest of the day, there was no classwork, no lectures, no notes taken. It was all of us glued to the TVs, in disbelief that what had happened, happened. Then the end of my classes had come and my Dad was waiting to pick me up. As I sat in his truck on the ride home, I just stared into space. We stopped at the grocery store, and as I got out to follow him in, the tears came. They didn't stop. All my Dad could do was hold me in the parking lot of a grocery store. He said "I know. I know. I'm angry too."

That night my parents and I watched the news together and I got to see the planes go into the buildings for the first time. There were different angles of the impacts taken by different people. The one that hit me the most was a view from below of the 2nd plane. You could see the windows on the airliner plane. It hit me again. There were people on those planes who could see their deaths in front of them. I could imagine them praying, screaming, crying, holding each other. I could see them calling their loved ones to tell them they loved them one last time. It hit me again, and I cried uncontrollably. Our country was attacked, and it's innocent citizens were mass casualties of war.

Also during that day, I have a cousin who lives in New Jersey, but was working in Manhattan at the time. Her parents as well as the rest of the family were trying desperately to get a hold of her to make sure she was OK. She called us to let us know she was fine and had to take a ferry from Manhattan to New Jersey, and walk home to Hoboken. The whole journey took her about 7 hours if I remember correctly, but she saw everything happen from the roof of her office.

10 years later, the images still haunt me. I sometimes YouTube the videos to remind myself that what happened was real. Now I'm 27, married, have a 5 month old daughter and 3 cats. I had always wanted to go pay my respects in New York and visit Ground Zero. I feel I need to, still. I feel I need to go there to tell those that died that even though I wasn't there physically that day, that I think about them.

9/11/2001 - I will never forget.

Scarlett - 4 months old

2011-08-03T10:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Scarlett,

Wow...these months are going by sooo fast! I can't believe you're already 4 months old! It seems just yesterday we packed your tiny little self into your car seat for the first time to bring you home.

We've been notified by your doctor (who LOVES you by the way) that you're teething. You're still in the beginning stages of it, which is good and yo've handled it well so far but I know there's WAY more to come. I guess I better buckle my seatbelt, huh? You've also been to Physical Therapy because you tend to favor your right side. Your Physical Therapist is in love with you and you had so much fun playing with her during your appointment. We got you some new toys to play with and you tend to like things that make noise like rattles.

We went camping a few weeks ago and it was definitely an experience with a small baby. You were such a good girl and handled being outside all the time very well. You handled the near freezing temperatures at night well too, you poor thing. It was also the first time you rode in your stroller without your carseat (just around the campsite) and you seemed to enjoy it for the most part.

You started sitting in your high chair like a big girl and Daddy and I have taken to including you in dinnertime by putting you in your chair while we eat. We put your toys on your tray so you have something to entertain you, but I want to make it so we always eat together. Grandma and Grandpa did that with me when I was young, and I loved it.

Tummy time was a little bit of a struggle at first, but you're becoming a lot more tolerant and are even lifting yourself up onto your elbows. You tend to get a little frustrated after a while, but I know that's OK. You're growing up so fast!

I look at you every day and am amazed that you're mine and Daddy's. Your little personality peeks out every single day and you're such a sweet baby. You love to giggle and smile and you definitely LOOOOOVE your Daddy.

You amaze me every day. We love you our gorgeous girl.

Love,

Mommy

So, there's an explanation

2011-08-02T21:31:00.001-07:00

So I know I've been MIA...but there's a REALLY good reason...I PROMISE.

Right now, I have two jobs. Let me explain...

I work for my MIL, and when I went into labor and had the baby, it was the middle of tax season, which is our main business. By the time it was time for me to come back to work, tax season was over and MIL wanted to keep our part-time tax preparer. So about a week before I was due back to work, MIL asked me what my plans were - to come back to work part time and work my way up to full time, or come back full time straight off the bat. I chose the latter. It was later revealed that she had decided there wasn't enough work for me to do, and that I would need to either just work part time until she deemed it necessary to increase my hours, or find another part time job. I instantly was given an email from a tax client who is the office manager at an engineering firm that is pretty local. Within two days of contacting her, I was hired. So now I have two jobs.

Now on top of that, at Job #1 (MIL's company), I got a BIG client that requires my presence at their office 2 days a week in the afternoons. So here's my weekly schedule:

Monday: Job #1 (8:30-12:45) then Job #2 (1-5)
Tuesday: Job #1 (8:30 - 1:45) then Job #1 Client (2-5)
Wednesday: Job #1 (8:30-12:45) then Job #2 (1-5)
Thursday: Job #1 (8:30-1:45) then Job #1 Client (2-5)
Friday: Job #1 (8:30-12:45) then Job #2 (1-5)

Now on tope of this, here was our weekends for the month of July:

4th of July weekend
9th/10th - My Dad's birthday weekend
16th/17th - went camping in Tahoe
23rd/24th - Scarlett's Baptism then our nephew's birthday party

As you can probably tell...I'm a wee bit EXHAUSTED!!! In the middle of working a crazy schedule, having a teething 4-month old, weekend obligations and trying to catch up on sleep, I havent had much time for blogging. I do apologize from the bottom of my heart...I really do.

I missed Scarlett's 4-month letter, which I hope to post soon. I also want to share pictures of her Baptism, so please bear with me. I love you all!

OK, here's the list

2011-07-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't been posting much (well let's face it, not at all really), but I have a GREAT explanation...I really do. I've got two jobs now and one job has me going to a client's office half days when I'm not working job #2...it's kind of complicated. That being said...

I've been thinking of compiling a "30 before 30" list. It's 30 things I'd like to do and experience before turning 30 years old. Some of them are easy-peasy. Some of them are REALLY outside my comfort zone. I'm hoping you will be here to see me document my progress. So here it goes:

LoLo's 30 Before 30

1. Learn Gaelic (not the entire language, just a few sentences)
2. Learn Portuguese (again, not the entire language)
3. Visit Pearl Harbor
4. Fly the trapeze
5. Participate in the 3-Day Breast Cancer walk
6. Stomp grapes
7. Get another tattoo
8. Learn to drive a stick-shift
9. Eat vegetarian for a month
10. Sing karaoke
11. Race go karts
12. Ride a mechanical bull
13. Take flying lessons
14. Learn to sew with a sewing machine
15. Take a cake decorating class
16. Learn to play the piano
17. Take ballroom dancing lessons
18. Lose 30 pounds
19. Take a metal jewelry class
20. Go on a helicopter tour of SF
21. Ride in a hot air balloon
22. Attend a Renaissance Faire
23. Hold a dinner party
24. Buy a new couch
25. Hike Mt. Tam
26. Visit the Lick Observatory
27. Drive a golf cart, and play the course with Jake
28. Go to Vegas
29. Go horseback riding again
30. Take Scarlett to Texas via an airplane

So there you have it. I will post this on the side of my blog, so I can track my progress. Here goes nothin' people.

Scarlett - 3 months old

2011-06-30T09:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Scarlett-

Wow, this month has been quite a ride. Right after your growth spurt, you had your first physical checkup with your doctor...but that checkup also came with shots. You were SO not a happy camper, but you took things like a trooper. You are one tough little cookie; speaking of which...

You have quite the temper. I think it's the Portuguese, Irish and German in you. When you are uncomfortable, or hungry and not getting your way when you want it, you put up quite a fuss. On one hand, I should've seen it coming because I'm stubborn as well. On the other, I didn't expect that aspect of your personality to pop up so soon. It's OK though, it just means you're more like your namesake than ever.

You're getting more into the groove of tummy time vs. before when you would just scream the whole time. Now you actually hold your head up for a few minutes and look at Daddy or I when we're down on the floor with you. You L-O-V-E your Daddy. You and he have this special bond that I'm so grateful for. You definitely have your father wrapped around your tiny finger, and it shows. That being said, it's the same with your Grandpa and Grandma. They LOVE you too, and it shows. Grandma is making sure your addiction to Hello Kitty is as deep as mine. :)

By the Grace of God, you've been sleeping through the night lately. I know now that I've said that out loud, those days will be gone for a while. You're currently on the down slope of your first cold and you've handled it like a true champ. It could've been a whole lot worse than it is, but I'm grateful that you got a "light" cold that seemed to only give you the sniffles.

You continue to amaze and surprise me every day with how much you're growing and how much the person that you are/will become is peeking out every day. I can't wait to find out what tomorrow will bring!

We love you our gorgeous girl!

Love,
Mommy

Sorry to be absent...

2011-06-27T22:54:00.000-07:00

Things are crazy busy right now. Here's a quick update and I will elaborate later...

1. I got a new job...a part time one after maternity leave was over. I still have my old job, but that has also been transitioned into part time. More to come later.

2. Scarlett's 3 month "birthday" post is coming, I promise.

3. Scarlett is also battling her first cold...well it's more like the sniffles but it still sucks. She's a little trooper though.

4. True Blood season 4 started...need I say more?

5. Jake starts school in August, so we're trying to gear up for that with scheduling and the baby.

6. I have come to some personal revelations and epiphanies that I'm not comfortable sharing on this blog at the moment, but maybe soon I will be able to come out with what's on my mind.

Whew...yeah...I truly apologize for my lax in blogging, but I promise to check in again and elaborate on some items here. Stay with me people...I am alive. :)

Martha Stewart took over!

2011-06-13T09:13:00.001-07:00

I can't believe the weekend is already over, yet again! Like most people, I am an avid fan of the 3-day weekend. Who isn't?

Between Jake and I, we got so much done this weekend around the house. Just to wrap my own head around the volume of tasks/stuff that got done, I need to list it.

Saturday:

-Errands to Target for baby stuff, OSH for new flowers and potting soil, Petsmart for cat food
-Goodwill run
-Potted the new flowers I bought from OSH for our front porch
-Baked Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip cookies
-Cleaned the bathroom and kitchen
-Organized Scarlett's clothes so the larger sizes are more accessible than being in the other drawers of her dresser

Sunday:
- Went to the Farmer's Market in San Rafael with Jake, and our friends Cara and Colin
- Had lunch with Jake and Scarlett at the Marin Brewing Company on the way home
- Baked blueberry muffins from scratch with the fresh blueberries from the Farmers Market
- Jake organized his closet, I organized my closet
-Folded the gigantic pile of clean laundry
-Vacuumed the entire house
- Sterilized Scarlett's binkies and nipples

Whew!
All the tasks at home really needed to be done and I have been itching to bake for a while. The house is really the cleanest it's been since before Scarlett was born.

I also have to give a shout out to one of the vendors at the Farmers Market. It's The Golden Waffle which makes Belgian waffles with pearl sugar. I had one on Sunday morning with Nutella smeared on the top...YUMMY!!!! It was soooo good. HERE is their website.

PCOS to Parenthood - Part 3

2011-05-31T14:24:00.000-07:00

...

In February 2005, I had a profile on Yahoo Personals. In the past, I hadn’t really pursued relationships with anyone I had met, and most had become either friendly acquaintances, or just friends. I was in a very toxic relationship that was off-and-on for a couple of years (not the same as my high school relationship), and was looking for an out. I was lonely and felt used by that person and I knew I wanted to find someone that would hold a level of respect for me that didn’t include using my family and me for money and other luxuries. I had decided to spruce up my profile and just let it be for a little while. I met some good people, but wasn’t really looking for a serious relationship (hey, I’m being honest). All of a sudden, there was an “ice breaker” in my email, which was a free pre-worded sentence that you could send to someone you wanted to talk to more after viewing their profile. It was from a person who didn’t have a picture in his profile, which to me was a HUGE no-no. But, for some reason I’ll never know, I decided to read his interests and what he was looking for. He had mentioned movies, which was a HUGE plus in my book since I’m an avid moviegoer myself. He sounded intelligent and he had my four requirements – taller than me, older than me, a job (so I wouldn’t have to give him money all the time) and a car (so I didn’t have to drive him everywhere). I sent him an ice-breaker back, and then got an actual message from him. I decided to fork over the $20 to get the ability to message him back. Pretty soon, we were talking online in real time and 3 weeks later, he asked me out on my first real date…ever. His name was Jake and it was the best date I could’ve ever asked for as my first. He even brought me purple carnations (my favorite color, and because he couldn’t find purple roses after calling all the florists he could think of).

After 6 months of dating, Jake and I decided to take a weekend and go down to Monterey for our 6 month anniversary. We both love the beach and he hadn’t been to the Monterey Bay Aquarium in a really long time. We had talked about marriage and looked at rings, and I knew a proposal was coming, but didn’t know when. We walked to the beach after checking into our B&B and ended up at a park called Lovers Point with a rock formation that shoots out into the ocean. He decided he wanted to “hike” the rocks and I decided “Hey why not”. By the time we got to the end, I had twisted my ankle a tiny bit and needed to sit down. He sat next to me, put his arm around me and said “Do you know how much I love you?” I said “I’m sure I have an idea, but you can tell me again if you want” ;) He began to tell me how lost he was before we met and how I brought him such happiness and love that he never knew he could have with someone. As he was talking, he pulled out a small black box from his camera bag and opened it. All I could do was cry. Finally he said “Will you marry me?” and through my tears and disbelief that this was actually happening, I said “yes”. As we walked the trail from the park to the aquarium, I began to realize that in the 6 months Jake had been in my life, I had eliminated the toxic people in my life, I had a stable job, was going back to college, we were in the process of moving in together with 3 kittens we had just adopted/rescued, and my relationship with my parents was vastly improving. He was the one who was there for me while I rebuilt my life, but wasn’t willing to solve my problems or rebuild my life for me. He allowed me to be the person I wanted to without doing anything but being there. I was going to marry Jake, the first MAN I had ever loved.

Balsamic Roasted Pork Loin

2011-05-27T17:14:00.001-07:00

Wow...how long has it been since I've posted a recipe!? Holy cow! Or in this case, Holy Pig!

I've been making more of an effort to post on the blog, and try new recipes. My goal is to try a new recipe at least once every two week, then get more ambitious and try a new one at least once a week. It could be a main dish, a side dish, dessert, or baked goodies (because we all know how great those are!)

I'm not a fan of the pork chop. I used to be until I saw a video on YouTube that changed everything (long story, don't ask). For some reason, though, pork loin doesn't bother me. So while on allrecipes.com, my go-to place for new ideas for meals, I stumbled across this recipe and thought I would share. It was dee-lish! :)

Balsamic Roasted Pork Tenderloin
Recipe by Melissa S. of allrecipes.com and photo by Lori L. of allrecipes.com

Prep Time: 5 mins (2 hours to marinade), Cook Time: 1 hour, TOTAL: 3 hrs. 5 mins.
Serves 4

1 lb pork tenderloin or roast
1 tablespoon steak seasoning rub
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup EVOO

1. Dissolve steak rub in balsamic vinegar, then stir in EVOO. Put pork into Ziploc bag and add marinade into bag with pork. Make sure the marinade covers the pork. Refridgerate for 2 hours (or overnight if you'd like).

2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit.

3. Put pork into glass baking dish along with the marinade. Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour, basting occasionally (if you can) until the center of the pork reaches 145 degrees F. Let rest for 10 minutes before slicing.

Enjoy!

PCOS to Parenthood - Part 2

2011-05-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

...

Fast forward to my senior year, and things started happening to my body that were not expected. I began growing small patches of facial hair, but nothing that wasn’t remedied by a pair of tweezers. My abdomen was where I was holding most of my weight. I wasn’t a fan of how I looked and it’s where I first began to really have body image issues. When I was diagnosed with PCOS, I was unaware of the long term effects and what havoc it could wreak on my body. That’s when I first started researching possible treatments for PCOS, which at the time, there were none. Being on birth control was my best option, so I kept at it. The pill gave me a monthly cycle, for which I was grateful. It seemed to be working the way it was meant to. I was in a long term relationship at the time and I figured as long as I kept up with the hormone treatment and kept my handy dandy tweezers with me, I was all good. Of course as time wore on and I grew older, the effects of PCOS began to take hold of me. I still grapple with most of the symptoms today. But, in reading and researching this seemingly “phantom” disease I have, I read the one word I didn’t want to…infertility. At the second I read that word, I knew then that I would need medical assistance in becoming a mother. I had always had a dream of being two things in life: A wife and a mother.

A few years ago, I was an avid fan of the HBO show Sex and the City. There’s a character named Charlotte who was trying to get pregnant with her first husband, Trey. She tried for 3 months before diving in head first into IVF treatment. I was unaware of IVF treatment and the invasiveness of the procedures, but was aware of the occurrence of multiple fetuses in such pregnancies. When Charlotte and Trey divorced and Charlotte met her husband Harry, the two (Charlotte and Harry) were having a conversation about having children. When Harry expressed his desire to have children, Charlotte’s face shows the hurt and fear she held before telling him “…it’s not impossible, but it’s difficult”. In watching that scene and how accepting Harry was of Charlotte’s issue, I knew I would have to have that same conversation with my future husband, and I would only hope and pray that he would be as loving and accepting of my issue as Harry.

To be continued...

Scarlett - Two months old

2011-05-22T19:51:00.001-07:00

Dear Scarlett-

Well, here we are, another month flown by.

You are growing like a weed babycakes, and I can't believe you're out of newborn clothes and diapers and into some bigger sizes. You're still a little munchkin, but you are growing fast. Many people have commented on how much bigger you are compared to when they first saw you. I wish you could remain my tiny little peanut forever, but I know you have to grow up.

You are smiling more and more each day and you've started "talking" to me when you smile, and when you play in your floor gym. When you get excited, you start to wave your arms and kick your legs all while breathing at an excited pace. I love hearing your little voice, it's a beautiful sound. You're growing more tolerant of tummy time, but you do get a little mad towards the end each time.

You went through a growth spurt which threw us for a loop with a sudden change in your sleep habits, but other than that, you are sleeping more through the night. Daddy and I have noticed that you are like me in that you don't like your feet covered. You could be wrapped up like a little burrito, but your feet will stick out of the bottom of the blanket. You also tend to wiggle your feet and toes when you are relaxed. That's a trait of mine as well. You are proving to be very ticklish and are starting to smile when we tickle you instead of get mad.

Your personality is peeking out more and more. You're still a little camel with being pratically insatiable when it comes to feeding. You love your milk still, there's no doubt about that.

Tomorrow is the big day where we get to see exactly how much you've grown, and also get your first shots. Daddy and I will be there for you baby, always.

We love you our gorgeous girl.

Love, Mommy

4 years ago...

2011-05-19T08:06:00.000-07:00

Wow...4 years. Has it really been that long? I was getting ready to marry my best friend, my husband, the love of my life.

This year has really been something, hasn't it? We went to Tahoe last year in June, then 2 months later, found out we were pregnant. It's been a heck of a year, for sure. But one thing remains the same...that Jake and I are a team. I don't know how I would get along without him. Life wouldn't be as fun, or funny for that matter.

Happy Anniversary Jake! :)

On our honeymoon in Jamaica

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

Here's to the first of many to come...

Mother's Day thoughts...

2011-05-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my first Mother's Day ever. As I type those words "out loud", I find it hard to wrap my brain around the fact that I am a mother. I am a mommy. I'm a mom.

As I sit and (sort of) watch my beautiful daughter sleep in her bassinet, I also find myself remembering how I got here. And it wasn't just me. It was Jake, my wonderful husband, who was my strength and hope throughout the entire process of infertility. He was my biggest cheerleader, and lead me back onto the path when I was desperate to just sit down and throw in the towel. And there's my family...my amazing family. From across the country to across the street, everyone lent support and a willing shoulder and ear. To them I cried, I smiled, I vented and explained. There was no judgement or prejudice. There was only love, and I truly felt the meaning of the word "family". Even those who I wasn't close to growing up were there for me in ways I never expected, but deeply appreciate to this day and always will.

My Mom and Dad who offered me everything from arms to hug me when I was in tears, to hours long phone calls and telling me everything will be OK. My time would come, and the baby that was meant to be mine would come one day.

But tomorrow is a day that will hold so much meaning for me. I mean, it always has as I have always been very close to my mom. But now, I am on the other side of the bridge. I'm the mom now. I'm not just the daughter celebrating her mother, but I'm also now a mother celebrating the reason why tomorrow has been taken to a whole new level in my life.

Of course, I also remember those who are still trying to become moms or those who are moms of little angel babies. I would never forget those who share the "process" and experiences I had. Please keep the faith that everything will work out. Because it will.

So as today's sun sets, and I look at my daughter's sleeping face, I can't help but think...I finally made it. I'm a mom...and nothing can change that.

Happy Mother's Day!

Newborn Pictures

2011-05-06T08:40:00.001-07:00

Here are some of our newborn pictures that were taken by the very talented KellyMPhotography. I absolutely LOVE these photos and I honestly can't pick a favorite.

Enjoy!

Maternity Photos

2011-05-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to post some of our maternity pictures for a while, but as you can probably guess, we've been a little busy.

Thank you to KellyMPhotography for such beautiful images. I promise to post some of Scarlett's newborn pictures soon!

Enjoy!

Game of Thrones

2011-05-02T01:39:00.001-07:00

Jake and I have been watching a new show on HBO based on the book A Song of Fire and Ice. The show itself is called Game of Thrones, and the intro to each episode is really awesome to watch. The buildings grow out of the map like clock gears, and the music sets the tone for the show perfectly. So here's the intro..enjoy!

Happy Easter

2011-04-28T18:39:00.000-07:00

From Scarlett!

The best part...bunny butt!

Scarlett - 1 month old

2011-04-21T07:33:00.001-07:00

Dear Scarlett,

It's hard to believe that one short/long month ago, you entered your Daddy and my lives. Of course, you needed to have a dramatic entrance (you must get that from me) and come 4 weeks early on the night of the Super Moon. 27 hours later, you officially arrived and it's been a wild ride ever since.

I notice that you respond to my voice and look at me when I call your name, or when I'm feeding you. The other day I was singing your favorite song to you ("Imagine" by the Beatles) and you just stared at me the entire time. You also lift your head when I hold you to my chest and today, you actually smiled...at least while you were awake. You LOVE your bouncy chair and even the swing...if only I could take them for a ride too. You definitely have a little Irish temper, and you don't play around when it comes to food. You like your milk, and you like it NOW! :)

Your Daddy is quite smitten with you. He loves holding you, feeding you and even changing your diaper. I can tell you two have a really special bond and I love seeing it grow day by day.

You are more than I could have ever hoped for. You have gorgeous blue eyes and wispy brown hair (which I swear is turning a little blond). I look at you every day in amazement that after 3 years, your Daddy and I finally have you in our lives. I prayed every day for you, and I'm so grateful that I get to know you. We love you Scooter...always and forever.

Love, Mommy

PCOS to Parenthood - Part 1

2011-04-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

I guess to begin any story, you’d have to start at the beginning, which for me in the unbelievable journey I’m on started when I was 15 years old.

I was a freshman in high school and incredibly naïve. I had a core group of about 3 friends and all of them would share horror stories of “that time of the month” and help each other in a bind. I would always play it up that I had my own cycles under control, but in reality it was the opposite. I had officially “become a woman” at 13 and my cycles were irregular which, I was told, was to be expected in the beginning and would eventually straighten themselves out. But I was 15, and hadn’t had a cycle in about a year and a half. I was enjoying not having the embarrassing moments my friends had of having to RUN to the bathroom and borrow feminine products from each other, but in the back of my mind, I was worried. I could tell something wasn’t right. There had to be a reason why everyone around me was “functioning” regularly and I wasn’t. Finally there were a few months of cycles and I was relieved at first and hoped that my worries were all for naught. Then, nothing…for 9 months I went cycle-less again. Now I KNEW something was wrong. This wasn’t normal. Finally my mom and I decided it was time to see a doctor. I remember the doctor. She was a middle-aged Hindu woman who we’ll call Dr. M. She was kind and addressed my mother’s concerns with the one thing I dreaded most…a blood test. I hadn’t had one since I was 3 years old and now, at 15, I was scheduled to take 7 (yes, SEVEN) vials of blood for various tests to see what was going on. I remember crying the entire time because I was afraid. I had a tendency to faint while getting blood drawn, so I was in a private room on a gurney, staring out the mini-blind-covered window thinking about the tree outside blowing in the breeze. Oh I would give anything to be that tree rather than getting blood taken from me. I understood the need for 3 or even 4 vials, but SEVEN? I wasn’t happy.
After a few days, I had to go back to see Dr. M for the results and prognosis. Both my mom and I went in there determined to find out why I was having this issue. The doctor, in her thick Hindu accent stated that she had the results from my blood tests – it was something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Well, she might as well have been speaking Japanese for all I knew because I had no clue what it was. She stated that it is simply a hormone deficiency and since it had been found at a relatively early age, the easiest course of treatment she recommended was to put me on birth control pills as a form of hormone therapy, hoping that my pubescent, teenage body would turn itself around. My mother was devastated. It wasn’t because of the diagnosis, but the treatment. She wasn’t keen on the thought of having a 15-year old daughter on birth control pills. Of course I was still a virgin at the time and had taken a vow of abstinence, therefore I had to explain that the birth control wasn’t for its “conventional” purposes, but rather think of it as medicine for a physical condition. She still was uneasy about the thought, but in my heart, I knew the REAL reason as to why I was prescribed this medication and promised not to abuse it for other purposes.

To be continued...

By popular demand...

2011-04-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

Pictures of the wee one.

She now has several nicknames: Squirt, Scooter, Midget and Truffle Cheeks (can you tell which one I came up with?) ;)

A Single Day

2011-04-06T13:07:00.001-07:00

A thought... All growing up, I would think about how a single day would change everything. It would make your life switch gears and never be the same. However, before that significant event happened on it's designated day, you'd never suspect on that date in previous years that your life would change. All my life, March 21 was just another day. It was a day I would wake up and eat breakfast, go to school or work and live my life. It was just March 21st...an insignificant day. Just a day..no biggie. Now, March 21st holds so much meaning to me, but it didn't until this past March 21st. Now, for the rest of my life, that day will hold SO much meaning to me. It won't be just another meaningless day. It's my daughter's birthday. It's a day where the course of my life was changed forever. It's the day Jake and my daughter was welcomed into this world after so much struggle to have her here with us. Now March 21st might just be my favorite day of the year. Also, an odd tidbit...March's birthstone is Aquamarine. My "something blue" for my wedding was I wore Aquamarine earrings. Queue the Twilight Zone theme...just kidding. :)

Scarlett's Nursery

2011-04-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

So, here is the finished product. I was on the lookout for something to put over her dresser/changing table. I wanted to put something there that was meaningful to me. All I could think of was my childhood. When I was little, my Dad would carry me up and down the hallway singing "You Are My Sunshine" in the middle of the night. That's always been out song. So I went to etsy.com and found someone who had the first few verses from the song printed out and I put them in white frames. So now above her dresser, the pictures say "You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine" and then the other says "You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Gray". I love it!

Here are the pictures...hope you like it!

Scarlett's crib with bedding and her bunting (banner)

Her bookshelf and the most comfy glider ever

Dresser/changing table

The entire room. I love it!

First Bath

2011-03-31T15:06:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my parents came to see Scarlett and help around the house since our trip to the hospital was really a whirlwind.

One of the things we really struggled with was the levels of Scarlett's bilirubin. Too much bilirubin = jaundice. More than half of babies that are born get jaundice because their liver immature, especially in preemies which is was Scarlett is classified as. The instance of jaundice in preemies is even more. During our hospital stay, Scarlett had to spend 24 hours under special lights to help breakdown the bilirubin so her jaundice would go away. When we were discharged, we had to go to the lab and have her blood tested again, which showed that her bilirubin was rebounding, but not majorly. We were told by the doctor that until her bilirubin levels were on the downturn, that our poor baby would have to be tested every day until the downturn showed. So essentially, her little tiny heels were sliced every. single. day. for the first almost-week of her life. I was so mad. But her bilirubin went down and now she's fine. No jaundice, no more labs.

Anyways, so we were waiting until her tests would be done before giving her a bath. When the day came where our pediatrician told us we wouldn't have to be on a first-name basis with the lab techs, we decided we would give Scarlett her first at-home bath. We broke out her whale tub and began her sponge bath (since her belly button hasn't "fallen off" yet). I didn't get to take any pictures because I was the torturer, or at least I felt like it with how much she was wailing. After all was said and done, she was wrapped up safe and warm in her hooded towel. I did manage to snap a few pics.

"Please mommy, make it stop!" ;)

Peek-a-boo!

What is this thing on my head?

Special Delivery!

2011-03-25T13:12:00.000-07:00

Saturday, March 19th was our 2nd baby shower. My aunt had offered to host it for Jake and I for our family, and my aunt has always been a caring and gracious hostess to many a family gathering. I had tons of fun with Jake and my families and when I got home, Jake was anxious to see everything and hear how it went since he had to work. The first thing he wanted to do was put together the stroller and put Scarlett's bedding on her crib. First, we had to run errands in Concord, so we did and ended up having dinner up there too. We made it home by about 9pm.

By 10:30, we had put Scarlett's new bedding in her crib and had JUST finished putting her stroller and carseat together. Jake wheeled it through the house and into the nursery. I was sitting on the living room couch, reading the instructions for the stroller (don't know why). Jake walked in, began to ask me something and I felt this GUSH like I had just peed my pants. I shot straight up while sitting and gasped the biggest gasp I've ever done. Jake looked at me and said "What is it?" I instantly ran to the bathroom, and checked it out. I (according to Jake) had this shocked and panicked look on my face like something was terribly wrong. Again he asked me "What's wrong". All I could say was "My water just broke".

10:35pm: Jake grabbed my phone and I called L&D. The nurse warned me that if it was indeed my water breaking (or broken), that it would continue to flow and to be careful. I took a quick shower, put on some clean clothes and called my parents and sister in law to tell them what happened. After that, I called our neighbor across the street to ask her to watch the house/cats while we were gone. We hadn't packed a hospital bag (it was on the to-do list for the next day), so we were frantically trying to get everything in the bag. Also, we had just gotten the carseat, so it wasn't installed yet. Jake tried, in the dark and rain to install the base, but couldn't. We decided to just put the carseat in the car and worry about it when we got there. I told him he could always go to the local fire department and have them install it for us if need be.

11:30pm: We arrived at Walnut Creek Kaiser and got to L&D triage. I was checked in and changed into what would be my outfit for the next 48 hours. They looked and indeed my water had "grossly ruptured" (verbatim from the nurse) and had an ultrasound done. Thank God baby was still head down. I had a chance to do a vaginal delivery, which I wasn't going to have if she was breech again. While in triage, we were told my parents had arrived, but they couldn't come in until I was given a room. The doctor on duty was a petite lady with spiral curly blond hair, which apparently matched her personality. At one point, she said to me "I'm thinking...because that's what you do with your brain". I thought to myself "Oh great, if she's it, I'm in for one hell of a ride here".

3/20 12:30-1am: A nurse named Lolly came in to give my IV, my first one without local anesthesia. I had one before while having my wisdom teeth out, but I was numbed up first. She decided to go with a saline block on my left hand, so I was able to move freely about the room because I wasn't in active labor yet. 10 minutes later, she came back into the room and I was informed that I also had to have a block on my right hand since I had gestational diabetes and they couldn't cross Pitocin (if needed) with insulin and dextrose. So, I ended up having two IV blocks, one in each hand - one for saline and Pit and the other for the dextrose/insulin cocktail. I count myself lucky, though, that she was able to get me with the first stick each time. And let's not forget about the hospital bands. I had 4 - one orange for indication of drug allergies (I have none), My general hospital admission band, my blood-type indicator band for L&D and then I have the most important one - the one that both Jake and I had to wear - that whatever little person was going to be born that day, that they were ours. Lolly also hooked me up to a fetal heart monitor and a contraction monitor via monitor pads on my belly strapped down with elastic/velcro straps as well as a blood pressure cuff on my right arm that would measure my blood pressure every 15 minutes. All I had to do now was sit and wait for the show to begin. About an hour later, VERY mild contractions started to show. It felt like someone was just pushing on my belly. My parents who had been there the entire time were tired and wanted to go home for the night since nothing was expected to happen until the next day.

Me with my "vines" of IV tubes (two on each side of me)

3/20 3:30-4am: The contractions woke me up from a sound sleep and weren't really unbearable. They just felt more like cramps, bigger ones. At one point (this might be TMI) I decided I had to go to the bathroom, and began to lift my left leg to use it as leverage to roll over, sit up, then stand. As soon as I lifted my leg and put a little abdominal effort behind my "lift"...it happened. Pretty much ALL of my remaining amniotic fluid came flowing out like a frikkin water fountain. I panicked and called Jake over. All I could say was "I'm losing all the fluid and there's nothing I can do about it". The nurse came in, checked me out and I was OK - physically. Mentally though, feeling something like that and you have no control is a truly strange feeling. So I went to the bathroom while the nurse cleaned up the bed and I tried to go back to sleep. After climbing back into bed I thought to myself "Now there's no cushion for contractions. It's about to get VERY interesting from here".

3/20 4:30-5am: The baby kept moving away from the fetal heart monitor that was strapped to me, so it was decided by my doctor on duty that they would place an interal fetal heart monitor into me. Fun times.

3/20 9-10am: My parents called and said they were on their way in a few minutes and the contractions were pretty painful at this point. I was having a hard time breathing through them and as such began to panic a little. When I panicked, I would forget to breathe and therefore became nauseated. I had in our birth plan that when I looked uncomfortable, to offer me drugs since I'm the kind of person who wouldn't ask for them on my own because I'd be afraid of "being a burden", which I admit now was STUPID. They offered me a pain med called Fentanyl, which they said would work almost instantly, but only last for an hour. I wasn't ready to accept an epidural since I was only 3cm dilated. I wanted to see how far I could take this before needing medication. I knew I was not going to be able to handle a completely med-free birth. I knew my limitations, and I was getting there fast. The contractions were concentrating their "wrath" on my right hip, which felt like someone was twisting a hot poker into my bone and I just wanted to get through the contractions a little to get a little rest. I must also mention that during this entire time, the nurses would come every hour on the hour to prick my fingers to check my glucose level. And they didn't use the delicate needles I used at home. They used the HUGE, nasty lancets that looked like they were made in the late 90's that needed a TON of blood to make the glucose machine function. This definitely cut in on my "rest" that everyone was telling me I needed.

3/20 Noon-1pm: I was dilated to 4cm, and the contraction pain was so unbearable, and I had two Fentanyl injections, each only lasting about 20 minutes of effectiveness. I felt I wasn't going to last the labor considering I was in major pain and only 4cm. The nurse who was working with me told me that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be somewhat comfortable and that I would possibly make more progress because I could concentrate more on getting through the contractions rather than concentrating on getting rid of the pain from the contractions. So I talked about it with Jake and we decided that I would get the epi. The anesthesiologist was there in 15 minutes. I had had 2 epidural steroid injections for back pain before, so I knew how to curve my back. Of course, at those times I wasn't in labor and hooked up to numerous vines of IV meds. The nurse held me up while Jake held my hand. During the epidural, I had a contraction and the blood pressure cuff was making it's (painful) measurement at the same time, so I didn't really feel anything after the local anesthesia was given. It was the smoothest epidural I've ever had. About 10 minutes later, I was able to breathe through the contractions without losing my cool and getting nauseated again.

3/20 5-6pm: I was dilated to about 6, and the contractions were getting stronger. At this point, I was given an oxygen mask and was asked to breathe into it while going through a contraction, to give as much pure oxygen as possible to myself and therefore the baby. Also, it was noticed that when I had a contraction, her heart rate would dip a little. I was told to lay on my left side from then on. Of course, this meant that the epidural meds would pool (via gravity) to whatever lower side I was laying on, which was my left. For the next few hours, I felt nothing in my left side and EVERYTHING on my right. It was pretty painful, but I kept thinking that feeling half was better than feeling everything and through long, deep breaths, I was able to get through the contractions.

3/20 7-8pm: The contractions were horrible. I was starting to panic a little and was PRAYING that I was dilated more. I called the nurse in and asked when I would be measured again, hoping beyond hope that God gave me a break and I was ready to push or dilated enough to where I felt I could push in the next hour or so. When the doctor did come and measured me, she said I was between 8 and 9cm. I lost it. I called Jake over, in tears telling him I didn't think I could do this anymore. I was seriously considering asking for a c-section because I wanted this baby OUT! Jake held my hand and told me that this is what we've worked so hard for and the experience we were having as a family was worth the wait and work, that he loved me and no matter what I decided, he would be there for me and the baby. I decided to push on through the pain and try to make it. He sat with me the entire time after that, rubbing my leg and telling me when a contraction was going to hit and when it was going down so I knew when the pain would come and when it would go. Having him do that was a MIRACLE. I felt with his help, the pain was more manageable because he could let me know when the end would come.

3/20 8:45-9:00pm: The doctor came back and checked me. I was fully dilated, but my cervix had a "lip" on the right side that wasn't fully pulled back in dilation. However, when a contraction hit, the "lip" would pull back, so she didn't see anything wrong with having me push. Of course the contractions were pretty substantial, but I was so tired and pretty much reconciled that this was the card I was dealt and all I could do was breathe/moan through it. I didn't know at the time, but apparently when the contractions came, Scarlett's heart rate would dip to an almost dangerous level, but would rebound and correct itself fairly quickly between contractions, so the doctor's were kind of concerned, but as long as her heart rate wouldn't dip too low for too long, they would just keep an eye on her. The doctor's told me in about 10-15 minutes, I would be able to push. When they checked me, they said "We can see her head, and she has hair!" I was ready to get this kid out.

3/20 9:15 - 11:45pm: The doctors who told me I was ready to push never came back. Instead, what had happened was apparently during the previous two contractions, Scarlett's heart rate dipped pretty severely and wasn't rebounding as quickly as before. This was indicating that maybe the umbilical cord was being squished too much and therefore was cutting off her oxygen. I didn't know this until about 2 days after her delivery. But at the time, I thought everything was still OK. A young man came into my room and said "Laurel? My name is Dr. S (don't want to reveal his name on this blog). We need to discuss the possibility of you having a c-section." He basically told me that he was monitoring my progress and didn't like the look of how the baby's heart rate was so affected by the contractions. If I made enough progress with pushing and the baby's heart rate wouldn't dip as low as before, he would give me "assistance from below" as he called it (aka suction). However if her status didn't improve or her heart rate dipped again, I would have to have a c-section. All I could think during this entire time he was talking to me was "Who the hell are you and where did you come from?" The nurse at the time told me she would help me push as much as possible so we could make good progress. It was time to push.

I pushed for 2 hours, but it literally felt like 30 minutes. I pushed on my back, right and left sides trying to make progress. I didn't realize how much I wanted a vaginal birth until when I started pushing. I was determined beyond determination to get the baby out. But because my epidural had pooled to my left side, when the contractions would come and I'd have to get my legs up to push, the left leg was dead weight. Plus while pushing, I would count in my head while the nurse was counting out loud. When I would push, I'd immediately start counting and by the time I got to 3 or so, the nurse would start at 1 in her counting and was the SLOWEST counter EVER. I could've killed her. My mom also got in on the action and she was worse. She would whisper the numbers (I asked her to be louder) and then she would count even slower than the nurse and sometimes forget 9 and 10 and just count to 8. Finally I asked Jake to count and he was awesome. He was loud enough for me to hear, but not too loud and he would count at a pace I was comfortable with. The baby's head was in the birth canal, but not her crown. After the 2 hours, Dr. S came in, basically told me he was monitoring me again, knew I was pushing, but that it was time for a c-section. I knew no matter what I said or didn't say, he wasn't going to take "no" for an answer. Also, I was exhausted. I had no more fight in me to duke it out with this dude. Then he asked me the stupidest question: "Are you OK with that?" All I could do was look him in the eye and say "No, I'm not OK with it, but it seems I don't have a choice". A c-section was in my future and I was scared.

3/21 Midnight: I was going to have a c-section. I basically had to take my mind off of having a vaginal delivery and that I was going to be having surgery instead. I felt a little bit of failure because I had come this far only to be told I couldn't go anymore. All of a sudden, I saw a guy in green scrubs and a surgical hair cap come in and wash his hands. Since I was so tired, I could barely open my eyes. All I could think was "Man, that doctor is kind of cute"...it was Jake! Apparently he had changed into scrubs for the surgery and I didn't even know he was gone! At the moment he walked up to me and kissed my forehead, I said "You make one good-looking doctor... and you're keeping those scrubs". I was then wheeled into the OR and the anesthesiologist (who was from some Eastern European country) gave me the meds to numb me from the chest down. My arms were strapped down out to my sides. I felt like Jesus on a cross. It was all kind of surreal. Jake was rubbing my head and holding my hand. I knew at the moment the doctors called out their positions and status that I was going to freak out if I thought about what was going on beyond that blue sheet. Plus I was so tired and the work was being done for me, so I decided to nap during the procedure.

3/21 1:34am: I was in and out of consciousness. I was about to close my eyes again when I heard the doctor say "And it's out...it's a girl!" I instantly forced my eyes open and saw the nurse carry the baby to the cleaning and warming station out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see Jake make a beeline towards her. All I kept thinking was "Cry, baby. Please cry so I know you're OK". After a minute, but what seemed like 10, she gave out a huge cry. Jake came back to me for a minute and said "she's here" and all I could ask was "Is she OK?"

Scarlett Leigh Smith was born Monday March 21, 2011 at 1:34am

She was 6 lbs, 1 oz and 20 3/4 inches long

After a few minutes, I couldn't hold consciousness anymore. I closed my eyes and started to drift again. All of a sudden, I felt this warmth and pressure on my left shoulder/chest. I opened my eyes, looked down and I saw her laying on me. She was perfect. She was a little purple (which I was told was normal given what she'd been through with the oxygen dipping, but she was good) and waxy (she still had some vernix caseosa covering her). All I could say to her was "Hi baby. We waited a long time for you. Happy Birthday sweetheart". The nurse explained that they wanted to give her as much skin to skin as possible, that the OR was pretty cold and they've supposedly figured out that to have the baby against the mother's skin was more effective in maintaining a good body temp than being under the warming light. I could still barely keep my eyes open, but was forcing them to do so. My daughter is here and NOTHING was going to make me miss this.

3/21 approx 3:00am: I was wheeled into recovery and waited for Jake to come. All I could think was "It's over. She's here." Jake came in and showed me pictures that had been taken of her and us after her delivery. I also had noticed that sometime during the operation, he had peaked over the sheet...what a freak! ;) A few minutes later (or what seemed like it, but I guess was more like 20-30 minutes), my parents and mother in law came in. They had seen her in the nursery getting her Vitamin K shot and other various things they do in the nursery. They waited with me the entire time I was in recovery until the anesthesia wore off enough for me to wiggle my toes and a room was available. When we got to the room, Scarlett was already there with a nurse, waiting for us. She picked her up and asked me to do skin-to-skin. Within 10-15 seconds, my daughter was on my chest. My mind was racing. I kept thinking "Wow...this is it. This really happened. I'm a mom now. This is really strange!" After a little bit, my parents and MIL decided to head home and Jake folded out the horribly uncomfortable barka lounger chair to get some sleep.

Throughout my pregnancy, I had highs and lows. Towards the end-half, I had to battle some pretty serious stuff. I had Gestational Diabetes and Hypertension. I was checking my glucose levels 4 times a day, and my blood pressure once a day. I was on numerous medications and had weekly doctors' appointments. At the time, it was annoying and tedious, but that was in the moment. I was hugely uncomfortable and growing more and more tired and ready for the pregnancy to be over. But looking back on it now that Jake and my daughter, our baby, our Scarlett is here, it was all worth it. She's perfectly healthy (except for a bout of jaundice which was taken care of) given that she was born 4 weeks early. There was so much that could've gone wrong in my pregnancy and birth. But no...she's here and she's perfect.

Bunting

2011-03-16T10:25:00.001-07:00

For the past few weeks, I've been going back and forth over what to put on the wall above Scarlett's crib. At first, I wanted to do wooden letters spelling out her name, then Jake and I thought "what about a decal?". Wooden letters turned out to be either really hard to find in a "font" that didn't look right or really pricey. Decals were OK, but we were having a hard time choosing one and then colors. Since her room is light yellow, having white in the decal didn't seem feasible because we were afraid it would disappear against the wall.

On a website I look at from time to time called Etsy, I saw that some people use bunting, or a cloth banner to spell out things like "Happy Birthday" or other holiday messages. So I thought "why not spell out a baby's name?". Perfect! Now the colors! And I don't have a sewing machine! And I've never done anything like this before! Do I ask someone else to do it? Who? Is this something I can do on my own? After some inner debate, I decided this would be something I wanted to do for my daughter. I was hoping that my effort would become one of those precious keepsakes she'll appreciate throughout her life, one day showing her daughter the bunting and saying "My mom made this for me".

So after two trips to JoAnn's Fabrics, debating colors, a few nights work and a new appreciation for "Liquid Stitch" (aka fabric glue), I finished her bunting and hung it last night with Jake. It came out WAY better than I imagined. I'm pretty darn proud of myself.

I decided once I saw the hot pink on the blue that maybe the letters needed a little more definition. So I took my cross stitch thread and stitched white thread around the edges to give it a more home-made and playful look.

I'm really happy with how it turned out. The flag points aren't perfect, but I love it anyways!

What do you think?

More Nursery Progress

2011-03-10T11:58:00.001-08:00

I know I haven't posted much as far as nursery progress is concerned, and a lot has honestly happened between these pictures and now.

Our house was built in the 1920's, so it's a Craftsman style home. As such, the closet space in the house is small, but manageable. I use the closet in Jake and my room, and Jake uses the closet in the baby's room. Of course, that means the baby doesn't get a closet, or a whole one at least. While picking her furniture, we decided we wanted a full-size dresser to act as her dresser, closet and changing table. We also chose full-size because we wanted to get her something that she could grow with and not something that needed to be replaced in 3 years. We chose a dresser from Ikea because it's what we could find on a reasonable budget, it's white, simple, and I like Ikea furniture (for the most part - some stuff is too modern for me).

So Jake and I bought the dresser, or at least the boxes the pieces to make the dresser came in, came home and got to work.

Now of course you can't have something going on in the house without the cats' input. Here's Neebs "helping out"...

The frame for the dresser is up!

Chloe, aka "The Foreman" on the glider

We are putting the finishing touches on the baby's room and I promise once it's all finished, I will post pictures of the (finally) finished product!

Looking Back

2011-03-03T15:39:00.000-08:00

Today I was reading my blog posts while Jake and I were dealing with IF issues, and all I can say is Wow. Wow that we did that much in such a short period of time and wow how me made it through.

Reading some of them definitely made me realize how dark some places were for me, and how hopeless I felt. God was testing me for sure, and I persevered.

As I sit here feeling my daughter roll around inside me and reading the posts of how badly I wanted to be a mother, all I can say is I remember how I would say that when the moment would happen, all the tears and pain would be worth it and somehow fade away. In those moments back then, frustration and the tears were all I knew. Now that I'm on the other side, I can tell you that it's 1000% true. It's faded away, and it was worth the work to get where we are.

Chicken Enchilada Soup

2011-03-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

I know it's been FOREVER since I last posted a recipe, but I HAVE to share this one. I wasn't aware until recently that Chili's (the restaurant) had something called Chicken Enchilada Soup, and it happens to be a major favorite for Jake. So I wanted to try my hand at it and it is OH MY YUMMM!!!!!!!!!!! I made it last night for dinner and Jake said and I quote "You can make this again any time you want".

Chicken Enchilada Soup (by KMHIX of allrecipes.com)

Photo by Pamela D. of allrecipes.com

Prep Time: 10 min, Cook Time: 50 min = TOTAL: 1 hour

8 servings

1lb boneless, skinless chicken breast halves

1 tbsp vegetable oil

1/2 cup diced onion

1 clove garlic, minced

1 quart (4 cups) chicken broth

1 cup harina para masa (Mexican corn flour for making tortillas)

3 cups water, divided

1 cup enchilada sauce

2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

1 tsp salt

1 tsp chili powder

1/2 tsp ground cumin

1. In large pot over medium heat, cook chicken breasts in oil until well browned on all sides. Remove and set aside.

2. Cook onion and garlic in remaining oil until onions are translucent. Pour in chicken broth.

3. In a bowl, whisk together harina para masa and 2 cups of the water until well blended (I found that mixing the harina para masa slowly by 2 tbsp at a time in warm water keeps it from getting grainy). Pour into pot with remaining 1 cup water, enchilada sauce, cheese, salt, chili powder and cumin. Bring to a boil.

4. Shred cooked chicken and add to the pot. Reduce heat and simmer 30-40 minutes, until thickened.

We topped our soup with sour cream and more shredded cheese on top and had it with tortilla chips. Enjoy!

Defying Gravity

2011-02-28T09:53:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago, Jake and I went to see Wicked...twice! There's this one song called "Defying Gravity" that I L-O-V-E. It's one of those songs that can really be applied to any situation - professional, personal, romantic, etc. For me...it's the journey I took to becoming a mother. Each verse of the song has so much meaning.

It's like overcoming something from just shear will to not give up and overcome what cruddy hand you've been dealt at that time.

I especially like the Glee version, so here it is!

Contemplating...

2011-02-21T17:18:00.001-08:00

I've lately been thinking of writing my story, about how I came to have this blog and why.

I sometimes think I'm nuts, other times I think if someone out there who has PCOS and is really struggling with trying to become a mother might find my little piece of the universe and read how I struggled and how we came to be where we are, that it might help.

But, that would mean exposure and letting the WHOLE story be told, of which there are some parts I am embarassed and I'm not quite sure why. But in my heart, I know that if there was a story out there when I was struggling that gave me a little bit of hope, I wouldn't have almost given up in June...a month before we got pregnant.

So what say you, my lovely people who read this blog? Yay or nay?

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T13:53:00.001-08:00

30 weeks!

2011-02-10T12:30:00.000-08:00

Here's my 30 week photo:

I can't believe we have (now almost) a little over 2 months until we get to meet our daughter. I can't wait.

Last week, we took the hospital tour and pre-registered at Kaiser in Walnut Creek. It's an amazing facility and it was kind of surreal to walk through there knowing that's where she will be born.

I also have some news. I had my 3-hour glucose test last weekend, and I found out I failed. So I officially have Gestational Diabetes. I was pretty upset when I saw the results, but it is what it is. I am doing my best to get on track to make the effects of GD as minimal as possible for Scarlett.

Weekly Video 2/4/11

2011-02-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

When I was younger, I was in dance...and I loved it. I have always wanted to be a professional dancer and perform. To this day, I'm a huge fan of dancing and dancing shows.

I was thinking of this one performance on So You Think You Can Dance. They were celebrating their 100th episode and so had contestants from previous seasons re-perform favorite routines. This one has always been one of my favorites.

It's strange yes, but to me...very entertaining. Every time I watch this routine, I think of Louisiana/New Orleans/witchdoctor/colonial times (because of the dress).

Enjoy!

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

2011-02-03T10:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

Today marks the beginning of the year of the Rabbit, the 4th sign of the Chinease Lunar Calendar.

Baby Names

2011-01-31T22:00:00.001-08:00

When I was younger, I must say I had really...unique...taste in baby names. When Jake and I met, I wanted to name my daughter Azuraye, and my son Carrick. These ARE real names, mind you. Usually I catch strange and unique names in the most unlikely of situations, like reading names of crew members in movies...the little people behind the scenes. Oh yeah, they have some interesting names.

When Jake and I discussed baby names, we had two names for each gender picked out. We knew there might be a time where we would possibly face twins, so we wanted to be prepared. Of course of the two names each, we had a top pick.

For boys, in order of preference, we had Gabriel Marks and Abram Daniel.

Gabriel was a name I've always liked, as Jake did as well. Marks is my father's middle name.

Abram was the original Hebrew pronunciation of Abraham from the Bible. Daniel is Jake's middle name as it is also his grandfather's first name.

For girls, we had Scarlett Leigh and Avery Mariah.

Avery was just a name Jake and I liked. Mariah is my great-grandmother's middle name.

Now for the name we chose...Scarlett Leigh.

When people hear the name Scarlett, they automatically say "like Scarlett O'Hara?" Well...yes, actually. Let me explain.

When I was little, I grew up on classic black and white movies: Rebecca, Jane Eyre (with Olivia DeHallivand and Orson Wells), Gaslight, old Shirley Temple movies, and (though not black and white) Gone With the Wind. When I was young, I loved the big beautiful dresses and the grandeur of the cinematography. I was always a fan.

When I got older, I always loved Gone With the Wind. When the movie came out in an anniversary edition, I had to have it. I watched it over and over, and fell in love with it all over again. Most people would say that Scarlett O'Hara is a selfish, mean-spirited, bitter girl who turns into a hateful person as she grows. I disagree. Scarlett is fiery (she IS Irish afterall), she's determined, ambitious, smart, and never gives up. She rebuilds her family's almost torn down plantation (due to the Civil War) to it's (almost) former glory when everyone else is accusing her of horrible things like cheating on her husband. She beats the odds and becomes a powerful person. Sure she starts out as naive and yes, even a bit selfish, but when everyone else is calling her "hateful" (like her own sister), she presses on and refuses to let down. I love it.

I find Scarlett O'Hara to be one of the brightest and most wonderful females written for the English language. She's a strong woman. That is something I would love my daughter to aspire to be. Smart, determined, unwavering in what she wants.

Leigh is her middle name, after my cousin, Megan. Megan is not much different than Scarlett herself. Megan refused to give up after some really tough trials in life. She's smart, determined and an admirable person. She does whatever she can for her family no matter who says what. She's one of my best friends. She and I have (of course) had our differences in the past, but one thing has always remained the same...we love each other. Sure we're family, but I consider myself lucky to have family such as her. No matter her opinion of people's actions (and Lord knows I have been on the receiving end in my day), she appreciates the person and not the action. Believe me, I speak from experience.

So that's how we came to choose our daughter's name. Scarlett Leigh...and I can't wait to see our wonderful little girl grow up before our eyes and become a beautiful woman.

Nursery Progress

2011-01-24T09:59:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to hold off on posting pictures of Scarlett's room until it was finished, but I've had an overwhelming amount of requests for updated pictures of progress so far. I'll keep everyone in the loop as things go by.

So, this is what Scarlett's room looked like before anything was moved out:

Note the pile of baby gear and clothes we've accumulated so far? Half is on the left of the armoire, the rest is on the far right next to the (broken) wind/fan tower. This was out guest room. One person has slept here since we've moved and it happens to be the 2nd out of town person we've had sleep over since Jake and I moved in together in 2005.

Here's the side view (aka, the futon)

We decided we wanted to paint her room, but what color? We picked this bedding from Pottery Barn Kids, which has many colors to choose from, but we mainly wanted a nice girly yet multi-functional color that would be appropriate as she grows. So we chose to go with a light yellow.

So we chose originally to go with Buttercup by Glidden. We had purchased a small tester jar with the brush and kept it on the wall for about a week. We decided we liked it and purchased the paint.

Here's the sticky part: Jake began painting and I had to stop him. It was the most OBNOXIOUS color. I had him look at it from across the room, and as soon as he did, he cringed. Back to the drawing board. We had brought home a few different swatch cards from Home Depot and taped them to the wall. We had opened the curtains and the windows full blast to let in the natural light. Then we closed all the windows and curtains and turned the light on to see what it would look like with artificial light. We ended up choosing Frosted Lemon by Behr. The Glidden was on sale and pretty cheap so we weren't out too much moolah.

So, we started and I'm beyond happy with the result. The yellow is a subtle yellow without being so "in your face" like the other was. We finished last night and I love it! I can't wait to see her room all finished.

The wall on the left is where her dresser will go (where the armoire was). The glider will go kind of in front of the window.

Her crib and a bookcase will go on the right wall. (Where the futon was)

Weekly video 1/21/11

2011-01-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

There is a series of BBC shows called Walk on the Wild Side. Essentially what they do is take snippets of shows like Earth or Blue Planet and use English comedians to make commentary for the animals. The results are HILARIOUS!

Here's my favorite video. I'm sure I'll share more in the future as there are many videos and all of them have a moment where I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

Enjoy!

Three

2011-01-16T09:49:00.000-08:00

This post is brought to you by the number 3...3 months that is.

Today is the 16th of January which makes 3 months until my due date. Yesterday marked 27 weeks, which in the pregnancy world, doesn't necessarily add up to the "9 months" women are generally pregnant, so I'm going by month.

We've begun setting up Scarlett's nursery. We've been ho-humminh between two paint samples in a light yellow color. Her crib is ordered and will be here between February and April 1st, which is too broad a timeline for me, but I have no choice. :) We've moved our futon out of her room and into the office. Her collection of clothes is slowly growing and I'm thinking I'll have to purchase some Dreft soon, but am holding off until we get her dresser which is being purchased from Ikea soon. The bedding we chose was ordered and delivered to my very gracious and caring aunt who is holding onto it for me until our shower. I'm on the hunt for letters to spell out her name, which has been a challenge so far, but I'm determined to find what I want.

When I'm sitting on the couch or in bed watching TV, I feel so close to her. I feel those are the times where I can actually take a moment and enjoy her movements. I'm getting so used to them that now when she kicks or moves, it makes me laugh rather than stop and say "WTF?". She responds so much when Jake talks to her, it's really extraordinary to see their relationship develop right in front of me. He loves her so much already, it's so sweet to see him speak to her.

Time is slipping by so fast these days, it's hard to believe we're so close to meeting her. I know time will only go by faster from now on, but I still am looking forward to seeing our little girl.

26 weeks!

2011-01-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

Sorry that this is a little late, but I've been busy.

Here I am...

Kitty Love

2011-01-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

I'm making a resolution to show more love on my blog for our three cats Neebs, MJ and Chloe. They've been having some really cute moments lately and I (finally) charged my camera to take some shots. Of course, most of them are of the cats sleeping.

This was Chloe on Saturday night. I was watching TV in the bedroom and she cuddled up next to me and fell asleep (of course, she's peeking in this picture). Of course, this is her usual spot every night.

Neebs is on the Left, MJ on the Right. Jake found them napping like this on our recliner in the living room. Yes, the recliner is fully reclined and that's MJ sleeping on the back portion.

Weekly video 12/30/10

2010-12-30T13:53:00.000-08:00

This week's video is by a really great DJ. He did the same video last year that highlighted the biggest pop hits of 2009 and did a "mash up" in a music video...this one is for 2010.

Enjoy and Happy 2011 everyone!

Meet Tommy

2010-12-29T08:43:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I wrote that my Dad's cat, Jack, had passed away suddenly. It was a shocking and traumatizing time for my father because he was #1 the one who found Jack in his closet and #2 was home alone when this happened. This had never happened to my parents before since our other two cats who had passed before Jack had done so at the vet and because they were visibly sick.

The day after Jack's death, I emailed the rescue society that my parents adopted Jack from. They also adopted their 4-year old cat, Sunny from the same society. It's a network of people who foster the kittens and cats and then bring them to places like Petsmart and Petco for "adoption drives". They also have a website where you can apply to adopt a certain cat and then pick him/her up at the adoption drive. After I emailed, I got 3 responses from different board members expressing their condolences towards my parents. One lady who emailed me was the president of the organization, and the lady who fostered Sunny when she was a kitten.

In her response, she explained that she remembered my parents from the other two adoptions and could tell they were very caring with the animals, especially my Dad. She mentioned since she personally was picky about who adopts the cats, she had a little orange and white tabby boy kitten named Tommy T who she would offer to my parents exclusively since he wasn't "showcased" yet in the website and adoption drives. There was some email correspondence between her and myself, and my Dad and myself arranging the adoption. My Dad had made it clear that he wanted to adopt after the New Year because he didn't want the experience of a new house to be so traumatizing with a new sibling (Sunny), the Christmas tree and lots of people around at the same time. Well, that didn't really happen. There was an arrangement, after pictures were passed of Tommy to my Dad from the lady, that my parents would meet Tommy at an adoption drive, but the lady would hold him until after the holidays. Well...I met my parents at the Petco where the adoption drive was and my parents took Tommy home that day.

Jake and I got to spend some time with Tommy over Christmas, and he is such a little love. He's very playful and sweet, and best of all...he LOVES my Dad.

I managed to snap a photo of him with my cell phone in the midst of his playing. Sorry it's little blurry, but he kept moving. Tommy is now 13 weeks old.

24 weeks

2010-12-28T09:23:00.000-08:00

24 weeks along...wow. It's REALLY hitting me that I'm about 2/3 the way through my pregnancy. Now I'm getting scared. In 4 short days, it will be the year Jake and I have a baby. I will be giving birth in less than 4 months (approximately).

I think my biggest fear is the labor part. Everything is so unknown when it's your first and every single experience is different from another. It scares me that I'm not prepared like I want to be. Things can go so unexpectedly in one direction or another at any given moment that it's terrifying to me. I like knowing what to expect. I like being prepared for what lies ahead of me. Being in labor and the events that it will consist of are so far out of my control. Yikes! But in the end, I know Jake and I will have a beautiful little girl and all the pain will wash away and be over.

I guess that's what I have to tell myself: No matter how much it hurts or how scary it is...it will end. The pain will fade away and the fear of labor will stop because it will be done in a second.

Thanks...I feel better now. :)

2010 - A Year in Review

2010-12-27T12:34:00.000-08:00

I usually wait until a couple of days before New Years to do this, but I felt I should do this now because I've been making an attempt to blog more often (hence the multiple posts last week after weeks of nothing). So here's mine and Jake's year:

JANUARY: I turned 26 with a dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, The Cheesecake Factory on New Years Day in San Jose with my family. Jake and I also moved the following weekend into our house barely missing the rainy weekend by one day. One day. We also met with our RE in SF to aggressively move forward in the infertility journey. Our appointment was on my actual birthday.

FEBRUARY: Valentine's Day was spent at my other favorite restaurant, The Dead Fish, as per our yearly tradition. I can't get enough of that crab!!! Jake also found out that after the Spring 2010 semester, he'd graduate FINALLY! Justus (my little cousin) turned 1 and we unfortunately had to miss his official birthday party, but I got to spend his actual birthday with him to give him his present. We also had our first Super Bowl party at the new house, and everyone enjoyed themselves.

MARCH: Not much happened in March. We were in full swing of tax season and everything was great.

APRIL: Tax season finished with a bang (well, not really) and we spent the following day in San Francisco at the zoo. It was quite the relaxing day and just what we needed after a whirlwind season. On Easter, Jake and I found out that my cousin Katie was pregnant with her first child! We were sooo happy for her and her wife Lori. We still are. :)

MAY: Jake and I celebrated 3 years of being married! We decided to hold off on celebrations until June because the weekend following our anniversary (it was on a Wednesday), my cousin Megan and I made a covert cross-country trip to New Jersey to surprise our cousin Marie for her baby shower. That was a fun trip, and I really miss hanging out with the East Coast family. Jake also graduated from Diablo Valley College with an AA in Psychology and got accepted to SF State!

JUNE: Lake Tahoe was the perfect place to celebrate Jake and my anniversary. We stayed in South Lake and on our last day, drove all the way around the lake. It was about a 3-hour drive all the way around, and we made several stops along the way to check things out. We also went to Reno for a seminar where I met Jean, an old friend of my MILs who is one of the sweetest people I've ever met.

JULY: Adam and Barbara made it all the way from Arizona to spend 4th of July with our family. We miss you guys! Adam and Jake also hatched a plan to spend a week in Jamaica for the International Raggae Festival. They plan to go in 3 years. My Dad celebrated his birthday. :) Also, Jake and I took my cousins Jon, Megan and their sons Jalen and Justus to the California State Fair for the 2nd year in a row. It was hot...to say the least. Also, on the 18th, our nephew Jaxon Maddox was born. :)

AUGUST: This was it...the big one. On the 4th, Jake and I got the news that we're expecting! Jake's birthday is the 8th, so we announced to our parents via a picture in a frame at dinner for Jake's birthday and they were so excited! We announced to our families 2 weeks later and then spent the weekend with my Mom and Dad for my Mom's birthday. Jake also began his first semester at SF State pursuing his Bachelor's in Psychology.

SEPTEMBER: September was a busy month. I had my first doctor's appointment with my OBGYN and we got to see the baby wiggle and dance around on the ultrasound. I also went to 2 baby showers for friends and family. Jake and I attended our first Oktoberfest party at my friend Roni's house, and it was a lot of fun!

OCTOBER: Jake and I got to decorate our house on the outside for the first time for Halloween. Jake kind of dressed up by putting on prosthetic eyes (it's a long story) and we did it up right with spider webs, pumpkins and tombstones. It was fun to have our first trick-or-treaters ever.

NOVEMBER: My parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary on the 8th! A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, Jake and I went to Texas to visit his Dad and Step-mom in Fort Worth. It was 5 days of relaxation and thunder storms. What a mix! The day before Thanksgiving, we found out we're having a GIRL! We got to tell our families in person through the weekend and everyone was really excited. Even my Dad acted like he had scored his own home run. :) Also, the results of the ultrasound itself revealed that Scarlett Leigh is perfectly healthy with everything measuring and functioning normally.

DECEMBER: This month started out a little sad and somber with the unexpected passing of my Dad's cat, Jack. I went to San Jose from Richmond, which in commute traffic took 2 solid hours (I was not happy), but to be there to comfort my Dad was worth it. I got to get together with Megan to make peppermint bark and I barely got my Christmas cards out in time. Jake and I both got everything on our lists (which he is especially excited about) and we got to hear Scarlett's heartbeat for the 2nd time.

For 2011:

2011 is no doubt going to be a year full of big events. The main one of course will be the birth of our daughter. I must admit, this past weekend I felt a twinge of "baby love" where I found myself falling in love with her, and I haven't even met her yet! After she's born, both Jake and I plan to change our lifestyles to be more active and healthy for her sake. We want to teach her how to play outside vs. inside with video games and TV all the time. We've picked out her furniture and I am anxiously waiting for furniture to be moved out of her room so we can move her stuff into it. I must also say that Jake is already feeling twinges of baby love himself. He always looks forward to seeing and feeling her move and kick. He also LOVES talking to her.

Happy (early) New Year!

Weekly video 12/23/10

2010-12-23T09:40:00.000-08:00

I originally wanted to post a video of Neebs and playing "catch" with the leftover scraps of wrapping paper that I took this past weekend. Of course my phone is being a butthead and won't email it to me. Cest la Vie...

Anyways, there's always a milestone that must be crossed for me in order for it to feel like Christmas time. For some, it's hearing a certain song, or decorating the tree. For me, it's this commercial...

Enjoy! Happy Holidays!

Holiday pictures

2010-12-22T09:24:00.001-08:00

I sent out our Christmas cards yesterday, sans pictures. The past couple of years, I've taken pictures and included them in our holiday greetings. This year, time got the better of me. November FLEW by and December is doing the same. I mean, wasn't it just the 4th of July last week???

Jake has some amazing friends...two of which are named Gina and Kimiyo. Kimiyo is a photographer who is trying to build her business, and so decided to offer a discount on holiday pictures. Jake and I wanted to help her out, so we said we'd have them taken by her. She got some good pictures of us and after a really funny debacle with sending us the wrong CD, we got some of the images via email the other day. Of course, I ended up sending the holiday cards without the pictures included, but that's OK. I can share them here!

Electric Holiday Overload

2010-12-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

Jake and I were proud to put light up on our house this year. I was all enthusiastic and had ideas of grandeur of where lights would be put. Jake, on the other hand, decided that he was too nervous to brave our gravel roofing to fulfill my ideas of said grandeur. Nevertheless, we comprimised and decided to just decorate our porch. I haven't taken a picture yet because as you've probably have heard, we're having quite the soggy season...that, and my camera's battery is dead.

But, today I saw pictures online of some people who go REALLY overboard with lights on their houses for the holidays and decided to share some of them with you. There are always two things that pop into my head when I see pictures like these: #1, Wow...would hate to get THAT PG&E bill, and #2, Some poor sould had to actually spend the time to put up those lights, make sure they were in the right place for extension cords, and calculate the voltage to not blow a fuse. That's talent my friends...

Original photo by MSVG via Flickr

Original photo by DMcGrew via Flickr

Original photo by juliejigsaw via Flickr

Photographer unknown, posted on BlogTo by Jerrold Litwinenko

Peppermint Bark

2010-12-20T12:50:00.000-08:00

Every year for the past three years, my big cuzzie Megan and I make Peppermint Bark together. It's become a sort of tradition for us. The first year we did it, she was pregnant with her youngest son and this year I'm pregnant with Jake and my first child. The funny thing is, this year when we got together I was only 6 weeks behind where she was when we got together the year she was pregnant.

I was raised in a neighborhood where the neighbors look out for each other, and give cookies or some kind of homemade goodie around the holidays. When we moved to my parents' current house, we weren't that close with our neighbors but I did manage to make cookies a couple of years.

Now that Jake and I live on our own, I cherish the thought of having neighbors on friendly terms, because they're the ones who will call the cops if someone suspicious is casing your house. They're the ones who will help you out, say hello, invite you to neighborhood functions. It's important this day in age to have that sense of community, and Jake and I have that where we live. So I make Peppermint Bark for my neighbors because #1, they are awesome people that I'm glad are my neighbors and #2 because I like visiting them and letting them know that I do think of them, especially this time of year.

So, onto the recipe...

Peppermint Bark
Prep time: 10 minutes, cook time: 45 minutes = TOTAL: 55mins
Makes 2 9x13 inch pans

1 regular bag (forgot the oz) semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 regular bag of white chocolate chips
(You can of course have all white, or all semi-sweet and therefore would need two bags of that flavor rather than one of each)
6 regular-size peppermint candy canes
Wax Paper
a cookie sheet

Unwrap candy canes and put into a ziplock bag. Crush candy canes with either hammer or rolling pin (make sure your countertop is adequately protected). Make sure when crushing that there is a good mix of small chunks of candy and more powder-like candy. Take a small mesh collander and separate the larger chunks from the powder. Set aside.

Melt semi-sweet chips either in a double-boiler or in the microwave - be careful to melt chocolate slowly so it doesn't burn. Mix in half of peppermint powder into melted chocolate. Spread a 1/8 inch layer onto wax paper-lined cookie sheet. Place in refridgerator.

Melt white chocolate chips either in double-boiler or in the microwave - again, be careful to melt chocolate slowly so it won't burn. Mix in rest of peppermint powder into white chocolate. Take semi-sweet-chocolate out of fridge and spread 1/8 inch layer of white chocolate on top of the semi-sweet. Sprinkle peppermint candy chunks on top of white chocolate.

Take large piece of wax paper and using that, gently press peppermint chunks into the white chocolate. If you don't do this, the candy won't stick into the chocolate as it cools and will fall off.

Refridgerate for 45 minutes. Take out and break into pieces.

Weekly video 12/17/10

2010-12-17T09:12:00.000-08:00

I would normally post something very festive and Christmas-y for the weekly video before Christmas, but this one had me laughing so hard I was getting some tears. It's still "holiday-based" but oh so funny.

Enjoy!

22 weeks

2010-12-14T15:51:00.000-08:00

Here I am at 22 weeks.

This one was taken 10 minutes before I walked out the door to go to Sacramento and make peppermint bark with my cousin Megan. Scarlett's middle name is after Megan since it's also Megan's middle name. Megan is 6 years older than me, but has always been kind of a big sister and best friend to me. She's been a huge cheerleader of Jake and mine throughout our IF journey. I can't wait for Scarlett to meet her big cuzzie, and the rest of her amazing family.

Rollercoaster week

2010-12-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

I do apologize for my absence from the blog.

Many of you probably read about the new addition to my Mom and Dad's house - a little silver tabby kitten named Jackson that was a Father's Day gift from Mom, Jake and I.

Well, last Wednesday, Jake received a call from my father, who was beside himself in tears. Jack (they shortened the name) suddenly died in my father's closet and my Dad found him while home alone. Jack wasn't even 2 years old. It was a shock and my Dad was completely devastated. He was inconsoleable on the phone, and since I live an hour away, it was heartbreaking to hear my Dad so upset.

Some may say "it's just a cat", but Jack was more than just a cat to my Dad. He was like a child. He and my Dad had a bond and he was a part of the family.

I jumped into action and called my parents' vet and asked if they could find out how Jack passed away. So, they did an autopsy and Jack apparently had an enlarged heart and most likely died of a heart attack. I knew having that information would give my Dad some peace of mind knowing he didn't do anything to cause Jack's death. Dad is still upset and sad, but he's doing better.

So I apologize for my absence, but I've been pretty busy.

20 weeks

2010-11-30T18:28:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture of me at 20 weeks along.

I know this may sound strange, but I'm already feeling very much attached to our little girl. I don't even know what it'll be like when she actually arrives.

Also, we started playing music for her...a little late I know. But, she's got awesome taste. So far her favorites are "Imagine" by the Beatles and "Humans Being" by Van Halen. The Van Halen song was played by accident on my iPod. I've been playing more classical/piano music for her lately.

So...here's the belly picture.

Smithling is a...

2010-11-28T20:50:00.001-08:00

GIRL!

We are soooo excited to welcome Scarlett Leigh into our lives come April of next year. We found out last Wednesday that our little one was a girl, and have announced it to our families over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend.

19 weeks

2010-11-22T17:17:00.000-08:00

So this is it...two days until our Smithling officially has a proper name (although, I DO love Smithling). Saturday marked 19 weeks in this journey to mommy and daddy-hood, and we've thoroughly enjoyed every step of the way.

Saturday I also went in for my 3 hours glucose tolerance test. I passed 3 of the 4 tests, and have an appointment with a dietician next week. I will have to test again at around 24-26 weeks, but I haven't heard if it's the 1 hour or the 3 hour again.

So, here's this week's belly picture. Please excuse the weird hair as I hadn't "done" it yet.

Texas and 6 days left!

2010-11-18T09:25:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, I have been out of town. Well, more out-of-state, really. Jake and I made our yearly trek to Texas to visit his Dad and Step-mom last week. I always enjoy going to visit them. Texas is like a different world. Of course as almost always happens when we go out there, our last night was met with a thunder storm that was really cool to watch because you're able to see it even though it's two cities over. We got to see the Dallas Cowboys new stadium (from the freeway, and it looked like a giant marshmallow) and Six Flags over Arlington (we didn't go because Jake didn't want to ride anything by himself). All in all, we had fun.

Yesterday also marked ONE WEEK until Jake and I find out if our Smithling is a boy or girl. I'm excited, but also a little scared. It's one more step to the whole thing being real and I've been having some strange dreams...one of which was last night where I was only 4 months along and in labor. But I was in labor in an old folks home-like place where the nurse was giving the bed next to mine to someone and they were cleaning old leaves and stuff out of that bed and putting it on top of mine. That and my entire family was there watching me go through contractions. Yeah...I was a little freaked out.

I also failed my one-hour glucose screening and have to do the 3-hour test on Saturday. That means I'll have to have my blood drawn 3-4 times and I can't leave the lab until the final draw is done. Yeah...not a fan.

Wish me luck!

Elections

2010-11-08T10:03:00.001-08:00

In case you're wondering, no this post isn't about our elections last week and my disappointment in them (Looooooong story, will tell any inquiring minds later). This post is about choices, because that's essentially what elections are - choices we make. We make these choices that will affect our lives, even if for one moment.

During pregnancy, there are tons of choices you must make...and they ALL seemingly affect your child. Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? Will you choose an epidural, or go au natural? Will you choose cloth diapers or disposable ones? Some of these choices, or ELECTIONS are harder to choose than others. One person's choices isn't exactly the same as someone else's.

Some of the most important choices I have made during my pregnancy is in regards to genetic testing. There is an entire gamut of tests that I could choose from. I could do blood panel screenings, ultrasounds, and all the way up to amniocentesis, and CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling). I was able to choose any test I was comfortable with taking.

It was expressed to me that some might not have understood why I had the NT scan. An NT scan is called Nuchal Translusency scan. It's a detailed ultrasound where they measure this little pad of fluid on the back of the baby's neck. Every fetus has it. The thicker the pad (or more fluid), the higher the chance the baby will have of having Down Syndrome along with some other genetic abnormalities. The fluid in the pad puts pressure on the developing spine, thus preventing crucial brain development and function (at least that's what I was told by the tech). If the test indicates that there might be a higher risk of Down Syndrome, an Amniocentesis would've been recommended along with further testing. I could've chosen to skip the ultrasound and gone straight to the Amnio, but I CHOSE or ELECTED to do the blood panel screening and NT scan. I wanted to get tested to make sure the baby was OK, but I also wanted to do the least invasive tests available. So I had the blood test and the NT scan. Of course if the doctor had told me further testing was recommended, I would've done the Amnio. But being that I am not a fan of needles and their general reason for existing, I decided to not do that. As it turns out, our baby is fine and the tests I ELECTED to have were the right choice for us. It wasn't because I am considered "high risk" which I am not at this point. The doctor and I made conscious decisions together for the best benefit of Jake and my child.

Oh, and the NT scans became a normal choice in genetic testing in 1995-1996.

Weekly video 11/5/10

2010-11-05T13:07:00.001-07:00

Remember, remember the 5th of November,
The gun powder, treason and plot -
I see no reason why the gunpowder and treason
Should ever be forgot.

I love this movie.

16 weeks!

2010-11-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

Wow...16 weeks along. Holy cow!

I always say this, but I remember when Jake and I first found out we were pregnant and one of my thoughts was "Wow...it's a long time until we get into the double-digit months, especially 16 weeks". 16 weeks has always been a major milestone in my mind as far as pregnancies go. To me, it was a comfortable number, and still is.

It's still amazing to me that we've received such a gift from God. I've been thinking about it a lot - about when I finally calmed down and stopped praying for a child, and starting praying for understanding of why I was going through this. Within a few months, God blessed Jake and I with our baby. We have another appointment on Friday, so we get to see the Smithling again. I must admit, the few days before an ultrasound are torture because all I want to do is sit and stare at that ultrasound screen all day.

Alrighty...I guess I'll post a belly picture. ;)

NT Test Results

2010-10-28T18:02:00.000-07:00

So, the tech fibbed and told Jake and I that we would get our NT test results back in a week. We didn't actually get them until yesterday. Boo on them!

So I know you're all wondering how we did, right? Well...there's good news!

The first trimester blood screening I had - all results came up negative, which is good.

The baby has a less-than 1 in 100,000 chances of having Trisomy 18 and a less-than 1 in 100,000 chances of having Trisomy 21.

I haven't received the measurements and chances for Down Syndrome, but I'm praying they're also good news.

We have our next appointment next Friday, and I can't wait!

Thank you for all your continued thoughts and prayers. I still can't believe we're finally being blessed with our little Smithling (Jake made that up).

Weekly video 10/21/10

2010-10-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I will be out of commission for blogging since our office is moving and I will be helping. So, I am posting my weekly video today.

This song has always been very near and dear to my heart. It can speak to any situation. Lately I have been thinking about how far I've come in my life, and the lessons I have learned along the way. I never would've come out the other side of my trials and struggles had it not been for my wonderful family and friends...but most of all, I do thank God.

I admit through the infertilty Jake and I endured, my faith in God faltered a bit from time to time. I was angry and didn't know why these things were happening to me. But after a while, I realized that God was actually giving me a gift. He was showing me that through faith and hard work, that I would soon see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's why I never gave up. God, and my family have never given up on me, so I couldn't give up on God, my family and myself. Life is too precious to waste on giving up, and now I get to share those lessons and God's love with my child.

So with that, here's the video. It's not so much a video to watch, but a song to listen to the words. It's not a new song, but I love it. I'm hoping Jake and I will be able to show a video of our journey on this blog once the baby is here and I have the time to put it together.

Enjoy!

Seal - Love's Divine

Pedja | Myspace Video

14 weeks!

2010-10-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

Today is a milestone in the pregnancy journey. We are 14 weeks along today which begins the 2nd trimester! I feel awesome. I can't believe this is finally here! When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought "wow...I have a loooong time until I get into the 2nd trimester", and time has actually gone by pretty fast.

I have enjoyed every moment of this pregnancy and in a few weeks, we find out what sex our Smithling is!

Today we've read that the baby is about the size of a lemon (or the size of your fist) which is about 3 1/2 to 4 inches long and weighs about an ounce.

So here is a belly pic! We're going to try to start taking pictures at the week marks rather than weeks and some change.

The "Beloit Mindset" List

2010-10-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

While checking out blogs of some of the ladies I know through an online forum I'm involved with, I came across a post with something called a "Bleoit Mindset List". I guess it's meant to show a gap in generations and their experiences. So I asked the blogger if I could use the list and put it up on my blog, and she agreed (Thanks, M) :) She used the list that was made for college freshman beginning in 2002.

So, I am making my responses to the statemenets below in bold. Let's see here...

1. The people starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. (I don't agree with this one because Jake was born in 79 and starting college right after his high school graduation in 1997. So there!

2. They have no recollection of the Reagan era, and did not know he'd ever been shot. (I don't really remember the era, but I've known since a young age that he was shot.)

3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. I believe I was in elementary school. I remember when my mom brought out my beach ball globe and showed me where Iraq was an explained to me what war is.

4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression. Umm...no. What is Black Monday 1987? I was 3.

5. There has been only one Pope. They can only remember one President. Yes for only one Pope, but I can remember Bush Sr., Clinton, and Bush Jr.

6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War. True.

7. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them - not a movie. I have feared nuclear war. It was a topic of great discussion in my World History class in my Junior year, which was 2001, by the way.

8. They are too young to remember the Space Shuttle Challenger blowing up. I don't remember the actual occurence, but my mom taped the news reports of it so I did see it via the news at that time.

9. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. True.

10. They never had a polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is. I don't know about the shot, but I DO know what polio is.

11. Bottle caps have not always been screw off, but have always been plastic. Umm...no. I've had experiences with bottle caps throughout my life, thankyouverymuch.

12. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums. Wrong! I played Atari (hello Centipede!) for years and my mom always played her vinyl records for me (oh yes...the Muppets Christmas with John Denver!)

13. The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them. I know exactly what it means.

14. They have never owned a record player. I was one of the few who did have a record player in my parents' giant stereo set. I loved that thing!

15. They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of "Pong". Pac Man was part of my Atari game selection and I know what Pong is.

16. Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic. I don't agree with this at all. I like the effects in Star Wars.

17. There have always been red M&Ms, and blue ones are not new. I remember beige/tan M&Ms and I participated in the nation-wide vote for the new M&Ms color when the choices were pink, purple and blue (I chose Blue)

18. They may have never heard of an 8-track, and chances are they've never heard or seen one. Wrong! My dad's old truck (that was originally my grandfather's) had an 8-track player in it. I remember listening to The Bay City Rollers on the way to pick up a Christmas tree!

19. The compact disc was introduced when they were one year old. I don't know about that, but I didn't own a CD until I was in junior high.

20. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents. No. I remember when they were 29 cents (which wasn't that long ago)

21. They have always had an answering machine. True.

22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a B&W TV. I have seen a TV with only 13 channels, and my grandfather had one of the first portable TVs that only played in B&W.

23. They have always had cable. I don't know about this. Mom? Dad? Chime in?

24. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea was Beta is. Isn't that the movies that looked like records in the giant thin cartridges that were a PITA to play because they kept skipping from the dust?

25. They cannot fathom what it was like not having a remote control. The TV I grew up with didn't have a remote control and you had to change the channels using a dial on the actual set.

26. They were born the year Walkmen were introduced by Sony. I don't know.

27. Roller-skating has always meant in-line for them. In-line skates were introduced when I was in elementary school. My cousin Megan taught me to roller skate when I was about 6-7 years old.

28. "The Tonight Show" has always been with Jay Leno. We never watched it, so this might be true.

29. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool. I owned a pair of Jordache jeans.

30. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. Wrong. I remember sitting on the counter while my mom and I popped air-popped popcorn in her popcorn popper thingy with the see-through yellow top.

31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareen Abdul-Jabbar is a football player. I was never into sports as a kid, so it could be true.

32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. True.

33. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to the as WWI and WWII or even the Civil War. Not true. It only took place about 15 years before I was born. That's not ancient.

34. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. True.

35. They can't imagine was hard contact lenses are. Wrong.

36. They don't know who Mork was, or where he was from. Wrong! Nanu-Nanu! oh..and he was from Ork!

37. They never heard the terms "Where's the Beef", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" or "De plane, de plane!" Oh yes I have.

38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is. True.

39. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was. Wrong.

40. Michael Jackson has always been white. Nope. I grew up during his "transition".

41. Kansas, Boston, Chicago, American and Alabama are all places - not music groups. Nuh-uh! I grew up with Boston playing in my Pocket Rocker, and Alabama was one of my mom's favorite bands.

42. McDonald's never came in styrofoam containers. Yes they did. I remember when they did. There was a white one, a yellow one and even a blue one.

43. There has always been MTV, and it has always included non-musical shows. There has always been MTV, but I'm not sure about it always including non-musical shows.

It's amazing what some people think my generation knows/doesn't know. I guess I'm more well-rounded than I thought.

NT Scan

2010-10-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

So, as promised, I am updating with the NT scan and pictures of the peach. That's right...the baby is now the size of a peach!

The test had to be performed in Oakland, since that is where the nearest Kaiser Genetics department is. We went in, and the show was on the road. I was given a mirror to watch the ultrasound because the tech had to have full view of the screen (which I totally understand). I noticed the baby wasn't moving too much and I asked her what was going on. She said it appeared that our little one was just taking a nap...I was jealous. She did say that she was going to be moving and pushing, so he/she would wake up and move. Apparently, the baby was in a reclined position with it's feet propped up against the uterine wall. What a life! We got to see everything...the spine, the face, ribs, legs (every bone), feet, hands, but no "bits" yet. We're saving that one for a later date. ;) (no, we didn't find out).

The baby has apparently inherited my stubbornness because it wouldn't cooperate and lay flat to take the NT measurements. So I was made to walk up and down the halls for about 5-7 minutes and then we tried again. The second time, it was OK for about 5 minutes, then the baby went back to it's comfy reclined position. Ugh. So the baby did end up moving enough to take the measurements, and I'll get the results in about a week.

So...here are pictures!

The profile

The baby's face and belly (face is to the left, belly to the right)

Note: I said it looks like an alien, Jake says it looks like Venom from SpiderMan

So...I owe you...

2010-10-10T17:48:00.001-07:00

an apology. I know there are many readers who are dying to know what the heck is going on with me, Jake, school, work, and of course, the baby.

Things are fine. I'm having my NT scan tomorrow morning at 8:30am which checks my chances for the baby having Downs Syndrome. I'm also having my 1st trimester blood screening for Cystic Fibrosis. I have opted for the blood screenings, but do not want to have the amniocentesis, or any other procedure unless both the doctors and I see that it's necessary.

So, I know I posted after my last ultrasound that we were to find out the baby's sex the Monday after Thanksgiving. Well, shortly after that blog was posted, I called Radiology and asked if they could move my appointment to either the Monday or Wednesday before since Jake insists on being there for every single appointment (which I love having him there). So they fit me in at 2pm on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. So, that means we'll be able to tell our families face to face, like we've wanted, over the holiday weekend. :)

I've also caved and bought my first pairs of maternity pants. I bought two pairs of jeans, a black pair of pants and a gray pair of pants (for work). I must say as soon as I tried them on, I was in love. I mean, why can't they make pants *this* comfortable for people who AREN'T pregnant? It's crazy! I also bought two shirts. One I can wear now, and one I'll have to wait on because at this point, the shirt still looks like a tent.

Tomorrow will be one month until Jake and I go to Texas to visit Jake's Dad and Step-Mom. I can't wait. They've constantly been checking in with Jake to see how I'm doing and they're really excited to see the baby bump. I wish we could tell them what the baby's sex is, but it is what it is and they understand the timing.

Anyways, I promise I will update everyone tomorrow after the NT scan and hopefully we'll have more updated ultrasound pictures of the baby to share. Wish me luck!

11 weeks, 5 days

2010-09-30T15:03:00.000-07:00

OK, so I've been holding off as much as possible in posting any belly pictures until I knew I was showing. However, in a strange chain of events, I have been told no less than 4 times that I am indeed showing.

I've always had a tummy, something I am not proud of at all. But when Jake even says "Honey, I think you're starting to show", it starts to dawn on me that there's no turning back. So, I am (reluctantly) posting my first "belly" picture. Please be kind. If you must laugh, please don't tell me. ;)

Also please forgive the fact that it's a BlackBerry picture. My camera broke, and we're on the lookout for a replacement.

So what do you think? And by the way, I am not arching my back at all. I promise.

Ultrasound #2

2010-09-22T13:24:00.000-07:00

Today Jake and I had our appointment with out OBGYN today and had our 2nd ultrasound. We love the doctor and I'm so happy to be her patient.

When we did the ultrasound, the first thing I noticed was the baby moving, and boy was he/she ever moving like crazy! We're talking waving arms up and down, wiggling around, kicking feet, the works. It was so cool to just sit and watch the baby's actions. The doctor said "Wow, you have a kicker" and Jake said "It's doing the happy dance!" It was just so amazing to see. And how the baby has grown? My goodness, there is a HUGE difference in size in just 3 weeks.

We've also found out that we will be finding how what we're having the Monday after Thanksgiving. I would have preferred to know before so we could tell our families, but it is what it is.

So, I know you're all wanting to see pictures...so here they are!

Pregnancy Dreams

2010-09-22T09:30:00.001-07:00

When people said "you'll have weird and intense dreams while you're pregnant", weren't kidding! The Sandman is officially fired. I'm telling you, I have had some of the most frustrating and strangest dreams I've ever had in my life. Last night, I was kind of scared. Here are a few of the most strange dreams I've had lately.

Last night: I'm being chased by my grandmother and aunt through a convenience/Dollar Tree combo store. I'm hiding a couple of aisles away when they peek over and spot me, then they run (and my grandmother has a walker in real life, people) after me. I get out of the store and it's night time, so I go to the one place I know neither of them would set foot in...a bar. I convince the two bouncers that Grandma and Auntie are after me, and quickly make friends with them. Next thing I know, I'm sitting down, look to the left and my grandmother is sitting in the bar a few tables away, but her back is to me. No escape. Crap. Then (even weirder) I look out the tinted bar windows, and my aunt is in a big van, and is scanning the bar for me with a red laser. The laser barely misses me, and the alarm wakes me up.

Sunday night: I'm a pregnant bride, but everything is falling apart. My family is stuck at the hotel because the swimming pool is "free", there's a lion in a cage inside the chapel that the pastor insists is Jake's best man. My Dad is asleep and won't wake up (yes, he's alive), Jake is nowhere to be found and the buffet dinner is comprised entirely of olives. I hate olives. Somehow in my mind though, I thought if I reasoned with the lion, everything will be alright in the end.

Last week: Jake is cheating on me...with twin sisters. In real life, if I had caught Jake cheating on me, let's just say he wouldn't be walking for a long time. But in this dream, all I kept thinking is "I don't want to make him mad, so I won't say anything to him".

There are many more I've had, but I can't remember them all right now. Some, obviously, are stranger than others...but they're all pretty weird. Some are actually fun to share (the wedding one was a riot for Jake) and others, all I can say when I wake up is "I had the weirdest dream last night" because it's too complicated to tell at the time.

Just thought I would share.

3 years

2010-09-21T10:03:00.001-07:00

3 years ago, my sister in law was in pain. She was in labor with her first child. My mother in law took up residence in her living room to help her through the labor since her boyfriend was on vacation at the time. Jake and I regularly called to check in every 3-4 hours or so. My favorite call was when Jake asked "How's Summer doing?" and MIL answered "She's asleep in the bathtub". Thinking about that call still makes me giggle.

The following day, Jake and I were in a tax class at H&R Block to get a head start on what we needed to learn for the business we started. Summer had been in labor since 2 days before that, so we knew she was getting worn down. She had tried to go to the hospital but was sent home because she was "too happy" to occupy a hospital bed in labor. At around 10am, Jake and I both got text messages from MIL saying "Summer's about to push. Baby should be here in about an hour". 20 minutes later? "Skyler Raynne is here!"...so much for an hour, huh? We left our class early and headed to the hospital. At that moment, I became the proud auntie of Skyler Raynne Rouse. Tomorrow, she's turning 3 years old. She's rambuncious. She's sweet. She's a toe-head blonde with deep green eyes. She calls me "Auntie LoLo" and has a lisp. She knows the words to "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey, "Wonderboy" by Tenacious D and "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond. She's smart and playful. And she's 3....three. years. old. Where did the time go????

Halloween inspiration

2010-09-20T14:32:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been interested (I'm not obsessed) in Halloween. The bug usually bites this time of year when the season click and that nip in the air is finally here. It's the time for colored leaves and pumpkins. I love this time of year. It's the beginning of the holiday season, my favorite part of the year. So here are a few Fall/Halloween pictures to get the mood going. Remember...this Wednesday is the first day of Fall! :D

Weekly video 9/17/10

2010-09-17T14:45:00.000-07:00

This video was sent to me by a co-worker, and it's hilarious! What the people are doing is called "Flash Mob".

Enjoy!

Weekly video 9/10/10

2010-09-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

This is a video to go along with the "welcoming soldiers home" video I found. Can you tell the dog is REALLY happy to see his "Dad"?

Enjoy!

Smell

2010-09-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

One of the symptoms of this pregnancy I've noticed is my heightened sense of smell. I can smell the weirdest things and the normal smells are a little more intense. So yesterday while walking home from work, I started thinking about smells. People who know me well know that I LOVE scented candles, perfumes, lotions, laundry detergents...anything that smells good. But I don't go for the super fruity smells, or the strong smells. I go for whatever appeals to me, which I notice is more the fresh and flowery scents. So here are some of my favorite smells in the world and why:

Freshly dried laundry - it makes the world a better place

"Harvest" scented Yankee Candle - it envokes the essence of Fall

A humid Summer night - the fresh, balmy smell is refreshing after a hot day

Tan Bark - brings me back to playing on playgrounds as a child

Hello Kitty store - Only my mom understands

BBQ - is there anything better?

The night air on Halloween or Christmas Eve - just trust me, it's amazing

The inside spine of old library books - ahh, the smell of knowledge

A fresh Christmas tree - this is pretty obvious

Wood burning in a fireplace - memories abound

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of any more right now. What are some of your favorite smells?

8 weeks, 3 days

2010-09-07T08:57:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to be specific on days, but I was 8 weeks as of Saturday (if my counting is correct) and I'm looking forward to my next prenatal appointment on the 22nd.

I've hit a wall.

I slept pretty much all weekend, and I'm still exhausted. I wasn't feeling well yesterday and thought morning sickness was kicking in, but I feel better today. I think I wasn't drinking enough fluids or something because I started drinking a bunch thinking I was going to get dehydrated from the m/s, but now I'm OK. I'm pretty waterlogged, so Jake and I have discovered that a small amount of V8 Splash (Berry Mix) mixed in with the water gives it enough flavor to be bearable.

Hopefully this week goes by fast and I can rest before a baby shower I'm going to on Sunday rolls around. I'm excited to see our neighbor and friend, Mari being showered with all kinds of gifts for her little one to come. I just wish I wasn't so dang tired. But, like I've always said...I wouldn't trade the reason I'm tired for anything in the world.

Weekly video 9/3/10

2010-09-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

This video is a prank a husband is playing on his wife. No worries, no one gets hurt.

Enjoy!

First ultrasound

2010-09-01T16:12:00.001-07:00

I've been looking forward to today for a long time...ever since Jake and I found out I am pregnant. Today was our first ultrasound. It was at our RE's office in SF, but it was quite the story getting there. Are you ready? Here we go.

So we are on the freeway, about to get onto the Bay Bridge. Of course, there's traffic. There's always traffic (seemingly) on the BB. No biggie, right? As we got past the infamous S-curve, we found out why there was such a hold up. There was a car broken down in the fast lane, and cars behind it were rushing to get out from behind it, causing a "slow-down". So we finally get off the freeway and onto the San Francisco streets. I swear whoever designed the streets of that city thought to themselves "Someday, some lady is going to need to have her first ultrasound at a hospital in the City. So let's criss-cross the streets in weird angles to confuse the heck out of her". We hit every. single. stoplight. in San Francisco. No joke. There were a few times where I said "We're never going to make it".

We got to Kaiser, and needed to find a parking space in their underground parking garage. Anyone who has been to the SF Kaiser knows parking there is a pain in the butt. Jake and I FINALLY found a space on the 5th floor (meaning 5 floors underground). We walk to the elevator(s). There are usually two of them, but of course one was broken. We were the 2nd pair of people to get to the elevator. We literally stood there waiting for the darn thing to get to our parking level for 15 minutes. So of course we have to stop at every single level on the way up, with people waiting to get on at each level. There were a select few who truly believed that if they squeezed hard enough, they would make space in the elevator. So by the time we got to the main lobby level, it was like a comical elevator scene where people are bursting out of the "car". We made our way to the opposite end of the lobby to the set of elevators that take you to the various levels of the hospital. We got to our level and I breathed a sigh of relief. We finally had made it! I walked up to the receptionist's desk (20 minutes late for my appointment thanks to the *wonderful* elevator system) and handed her my card. She looks at the computer and said "I don't see your appointment here". I said "I scheduled it in early August, so I should be in there". So she punches in my card number and says "Oh, yes. I see you here. It says here your appointment was cancelled". OH HELL NO! She looked at me totally waiting for me to accept my fate and walk away. But no. I stood there and said "I didn't cancel that appointment. No one called me to tell me it was cancelled. My husband and I just drove here from Richmond. Someone IS seeing me today". So she called the nurse's station and asked that one come up and speak to me. After about 10 minutes of waiting, she called again. One of the nurses came up, called my name and took Jake and I into a small office where she sat us down. She explained that my RE had decided to perform research today and cancelled all his appointment for today. But, they neglected to call me to tell me this. So she gave us two options.

1. To see another doctor who can fit us in for the ultrasound in a few minutes.

2. Reschedule for tomorrow with my regular doctor.

Jake goes to school Tuesdays and Thursdays. We purposely made this appointment on a Wednesday so Jake could attend. He didn't want to miss seeing our child for the first time. So needless to say, we went with Option 1. So the nurse walked us from the small office to the ultrasound room.

The doctor walked in and the show began. There were a few hiccups (the doctor as a "navigator", sucked at first) but I won't go into the gorey details. But pretty soon, we were face to screen with our little pinto bean. The doctor paused for a minute and said "You see that flicker?" I said "Yes I do". He said "Do you know what that is?" and I said "Yes. It's the heartbeat". I grabbed Jake's hand and looked at him. His face was so priceless. I wish I had caught it on camera. There was this awe-struck innocence about it, like he was seeing the stars for the first time. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. All the sounds in that room seemed to fade away and all that I could see and feel were Jake holding my hand and the little human on the screen. I had brought Kleenex because I was convinced I was going to bawl my eyes out. But as soon as I saw our little one, what were anticipated tears turned into amazement. I couldn't believe it. We're having a baby, and it has a heartbeat. I admit there were times where I thought we'd never get to this place. But here we are. We got two print-outs of the ultrasound. I am measured at 7 weeks 4 days, which gives us an EDD of April 16th, 2011. We're having an April baby!

So, without further ado, here's our little Smithling:

7 weeks, 4 days (he/she is the little "blob" on the lower right of the dark area)

Being measured

Check-in: Approx 8 weeks

2010-08-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I had my pre-natal intake appointment at Kaiser. It was full of information and forms to fill out. I had to disclose everything from if I planned to get pregnant, to possible genetic problems that have to do with my ethnicity.

I signed up for an early pregnancy class, which doesn't take place until I'll be 11 weeks, but I thought it was good information to have anyways. I have my first pre-natal appointment with my doctor on September 22nd. I haven't met her yet since this was the situation:

I normally have all my care at Kaiser San Rafael. A couple of years ago, about a year into our IF journey, I had picked a doctor based on her credentials and "knowledge". That was a big mistake because she was the worst OBGYN ever in terms of communication. I honestly think if I had stayed with her any longer, that I would still be popping Clomid month after month wasting money on medicine that didn't work and IUIs that were for nothing. I decided I had had enough and transferred to another doctor. He was fantastic. He would call and check up on me, he didn't waste my time and after one failed cycle of Clomid, he decided I should see an RE. And then we saw Dr. F in San Francisco. After 6 months, I am pregnant (I love saying that). So Dr. F said after my first ultrasound with him, I should start seeing my regular OBGYN for my general pre-natal care. OK, no problem right? Wrong. I called San Rafael and was informed that not only did my OBGYN not perform pre-natal care, but that the only pre-natal appointments they schedule are on Tuesdays and Thursdays...both the days that Jake is in school. Jake expressed a deep desire to be there for all my appointments and not miss anything. So I decided to go for Kaiser Richmond for my pre-natal care instead. Good decision. It's close, the doctors are really nice and it's in the same "network" as the hospital Jake and I would like to deliver at...which I won't reveal just yet.

Since this was an intake appointment, there was no ultrasound like Jake and I thought. It was a bummer to hear for sure, but it is what it is. Tomorrow we get to meet our little one and I can't wait.

Sardines at SF State

2010-08-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

Jake began his classes at SF State this week. He goes to school two days a week: Tuesday and Thursdays and has one online class that doesn't require him to be on campus.

Tuesday morning was following a night of hellish sleep for me (aka almost none at all) so when the alarm beeped it's ugly beeping signaling Jake to get the heck out of bed, I decided to get up too. Seeing him buzz around the house reminded me of when I was a kid and that excitement that was the first day of school. Your backpack is chock full of fresh supplies, you're excited to see your friends, and the year is ripe with possibilities. Seeing him trot down our front steps was reminiscent of a 5-year old saying "Bye mommy!" while skipping to Kindergarten for the first time. It was funny, but it was also nice to see him so excited.

So yesterday was his final day this week and he got to attend his now "favorite" class that is Film and Society. Basically it's students watching TV shows and movies that take place in the 1930's through the 1960's when our society was changing the most. Then when the movie is finished, the student sit around and talk about impressions and notes about what happens. Homework? One paper due at the end of the semester. Textbook? Nada. It's a class right up Jake's ally. I mean I didn't marry a man with 500+ DVDs in his possession for nuthin', right? So what was the TV show du jour on Tuesday? Mad Men. It was the episode where Betty Draper finds out her husband, Don Draper has cheated on her.

Now for the reason of the title of this post: sardines. No, Jake isn't taking Marine Biology or anything like that. It's the state of the classrooms. One of his classes, Cross Cultural Perspectives which is mandatory for his major, is set in a classroom modeled for a maximum of 80 students. How many are in the class? Approximately 120. So for the first class, there were students lining the walls waiting patiently for others to leave so they could sit down. No such luck. Also, the campus was revamped in the 70's or 80's when we were substantially smaller-sized people. As you know, Jake is no wilting flower (and I wouldn't change him for anything). He's got thighs...and I use that term kindly. But I like his thighs...whoa...that was TMI. Sorry.

Anyways...so his seat is one of those tiny wooden seats with the tiny desk that folds down over your lap. Well, Jake's...umm...bottom...is too wide for the seat, so he's pretty crammed in. Then since his thighs are larger than the seats were made for, he can't push down the desk part all the way. Imagine this for 80 students sitting and 40 standing against the walls...with no air conditioning...in a heat wave that RARELY hits San Francisco (it was 96 degrees that day)...yeah...you get the idea. So yes, sardines is quite accurate. Poor Jake.

I know all these quirky experiences he's going through now are going to be subject of laughter and joking later as he looks back on them. They always do. But for now, he's going to just bite the bullet and pray that another heat wave isn't headed for the campus; at least not while he's attending classes.

But I'm as proud as I can be of him. He's chasing his dream...to be able to tell his wife she's got behavioral problems for free. ;)

Weekly video 8/27/10

2010-08-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday!

This week's video is one I was shown on FaceBook. I had to share. It's a heartwarming story of two friends who are very different.

Enjoy!

Can't wait to say "Hello"

2010-08-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

Jake has taken to talking to our little one, even though he/she can't hear yet. In one week precisely, we will be able to see our little Smithling for the first time. I can't wait. To be able to see our baby's heart beat will no doubt make me cry. I will go prepared with a package of tissue.

In other news, Jake has passed his head cold onto moi. It's nothing huge. I'm just congested (which I hate the most about being sick) and I'm sneezing, and have a sore throat. Luckily there is a list (albeit, it's pretty tiny) of OTC medicines I can take, like Robitussin, Afrin and throat lozenges. Oh happy day for me, huh?

Baby Books

2010-08-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

The day after I found out I was pregnant, I headed to Barnes and Noble to get a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. While Jake and I were TTC, I would frequent the Pregnancy and Childbirth book section, pondering what day I would be able to purchase the books without having them sit and collect dust on my bookshelves, waiting for the spine to be cracked for the first time. The book has been helpful, and I've had some questions answered by What to Expect and of course, Google.

I was also told, many moons ago when my cousin Megan was pregnant with her son, to get a hold of the book Baby Bargains. My cousin Katie who is due in October/November (I keep forgetting which one, Katie...I'm sorry) told me to check out Your Pregnancy Week by Week.

So this weekend, Jake and I went to Barnes and Noble once again. I picked up both books and both have been both informative and (in the case of Baby Bargains) kind of funny to read. Baby Bargains is more about looking out for the consumer of baby products, what you will definitely need, and what's just "fluff", and reviews of certain items like strollers, cribs, etc. Pregnancy Week by Week gives you a drawn picture of what your baby looks like that week, what your body will be going through and what to do as far as exercise goes. I must admit, between the three books, I feel safe. I feel like reading up on these things is really giving me the strength to not call my doctor every day saying "I NEED TO TEST AGAIN!"

Weekly video 8/20/10

2010-08-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

This week's video is a recent find, but seemingly an online sensation. You have to watch the entire video, because in the last 30 seconds, it's REALLY funny.

Enjoy!

Texas Bound!

2010-08-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

Today Jake and I purchased our flight tickets to see his Dad in Texas in mid-November. I'm always excited to go. I enjoy my father-in-law and step-mother-in-law's company. They're very laid back, relaxed people which is what Jake and I need around us. No stress. This time will be special because I will be about 18 weeks along when we go.

Texas two years ago with Flea, one of my in-law's 6 dogs

Our flight is at 10am out of San Francisco, so we're going to take BART early in the morning alllll the way down. I've never been on BART during commute hours, so this will be an adventure from the stories I've heard.

Update: No morning sickness yet. I've felt a little lightheaded and have had a feeling at the base of my throat that felt a *tiny* bit like I might...ya know. But nope, nothing yet. I'm waiting (im)patiently for our first ultrasound. I can't wait to see our baby's heartbeat. I've been feeling pretty tired and usually fall asleep around 9pm, when I used to stay up until 11 or so. I've heard some horror stories about morning sickness, so I'm waiting for the monster to rear it's ugly head.

Answered Prayers

2010-08-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

So, you may have noticed my absence (or not) from this blog for the past couple of weeks. One reason is a reason I will not go into because it's not worth the time to explain myself.

The second is a really big reason...or rather a very small one at this point:

I'm 6 weeks pregnant.

Jake and I are so thrilled that all of our prayers have been answered. It's been the longest and hardest journey I've ever been on and I knew in the end it would be worth it, and it has. Here's how we found out.

Per my previous post about Femara working, the doctor told me I should wait a week or two and if no AF shows, I should take a pregnancy test. When he said this, I thought "There's no way in heck I'm pregnant". Having two huge positives in one month was #1, too good to be true and #2, My BBT thermometer had broken mid-cycle. Jake and I thought we had missed our O day, so we weren't expecting much. A few days later, I started to notice that I was REALLY REALLY tired all of a sudden. Nothing would make it go away: food, coffee, a nice walk outside, nothing. I also started to notice that *something* felt different. My body felt a little off. I didn't feel sick or like I was coming down with something, but something was definitely happening. I wasn't sure what it was. The thought came into my head "maybe I AM pregnant?" I talked to Jake and we agreed that after a few days, we would try a home pregnancy test.

On Saturday the 29th, I did the first test, with a stark white space where the positive sign would be. I was bummed, but for some reason left the test on the bathroom counter so Jake could see it (I'm not sure why I did that now). About 20 minutes later, I showed him the test and it looked like there was an EXTREMELY faint line. We were shifting the test against the light trying to decide if the line was there on the test, or more in our heads. I decided it was in my head once I read the instructions again and it said "Negative results should not be read past 10 minutes".

On Monday the 2nd, I tested again. This time there was a very faint pink line. It wasn't much darker than the test from Saturday, but I was convinced the line was there. I told Jake I was contemplating calling the doctor's office to schedule a blood test. He told me he was fine with that, but to just think it over. I did. The next morning, I knew I needed a definite answer. I didn't want to be investing money in pregnancy tests like a mad woman. I wanted the best test I could get...a blood test.

On Tuesday the 3rd, I walked into the Lab at Kaiser fully expecting the test to be negative. The morning was pretty uneventful and I was told by my doctor that I would have to wait til the next day to get the results. That was the most hopeful and prayer-filled day. Somehow, in the bottom of my heart, I KNEW I was pregnant.

Wednesday the 4th: The doctor's office opened at 9am, and I got to work at 8:30. That was the most torturous 30 minutes ever. I decided I wanted to play nonchalant and wait until 9:15 to call the doctor. I called with Jake by my side but got the answering machine, so I left a message. I decided to just wait with Jake until the call came back. A few minutes later, he had a phone call and of course, the doctor's office called. It was one of the two main nurses for my RE (I forget which one now) and she said "You're calling for your results?" I said "yes I am". And then these words came out "OK, well I have the results here, and it's positive. You're pregnant!"

When the word "positive" came my way, I burst into tears. I'm not kidding...it was like someone flipped the switch on my eyeballs. I couldn't get a coherent word out of my mouth, and all the nurse kept saying was "Oh, it's OK. It's OK." Finally, I said "Oh, no. I know it's OK. We've just been trying for 3 years and I can't believe it's finally happening." I was still crying when Jake came outside. He saw me, stood there for a second and I looked at him. He gave me a thumbs up? sign, and I nodded. He didn't say anything. He just hugged me. It was the biggest hug he's ever given me and he never let go. As I was talking to the nurse about what was next, he never stopped touching me. He either had his arm around my shoulders, or was holding my hand. We couldn't believe it.

So our first ultrasound is on the 30th and we can't wait to meet our little Smithling. We feel truly blessed that we have finally received our little miracle. I haven't, nor will I take one second of this pregnancy for granted. I just hope the little one is OK. I haven't really heard anything from the doctor since the last beta result I got, which was 2 weeks ago.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers, thoughts, what have you. It means and has meant so much to Jake and I to have such wonderful people surrounding us and cheering us on.

Weekly video 8/13/10

2010-08-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

This video has been quite popular in recent days. Caution: you'll need a box of Kleenex with you if you're going to watch this.

Enjoy!

Weekly video 8/6/10

2010-08-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

I think this video is kind of funny, but in an innocent way. The bird has talent... :)

Enjoy!

OK, I'm ready to share...

2010-08-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

I have been teeter-tottering over writing this post for the past 2 weeks or so. I've developed a theory that before everything wasn't working because I was oversharing. But the more I think about it, the more my family, who I love more than life itself, deserves to know what's going on. I love and respect those who read this blog (yes, you) enough to not leave them hanging. So here it goes.

I did my first cycle with Femara, the lowest dose I could start with. Dr. F advised that this cycle with Femara was mostly to see if this dosage would make me ovulate. Of course, he said, it was not meant to deter us from trying on our own. We just wouldn't be performing any IUIs or procedures. That was earlier in July.

2 weeks ago today, I walked into the lab at Kaiser to take the CD21-23 blood test to measure my Progesterone levels. Here's how it works:

Progesterone is a steroid hormone that is increasingly released after a woman ovulates. It helps the lining of the uterus develop and becoming inviting for a fertilized embryo. It also supports gestation and helps the placenta develop and work.

After natural ovulation, normal Progesterone levels are usually >10 ng/ml

After a medicated ovulation (me), normal levels are usually >15 ng/ml

The last cycle with medication, Clomid, my Progesterone levels were 0.3 ng/ml on CD 23. Meaning, I didn't ovulate.

So on Wednesday, I logged into Kaiser online to see my results. Jake was with me and held my hand. I was fully expecting the results to be bad, in that Femara didn't work for us this cycle. Given all the "bad news" we've been receiving lately, I just thought this would be another notch in the post of failures over the past 3 years. I opened the page that held my test results, along with all other results of blood work I had done. The new results were bolded, so I clicked on them while taking a deep, long breath.

The results? 22.6 ng/ml.

Yup. The Femara worked! It made me ovulate! I burst into tears on the spot. I was in such shock that we were finally getting good news. Something FINALLY worked. We didn't have to do injections like I had thought and the Clomid was behind us. Femara worked. It. WORKED.

Being the worry wart I am, I starting Googling crazily looking for possibilities that the results were too good to be true. This couldn't be...something actually worked. At that point, I realized that I had been working so hard with failures hanging around my neck that I didn't learn to appreciate a triumph when it was staring at me in the face. So, I called Dr. F's office. He saw the results and his exact words? "Your levels are beautiful. Congratulations!" If it were humanly possible to jump through the phone and give that man a kiss, I might have done it.

I was advised that I was to take a beta blood test for pregnancy in about 2 weeks from then if AF didn't show. If AF showed, I was also advised that he would like us to continue with the Femara while charting and using OPKs, with timed (insert obvious word here). Right now, we're waiting to test. Of course, this means I am becoming one of those crazies who sees every little thing that happens with my body as a sign that I'm pregnant.

So there you have it. No definite news yet on the full outcome since I technically can't test until the end of the week. Any prayers, dust, etc. that you can send would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for being there, everyone. I truly to love you all...more than you'll ever know.

Weekly video 7/30/10

2010-07-30T16:04:00.000-07:00

This one is definitely funny! If you've seen Mystery Men, you'll get it...or if you just like Dane Cook.

Enjoy! :)